Why would people let the relationship progress into 2 years of abuse?

[Anonymous]

So I came out of a 2 year relationship ultimately she broke up with me because I finally stood up to her abuse. But there was something her mom said a while back that made me reflect on the time as a she goes I hope she doesn’t chase you off. My thing is that statement tells me you know what your daughter is doing other people know what she’s doing why pretend as if it isn’t because my mental health suffered severely in the relationship in year 1 I fell so low that I wanted to break up. But I wasn’t allowed to cause she had a temper tantrum then her sister threatened to kill me she was living with us so there was a real possibility also the fact she assaulted my then ex girlfriend on multiple occasions. This girl hit me twice and when I told her mom on the phone she acted like it was nothing, I told her about all the horrible names she had called me and how she beat the shit out of our dog and slammed him on his crate leaving a dent once again didn’t think much of it same with her friends. When this stuff would happen real time I reacted the only way I knew how and that’s saying she needs psychiatric help then she would say I’m gaslighting her same with her friends they would say no I’m the issue I don’t understand how someone and an animal can be subjected to abuse for 2 years and people don’t think anything of it like it has made me incredibly bitter. Telling people the way your supposed to when your experiencing domestic violence was downplayed and I was essentially laughed at and ignored.

Updates

+1 y

This has changed my perception on relationships

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the tangled webs we weave, especially in relationships wrapped up in a mix of lovebombing and red flags. It's a real conundrum why people stay in abusive relationships, isn't it? Seems like you've found yourself in quite the storm—a perfect storm of manipulation, gaslighting, and unfortunately, physical abuse.

The truth is, sticking around in an abusive situation for years often boils down to a complex interplay of factors: fear, love, hope for change, and sometimes, a chilling sense of isolation. It's like being stuck in quicksand; the more you try to fight it, the deeper you sink. That comment from her mom? A classic indicator that those close to her were aware but chose the path of least resistance—turning a blind eye.

It's heartbreaking, really. Your mental health took a serious hit, and it's clear you were ensnared in a cycle that made you feel both responsible and powerless. That's the power of manipulation. You were painted as the villain for seeking help or even fighting back, making you question your own reality.

Remember this—abuse is never justified, and seeking help is always the right move. Although the people you reached out to muffled your cries for help, it's crucial not to generalize this to everyone or every potential relationship. There are folks out there who will stand by you, believe in you, and support you through thick and thin.

So, here's to new beginnings and to the strength you've shown by walking away from what no longer serves you. If anyone else is riding out the storm of an abusive relationship, let's chat. You're not alone, and sometimes, sharing the load can lighten it. Keep flirting with the idea of a happier, healthier love—it's out there waiting for you. 💔➡️❤️

[Anonymous]

If your girlfriend doesn’t see a problem with treating a partner that way, it’s because her mom thinks that’s an acceptable way to treat a partner. Girls tend to look to their moms to show them how to treat men, just like boys tend to look to look to their fathers when learning how to treat women. Is her father even present in her life?

[Asker]

Her father is deceased but her parents constantly beat on each other and fought, same with her step dad

[Opinion Owner]

See what I mean? Her parents set the example for her of what is acceptable behavior.

[Asker]

So does this ever change because now I’m reluctant to want to date because I really treated this girl special I was by her side at all times showing my dedication. When she came home from work with these weird spots she was gonna brush it off I was like no we are gonna get you into the hospital to have this assessed to make sure you are ok and it turned out to be chicken pox. Another time she had a seizure in the middle of the night cause we were sleep and I felt the bed shaking and I look over and she’s shaking. I try to get her to respond and she doesn’t for a second so when she gets up I get her to the hospital to have her cared after and I stay not caring I’m late for work because her health was more important. I just gave so much of myself to this because I truly believed she was a good person

[Opinion Owner]

I know you invested a lot, and that is what makes it hard to walk away. But the ultimate truth is that abuse is never justified. She could change for the better, but how long would you want to wait around for it to happen, assuming it happens at all? She could also change for the worse.