How long should I wait until I see my LDR in person?

[Anonymous]

We started dating at the beginning of this year, so it has already been about 4 months. We have exchanged photos and have been calling almost every day, we practically sleep on phone calls. We are going to start video calling by beginning of June and see what happens.

I have my university studies left to do for the remainder of this year, so my timing is not great at all. I have certain time gaps which I can see him:

End of June, End of October, November or beginning of December. I was going to discuss these options with him as he is also saving me money. I was going to visit him for 2 weeks and if things work out, I will visit him again in February next year for a month before I start university again.

I am only concerned about things becoming boring or stale, and usually the "honeymoon" phase ends at 6 months. So, I thought about June seeing him then, but I thought it would make a good test on our relationship too. I've known this guy online for 3 years now and we decided to take things to the next level. We watch movies, play games together, take photos and share them, we do a lot together. It is comforting.

I would prefer seeing him because of his own circumstances. What timeline would be best to see him? I can discuss with him later.

End of June

End of October

November - December

[Mr_twoface]

Back in the day, long distance was already hard, and I believe it has with time become tougher. On one hand you have social media, various apps, and video possibility to endlessly talk and see each other without even being present, whilst on another hand the same tools also expose you to meeting others, finding acquaintances, and being invited to various events, parties etc. Given how busy we are these days in our lives (whether it being studies/work, gym, hobbies, friends etc.) we have less time to priorities ourselves especially our love-life. Unless one is determined to settle down (or at least sees a path of doing it soon), one should not aim for long-distance, because it is very hard work and needs commitment and both needs to be in an understanding place of knowing the other partner has a life and need to also commit towards other things and people.

From own experience I believe it’s crucial to videochat as early as possible, so you find each other attractive and be able to hold long conversations face-to-face, then meet as early as possible to see your compatibility and hopefully get to see the positive and negative side of one in real life. I believe this is important early on to avoid it becoming boring or stale overtime.

I met my wife online amid the pandemic and after two weeks of messaging we went on videochat, thereafter it followed on daily until we were able to meet which was roughly 6 months later. In our case, lockdowns and living remote places prevented us from meeting quickly, but most importantly being surrounded by other interesting souls and people. We went over 1000 questions about relationships and marriage that when we did meet, we were already in-love and soon thereafter got engaged and have been married for two years now. We had though both tested the long-distance thing in the past and it never worked. There were various reasons, but we believe the most important factor was that we were ourselves not ready to settle and hence didn’t realise it faded. When I met my wife, we both had baggage and were ready to settle, so we put in the effort and the world crisis helped it a lot.

Wish you both the very best and hope it works out!

[Anonymous]

I was in two long distance relationships. One lasted 2 years but it was falling apart after the first year, especially after we met in person. I visited her once and she visited me once. I stayed a few weeks with her and she stayed with me for 2 months. After you leave and go back home, the true test begins; the distance becomes harder after you have a taste of that physical aspect. Save lots of money so you can visit as much as possible.

The second long distace relationship was successful. We were long distace for a year and then I moved to where she lives. Took lots of planning and money saving. We're now married! 10 years together in total now. I met her through a friend and we connected immediately. We did video calls everyday, played video games online together, sent photos, et cetera.

Long distance is severely taxing and difficult but you are doing things that make it easier such as watching movies, playing games together, and sharing photos. Keep that up! Visit eachother as frequently as possible because after seeing him for the first time and head back home, it will get way harder.

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing your story! I was very worried about when you meet you will miss them more and will be much harder. I study online and my job I can find elsewhere, so I know I can be with him for 3 months at least (visa wise). Jobs and all would be more difficult as my degree is classified as research so the course itself is much harder. But I guess this is something we can work on together. He intends to pay for my vacation there which is very sweet, but I am basing whether I want to continue the relationship after we meet.. like continued visits. If I meet him in October I can meet him in Janurary next year too. But I should discuss with him. Makes me so happy things worked out between you guys! Congrats!

[PeachyPie93]

I would say October. No need to rush these things because if you can't hold it together long distance it probably won't work close either, coming from experience lol.

[Asker]

I can agree with you on this! I was going to aim for October to see if it still work long distance. He sounds sad but I want to make sure if it works long distance.. we still have a long way to go even if we meet once.

[Anonymous]

How can you be dating if you have never met in person, that makes no sense.

[Pterodon]

You need to be doing a lot of FaceTime. Trust me. I’m experienced with this

[Asker]

Thank you so much! I have only been in 2, this one I have gone pretty far with in terms of commitment (talking about when we are meeting up and financials). We agreed in June we would start facetiming each other and more calling, texting if we were busy or planning activities together. If I may ask, how long did it take you to be confident in your decision to visit them when you were facetiming them? I have heard of couples facetiming for a year everyday before meeting, I just want us to be comfortable with each other before meeting :)

[Pterodon]

For us we FaceTimed damn near daily for about 18 months. I showed her everything. I walked her through my apartment, showed her my car, we took showers together. We’d tape our phones to the wall. We were sexual on FaceTime long before we met in person. I was 54 and she was a 29 year old virgin when we finally met in person. We met on this very site and lived in neighboring states. We had a very serious four year relationship and still talk to this day

[Asker]

Wow, thank you so much for sharing! This is a wonderful story! I always worry about keeping things interesting, it does get hard sometimes. Always trying to think of new things to do. However, we both agreed we would meet each other and see if the compatibility is still there in person. After that, if things go well I'd like to see him again in February next year, then again in December next year! :)

[Pterodon]

Good luck. Message me anytime you want

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

As soon you have the chance and often as possible. 😊

[Taylor22424]

Woah, you are pretty.

May I dm you 🙃?

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

I think 4-months is already plenty of time to justify seeing them in person. People act and behave differently in person, so its important to figure out if you're even compatible as soon as can be.

[Anonymous]

Right now. You're over thinking this. I did this once and we broke up before we ever saw each other. Stop waiting. Just see him. Stop trying to make it perfect. You're doing what I did.

[spartan55]

The more time that goes by the less likely anything will happen.

[RedInnocent69]

As soon and often as possible. Difficult to keep this up.

[DreamLife7]

You have no boyfriend, he doesn't like you and you're chasing him. Is common sense not so common?

[DaveJord]

As soon as possible.

[WhitneySnow]

Why not do it end of June?

[Simslover92]

As soon as possible as others have said.

[laly520]

end of June

[Raaj4you]

ASAP