How would you feel if you found out your significant other did hard drugs?

Question

My boyfriend told me he did coke once and it didn't bother me at all. I'm not judgmental at all.

He said it didn't do anything to him though and I'm thinking that's because he didn't take enough but I'm glad he's only done it once and says he won't do it again.

I don't want a coke head for a boyfriend but I didn't mind him trying it once as an experiment.

But how would you guys react to your significant other doing cocaine or another hard drug?

FatNeville · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't think much the worse about her, provided that she was able to get clean. There is quite a history of cocaine use in my family, and both of my parents were involved with drugs in some form or another. I don't hold it against someone to indulge their curiosity by trying to find out what such an experience is really like, though I would prefer that they limit that to things that are less risky and less questionable from a legal standpoint. If my significant other was able to stop using hard drugs after previous usage when she was younger, it shows that she doesn't want to be enslaved to such substances, and that can be a sign to me that she has an admirable level of willpower and determination.

If she continues to use hard drugs, I would, strangely enough, hope that it is because she is addicted. I am aware that addiction is a horrible disease, and I wouldn't want anyone to have to experience that. But if she were to use hard drugs without being addicted, I would feel like she just doesn't care enough about me to avoid doing things with such negative consequences. If she is addicted, I would do my best to help her recover. After receiving mental health treatment for so many years (whether it be individual therapy, group therapy, or treatment in a mental health facility that also caters to persons who wish to overcome their addiction), I probably know at least as much as, and perhaps more than, the typical person regarding the disease of addiction. I'm also at least somewhat familiar with the Twelve Steps, and I have encountered numerous people who would be in a much worse place had it not been for NA or AA.

When a person is addicted, using becomes less of a choice and more of a fundamental part of the life of the addicted person. The desire to use becomes so strong that it feels like a biological need, and in some cases it sort of can, to some extent. Suddenly withdrawing from drug usage without doing so under the care of a medical provider in a controlled environment can result in agony. Addicted people can resort to extraordinary measures to ensure they have access to their drug of choice, which often needs to be a quantity that is ever-increasing to maintain the feeling of "being okay" due to the body becoming used to the drug. In a relatively small city, roughly fifteen years ago, every single homicide was drug-related in some manner.

When a person uses a drug like cocaine, there is an increase in the release of dopamine, an important neurotransmitter associated with the pleasurable feelings from the "reward center" of the brain. This dopamine builds up temporarily, but it doesn't last forever. There is a limit to how much dopamine can be released at a time. And while a person feels great while under the "high" of the drug, they are, over the long run, more depressed, and they continue to seek the comfort they feel from the build up of dopamine and other effects of the drug.

In my view, a person who has become addicted to a substance to such a degree will forever be an addict. If he or she refrains from using drugs for thirty years, I would consider him or her to be a recovering addict. Addiction is not a disease that it is ever possible to fully recover from. The person has been forever changed. A pickle can never become a cucumber again. And even a person who has been clean for many years can lose it all if they ever give in to an urge to try their drug of choice again.

Of course, this question asks about past drug use and doesn't ask for a treatise on addiction nor where we stand on the issue of addiction at all. But I feel like the role addiction plays as such a prevalent disease is inextricably linked to the usage of hard drugs, and while much of what has preceded in this opinion is not directly connected to the question, it is not entirely irrelevant to an intelligent discussion of what a history of hard drug use can mean to someone.

To conclude, I will say once again that I won't break up with my significant other nor think any less of a person because of a history of hard drug use. Personally, I have never used street drugs nor even ever consumed an alcoholic beverage, and this is because I have seen too much of what can potentially happen if someone becomes addicted. But if my significant other were to have experience with hard drugs, I would just hope that she would have learned positive things from the experience. After all, experimentation with cannabis is generally not a deal breaker if a person wishes to become a law enforcement officer. While cannabis is far from what I would consider to be a "hard drug", I feel like why my significant other used a hard drug would be more important to me than just the fact that she used.

TheSpectre · Accepted Answer

Guh... Everyone saying that they would break up, which IN MY OPINION nothing but lack of selfless-ness. (makes sense i hope)

And, for me, i'd help her get any help she needs if she want to quit. If not, who am i to judge? Adoption is another option and ALSO letting her know that she might overdose of anything and watching her closer as support is another good option.

Would i do drugs? Maybe weed. 😅

Horror_lover92 · Accepted Answer

My ex was doing that as well, it didn't bother me. I was glad he was honest and he didn't do it around me, just in case something happens he didn't want me involved. The only reason I broke up with him was because I found out he was lying to me. He lost his job, so I was helping him with his cellphone bill and buying him food. He needed $150 for a bill he couldn't afford so I gave it to him with no hesitation, plus extra for his cellphone bill so I believe it was like $240 including a little extra for food. Found out that $240 was for drugs and what he owed his dealer. And it hurt because all that time I was giving him money It came to me that he was using that money to buy drugs and I broke up with him. I felt used. Plus this wasn't the first time. I gave him a second chance. The first time I was supposedly helping him start online classes and he actually admitted that he didn't even start. So that money went to drugs and alcohol.

electromagnetic · Accepted Answer

I cannot judge my partner for his past life. I can for the actions he takes now though. I know he loves beer and seldom uses marijuana. If he was doing hard drugs now, he might as well keep up with the habit. 😆

Rei13 · Answer

If they chose to get clean and don’t fall back into it then I can look past it and not use that against them even if I would never have associated myself with them when they were actively doing drugs.

AviatorTom · Answer

If it was a one-time thing, hopefully a long time ago, I wouldn't be concerned. If it was an ongoing addiction, I'd be very concerned, and do my best to help her get over the addiction.

Finchie40 · Answer

Wouldn’t bother me if they were honest to me about it , just as long as she doesn’t get addicted or lying to me behind my back , I would be ok with it that she was just experiencing, I had my experiences as well so I wouldn’t be a hypocrite

molonski2 · Answer

If it was just like your boyfriend , nothing at all , thats 3/4 of people.

If they were full on using Ice , that would be a different issue altogether , but if just speeding , or " I've taken an e " , or " I did cocaine at a party " , I wouldn't think twice.

But , I've had some friends who have had massive drug issues , and one ( not friend , but knew of him as a kid ) who murdered a flat mate in a psychotic episode , another guy with personality disorders completely addicted to Coke ( and people say you can't be ) , another friend clean for a decade who's hands will shake and sweat when he talks of his days on the gear..

So conversely , never take it lightly as if its nothing.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

There aren’t really “hard drugs”. Drugs are just drugs. That nonsense was contrived by the con artists behind the “war on drugs”, and it largely singled out drugs more prevalent in communities of people of color.
I’ve done lots of different drugs; most of them more than once. It would be hypocritical for me to be overly judgmental of someone who did the same. I’m not big on hypocrisy. I’m also an alcoholic. So i spend more time wondering how people will react to that about me than wondering about what they’ve done.
The human mind is kind of funny that way. Most of us spend more time criticizing ourselves than others, but constantly assume others are critical of us. They’re probably just chewing on their own insecurities just like us! Ell oh ell!

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I wouldn't care as long as it was in the past and not something he does on the regular. If it was something like heroin then I would probably break up lol cuz that is easy to get back into and you can catch stuff from needles.

Anonymous · Answer

Well I found out my co-workers boyfriend did drugs when she offered to give me a ride home from work, and police sirens lit up behind us, and she freaked out, not because she was being pulled over, but because she knew her boyfriend had left his drugs in the car and hadn't taken them out, and I was her innocent co-worker who didn't know anything about this, and here we were. Thank F Christ, the cop was after someone else, but other than I abhor drug use because too many people gone too soon who once "just tried it, but I'm not about to go to jail for their poor life choices.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Its a dealbreaker even if experimenting. Everyone accused my ex of being a cokehead because of how easily his eyes dilate (based off the lighting) as well as based off some of his lies and actions. I dont think he was one but he had no issue with some of his friends and coworkers experimenting with that. That made me look at him sideways especially when he stopped saying “never” and started saying “i dont think i would try but I don’t want to say never.

fantasticass · Answer

I used to use cocaine in the year 1985. That was 39 years ago. Weed wasn't legal, and cocaine was easier to get.. it was different 39 years ago. I haven't had any since 1987, however I smoke weed everyday since 1977. I got arrested for smoking a joint at the bus stop in 1980... life is about exploring different avenues... weed will never harm you...✌️🇨🇦

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I lost friends from taking Class A drugs, some very dear to me so I despise ALL forms of hard drugs!  I would be heartbroken, but I would do my best to help her through it!

Fireguy17 · Answer

there is a difference between trying it once and not doing it again, and actively doing drugs.
I would probably be ok if it was a one-time thing, but I sure would be on the lookout for signs and symptoms of actively using a drug.
If she was using and lying to me then I'm pretty sure it would be goodbye.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

If it was in the past and he is clean, I don't care. We will just keep it in mind as dome psychiatric medications are based on drugs and he wouldn't use them

HighValue · Answer

I wouldn't want them. Drug users 9including people that smoke weed) can't be trusted. And if it was a woman and I wanted kids, it would be even worse because it damages their eggs. If enough drugs are done, it also damages the cells in men that produce sperm and can harm their future offspring too.

bowenw · Answer

I would be worried they may be using it even if they said they aren't. I'd be watching them closely.

CrabCakes11 · Answer

If it was once, fine. Ever again and I’m leaving

Kaneki05 · Answer

I had an Ex that did coke that wasn't the reason we didn't work out. So no it don't bother me.

laly520 · Answer

I would have very deep conversation with him to be sure the truth is being told n there isn't any other risks

Starrrboy · Answer

Well if it's like a one time thing like you described then I'm okay with it.. but if they have a history where they frequently did it for some time then no sir I'm not touching that..

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

I thought that it didn’t bother me before because I too was willing to try certain things pre mom years lol but now it’s a red flag. Especially since my ex was a drug addict.

Yoursweetgirl · Answer

If he used it in the past and doesn't use now, I wouldn't mind, but if he's still abusing those I would break up.

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