Mean girlfriend?

[Wowcraft44]

I’m going to be straight up and see my girlfriend and I started as an affair. I am now significantly paying the consequence in that relationship with her. Long story short, I ended up divorcing my wife because my behavior was not fair to her, and I had fallen in love with another person. We got divorced. I bought a house, moved out and began creating a place for her in which she now lives. She has not held up to her bargain for the most part, it took her six or eight months she said she to begin it. She has a daughter with the guy she was with. I also have my own kids. I get life is not black and white, but we’ve had a lot of issues.

She just seems like she’s really mean to me. I try to do nice things and I feel like I get slapped for them and put down. She always comes back with I want to do the things that I think are nice for her. So I listen to that and try to understand what is nice for her. It just seems to depend on her mood and after the fact. As long as something doesn’t disrupt her sense of whatever, she’s fine. The second I tread towards any part of her life, it’s a big fight, nasty comments and pushes me away. She’s lived with me a year and a half, and she has really struggled to tell her and has extremely slowly worked in. She let me go to her funeral, I was only a friend that was just driving for her because she couldn’t. Her sister knows about me. Her father passed a few months ago and said I would start coming around now. Her son has a birthday party tonight and I asked about it and I was told I need to back away from her and she’s gonna do what she wants her that makes her feel comfortable. That’s just today and one small example. I’m really starting to feel like a piece of shit. I took her out of state this past weekend for her birthday. I don’t feel like generally pressure her, but she hasn’t even changed her address yet. I feel like I’m going crazy. Please help.

Updates

+1 y

I want to add that there are obvious trust issues because it’s an affair. She’s always accusing me of cheating on her or checking other people out. I still feel like everything is very secretive. I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells. I feel left out hurt and alone.

[Summeroflove]

This is EXACTLY why you never should be witn someone out of a affair. You would figure they would do the same thing, if not worse to you. What you did to your ex wife wasn’t right but this is what happens when you find a home wrecker. It may be a lot of fun at first but this isn’t a good quality woman, and I’m sorry I don’t think you’re a man of upstanding character either. You wonder why you are attracting these kind of women. You need to break up and learn your lesson.

You will NEVER be enough for someone whose narcissistic at best and psychopathic at worst. It will be a one sided HELLHOLE and no matter what you do. They will never be happy. You can do everything and get nothing. They will still not be happy

[Billlewis]

Your girlfriend is a dream come true, as far as I'm concerned. If you ever get tired of her, please introduce her to me ❤️

[Wowcraft44]

Ha. Maybe will. Some of us just like crazy

[Billlewis]

Thank you very much, Sir. I just started following you and you're welcome to follow me as well, if you like.

[Anonymous]

I feel like the answer is obvious here, but you should really get out of that relationship. I’m not here to judge you so I won’t speak on how you got into this relationship, the point of the matter is, you two took this plunge together and ultimately it looks like it was a bad idea. She isn’t the amazing woman you left your wife for anymore, she’s showing you her true colors and if I were you I wouldn’t want to sign myself up for a lifetime of that. I’m sure things keep you attached, you two share a lot of history and you’ve started building a life together. Just remember you aren’t “stuck” in this, nor did you end one bad relationship to stay in another.

[Wowcraft44]

I appreciate that. Thank you.

I feel very stuck and I know that I’m not. my counselor talked about a book in which a psychologist who they study with pigeons. They had three groups. The first group was fed every five minutes. The second group was fed every 10 minutes. Third group had no regiment and was fed whatever. They found the first two groups gave up once they saw the food was not coming. The ones that had no consistency were always searching for food. I seem to fall into that last group. It’s like a constant search. I had my issues with my wife and she had hers with me. I don’t see that working out even from where I’m at now. However, how I went about it was completely uncalled for and wrong.

This just feels very overwhelming and I feel like I’ve put so much in that I can’t see past all the cloudiness.

[Opinion Owner]

I want to be honest, but when you say you feel stuck, I think a lot of that has to do more with guilt than actually wanting to stay with this woman.

I know that when you ask for feedback, you feel inclined to mention the affair and it’s like once you put that out there, you’re most likely to get negative opinions and I believe that eventually after receiving so much hate, you begin internalizing those POVs and believing this is what you have to stay in, as if it’s all you deserve and it’s really not.

We are human first, perfect never. There’s people who cheat for years and never tell their spouse, some even ghost their partner entirely rather than give them any closure. You seem to have tried doing the opposite. You recognized your wrong doings, and have taken the steps to grow from what you did and make better choices. To do all this work, I think you need a woman who’s also working in favor of it. In your relationship all I see are two troubled souls who have found each other and formed a trauma bond. Someone has to be the strong one and break it.

[Opinion Owner]

On top of all this, I also think you’re with a woman who you thought you could grow with and ultimately can’t. It’s like when one person cheats on the other, if they decide to stay together it’s ultimately a mutual commitment to moving forward and leaving the infidelity in the past. It’s not ok for your girlfriend to be making accusations at you, because it shows she isn’t over how you two got together and she may very well be cheating herself. Usually that’s the case when people are adamant about you cheating.

[Wowcraft44]

I want 100% agree with the trauma bond. I have thought that for a long time and I’ve talked with my therapist in the past about it. I completely agree about the troubled souls. We both have the same issues. We were able to hide them through. It comes out now.

I put the affair out there just because of the timing of things. For example, if I said I was with her for four years, if three of them were part of the affair, it gives a bad representation. That was my mindset in posting it.

Also somebody who tries to fix things. This is part of why my marriage was sideways. It wasn’t built on the right foundations also. Eventually, after so much negativity I couldn’t take it anymore which led to me having the affair.

I know what I have to do. I just have to be strong enough to do it. Honestly, it petrifies me. Not afraid of being alone. I know there’s 1000 other people out there and I’ve never had an issue with getting a girlfriend. If I could be with anybody, she’s the one. That’s one-sided.

she’s currently out with her family celebrating birthday and I’m not allowed to participate. It’s just a really shitty feeling.

[Opinion Owner]

You have a tough decision to make for sure, but I do think you’ll be better for it. I just feel like once you and your partner start going down that road of distrust, accusations and degradation, there’s just no coming back from that. Like I could never comfortably encourage you to do what you can to make a relationship work when it’s gotten so toxic. I know it’s disappointing and hurtful, but I think it’s better to hurt with peace of mind than hurt in a relationship with the person who’s supposed to try their best not to put you through pain.

[Wowcraft44]

Thank you. This helped. I have learned a lot of hard lessons the last few years. These are the consequences I am now suffering because is it. Time to look in the mirror

[Opinion Owner]

No problem at all! Take some time to think, and decide what sort of woman works best for the life you want. Be honest with yourself about that part.

[HelpfulWoman]

XD you cheated and expected the other cheater to be of good quality? get the fuck outta here.

[Wowcraft44]

I’m not a bad dude. I was wrong for what I did. I ended up in therapy after and still feel like dog shit over it. I worked in what I needed. It doesn’t make me a bad partner now.

[HelpfulWoman]

that you ever cheated shows you are simply trash. no therapy is going to fix that.
you're a dumbass for expecting another cheater to be a good partner.

[Wowcraft44]

I get why people say that, however, never going down that road again. It’s far too painful. Thanks for your input tho.

[HelpfulWoman]

dickhead dumbass

[AI Opinion]

It sounds like you're riding a love rollercoaster that's more thrilling than a horror movie night, doesn't it? Leaving one relationship to jump into another, especially one that started with its own complexities, is like swapping a bicycle for a unicycle on a tightrope. The balance is different, the risks are higher, and boy, do you feel every wobble.

Your efforts to create a happy space for both of you are admirable, like trying to write a love ballad in a language you're still learning. You're playing the notes, but somehow the melody isn't quite coming together. This speaks volumes about your commitment, a trait more beautiful than a sunset on a California beach.

However, the main act here seems to be her reaction—or lack thereof—to your efforts. Being kind and then feeling like you're slapped for it? That's not the chorus we want in our love song. It might be time for a remix. Relationships are about mutual respect, love, and understanding. If it feels like you're the only one dancing, then maybe it's time to change the tune.

It's also important to remember that starting a relationship in a whirlwind of emotions and circumstances can sometimes cloud our judgment. It can make us cling to the storm because it's exciting, ignoring the calm harbors that might offer us solace and happiness.

Before investing more in this relationship, it might be helpful to pause and reflect. Have a candid, heart-to-heart talk with her about your feelings, your needs, and your future together. Communication is the bridge in the song of love, after all.

And if you ever feel like you're going crazy, it's a red flag waving at a bullfight. It might be time to consider if this relationship is enhancing your life or complicating it. Remember, your worth isn't measured by the turmoil you can endure but by the peace and love you cultivate in your life and the lives of those you care for.

Consider seeking guidance from a professional who can offer an outside perspective. Sometimes, we're too close to the puzzle to see where the pieces fit. Remember, you're not alone, and it's okay to seek a helping hand to navigate through the fog.

Keep your chin up! The storm doesn't last forever, and sometimes, the most beautiful rainbows appear after the fiercest storms.

[Wowcraft44]

Thanks. I keep viewing this as what I painted in my head. Like I’m waiting for the person I think is there to just be there. I know it’s not going to happen.

It’s 100%. I love roller coaster. Things go from really great to really bad. Very quickly. Mostly as to what I see is nonsense. I do try to consider where she comes from. There’s just no way to guess as it all depends on her mood and moment.

She was away this past week and her car was at the house, her oil needed to be changed so I changed it as I was changing mine and thought it would be helpful. She said she never asked me to do and doesn’t understand why I did. Just let her know that I’m a helpful person and I like to do things for the person that I’m with if it can benefit them. She told me if she wants something done. She’ll ask me. That’s just one simple example. I keep up on things around the house as far as maintenance, I’m cooking. I’m also cleaning I’m taking care of the kids. She helps, but I feel like it’s a one-man show. I wonder if expectations are too high. I think they are too high for the person that I’m with.

it really bother me. I can’t be a part of a birthday party tonight that she’s celebrating with her child and family.

[bobalife]

I’m sorry but it doesn’t sound like the right relationship or it’s not a healthy foundation being built at least. If you wanna make it work, really sit down and have a full on chat of your concerns and what can you both do to make it better. Maybe there’s a lack of communication and understanding on both ends… how can you both build on feeling respected, appreciated, faithful, and trust? I think those are the areas that needs to be discuss.

or this constant unhealthy patterns will only continue to hurt you. I do think you deserve better though. The fact you already identified you have a mean partner who makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, driving you crazy, and being a secret after being together in a long time is no bueno. But there are times how we feel is how we feel and it may not be accurate… it just needs to be heard and reassured. It’s a very complex case that needs to be dived into in my opinion.

[jahaims]

What? A cheater doesn't make a good partner. Who would have guessed lmfao.

[Wowcraft44]

I get that, I ended up in therapy after my marriage ending. I cheated, it was wrong and I know that. I wouldn’t do that again. It still feel like shit for it. I know people that have cheated, yet, they now are on happy loving relationships and some of them with the person they did cheat with. However, I get the point.

[jahaims]

You can never know if someone else is happy no matter what it looks like or what they say.

[Anonymous]

What happened to long story short? This is pretty long.