How should I deal with a guy I like who flirts with me, but has a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

He’s new in my department at work and when he first started we would flirt a little, but in all our conversations he never mentioned he has a girlfriend. I’ve wondered if it’s because he’s a private person, but he was happily chatting to another good friend of mine at work about her, so I don’t think so. And when I found out I started distancing myself from him.

But in the past week, he’s started giving me compliments whenever we do talk which is very sweet, it’s nothing creepy or sleazy, but it feels a little inappropriate.

He actually is a good guy. I really enjoy being around him, I feel calm and happy with him. But I could really like him, and I don’t want to play games and get any closer to a guy who’s already in a relationship.

Is there some advice anyone can give on how to deal with this sort of situation? I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable incase I’ve got it wrong.

[Finchie40]

If he is already in a relationship you are best to stay away from him and not flirt with him , unless you want to be a part of a love triangle that usually ends badly. If he likes you , leave it up to him to pursue you , and if he tries to cross any lines with you , tell him you don’t date guys’ that are already in a relationship with someone else , if he really wants to be with you? He will end his relationship with his girlfriend , do not be the reason for his decision,. Or sadly you more than likely will be played and used for sex. Also workplace is not a good place to stir up any kind of relationships with any coworkers , you could put your job at risk , if you allow it to happen. His girlfriend could call and stir up a lot of shit if she finds out he is screwing around with a girl from work , he could lose his job and you could lose yours as well , it’s best to keep work just work related period unless you don’t give 2 shits about your job. I experienced some relationships with female coworkers in my past that I fooled around with and had crushes on , I realized it was stupid of me to do , because they all ended badly. So I no longer pursue coworkers because it more than likely will lead to drama , so it’s best just to keel things work related period.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, what a tricky situation. I can see why you like being around this guy, but getting involved with someone who has a girlfriend is just asking for drama down the road. A few things I would say:

- Flirting with other girls behind his girlfriend's back is super disrespectful on his part, even if nothing has happened yet. Major red flag.

- Complimenting you alone is crossing a line if he's already taken. It gives the wrong impression that he's interested, which isn't fair to lead you on.

- As much as you enjoy each other's company, continuing to get closer when you know his relationship status seems bound to end up hurting someone in the long run.

My advice would be keep your interactions with him very surface level and casual from now on. Don't give him any sign you're open to more than friendship. If he brings up his girlfriend, make it clear you don't feel comfortable getting drawn in further while he's in a relationship.

If the flirting keeps up even after that, you might have to distance yourself more for your own sake. You don't want him disrespecting you either. As much as it may suck in the moment, staying away from messy situations is usually best. You'll find other cool guys who are truly available!

[Asker]

Thank you, I appreciate helpful advice, I’m not looking to hook another woman’s fella, just handle it as well as I can without creating unnecessary drama.

[curiousmandy]

This advice is pretty perfect in my opinion. It’s hard to resist I know but I never want to be ‘the other girl’ and never want to disrespect another girl, even inadvertently

[Asker]

@curiousmandy I totally agree, I am not that person!! Despite how this question may come across

[curiousmandy]

Oh I wasn’t saying you were at all. I’m sorry if it came across that way as well. I could have worded my response better

[Oliverlogan263]

You're totally right to want to avoid unnecessary drama, especially at work. It sounds like you've been handling this whole situation really maturely so far. Keeping things professional is definitely the way to go.

I think bringing up his girlfriend casually is a good idea - it lets him know you're not trying to cross any lines, while also giving you a clearer picture of what's really going on. Hopefully he gets the hint then and backs off with the compliments.

But if he still tries anything after that, definitely don't be afraid to be more direct. Just a simple "look, I heard you have a girlfriend and I'm not trying to get in the middle of anything" should do the trick. Guys can be clueless sometimes.

Ultimately if he's really taken, it's probably best to just keep your interactions work-related and distance yourself emotionally. Not worth stressing over someone else's situation. But at least this way if he does become single in the future, you'll know you handled it with integrity. You seem pretty cool - I'm sure you'll find someone available who's really into you. Just hang in there!

[Asker]

Thank you you’ve been really helpful and have some really good insight, I appreciate the good advice.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're very welcome! I'm glad I could offer some helpful perspective. Dealing with situations involving other people's relationships can definitely be tricky to navigate subtly. But it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and want to handle it in a respectful way without unnecessary drama. That's really commendable. You'll be just fine keeping things polite but distant from this guy at work. And who knows, when he gets his own personal life sorted out better, maybe down the road you'll both look back and laugh about this little awkward phase. But for now, you just focus on you - I'm sure there's better fish in the sea waiting for someone as level-headed as you! Feel free to hit me up if any other stuff comes up you want another opinion on. You've got this!

[HawkPerception]

"He actually is a good guy." even though he's flirting with you behind his girlfriend's back? He just sounds like a sleazy dude that's trying to get with you through flattery. You can't seriously be that dense to not realize that...

Once a cheater always a cheater. You get with him, he'll be doing the same thing behind your back. I don't understand why women always fall for the scumbag dudes

[Asker]

I haven’t fallen for it and doing my best not to!!

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

Maybe he's just a naturally flirty person, but he doesn't mean anything by it.

Or maybe he wants you as his side chick.

Maybe you could be friendly to him without being flirty. In time you might be able to figure out what his intentions are, if he even has any.

[lightbulb27]

Enjoy the positives and use those good vibes to go find your own guy. He sounds like just giving off positive… might be inappropriate… just talking a out job is reasonabke… and he's new… he's making connections

[Staximus]

Just tell him "listen Romeo, you have a girlfriend and I'm not trying to be your side chick"

[Asker]

You know what, that’s probably the most effective way to deal with it!! Cheers

[sawno]

Not the kind of guy you want. he's clearly not being faithful or he's not actually intending to flirt.

[handsomelad70]

Politely tell him that for now, because he's attached, he has to remain a boy bud, then if his relationship falters, you can become his girlfriend.

[WhitneySnow]

Keep your distance as long as he has a girlfriend. Be friendly but don’t flirt or get too close.

[onedarkcloud]

He is just interested in getting into your panties.

[Anonymous]

Don’t act on it as long as he’s in a relationship

[st4rgrrlx]

ughhhh really? you came online to ask THIS? tell his freaking girlfriend. and no. why are you not making fun of him for flirting with you while he has a girlfriend. you should be acting grossed out and avoiding him.

[DrPepper12]

Directly. Don't be coy. Set the boundaries.

[Olgaaa22]

Man want attention

[FuqUFggt]

You should suck his dick

[MrDaveAPSI]

You move on