How to deal with manupulative parents?

[SlightlyBurnedPizza]

My friend (M21) recently started a relationship with a girl (F20).

They really like each other and want to spend every available moment with each other.

There is just 1 problem, her parents. Her parents are too much for them and its really hurting my friend, i can both of them showing signs of depression because of this. They already agreed to each other that they will not be forced to break up, but the rest is a nightmare.

They work near each other and they both have the same lunch break (around 2 hours) and this is usually how they spend time together. Even before they met her parents always scheduled her weekends and she never said no, even though she disagrees. For example on Saturday and Sunday she will go to her grandma and stay there for the weekend. Can she go to a market nearby? Nope she has to stay with her parents.

Recently when they learned she has a boyfriend its been getting worse. Her parents want her to marry a rich guy thar can financially support her and her family so they will never give them a chance because he isn't rich, even though he makea more money then your average joe, its not a massive payday either.

Because they disapprove, they have started calling her during lunchtime, so she can't talk with her boyfriend and making her turn on the camera to show she is at work. Every bit of freedom she had is gone, she can sometimes still text her boyfriend but things are really getting hard for them.

Is there anyone with good advice on this?

Should they break up or fight for each other? Right now they are both hurting and getting depressed because of this, but they both want to work on this.

She is also not able to move out since her parents won't let her untill they find the right husband fot her. (Yes hello Asian culture, won't name the specific country). She also doesn't earn enough to live on her own and moving in with the opposite sex is a strong taboo here.

Her parents do a lot more controlling things but this post is long enough already.

Updates

2 mo

Sorry to write an update so soon.

She doesn't want to abandon her family, even though they are toxic right now, she has really fond memories of them growing up.
She wants them to let her make her own choices without abandoning them.

Because of the recent action from her parents she is also scared to stand up to them, she can't say no because this has been her entire life and how she lived it.

The first time she ever said no was when her parents asked her to break up and she said no.

[Oliverlogan263]

That's rough dude, but you're a real one for sticking by her through this. Props to both of you for wanting to fight for each other. Here's some advice:

- Her parents obviously care a lot about keeping control. They gotta chill tho - trust that their daughter can make her own choices.

- For now, try laying low to keep the peace. Sneak in your lunch dates when you can. No point escalating things.

- Down the line, your girl will need to start creating some boundaries. Maybe say weekends are her time to decide how she spends them.

- Financial independence will help. Both of you focus on careers so she has options beyond relying on them. Studying abroad could give freedom too.

- Normalize your relationship to them slowly. Invite them out as a group so they see you're not some delinquent lol.

- Stick together man, don't break. Time is on your side - they can't control her forever. As long as you have each other's backs you'll get through it!

It ain't easy dealing with strict parents but if you really care about each other, don't give up the fight just yet. Stay true to what you want and the rest will work itself out. You got this bro!

[slatyb]

Where is this happening? She's an adult. She can do as she pleases. Why don't they get a place together?

[SlightlyBurnedPizza]

South east asia

[Screenwriter]

This information says it all about her:

"Even before they met, her parents always scheduled her weekends and she never said no, even though she disagrees. For example on Saturday and Sunday she will go to her grandma and stay there for the weekend. Can she go to a market nearby? Nope she has to stay with her parents."This young woman is in denial about how controlling her parents are and how SHE participates in allowing them to control her. What do her fond memories of her childhood have to do with her current life? She's miserable. And yet, she doesn't want to exit this toxic relationship.

She lacks the gumption and maturity to extricate herself from this situation. It might be financial, it might be emotional. It seems to be she, truthfully, isn't ready and she's more comfortable with them than with her boyfriend. Sad, but too bad. She should break up with him to save his heart.

She wants to stay with her family, not this guy. I hope she decides to move on and out. It'll be far better for her AND her family.

[kylee2437]

She’s over the age of 18, her parents do not hold legal rights as to what she’s allowed and not allowed to do. Tell her to woman up and stop allowing her parents to dictate how she should live her life.

[Fireguy17]

as long as you are under their roof you are pretty much screwed.
Once you are able to fend for yourself then move out and you can enjoy all of the freedoms and all of the added responsibilities that come with that.

[Nikki1989]

She should have moved on from her parents a long time ago.

[SlightlyBurnedPizza]

I agree, although their tough parenting made her scared to stand up. I agree that she should have, but in this situation how can they solve this?

[SlightlyBurnedPizza]

Sorry for my double reply, what i meant to say was its easy to respond with 'i should have done this or that' but im asking for a present solution

[Staximus]

I don't know why people let their parents run their lives after they reach adulthood. They can just move out and live their own life.

[jahaims]

She is an adult wtf is she listening to her parents like she is 5