How do you reassure someone who has to undergo surgery?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Tomorrow my wife will hospitalized for surgery - nothing extreme, a simple removal of a couple of stomach cysts (which gave us a cancer scare...).

To be honest she's perfectly cool about it and has no anxiety, I'm the one slightly worried and a bit uneasy. I always worry a lot when someone has to go under surgery, I am always afraid something might go wrong even if it's just a sprained big toe.

Updates

3 mo

Just dropped her off now.
Today she will do prep and tomorrow morning she'll be operated. If she does well in post-op she might be home tomorrow night.

She's quite at ease, says it's just a little thing and more than anything else she'll be getting bored out of her mind today.
She says I worry too much but she's flattered I'm so concerned for her health. We'll be keeping in touch by phone all day.

Updates

3 mo

Just brought her home.
She got operated at midday and kept under observation for the remainder of the day, she got discharged just before dinner.
She's fine and to be honest there's barely a line where they operated her, not much pain but very much drowsy from her sedation, I had to support her walking and she slept on the way back.
Put her in bed as soon as we got home, now she just has to rest, eat lightly and recuperate

[Massageman]

Offer her water and de-fizzed 7-up to drink, and follow any menu the doc gave you, even giving her an extra day or two on the "light foods" before getting back to "real food". (if she can tolerate broth, rice, and mashed bananas that long). Stay off of any heavy seasonings for at least a week. Sedation was the hardest part of an operation for me (until rehab a week later), so watch out for any signs of nausea. Keep her comfortable. Make sure SHE has the remote for the TV. If you will be there but just in an adjacent room, be sure she has a bell you can hear or a cell phone to call you for help. Adjust room temp up or down as this might vary as sedatives and meds leave her body. Check in with her every hour or two, just to be sure she's OK.

Surgeries that used to be a 3-day ordeal- or even not available in the case of eye lens replacement- a couple decades ago are now "day surgery". The surgery part has gotten very "unremarkable" with new techniques and robotics. It's those ancillary functions- sedation, recovery, possibility of infection, etc- that need to be watched.

I wish you both well and a speedy recovery. Get her extra flowers for Valentine's Day.

[RavVid]

Well she will have been through a general anesthesia so just expect her to not to look so good and need a reassuring presence.

I am sure your presence will give her the assurance she needs because I know you are a good guy. Hospital food is shit so maybe find out what you can bring her. I think it should be white food stuffs for this type of surgery but check.

She'll mostly want to know you are looking after her. Just hold her hand.

[RavVid]

Might be sensible to help her shower or be at hand if needed.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Of course.
Now she just wanted to sleep so I let her rest. Tomorrow I'll help her with everything she'll want.

[RavVid]

She has a good man.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

The doctors have obviously given her confidence in the treatment. Honestly, my mom was the same way when I had my appendectomy. She was told the surgery would only take an hour or two at the most, which it did, what they didn’t tell her was exactly when the surgery would start bc it wasn’t when I left my room. She ended up panicking, calling people, trying to figure out why I was taking so long when the reality was it was about maybe a 30-45 minute delay in her mind while I was just made to lie and wait while the first round of anesthetics kicked in before I got on the table. Of course it’s going to seem a little scary to you, who isn’t approaching this yourself, but the doctors know what they’re doing I promise lol

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Oh, but if the surgery is in her abdominal area, she’s probably going to struggle with laying and sitting down for a while in recovery. Get a couple of trash pickers off of amazon so she doesn’t have to call you for help every time she drops something. And also maybe a walker if the pain is intense, it’ll help her get out of chairs on her own

[RoseySarah]

Best answer someone ever gave me...

Give them Thier love language! Especially if you don't do certain things for them.

What is her highest love language or act of love?

Give her flowers if you never do...

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

She likes acts of service, so I cooked her favorite dish and took care of the children so she could play her videogames a bit and relax.

[RoseySarah]

Perfect then remind he after of it... Make her notice and be sweet in bed romantic night caring.

Without needing sex let her know it was for her completely!

[OlderAndWiser]

I tend to rely on humor. E. g., I might ask if there is anyone who would like for me to go beat up while she is recuperating.

[OlderAndWiser]

I will pray for your wife and you.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Thank you my friend.

[Dutchgirl97]

Assure her that they do thousands of these types of surgeries and everyone has some nerves but everyone feels relief and better afterwards. Tell her that it’s going to be easy and over with before she knows it. And remind her how much better she will is going to feel without having the cysts! Prayers for you guys!

[RingOfFire]

I think that is ordinarily a good approach and I have always used it myself. But I'm in a relationship now with someone who reacts badly to this kind of approach. I've never experienced that before. When I handle things for her that way she takes it as minimizing her stress and not appreciating how serious it is. I think it is because of a cultural difference. In her culture they take everything very seriously and don't like being "patronized." They would rather you talk about things realistically and not try to play them down. It's very difficult to find ways to comfort her.

[Dutchgirl97]

@RingOfFire the approach I suggested is the realistic approach. She’s wants to be emotionally comforted I guess. I personally gain comfort from looking at things logically. But I guess my other suggestion would be to maybe tell her that afterwards you will plan something special for her. Give her flowers and hold her hand. Give her sympathies and tell her how strong she is

[RingOfFire]

That sounds good too but you haven't met anyone like this. 😮 It is very tricky to handle the situation when she has problems. I'm still struggling to figure out what helps her.

Although I think your first comment was what most people want, I can't call it "realistic" in a lot of situations. You really can't say that any surgery will be "easy and over with before someone knows it" because realistically no one knows if it will." So in a way I can see why some people might not be comforted by that. However, I still agree with you that for most people that is a good approach (even if I can't say that it is "realistic"). I think most people want to hear something that they WANT to believe in a situation like that even if there is no way of knowing if it will be true.

[Fireguy17]

Just be there for them, they understand that you are worried about them and there is nothing else you can do.
My wife has waited a few times while I got patched up, once during the vid she had to wait in her car for over 4 hours, in the winter.
I felt bad for her that she had to do that, and was more concerned for her than I was for myself.

[Elena_Stewart]

I hope everything will go well. But I think that a person who is going to undergo surgery needs someone to calm him down until the time of the operation. Either try to stay calm for her or bring in a third person who is calmer than you.

[Iron_Man]

Reassure her that she’s going to be fine and go to the hospital with her and stay there and take her home. Me and my brother went out after to eat after his surgery in a restaurant

[jshm2]

You don't.

You frighten them half to death, so they have less to fear from the surgery and more to fear from something else.

After greed, fear is the greatest humans driving factor.

[exitseven]

Just make sure that she knows you have her back.

[dudeinohio]

Not possible for me. My. last surgery left. me in a coma for a week.. everyone i. know is afraid of surgery now

[Jamie05rhs]

I hope everything goes well with her operation.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Thank you for the wishes my friend.
I'm sure everything will be alright in the end.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome.
How is she doing?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Everything went well, she's already been discharged and is sleeping in our bed.
I am very relieved even if it was such a small operation, doctors said she could have some mild pain and discomfort in the next few days but nothing that can't be managed with counter prescription.

She should already feel better without her stomach getting irritated and clogging up.

[Jamie05rhs]

Glad to hear that! :)

Thank you for the update.

[Yannae]

let her know she can't be in better hands.

[Yannae]

She couldn't have been in better hands <3
And now while she is recovering, she can't be in better hands. Take good care of her.

[californianjoe]

You just have to calm down that's all