Controlling or valid reason?

[guest2625]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and it’s the best and healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. We both feel loved and happy. I started going to the gym 6 months ago after gaining 30 pounds since covid and I’ve lost 10 so far. I go with my friend because I’m shy and I’m new again. My ex situationship (his old friend) also goes to the same gym. I’ve seen him before but we haven’t talked in 3 years. I also don’t ever plan on chit chatting ever again. My boyfriend says it makes him feel uncomfortable for me to go since he also goes to the same gym. I go anyway because I want to work out with my friend, it’s our go to gym, it’s big and almost never busy. Is it valid and reasonable for him to ask me to not go there? Or is it controlling? I know he sees it as disrespectful for me not to listen after he told me it hurts him, but I just want to work out especially since I’m on a roll and am losing weight going with my friend (who is a trainer).

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that's a tough one. On the one hand, I can understand why it would make your boyfriend uncomfortable that your ex goes to the same gym. Running into each other there could definitely stir up old feelings or jealousy, even if you say you don't plan to talk to the guy.

At the same time though, it's not really fair of him to try and control where you work out, you know? As long as nothing inappropriate is happening, you should feel free to go where you want, especially since you have a friend and routine there.

Maybe there's a compromise, like reassure your boyfriend nothing is still there with the ex, invite him to come with you sometimes so he feels included. Or see if there's another gym you both like too.

Ultimately you gotta feel comfortable working out, but he deserves to feel secure in the relationship too. Communication and understanding each other is key. Don't let him control you, but address his concerns with care. You got this, just talk it through!

[Anonymous]

That’s a tough one. But what matters more to you, this particular gym or having a healthy relationship as you put it? Is he insecure, sure maybe. But imagine if you were in that situation w an ex of his who goes to the same gym, same time. Would you really be ok w that? We have to compromise in life in order to keep things the way they are or make them better. I don’t think he’s being controlling. If he said you either leave that gym or I’m leaving than yes I’d saying he’s being controlling. Manipulative. Maybe he doesn’t feel he stacks up to your ex, so he may be insecure. But like I said what matters more? Your relationship w him or this gym?

[molonski2]

I don't think controlling , but I do think an unrealistic request , this venue works for you and he is going to need a bit more trust I'm afraid. Basically , grow a pair.

[slatyb]

You can't ask him to not go there. You don't have to interact with him.

[Zestyassmf1997]

He’s being a little extra. I can see why he’d be a little on edge, but frankly…it’s not a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

I assume he was the one that asked you out had hit on you