How can women raise their standards and STOP PUTTING UP WITH BS from men?

[MzAsh]

So many women here post stories about guys lying, cheating, pretending to be single, trying to control them, trying to diminish them, trying to get them to chase and do all the work, etc.

What are some effective ways for women to put a stop to this? How can women raise the bar for how they are treated in relationships?

[Unit1]

When I asked other men how to get a girlfriend (they had girlfriends, I barely had one) I got these "advices".

(1) the 3 date sex rule

This guy put emphasis on inviting the girl over to my home to see and pet my hamster (I mentioned I don't have a hamster) and when she comes inside my home and there's no hamster, I'll just have to tell her "oh, it ran away" and entertain her in other ways.

His girlfriend was right next to him as he told me this. They are still together ⚠

(2) women love being lied to

This guy told me that women "want" to be lied to. What this means is that I'm supposed to boast and peacock to women and make big promises without being able to deliver or hold on to my word. The idea here is to "give her the world" but not today or tomorrow and she'll keep tagging along for however long she decides to. Apparently this yielded guys very many relationships and sex sessions.

(3) buying the girls

I have witnessed this happening while I was in high school how 25 year old men pulled up with their vehicle (motorcycle or automobile) near the school and went after the 16 year old girls and wooed them and gave them things, that no high school student could give them (flowers, chocolate, red wine, gifts) and a mix of number 2 above.

Adult women fall under this trick too when they decide, that "real men/boyfriends" pay for date 1.

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How can women raise their standards and stop putting up with BS from men like this?

These are some of the ways they do it. Knowledge is power. Now detect their BS and fight it. Or don't.

[MzAsh]

Yeah all those scenarios are pretty unhealthy and that last one is actually illegal. 16 year olds are minors so that’s gross.

[Dennisjf12]

This site is for women, but I know men read it too. When you are with someone for the first time, you need to play it easy don't expect to go to that person's house; maybe she won't want you to know where she lives & want to meet you in a public place & doesn't expecting for at least three weeks or more. & remember your manners open the door for her & take her home at the perpertime not 12 or 1 am in the morning. If your taking her home, walk her up to the door & ask if you can unlock it & turn the lite on before you leave, to make sure everything is ok inside before you leave.
Remember what it was like when you were dating? it is still the same.

[Dennisjf12]

HA, IF you can't say something positive, Don't say anything at all, & if I see your bad comments here again, I will report you.

[Unit1]

@Dennisjf12 go ahead

[Lionman95]

Hard question, I don´t think there´s a formula for everything. I think what some women need to lose a naitivity because some women seem like they are easy to trust a guy completely. Another aspect is that women often seem to prefer avoiding a confrontation so they take what the guy has to offer though they actually look for something else. Like going for a guy that looks great but everyone knows he sleeps around, seriously if you don´t want to be cheated on don´t date such a guy.
Another aspect is don´t take a guy by his words, take him by actions. Action speak louder than words, a guy promises a woman a lot to get her but if he doesn´t do there´s often no consequence. A guy tells through his action a lot more about his character than through his words.

[midnightmoon05]

Subconsciously I seek out those who shares the same…I want to be able to connect with someone who has similar education level, financial goals, life’s purposes.
I meet their friends, families. I watch how they treat others and how they treat themselves.
in order to do that… one has to know/love themselves first.
love who they are inside/know what they what in life.
my group friends since childhood has been similar…we kinda grew up together and we are all very family oriented, education oriented and are very successful very kind.
I know one twin sister who became a lawyer, smart, made good money…but she wasn’t happy till she return to work on her passion in art…she started to paint those who collect cans/bottles in the street. She is using her art to build a community support for these elderly collectors…. at the same time, she found her love.

To me that’s the love that are selflessness, with her goal, purpose in life, she also met her love.

they put up bs (men, life) because they are lost.

[cth2188]

I stopped dealing with men and my life got better - it's not worth it to deal with most of them as they are toxic amd chaotic. I'm sorry, finding someone who is balanced nowadays without the extra is very hard.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the eternal quest to dodge the love bombs and sidestep the ghosting games. Raising the bar sounds like a gym goal, but trust me, it's way sexier in the dating realm. First off, know thy worth. If he's treating you like last season's iPhone, girl, it's time to swipe left on him for good. Start by setting clear boundaries that scream "I value myself more than your midnight 'U up?' texts." Communication is your best lingerie here—wear it with confidence.

Don't just walk; catwalk away from red flags. If he's auditioning for the role of Casanova in your life story, show him the exit sign. And remember, actions are louder than those late-night sweet nothings. If his behavior says "I'm just not that into respecting you," believe him the first time.

Lastly, cultivate your fabulousness. A woman who loves herself, sets goals, and chases dreams is like a magnet for good vibes and respectful partners. So, strut into that self-love like you own it! Because, darling, you do.

Falling in love with yourself is the first step to raising the bar. Now, who’s ready to share their glow-up story or needs a little pep talk to ditch the BS? Let’s chat! 😘

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Date the way we most commonly do here in Japan. Find a group of good, like-minded friends who share the same values. Hang out with them a lot and invite any new like-minded people into that community.

Then date within the community among friends. This way you only date people you already know really well as friends whose character your mutual friends can vouch towards.

That avoids a lot of the problems I see for both men and women ending up in bad relationships with the wrong people.

[midnightmoon05]

Love it.
I used to think everyone is like me lol… with similar values, purpose in life…till I got here on gag…
It’s hurts me so terribly to hear of those raised in an abusive families… and so many at a loss here on gag.
I feel like I lived in a bubble all my life with the “perfect family and perfect life”.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@midnightmoon05 I ended up having quite a rough childhood with parents divorcing and all, although I think that's why I especially needed to make some good friends first and foremost.

I think a lot of my early approach to dating was to look for something I was missing in my family and home. I thought a girlfriend would kind of fill everything I ever wanted growing up. So I prioritized dating first, friends second, and I didn't exactly find the best girlfriends that way.

It was only when I reversed the order and prioritized friends first, dates second, that the quality and compatibility of the women I found skyrocketed, ultimately leading to my wife.

[Kaneki05]

Correct me if wrong but pretty sure Japan is notorious for having a serious issue with dating and forming relationships in it's current state.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@Kaneki05 Not so much in my experience. Just about everyone I know has boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife except for a very antisocial minority. A serious problem is declining birth rates and declining marriage which poses problems in the future for the economy with an aging population (immigration of young people is one possible solution being discussed).

A major difference in Japan is that people don't marry and have children until they can afford a decent home in a family-friendly neighborhood. Japanese virtually never have children out of wedlock or marry until they can truly afford children. That becomes a major problem with stagnating wages where a lot of Japanese can barely afford to pay for their living expenses in a small apartment let alone take on a family.

So I have several Japanese male friends, for example, who have been in LTRs for 10+ years dreaming of marrying their girlfriends one day. One is a former bartender whose bar unfortunately shut down during Pandemic. Now he is working jobs at the post office and as a custodian trying to save up money to marry his girlfriend and have children.

[Kaneki05]

@GuyAnswersGirls123 I see. We have the opposite problem here people have to many kids when they are young and poor so then that causes multitudes of problems, then it's not that long into the relationship so usually runs into problems leaving a lot of young single parents.
I would say waiting is smarter but yeah as you mentioned comes with a lot of it's own problems.

Has to be a middle ground somewhere.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@Kaneki05 That middle seems the ideal to me. I think Japan is a decent example of a country with very stable marriages and very low divorce rates, but ceasing to become a good example of high marriage and birth rates. Then when I look at some other countries, they're good examples of high marriage and birth rates but not very stable marriages with fairly high divorce rates. It seems like there's some middle ground that wants to emerge between these two.

[MzAsh]

I really wish people here in the west would be more mindful before they got married or had children. So many are getting married to the wrong people, getting married way before they’ve built relationship skills, and they have kids before they are financially or mentally set, and as a result they struggle and the family falls apart. I just hate to see it.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I sometimes think Japanese focus a bit too much on the financial in this context. Like I want to goad my friend who was a former bartender like, "Hey, you're the hardest worker, you've had stability even after you lost your bar. If you marry your girlfriend now of over a decade, she's going to be so happy and I'm sure you can make it work."

I do think the mental preparation is essential though.

[loveslongnails]

Are you suggesting there might be effective ways to change a grown man's mind and thinking when he's been indoctrinated by the patriarchy to think and behave like that for his entire life? I don't think there ARE any ways to change a man like that once he's in his late 20's or 30's.

Isn't the bar already SET higher? A woman makes her best guess when she chooses her guy and expects he's up to her qualifications and she made the right choice. Presumably, she doesn't foresee any abuse, control, condescension, degrading, belittling, etc. If that starts, I don't think you can change the man at that point, you just have to cut your losses.

[MzAsh]

This isn’t about changing a man’s mind. It’s about rejecting bad behavior and women making the choice not to engage with men who don’t treat them well.

[loveslongnails]

Totally agree. My point is simply that by the time a woman has to reject that kind of behavior, she should be simultaneously on her way out the door, yes? She's saying "I'm not going put up with that", and she leaves, and not "I'm not going to put up with that, so you better change". Hence my point - he's not going to change, she has to go or boot him out.

[MzAsh]

Oh I see what you’re saying. Yeah most men don’t do well with idle threats. They respond to action more than words. She can tell him she’s leaving until she’s blue in the face and all he’ll do is roll his eyes and it goes in one ear, out the other. But then when she starts packing her things and leaves… suddenly he’s floored and she’ll get all the attention at that point. Learned that one myself too.

[MzAsh]

But the point is, words alone won’t make him change. He’ll have to want to change himself or he’ll to see she means business with her actions.

[loveslongnails]

Yes, we're in agreement about that, only I don't think a man will by the time he hits his partner. I don't think if his pattern has been to degrade and belittle and control a woman, that anything SHE does will change him, even leaving. I think a woman has to face that fact at some point IF it happens and say to herself: "I believe I made a good choice at first, I couldn't see this coming, but now I have to go", and then go and not fell guilt or blame herself.

[Still-alive]

We gotta teach people how to look at actions more over words. Actions are what really matters. If they are saying a bunch of flowery words but they aren’t matching his actions then you may wanna walk away.

[MzAsh]

Exactly!

[Pink2000]

Stop settling. It’s so simple. Recognize your worth. We’ve all been stupid for a man. Some longer than others…

[Nikki1989]

Women need to be more picky, and they need to understand most men are cheaters or at least thinking about it. Most men that flirt with me at work I know are married. It must be the way they are wired.

[Dennisjf12]

To the woman who has the problem, the guy who is cheating on her, you two must sit down at the table & talk face to face to each other about what each person wants & needs then do that & whatever each person wants & then keep talking & you need to do whatever each person's problem is.

[ChiTown33]

There's nothing I'd like better than to help women with this. But you can't help somebody with something they're fundamentally opposed to.

Don't worry about this. Most women eventually figure this out. Some just take longer than others.

[NathanDavis]

they should probably do the same as the other women who are not putting up, nor dealing with this kind of BS from men... because they're experiencing and having the complete opposite experience with actual men

[Kaneki05]

Not really sure, your own personal judgement either grows or it don't there's not really a cheat code to get past that. And if there way such issues would be solved.

[Kaneki05]

were*

[Billlewis]

I'd say just keep doing what you've been doing; maybe refine your techniques and philosophies, but I think you're definitely on the right track so far.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Its as simple as just not being easily deceived. Giving things time, and not rushing into things because you feel lonely

[TommyMountainFigure]

I think it boils down to confidence. In both themselves and their abilities to choose who to trust!

[BLP11520]

be more selective don’t waste months and years on people that would be considered losers.

[laly520]

by being realistic

it doesn't have to be mind blowing or super complicated preferences

if one know what they need from person

[TonyMetal___86]

You can't raise your bars when you're doing your role towards your man and he's doing his for you

Raise your bars when he turns bad with you, humiliate you or assault you out of the blue!

[pethouse]

Define standards. If your talking about emotional and maturity standards I can agree but if you talking about physical standards than that might be the reason they are getting cheated on.😂

[OtterMan68]

Easy.

Just do it! Recognize the red flags and listen to their friends and family when they point out those red flags.

[DarkLegacy]

Us men need to raise our standards and stop putting up with bullshit from women.

[turnpost]

Use what you would do in reverse if a guy had ask this same question.

[justabuddy]

Raise the bar.. or increase your filter? Their is a difference.

[Pinay_ako]

Stay single

[Danny_dan92]

Stop doing it. Not difficult

[moneymagnet24]

Do women have any standard?

[war_daddy]

be young and hot

[MzAsh]

Nice try tho 🤣