Hi everyone, Happy Holidays! :) so for a very long time my boyfriend and i argue all the time over silly things at that. I don't know if i really hate him or if it’s the meaning of what i put behind his actions. i’ll let you decided. we both really want to have babies yet he drinks beer every single day. i’m not talking about 1-2 beers, i mean 12plus every single night. when he hangs out with his friends, it could be more. i’ve read articles saying that excessive beer drinking lowers your sperm mobility/count. he tells me he knows of it yet he still drinks and it pisses me off. He tries his hardest to show me love, but i block it off because of his drinking and i know he will be super dramatic when i want to go to sleep. he also is a night owl, he will sleep until 1pm everyday and want to stay up with me until 3am-5am whenever we hangout. we have a lot of history and it’s not always good memories. in the beginning of our relationship he had no for respect me, he would like girls butt pictures, DM a bunch of girls. i’ve begged him to stop and he didn’t. he also said a lot of horrible things to me. calling me retarded, saying other girls get him hard and i don’t, that i’m a baby killer and so much more. i have those memories engraved in me so i have resentment. i know he doesn’t respect me because if he really wanted a child, he would stop drinking beer to make it happen. i’m not happy with him, im not happy with who i am. he doesn’t do anything for me. he always told me that im not worthy to spend money on when it comes to dates or flowers or vacation. all this was said from years 1-9. just last year he doesn’t say horrible things to me anymore. he told me that he has changed. all i know of him is being drunk so it’s hard to believe he will do anything for me. i’m not perfect either, i say horrible things to him too. last night i told him he is worthless and he doesn’t make me happy.
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4 mo
i truly believe that we are toxic people and we will probably never work out, but i still hang on to hope. so I don't know if still argue with him because i can’t stand him, or if i put really bad meaning to what he does.
