Why am I obsessed with my boyfriend's ex?

[takenchic]

I have a relationship for a couple of months and we had a talk about our exes. Me and this guy were following each other on instagram and twitter so I know one of the girl he mentioned, and I know that she was very pretty and everything. The reason why they broke up was her attitudes towards him but they had a relationship with ups and downs and they have seen each other couple of times after they broke up. He says that nothing has happened during those times, she only slept in his couch but I dont believe it. I keep stalking her and seeing her in my dreams sometimes. I don't want to mention her name to him because I don't want to put her image in his mind. Any suggestions?

[birds]

It’s actually pretty common to feel curious or even a bit obsessed with a partner’s ex, especially if their past relationship pops up in conversations or if they maintain some form of contact. The mix of curiosity and insecurity can lead us down a rabbit hole of social media stalking and overthinking.

First off, it’s important to recognize that these feelings are natural, but they shouldn’t control your peace of mind or your relationship. ​If there are underlying insecurities or trust issues, addressing them directly with your boyfriend can be more productive than focusing on his past.

You mentioned not believing him when he says nothing happened when his ex slept over. Not accusing, just sharing your feelings and concerns honestly.

Also, try to limit the social media stalking. It rarely brings any peace and usually just fuels the fire of doubt and speculation.

[Finchie40]

Because she makes you feel insecure and jealous that your boyfriend was with her , and for whatever reason, you think she is very beautiful , which she might be on the outside but just because someone looks beautiful on the outside , it doesn’t mean they are beautiful in the inside , she wouldn’t be your boyfriends’ ex period, if she was amazing to him. So don’t sweat his ex , unless he is still talking to her and keeping her in his life , that’s a red flag if he does. And that’s a different story. and yes your boyfriend is lying to you about her sleeping on the couch lol He is probably telling you that, because he more than likely notices how jealous you get about her. Understand you have nothing to be jealous and insecure about if your boyfriend removed her from his life. Most men do not hold on to their exes, like females’tend to do , His ex is more than likely jealous that he is with you now, because she is a female , and that’s what most of you females’ tend to do lol Most guys’ don’t hold on to their exes, unless he is desperate and he just wants to get laid but other than that he more than likely wants nothing to do with her , Females’ aren’t wise when it comes to ex boyfriends she assumes he still loves and cares about her , which he might care about her but he doesn’t love her , if he loved her , she wouldn’t be his ex period. but if he decided to fuck her again , he won’t give his heart to her 100 percent because she was already his ex. When a guy truly loves a girl , she won’t be his ex period, he will stand by her side no matter what and do what he has to do to keep her by his side. , unless she cheated on him , most guys’ won’t take a cheater back into their lives, I tried before and it was just a waste of time. So do not sweat that he will go back to her , just treat you boyfriend with love and respect and treat him better than his ex did , and keep him happy in the bedroom and don’t argue with him like his ex did , Your boyfriend would be the stupidest guy on the planet, if he went back to a girl that constantly butted heads with him , over a girl that doesn’t butt heads with him. Again most guys’ do not hold on to their exes like females’ tend to do. My advice to you , is try to eliminate your insecurities and jealousy over his ex because when a girl comes off as jealous or insecure to a guy consistently , he might start to assume , that she is the one being up to no good. The same way a girl hates when a guy is overly jealous and insecure about her. It’s ok to be a little jealous and insecure at times but when it’s too much , sadly that throws a red flag.

[ohsheeT]

Because you're in your own head in one form or another it's insecurity you want to know all about her to see if she's better than you somehow.

It's a waste of time you are you she is yourself he's not with her he's with you so let it go.
You can't make anybody love you you can only be yourself and that's what people fall in love with so be yourself don't compare apples to oranges don't try to be an apple or an orange just be yourself everything will go smooth and just 10 times better but once you get something in your head it will just start faster and festering you end up losing your relationship maybe so let it all go your number one he's with you right so let it all go and if he goes back to her you have to just smile and thank him for proving to you who he really is there's 150 million guys out there and I guarantee it three quarters of them are just as good as your boyfriend and a quarter of might be better than your boyfriend so let it go you'll be happier

[sheikalana]

See this is your issue and it's important you recognize it. It's an insecurity of your and you have to learn to deal with it. It's normal to feel insecure but obsessing over her is just going to drain you. I'm talking from personal experience. Block her accounts everywhere so you don't have the the chance to stalk her.

[Delle123]

You’re probably comparing yourself to her. I think most women stalk their boyfriend’s ex at some point. Try blocking her so you can’t stalk

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the classic case of the ex enchantment, where curiosity often leads to an obsession! It seems like you've fallen down the rabbit hole, but don't worry, it's a journey many have taken. The key to navigating this tricky situation is understanding that your feelings stem from insecurity rather than genuine concern about his past.

Let's flip the script and focus on building up your self-confidence and the trust between you and your boyfriend. Remember, he's with you now for a reason, and that reason is your amazing self! Try to channel your energy into making your current relationship blossom, rather than dwelling on the ghosts of relationships past.

If you find yourself stuck in this loop of obsession, it might be helpful to discuss your feelings with your boyfriend, not about her specifically, but about how you're feeling insecure. Communication is the heart of a healthy relationship after all. And hey, if all else fails, how about a little therapeutic unfollowing spree? Sometimes out of sight really does mean out of mind. 😉 Remember, you're the star in your own love story. Keep shining and focus on nurturing the love you have now. It's the best way to leave those haunting ex memories in the dust.

[imtiaz45]

It's natural to feel curious or even insecure about your partner's past relationships, but dwelling on it excessively can harm your current relationship. Instead of focusing on his past with this girl, prioritize building trust and communication in your relationship. Express your feelings openly and honestly to your partner without accusing him of anything. Consider discussing your insecurities with a trusted friend or seeking support from a therapist to work through your emotions. Ultimately, remember that your partner chose to be with you, and dwelling on his past won't change that. Focus on nurturing your connection in the present.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/trVGPIriGtA

[RHK36]

You haven't moved on because you're too immature. Life is pretty simple, we as humans just over complicate everything. It means you need to be single and spend time on growing. Learning on how to be more humble and let things go. Learning how to move forward and stop dwelling on old stuff. Be accountable and be consistent. You can't control anyone, but yourself. All you can do is control your own thoughts and actions. Perfection isn't a thing, but it's a goal. The goal is to keep trying and enjoy the journey. Don't dwell on the past or jump too far into the future. Enjoy the present.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Yes, just one. If you don't believe and trust him, leave. Those feelings won't get any better, only worse over time!

[strateguy632]

remind yourself she was an ex but he preferd you, of course stop stalking to keep her out of your mind.

[KrisKris81]

I would say you're afraid she is the type he really wants and you don't fit the bill. I think your obsession is more comparing yourself to her and possibly trying to assume certain traits of hers.

[Flatmanlewis]

Why? Because you are in an unhealthy headspace.


Let. That. Shit. Go.

[JacobJordan]

Yeah. Grow up. You sprinting towards relationship destruction with a will.

[laly520]

u r being insecure n in my opinion u need therapy

[Twalli]

He picked you over her. Even with other reasons than looks causing them to break up, he still picked you rather than trying to stay with her.

[JayBones2469]

Low self esteem, loaded with negative dark traits. Work on yourself. You are toxic

[JonesT10Apr]

Aah... you finding difficult I for moving on


let them go?

[spartan55]

He needs to dump you ASAP.

[MrDaveAPSI]

girls love competition

[Anonymous]

How do u and her look