Have you ever been given an ultimatum in a relationship and how did you handle it?

[Anonymous]

[Finchie40]

A loving partner will not give you ultimatums , that is actually considered control and abuse , basically if you don’t do this for me , then I won’t do this for you , that type of shit is immature and controlling , so when a so called loving partner gives you an ultimatum? walk the other way and tell them to go Fuck themselves. You are nobody’s slave, nobody controls you , what so ever , if they don’t like your decision , there’s the door , don’t let it hit ya in the ass on the way out. Plain and simple , A loving partner will accept you for you , not love you for what they expect from you , A loving partner will compromise with you , not try to control you what so ever , that is considered toxic behavior , kick them to the curb where they belong , if your decsion has nothing to do with harming the relationship, then they can take that control and shove it up their ass

[BoopBoopBeep]

If your dating someone who has an addiction and you say go to therapy or this is over you'd call that control and abuse? So you'd just stay and watch them shoot up until they die? That's loving.

[Finchie40]

Addiction is a different thing all together

[dynamicyandere]

I haven’t received an ultimatum before, but I’ve given them on very rare occasions, in the context of dealbreakers.


I had an ex girlfriend who wanted an open relationship.


I didn’t want to do it.


My ultimatum to her was that she either chooses to be exclusive with me or we can’t be together.


I gave her 3 days to decide.


She hadn’t made up her mind by then, and so I broke things off with her.


I think ultimatums are fine to use as long as they are used appropriately for situations that are going to truly make or break a relationship.

[7Phoenix7]

"I think ultimatums are fine to use as long as they are used appropriately for situations that are going to truly make or break a relationship."

I agree, exactly.

[IslaTheWitch]

not in a romantic relationship

but I have a friend who is quite stubborn, and definitely sometimes it's his way or the highway, lol

in such moments, he formulates sentences the way you can easily get it as an ultimatum :D
of course, I can make my pride drive me and stand my ground. It will cause a bigger quarrel, more negative emotions, and even more problems to solve later...

someone told me that I'm lenient with idiots, lol; a man in this state of mind is obviously an idiot... so I just step back and agree to his way. I will address the case later when he is himself again :D

[7Phoenix7]

I wasn't given an ultimatum. I was the one to give it. I told him if he didn't get help for his mental disorder that I'd have no choice but to leave him. He didn't get help and I had to leave him. It was one of the hardest things to do, but my safety was at risk.

[dynamicyandere]

You made the right call. We can’t help people who refuse to help themselves. I’ve been through similar situations. I believe that ultimatums are fair to use if the current state of the relationship is unhealthy and/or unsustainable. Ultimatums should never be used to manipulate, but they can be used to protect our boundaries and well-being.

[Purpleronnie]

I’d say that ultimatums are mostly given for purposes of control and generally speaking there really shouldn’t be a place for them.. however … they can be effectively and positively used when one person is truly at their wits end and feels they have deliver it. An example would be …” I can’t sit by and watch you destroy your life with gambling and alcohol , you either get help and we work through this or I cannot be with you and so this relationship is over. I love you and want you to be happy and I say this only out of love and support … it’s either they go ! Or I do ! “

[TommyMountainFigure]

I have yes. 3 times.

1) If I never returned her calls, she wouldn't call me again.. I never even knew we were dating so that was an easy one.

2) If I didn't spend more time with her she would dump me. (I was working 10 hours a day 6 days a week, saving up for a deposit on a house) I never told her that was why, I figure I shouldn't have to. She dumped me. Broke my heart but I realised I was better off without her!

3) My then g/f hated my family because she was jealous of them. I won't go into detail but she asked me never to tell her when I went round there as it upset her. I told her I'm not ashamed, and I'm not going to hide that fact family is important to me. She couldn't deal with it so broke things off.

I guess you can say don't respond well to threats or ultimatums!

[D_Bone_Steak]

Sort of... I was with her for about 2 years while I was seeing another girl... I split up with the other girl for like 2 weeks and then all of a sudden she (the girl I didn't split with) had standards of me not sleeping with that woman. It turned into a game of them both trying to call me out... I was smarter than both. But it was retarded to deal with... all the drama. Like why you gonna cry bitch when you knew and were fine with it for 2 years...2 weeks and you think I'm all yours? WTF is wrong with you?

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Twice. First time involved choosing between her and my friends. Second time involved choosing between her and smoking.

I instantly broke up in both cases. They held the relationship hostage. I shot the hostage.

They presented me with a lose-lose situation as I see it. If I comply, then they get to control me and hold the relationship hostage whenever they want to get me to do who knows what. If I don't, they claimed they will break up with me.

So I broke up with them instead: pre-emptive strike.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

With the second ex that gave me the ultimatum to choose between her or smoking, I broke up with her but actually quit smoking soon after. The problem wasn't her request. It was the way she asked.

[Peridot25]

Oh! I was going to say the smoking part I can understand because she wanted you around for a long time. But, I’m curious how she said it that didn’t sound she actually cared. Did she threaten you in some way?

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@Peridot25 Just the ultimatum that I must choose between her and the smoking. I might be too stubborn but I'm thoroughly allergic to this type of coercion. If she said, "I really want you to quit smoking," then I might say, "I'll try to work on it!" But, "Either quit smoking or I'm going to leave you," and then that's when I draw the line.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@Peridot25 Same thing for me with bosses at work. If they say, "Please get this done because we're close to deadline and we're counting on you," I'm cool with that and I'll work really hard. But if they say, "Get this done or you better start working on your resume," that's when I'm out.

My wife shared this meme of me one time to describe me to my friends:


They all agreed that it was me. 😅 I'm very stubborn this way. But I can be very reasonable and very open to negotiation and compromise. I'm also the opposite of a controlling type myself. I am as allergic to using controlling behavior on others as I am allergic to them using it on me.

[Phoenix98]

I have before basically at the time I was going through a hard and stressful and I needed some support and the girl I was with at the time basically gave me the ultimatum of either you man up or I'm leaving you. So I just took everything I was dealing with and shoved it deep down somewhere out of sight pretended like I was getting better and put on a happy face.

Not a healthy thing to do I know and not a mistake I'll ever make again.

[TommyMountainFigure]

We all live and learn!

[Phoenix98]

@TommyMountainFigure Yup.

[Sameone]

When i was in relationship whit girl
I was feeling is not going to work but i say let me do my best after couple months she tell me i want a real man in my life
So i received the massage and i told her i wish you happy life and i just left out her life
I see her after weeks whit sameone (he was balck guys 100% whit big peines ) she was really happy whit me
After Weil i meet her in supermarket i did my self i don't know her but inside me i was really happy for her

[Sameone]

But i all my relationship i was the only person who fight to last minute 😔

[JacobJordan]

Nope. However there is only 1 way to handle an ultimatum. Option A or me. You always always always pick Option A. Doesn't matter what is being listed in Option A you ALWAYS pick Option A

[KrakenAttackin]

Ultimatums are a good way to extricate yourself from a bad relationship. No one responds well to ultimatums and predictably the other person will buck up.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

Give me any ultimatum, they will get shown the door. no exceptions.

[sheikalana]

Never happened to me and I don't remember giving an ultimatum to anyone either.

[Radiate143]

Once. I don't remember exactly. We broke up.

[Nikki1989]

Yep, dumped his controlling ass in a heartbeat.

[JayBones]

Yes. I did not like the terms so I left with the cat.

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like you move on 🤣. Somebody gotta tell y'all the truth

[rosemilk]

no not sure why i would need to

[itsclearlynicholas]

No yet a good question. Up vote 👍🏻

[LiamJHayden]

Yes. Walked away.

[lildkman1010]

Yes and she embarrassed me