How do you deal with insecurity about your value?

[Anonymous]

My partner is literally perfect. He has insecurities about his weight but I'm so attracted to him and I make sure to give him the reassurance that I love him and that I love his body. I support his choice is to work out to reach his personal body goals but as long as he is healthy it's all that really matters to me. However, No matter how much I affirm to him that I like him the way he is he still says he can't 100% believe me when i say he is attractive and my preference because of bullying from his weight as a teen. I want to love him so confidently that he never doubts it but I have my own insecurities that make it hard for me to really let myself feel safe. I grew up being treated as a pretty girl all my life but I struggled with horrible anxiety and felt misunderstood a lot because many people assumed my attitude was due to being stuck up but really I had crippling anxiety. I wanted to be understood and I felt like I was completely misunderstood at times and accused of things that weren't true. My last relationship I would be accused of wanting other men or being sneaky. It seemed that he just simply chose not to believe me and treated me poorly. He would try to belittle me and make me feel bad about myself and it would work. Being in my current relationship it's such a breath of fresh air because he encourages me and helps me with my anxiety, soothes me, and supports me to be confident and outgoing. But because of my past I fear that nobody would love me for me and would treat me like a trophy and not actually CARE about me. I don't want to be treated like that because when I have real issues or bad days I felt like I had to hide it or deal with it alone because men only wanted me to be perfect and pretty. It seemed that my feelings and thoughts were irrelevant. My personality was dismissed or misconstrued. But he understands me, and I really want to believe that somebody genuinely does value me through the good and bad days. How do you deal with insecurities

[Anonymous]

He probably can’t believe he landed you. Like it’s too good to be true and the shoe is going to drop somewhere else. Or you aren’t physically attracted to him but like him for some other reason and are just fibbing to him to make him feel better.

Anyway fat guys who get attractive women usually are really funny and semi assholish. They almost always make good money. If his career is nothing spectacular he probably really questioning his luck.

I am just hoping he doesn’t self sabotage himself a subconsciously do stupid things to drive you off out of self fulfilling prophecy.

It’s good he is motivated to hit the gym. Probably because he is doesn’t want people looking at you two in public and asking “how the f did happen? He must be rich”. He’s probably worried a much more handsome guy will come along and sweep you away.

Anyway I got to give him credit where credit is due for pulling an attractive woman all considered. I used to get bewildered and frustrated when I was younger (I had a chiseled muscular body back then too) how attractive women choose men like that. Sometimes over me. But nowadays I got to hand it to them for pulling it off.

But hopefully he doesn’t screw it up.

[Anonymous]

Crippling depression and anxiety... that's how I deal with it normally. Medication helps a little, but it doesn't feel like a lot. - I feel like crap underneath it, but not much I can do about it. I'm a bit numb, and I have given up on trying to ask women out.

I can't really do much with my looks, either. All I can do is try to get better and distract myself with hobbies and work.

[MissStrawberry912]

Practicing to love yourself in all the ways you needed and deserve. Make time to build a relationship and love for yourself. Be kind to yourself. Let go of those negative thoughts and changed it to positive. Maybe looked into books or therapy on dealing with anxiety too. You can also talk about it with your partner :)

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Don’t just say it, show it to him.

Show how much you want him and love him,

I understand you, I have had anxiety too and I have been misunderstood too, sometimes.

Along with the random genuine compliments, Use other love languages to show him his love in every love language, so that maybe he’ll feel more loved.

[IslaTheWitch]

Some insecurities are so deep that you can't do much more than just graciously accept that they exist.

You are not a therapist and you shouldn't be. Bw there for him and be genuine in your feelings and opinions but don't expect a miracle.

[Staximus]

You said "I want to love him so confidently that he never doubts it". That would actually be the best thing for you and for him, too. What are you waiting for? Just do it and don't make excuses. Call it a leap of faith, pushing through your boundaries, making a personal breakthrough, not being a coward, or whatever the hell you want. Just fucking do it.

[AutumnSerenity]

You would need to ask yourself which parts of you/your life are causing you to feel inadequate and then start working on fixing those areas of your life.

[grega239]

I dont have insecurities about my value.

I have none so i dont worry about it.

As for your guy. He should work on it or shut up about it

[KrakenAttackin]

Time, communication, and consistency, between both of you.

Also, NO social media.