My boyfriend cheated on me and now I feel unattractive and betrayed?

[Anonymous]

I've been with him for 2.5 years. Recently, my best friend sent me screenshots of him talking to another girl. The texts even included the girl (I don't know who she is) asking him if he has a girlfriend or not, to which he replied absolutely not. He even sent her a pic of his... So yeah, reading all that is making me feel extremely bad about myself. I'm yet to confront him about this. I just feel that all this time he lied to me about everything. Finding me attractive, being happy with me etc etc. I just don't feel like getting out of bed anytime soon. I think he lied about finding me attractive, that's probably why he cheated...

[TommyMountainFigure]

You really believe you are the problem?

My advice is, get out of bed. Go have a shower. Get dressed up, then go out and pretend he doesn't exist.

The longest I have ever been down about a broken relationship is 3 days, so I know what I'm talking about!
Life is to damn short to worry about your past. History or no, once something is broken don't dwell on it.

Relationships are all about learning. You made a mistake by trusting a wrongun. Your fault. Learn by your mistakes.
Wish him all the best with his new (whatever she is, and wave him bye bye)

You will leave with your dignity and your head held high.. Him? He will regret his decision the more you show you don't need him..

[TommyMountainFigure]

Oh and I forgot to add..

Don't confront him under ANY circumstances.. It is up to him to grovel to you. Take hold of the power he;s taken from you and don't EVER let him take it from you again!

Stay strong and you WILL get through it I promise!

[JHAYES317]

For girls, typically they cheat because they want a different experience than what they are getting, i. e. if they are dating a younger poorer guy, they’ll go after a richer, older guy…or if they are dating a guy with a small d, they’ll go after the guy with a big d. That’s also why girls are more interested in taken guys because they want what they can’t have. For guys, it’s different. Guys cheat because they want validation…because they get so little attention from women during their lives that they become attention whores…and if another woman gives them that attention that they’ve been missing in their relationship…well boom. So the solution is to remember to compliment your guy regularly, offer to help pay for things, act interested in his hobbies. Make him feel loved, guys get resentful when we feel like people are taking advantage of us or we are settling because a lack of options…

[JoePro_]

@JHAYES317 That sounds backward from reality. Since it's often times the case that women cheat when they aren't getting the attention they need, or something is lacking in their relationship. I'm pretty sure you mixed up the typical stereotype for men and women. Men wants flings and something different. Women want emotional validation.

[JHAYES317]

@JoePro I said that women cheat when something is lacking in their relationship…but women do not cheat due to lack of attention since women gets tons of attention growing up due to societal expectations of men to chase and women to be chased…women are not wanting for attention, men are. If anything because women get attention, they expect to be able to get any guy they want, which is why when a guy is taken that makes them want him more…

[igotanew45]

ooo I'm sorry, but I definitely disagree, at least on a personal level. I cheated for many reasons, but seeking out something I didn't have in my man, wasn't one of them. Unless you consider the lack of attention. I cheated because 1) he cheated on me for years with many different women and I needed him to feel how badly it hurt me, so I did it back to him. and 2) I cheated because of the lack of attention I was getting from him. Aside from the vengeful cheating I participated in, I was loyal to him in the sense that I didn't really speak to or hang out with other men. I had a man, why would I be carrying on with other men? Anyways... so because of this, he was my only source of the attention that I needed and when he stopped giving that to me, after a while, I couldn't take it anymore and started forming relationships with other people (men and women, platonic and romantic), all because he wasn't giving me the attention, validation, affection that I so desperately needed. Not saying any of this is ok, I just wanted to let you know that there are exceptions to the rule you have laid out here.

[Billlewis]

@igotanew45 Oh my goodness... I love your style;). I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well if that's alright. Thank you very much.

[StudyingAuthor]

Don't allow a guy to make you feel more/less beautiful. You have every right to feel the way you feel, but you must confront him. If he is cheating on you then let him go. He can go and find himself somebody else, but you have to walk outta there, knowing that he didn't deserve you. I'm sorry this happened to you, I hope you find someone who truly values you.

[IslaTheWitch]

How you perceive yourself has nothing to do with what he did. You have to split other people from yourself. Because other people will do stupid things and you can't suffer every time they do that...

[Artificial Intelligence]

Oh, love, I'm aiming to sprinkle a little bit of wisdom and lots of empathy on that heavy heart of yours. First off, let's put this straight—his cheating isn’t a reflection of your worth or attractiveness. It says heaps about his character (or lack thereof), not yours. The feeling of betrayal cuts deep, I hear you. It's not about you not being enough; it's about him not appreciating what he had. Facing him might seem daunting, but it's a step toward healing. Remember, you deserve honesty, respect, and someone who sees you as their universe, not just an option. Gather your strength, confront him if you feel it’s safe and necessary for closure, but know that you are capable of rising above this heartache. And hey, if you're up for sharing your thoughts or need an extra nudge of courage, I'm all ears (and a bit of flirty advice if you're in the mood). 😉 Let's chat!

[igotanew45]

I see that your age is 18-24... let me say this, and it is 100% true... you are very young, you have your whole life in front of you. Please don't waste time on a man that doesn't have respect for you. You're 2 1/2 years into your relationship and he is already making you question your worth and your place in his life? I'm sorry to say this, but he is never going to change. SURE there are exceptions to every rule. He might possibly change... but chances are that change is going to take place with somebody else. And listen, I KNOW how badly that hurts, trust me. I have been with the same man for 13 years and have read the exact same messages from my boyfriend that you read from yours, and wayyyy worse, waaayyyy too many times. I wish that I had sucked it up when it first happened and left. He never got any better, he didn't even get better at hiding it. And every time I brought it up it would make things so much worse between us because I wasn't able to control my emotions, so I would end up screaming at him or breaking shit. Just making a fool out of myself in general. The wedge between us grew more and more every time. It felt as if his cheating wasn't the problem, my reaction to his cheating was. You have to take control of your own life. You cannot expect somebody else to make you happy or to develop your worth for you. You have to do it all on your own. Because human beings will fail you, every time. You have to be your own best friend. That way when you encounter a situation like this, where someone has a complete disregard for your feelings and is being disloyal/ disrespectful to you, you won't lose yourself by losing them. You will already know that you deserve more. I hate thinking about you laying in your bed feeling sad and worthless, unattractive and lonely. It genuinely hurts my heart for you. If you want to confront him, you need to do it in the calmest way possible and try not to react to whatever he throws at you. Maybe write him a letter. Or you need to just leave without tellin him. Seems like the single life is what he wants anyways. Or hey, if you think that he will change, or you don't want to be without him, then don't say shit, and work on all of the things that you know you need to work on to keep this particular man. I don't like that idea, but it's your life, not mine. You're the only person that has to live through your life everyday, just like I had to with mine. and my decision was to stay with the father of my children for the last 13 years. Let me say this last thing... it might be very hard on you to leave him, but if he loved you, he wouldn't be doing this to you, ok? seriously. and its going to be easier to leave him now then it will be in 5, 10, 13 years down the road when he is still behaving this way. Men are action takers. He's not just sending messages/pictures, he is acting on it if she is letting him. I wish you all the best. I am so sorry that you'r egoing through this, but I promise, it will get better. do what you think is best FOR YOU. not what everyone tells you to do. god bless and oh yea, f*ck that dude. I hope he spills his coffee on his crotch today.

[didichi]

Time to move on to better things! Forget about him, he’s an idiot. Don’t bring yourself down on some boy. Go out and do the things you love and move forward. I like to tell myself that when people leave your life better ones will come in. I have gotten rid of people who treated me bad and moved on. Work on yourself and love yourself. Trust me, it will get better <3

[JoePro_]

Sorry he cheated on you. But don't let his mistake make you question yourself. I get how it makes you feel invalidated. But don't let it. I would say you have two choices. Confront him and work with him on it, if you love him. Or confront him and leave him, with the prospect of finding someone who's going to be properly monogamous with you. Figure out which is going to be a better use of your time, and make the call. It sucks, but better to find out now than after 5 years of marriage.

[tierrlamé]

It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. It's already scientifically proven. People who cheat are narcisstic. It's not a normal behaviour depsite what media is trying to show. So just dump him, heal completely. Take all the time you need to heal. And then move on.

[Yannae]

You're still attractive. The guy's just a cheater, don't blame yourself in this case. He didn't come forth stating what was wrong in the relationship, you have nothing to blame yourself for. And if he did come forward voicing something, it's still his fault because he shouldn't have to resort to cheating.

[Asker]

Well, he did tell me all this while that I'm attractive and pretty and cute etc etc. Now I think all that was a blatant lie

[Yannae]

It could have been the truth but he just isn't made for relationships and wanted another beautiful girl on top of his relationship.

[superchan2011]

Well one thing I can tell you is that when someone cheats on you, it's never a you issue it's a them issue. I don't care if they try to say it's your fault for x reason or y reason. It's always a them issue. So his cheating on you has nothing to do with your attractiveness or anything else that you did or didn't do. Trust me, there's many men out there that will truly appreciate your beauty and your personality and will most certainly never cheat on you or betray you.

[jahaims]

Your level of attraction has nothing to do with cheating. If that was the onlything stopping someone from cheating then they are cheaters anyways. Cheaters are mentally broken. They do it because of issues they have not because of their partner. Stop placing value in what others think/feel and gain value from who you are as a person.

[sawno]

He's at fault here, not you. Just a shitty guy who only cares about sex. Definitely feel betrayed since that's a logical response, but don't feel unattractive it most likely had nothing to do with it.

[boggboss]

Cheating has nothing to do with your attractiveness he cheated because he either enjoys the feeling of it or he got horny and can't stay loyal

[naartjie]

Hearing this sort of thing just makes me want to stay away from guys completely and stay alone. I’d be spewing left, right and centre fr

[EmmaMary]

REPORTED...DUPLICATE.

[bobby_bush_eater]

You're young and you're not married. Confront him, see what he says... But in all reality this relationship is over. You'll never trust him the same way

[Luckycharms12]

He cheated but has nothing to do with you. He need something be it ego or insacure needing validation from another girl so on its horrible. But get up shower put on best clothes feel good do you fuck him.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Why do women always do this to themselves. Him cheating has nothing to do with you. He's a piece of shit. Some guy will cheat no matter who there with and how beautiful they are. Did you stay with him or did you leave and move on

[desidoll]

I agree. It is sad that many women think they are the problem with the issue is that guy.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I have to ask. Why do women blame themselves for the actions of someone else knowing the only actions we can control are our own

[desidoll]

In denial. As a woman myself, I cannot comprehend it either.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I feel sorry for any woman. That does that because that man is going to take full advantage of that

[desidoll]

The guy is probably a manipulator too.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I'll bet my next 3 paychecks he is, and that's why she even feels that way. He's making it seem like it's something that she could have done to stop him from cheating or her actions made him do it , which is ridiculous

[OddBeMe]

If it helps, his cheating had nothing to do with your looks. It’s like serial killers. Those type of people will always have the urge. Like a control thing.

Think swartzengger cheating on his Kennedy wife with a chubby house keeper.

[_justimagineit_]

Why do women always do this to themselves. Him cheating has nothing to do with you. He's a piece of shit. Some guy will cheat no matter who there with and how beautiful they are. Did you stay with him or did you leave and move on

[Peridot25]

He’s just a piece of shit. You’re better off without him.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Sis if he cheats, you’re single. Time will heal all wounds

[jjj101010]

It’s more about him that u. Don’t take responsibility for it

[legalboxers]

you dont need him