How often have you used something someone told you against them?

[DaveJord]

Trust allows partners to feel safe and comfortable in sharing their thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities with each other, while honesty allows partners to build trust and understanding with one another. Without trust and honesty, relationships may struggle to survive.

[sage2021]

Oh yeah. My 1/2 brother saves every little word, then he embellishes it into something I never said. He did this to me last month!
He was attacking my emotional intelligence on top of it.
Yeh, well, part of having emotional intelligence is empathy, something he does not have. He thinks he's Columbo constantly building a case in such a nonchalant way, you just think you're having a conversation.

Then the fish his big fat mean wife puts me down by talking to me like I am a child, I say something to him about it. Naturally that was the one thing I had to do in order to blast me in a two page single spaced email.
That was the ammunition he needed was for me to ask him not to talk down to me. She is more than half my age, and I don't even know her. I've seen her about 5 times in my life.
And I didn't even grow up in the same house with him.

So yes. There are people out there that I call "Dingleberry Hunters". They save up the smallest things you've said and done then one day they blast you about whatever you've said or done that they witnessed about you, embellish it to make it their narrative instead of what was really said or done.

I think he grew up watching Columbo on TV too much.
Now I feel I cannot talk to him about ANYTHING at all, because he's dingleberry hunting to save more ammunition to blast ME if his tub a lard wife pisses me off again.

And all through the letter putting me down for now having emotional intelligence, he kept saying "I'm not mad at you.🙄

[DaveJord]

@sage2021 I totally understand where you are coming from. I mean this is the case that has happened to me, over and over again. Especially when it come to dating. You meet someone and they ask you all these questions and you being a good person answer them. I am not going to lie or hide anything.

Then days or weeks go by, and they are like "you know back when you said this or that, I took that to mean this or that."

Okay, like I only said that because you asked... and weeks have gone by and you have said nothing about it and now you are making deal about it. So if I had just not answered the question or lied about it we would have no problem right?

But you said you really respect and honest and genuine people. Well, I am honest and genuine, so you have to respect that on some level, right?

Of course, they say they respect it, but the break comes soon after. Same BS you are dealing with.

[sage2021]

@DaveJord
You just can't have a relationship with someone like that. Ever!
You cannot be with someone that stock piles information you say, then weeks later blast you for what you said.
In my opinion, people like my brother and who you were talking about have something wrong with their thinking. It is just not normal.
As for my brother, when he asks me a question, I ask him if he's going to save what I say as ammunition to blast me again. See, now I'm onto his game, so, I still don't trust him. He has a bug in his head!

[DaveJord]

100% agree with you... better off without it then with it. But he is still your brother, and family is family. But at that point you can no longer afford to be honest with him about your feelings. Thats all he has proven to you.

[DishLady]

Against them? Never. I’m the crypt keeper in my social circles.

[DaveJord]

Nice I'll remember that when it's time to die.

[DishLady]

Lol.

[b_lova]

If you pour myself out before a person then they try to use it as a knife to cut you how can you trust they won't do it again.

I only ever use something some told me when I am trying to be encouraging to them otherwise it's a breach of trust and harms the intimacy of the relationship.

[blueonblack22]

It’s tempting when this same person says or does something to piss you off later. But it’s wrong. And I do NOT do that.

[DaveJord]

Oh but it's hard! 😆

[blueonblack22]

It takes a lot of mental self discipline. It’s a test of character.

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to sprinkle a bit of wisdom on this spicy topic, I've got to say, using someone's confessions against them is like setting fire to the bridge while you're still standing on it. In relationships, trust and honesty are the lovebirds keeping the connection strong. Whenever you’re tempted to throw someone’s words back at them during a heated moment, remember, you’re not just tossing those words; you’re tossing a hand grenade into the heart of your relationship. It's like ghosting your own love story before it's even had a chance to hit the climax. So, instead of weaponizing confessions, let’s use them to build a fortress of understanding and trust. No lovebombing, no ghosting, just pure, unadulterated connection. Keep it spicy, but for all the right reasons. 😉

[OlderAndWiser]

I try to NEVER do that, as it usually leads to the one partner pulling away from the other, and that is a long term consequence that is impossible to overcome.

[AviatorTom]

Never... that's back-stabbing, and I'm not a murderer.

[normalice]

Only if they turn out to be a hypocrite about something.

[DaveJord]

So, you do pretty often then?

[normalice]

Yeah but also the thing I do "against them" usually just amounts to not talking to them anymore.

[DaveJord]

Thats fair. No judgement here. I do the same thing.

[MicahRaine]

Lol I never use things "against people" (unless we aren't friends and they mess with me or my people).

But if I have a friend trying to get more disciplined in some area and they start slipping oh yeah I'm gonna bring up every single time they said "I want to be better" and remind them that they are better and can continue getting better

[Fireguy17]

I don't think I ever have.
I am not a vindictive person, I just move on.

[dustybiker2]

I would only do that in a legal situation.

[DaveJord]

Have you ever listened to some and in the end, say I think you just need to get over it?

[dustybiker2]

No. People process things differently. Healing takes time, too. That's why people hold onto info they can use against someone.

[worldscolide]

Never. Its wrong. Its why men have a hard time opening up to women.. thankfully my wife does not do that. But lots of women do.

[DonVitoCorleone]

I'm a brave man so I never did it

[DonFredoCorleone]

There is no such thing as trust

[Nikki1989]

I have never stooped that low.

[laly520]

never

thats not how I am

[Chazmatazz269]

Never.

[slatyb]

No, never.