I have a friend who I like very much but I don't love her. She keeps telling me how much she loves me and I feel sorry for her. I don't know how to react, I don't want to make her sad and I want to keep her as friend. By the way, I told her how I feel but she keeps saying she loves me no matter what. And please don't ask me why I don't love her back, I have my reasons.
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27 d
Please nobody tell me to block her. I would never block a person in my life, specially she is a very good friend. Also, i am not enjoying the situation at all.
I'd think seriously about not being friends with her. I know this isn't a great choice because you truly love this woman AS A FRIEND, but it doesn't go beyond that.
If she's constantly declaring that she's "in love" with you, thinking that will change anything between you, I'd advise you see her less often so as not to encourage her. But my less often would be, see her no more.
No relationship as lopsided as this can hold up. It's a 75 /25 situation, and she's obsessed with being in love with you. I don't think she can BE a friend if she wants to be A LOVER.
Until she gets over the fact that you cannot offer anything BUT friendship, I would think it's going to be miserable to be around her. I'd constantly be thinking, "But she's in love with me. How can I be her friend?"
Someone who is a good friend would not recommend you continue as you have been. It's unhealthy because it's unrealistic for her. What she's saying is she's happy just to be with you, no matter what the parameters are.
What I'm saying to you is, YOU NEED TO SET THE BOUNDARIES, because she can't. And I think they need to be very firm. "I can't continue with our same relationship if you're in love with me. I'm sorry."
In time, she might stop "being in love." But it will take time. Likely months or longer. Maybe she'll find someone, in the meantime who CAN be in love with her. This will take sacrifice of friendship with her on your part. But extinguishing this lopsided relationship is healthy for both of you. Good luck.
Look. Leaving aside all the comments. In my opinion Ask yourself, how do you feel that she keeps saying that she loves you? Do you feel annoyed, uncomfortable? Ok now, if you do. Then tell her, I know you still wanna be friends, and it's ok. Just make it clear to her, that you don't love her, be clear. And after that ask her to stop saying it. Just tell her how it makes you feel. Remember the most important thing in any type of relationship is communication. So tell her how you feel about all that. If she doesn't stop telling you that she loves you and she's being clingy or annoying, I guess you have to do something about it if it bothers you... Good luck! I hope everything turns out well!
There's a problem here. You want to keep her as a friend. That's not going to work because she DOESN'T WANT YOU AS A FRIEND! Don't you see? She absolutely wants something more with you, and you can't give that to her. So it seems to me you need to tell her this, and then cut off contact with her, because you're hurting her more every day this way. She will cry and grieve, but that's part of healing. Unless at some point you get hit with a thunderbolt and suddenly realize that she's the real love of your life. That kind of thing actually does happen.
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2 Reply
Asker
27 d
I already told her. I tried to cut off contact with her once, but that did not work at all because she kept contacting me and saying that she would only act as a friend, and after a while we became in the same situation again.
Just block her it’s easy! There are billions of people in this world. I don’t see the problem. If it’s true you don’t like her remove her. Why you didn’t do it?
Ot won't last and she will get hurt and she is either not willing or capable of changing feelings when u get a partner u are saying she will be able to be happy for you
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5 Reply
Asker
27 d
But, how to react right now. I don’t know how to react or what to say whenever she says “I love you”
I mean I don’t understand why you are still friends then? In the norm after Friendzone you just change road. She goest right you go left. Why in your case are u keeping her as a friend? Is it for your ego boosting?
The problem is you want to be just friends, and she wants more… just friends isn’t going to work for either of you… she’ll always hope for more and that will strain the friendship… and her waiting around thinking you might change your mind will keep her from ever finding someone that will love her the way you cannot… So I’m not saying block her, rather communicate that you don’t think continuing the friendship is healthy for either of you…
How awkward. These things happen, sadly. I’ve been on both sides of this situation. Twice with men not being interested (for good reasons I won’t share here); and twice with my not returning interest in a friend. So, what I did, in all cases, was be honest about my feelings and stand by my convictions, then let the other people decide what they wanted to do, as a result of my decisions. All of them left me. You may lose your friend. In the end. But you have every right not to be in love with her. I’d stand by my decision not to date her and insist that you’ll only ever be friends. She’ll be upset, but she’ll get over it. I’d also cut contact with her. It sounds like she’s not respecting your refusal for intimacy. She probably thinks she’ll wear you down.
Dude. Just bang her once. Do a terrible job. Gush all over her. Totally smother her with poems call her every 15 minutes to tell her you love her. She will lose interest in 7 days or less and you can go back to being friends. This is the way. The only thing that works
So I have been in this same situation with my guy friends. Like the other comments having a friendship with her will not work because obviously she wants to be in a relationship with you. You need to cut her off you need to block her. You need to not respond. Nobody can force you to be friends with anyone so if she tries to reach back out to you, you need to just strictly ignore her and go about your life.
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