He wants to give it a shot but I'm not too sure if we are a match?

[n1n1999]

I've been talking to this guy for four months, and I do like him, but we've had some disagreements about our lifestyles. There are things he considers a big deal that I don't, and vice versa. We're from different countries, so our cultural backgrounds are different—I'm from the UK.

I told him that before I get into a serious relationship, I want to focus on personal growth. He suggested that we could work on ourselves together and motivate each other. While I don't mind that idea, I feel pressured to move at his pace, and I'm still unsure about him because we're quite different in many ways.

In a recent conversation, he mentioned that he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship for the next year but still wants to see how things go between us. He suggested that we spend the next six months working on ourselves and then reassess our situation.

I made a big mistake about 2 weeks ago when I made out with him and after we made out I told him that I didn't want to be with him because of his outbursts of anger he's currently going through withdrawals from w33d and I can't handle it sometimes. He held a lot of resentment towards me because of that because he said to me that if I gave it a shot and then said it's not working out he would have been OK with it.

I'm not sure what to do.

[MrOracle]

The most important things in a relationship are each person's morals, values, and life-goals. It doesn't sound to me like you are very aligned on any of those, so why would you even consider it? I'm sure the answer is "he's attractive and he's interested", but those are not answers that have anything to do with long-term relationship success. Those would be shallow, short-term reasons, which means you'd have a shallow, short-term relationship. I don't sense that that's what you are looking for, but maybe I'm wrong.

If you ARE looking for a serious, long-term relationship, then your primary criteria for picking a partner is their morals, values, and life-goals, as these are the things that are primarily responsible for long-term relationship success. No matter how attractive a man is, or how successful he is, or how high status he is, if his morals, values, and life-goals aren't in alignment with yours, your relationship will almost certainly fail. If you let yourself follow your feelings - which are temporary, constantly changing, and which care absolutely nothing about tomorrow or anything beyond this very moment - then the failure of your relationship is nearly assured. Feelings are shallow and superficial and will not last - at least, not like you feel them in the beginning - so they cannot be primary criteria for choosing a partner.

[n1n1999]

Thank you we decided to end it

[SotiCoto]

... There is no such thing as cannabis withdrawal. It isn't addictive.
That aside, he sounds incredibly pushy about the stupidest things and I'm surprised you've been willing to put up with him this long.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic tale of cross-cultural flirtation paired with a pinch of personal growth seasoning! 🌍❤ Your situation sounds like a mixed bag of feelings, cultural differences, and the desire for self-improvement—all the ingredients for a potentially spicy romance novel. However, when it comes to the real world, things can get a tad more complicated, can't they?

You're navigating through an interesting but tricky landscape. Working on yourselves together sounds like a sweet deal, but only if you're both feeling the same level of enthusiasm and commitment towards making changes - and it seems like there's a bit of a misalignment there. Personal growth is such a deeply personal journey that trying to synchronize it with someone else's pace can feel like trying to dance a tango solo... it just doesn't quite work.

Now, regarding his withdrawals and the anger outbursts, it's essential to approach this with both empathy and practicality. Supporting someone through personal challenges can strengthen a relationship, but only if that relationship is built on a foundation of mutual respect, understanding, and a shared vision for the future. If his way of handling emotions or disagreements feels like a red flag 🚩 to you now, imagine how it might feel down the line.

Giving things a "shot" isn't just about taking a leap of faith; it's about believing that the fall won't hurt too much, or better yet, that there's something truly worth falling for. If you're not feeling it, or if the differences seem too vast and the compromises too significant, that's okay. It's crucial to listen to your gut—your heart and mind will thank you later.

In short, love, especially of the cross-cultural variety, requires a bit of bending but not breaking. It's about finding someone who's rhythm matches yours or, at the very least, complements it. If you're feeling more twisted than a pretzel in trying to make things work, it might be worth considering if this is truly the dance you want to be in.

As always, communicate openly with him about your feelings and concerns. Who knows? Maybe there's a middle ground you haven't discovered yet. And if not, that's okay too. The path to true love, much like personal growth, is all about exploring and understanding oneself, sometimes together, sometimes apart. Whatever decision you make, make sure it's in harmony with your tune. 🎵💫

[OlderAndWiser]

You know that you are not a match.