After infidelity why can't couples do counseling to fix their relationship?

Question

GeminiDiamond · Accepted Answer

For a therapist, they try and strengthen the bond, or diagnose the situation for what it is. One of the  key  conclusions is if it's for attention or is it just who that person is as to why. It's not uncommon for them to mention divorce depending on certain characteristic traits.

SarahS98 · Accepted Answer

My parents did that a very long time ago and it worked. It just isn't for everyone because trust has to be regained and it's hard work on both sides. It's easier leaving them and starting with someone new than doing the while reconciliation process.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Diving into the messy heartbreak hotel of infidelity, aren't we? Let's smooth it out. Couples absolutely can and do turn to counseling post-cheating scandal to stitch up those love wounds. Here's the hot tea: healing is not just about slapping on a Band-Aid and calling it a day. It's about deep dives into the ocean of emotions, understanding the why behind the wandering, and rebuilding that trust tower brick by brick. Counseling provides that safe room where both parties can air out their dirty laundry with a pro who can help them fold it neatly again. But like any dance, it takes two to tango. Both partners need to be fully invested in the process, ready to be vulnerable, and committed to making changes. Without that willingness, it's like trying to start a fire without a spark – not much heat will come from it. So, to answer the question – they can, but it's all about the will to work through it together. 💔➡️❤️

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Relationships are built upon trust and cheating destroys the trust. In my world, there are two groups of people: there are people who have never violated my trust, and there's everyone else. I want a relationship with someone who has never violated my trust. After someone does something disloyal, how can I EVER again have ABSOLUTE faith in them? And once you violate my trust and have moved to the group of "everyone else," no amount of therapy will change that fact.

AviatorTom · Answer

When we were having problems, my then-wife and I went to counseling. It didn't help, she wasn't willing to compromise, which is what the counselor was suggesting, and we ended up in an amicable divorce.

normalice · Answer

Like, if you get a pet dog and it eats your arm off, no matter what counseling can do, growing your arm back isn't one of them. The trust is violated and the reminder of that is permanent.

There are four possibilities that can come from counseling - and of course any combination of these things.

Forgiveness. Forgiveness is not acknowledging that someone understands they made a mistake and will do better. Forgiveness is understanding they made a mistake and will continue making it, but you accept that.
Forgetting. This is when the counseling concludes some separation is the best way forward. You don't accept that they made a mistake but neither do you reject it. The question is simply no longer a part of your world and so the idea here is to not let the past influence your next relationship, even if it is with the same person.
Redrawing of boundaries. This is when the two decide to stay together but with changes to keep the infidelity out in the open.
Delay. One of the main features of counseling is it takes time which can be used to wait for feelings to settle.

The third is hard to reach, though. It is fundamental to a relationship to know who you are forming a relationship with. Infidelity, among other things, underscores that you never actually knew who they were. So you can't claim you want to stay because you love them because who you loved was a figment of your imagination all along and insisting on making it work is really only wishing they would strive to become that person, which they will not. They want only to give the appearance of becoming that person so that things go back to how they were when they could cheat and get away with it.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Cheating usually happens because their partner is not their first choice.. If your wife cheats on you it is best to dump her because in all honesty if she is cheating it is because she doesn't actually love you. She settled and is actually hoping for better not realizing the husband is the best she can do. Once she gets divorced and gets passed around by hot guys she will come to realize no one loves her. Though at that point she is just an old hoe now.. she lost her chance at actual love with her husband and no one actually wants her besides as a cum bucket. It's the same if it is with a man but instead of a cum bucket he is just an ATM.

Lynx122 · Answer

It's possible but the problem is we're basically still animals. Once you show someone that you're the person who's more interested in this relationship and you'd even forgive cheating their treatment of you probably won't improve. It's like they can smell weakness and desperation on you. A lot of things still come down to ancient instincts and you just can't allow yourself to be treated this badly and then there's no real consequences. I would leave, you have a better chance of making it work with someone else, than fixing that mess.

You can't control other peoples behavior but in the way that you respond to their treatment of you, you can influence them. You can encourage more positive or more negative treatment. And this kind of thing is inviting more negative treatment in my opinion. You had a chance to draw a line and send a signal that this is not ok but you didn't. So anything after that, this decision will play a role in how your relationship continues.

Altheavas · Answer

Well sometimes they do make it work, but trust doesn’t actually exist in the relationship anymore. The lack of trust lingers. Some people are successful moving forward, and some may not, but the relationship is definitely not as strong as it was before.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

They could, but a lot of the times they are using the infidelity as a way out of the relationship. For those people where it was truly an accident that there genitalia ran into someone else's genitalia, counselling seems like a reasonable choice.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Because most don't want to try to fix anything when problems arise. People are lazier than ever, and that shows up in many ways. Most people are too stupid and lazy to even talk to each other, they would rather send a text message.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

because there is no therapy to fix broken trust... for this time is needed.. years... and no one would wait... people want a new relationship fast...

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

You can forgive infidelity, but you will never forget it.

Once that level of trust is damaged, no amount if counseling will bring it back. People try but the unfortunate truth the success rate after such a betrayal is infinitesimal small.

RebelinSteel · Answer

Counselling can help with a lot of things, however full on sexual cheating is a full break of trust and there is no return unless for some reason the person who was cheated on forgives the other person. Having counselling where a partner has cheated sexually, is a bit like another person trying to persuade the ‘innocent’ party that ‘yeah they had sex’ but they now realise all the impact of cheating.

slatyb · Answer

Counseling is not magic. Often one partner is not willing to change their behavior but just wants someone to blame the other person. In that case counseling is pointless. What can counseling do? Teach couples how to communicate their feelings without blaming the other person, and provide some ways for them to move forward.

RavVid · Answer

There has been a large breach of fundamental trust needed in a relationship. Marriages are acts of faith and after infidelity there is none.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

It’s the equivalent of a person getting shot in the head… no surgery or medical intervention will bring them back to life.

In all honesty. You marry someone to be with them. It’s the whole point of matrimony

Till death due us part. Not I’m gonna fuck other people and you till death due us part.

DJB72 · Answer

Some can. I know some couples who survived an affair. The big issue is what the root cause was. If everything's ok at home nobody looks around outside.

Mark987 · Answer

They can't but it's upto the person that got cheated on to get over it. In my personal experience I did with a woman I know, but it's always in the back of your head. Just knowing that person was with someone else while you trusted them, and they betrayed you.. is a lot

admles · Answer

Because they have broken my trust too severely, and I can never forgive it.

My wife knows that cheating is an instant breakup, it won't matter if we've been married two years or twenty years, cheating is an absolute deal breaker that I would never even try fixing.

electromagnetic · Answer

Because there’s a third person who’s going to tell me that he may not cheat again.

Anonymous · Answer

Unlike what most Americans seen to think counselling is not a 'fix-all', if both parties cannot be totally truthful then no amount of counselling will be of any help especially when the counsellor who are usually women have a tendency to be biased in favour of women.

RetroReviews · Answer

When trust is broken it's never the same now matter how you try you never will forget it and always will wonder if they will do it again

MadinaHasABensheer · Answer

Would you drink from a broken cup after you glued it back together? It would still leak won’t it? Same goes for relationships, once trust is broken, it’ll never be the same again.

avery58 · Answer

The vast majority of them will still hold resentment even if they did, am infidelity is not something most people can truly forgive and they will never forget.

wiltingrosepetal · Answer

They do. The ones who are willing to work on it, at least. But cheating is still a pretty good reason to break up

edmwarrior · Answer

Trust is broken to an extreme level. It’s almost impossible to salvage.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

For me personally it wouldn't work, because I would no longer clarify our relationship as a 'couple'

Grond21 · Answer

What do you mean why can't they? Of course they can. Many couples do and get through it successfully

molonski2 · Answer

Its the broken trust , unless they had an agreed open marriage.

Berethor · Answer

I would not forgive such a ho, she should be shot, so there is nothing left to fix.

CrabCakes11 · Answer

Because it’s a hard deal breaker for the majority of people

JJones03 · Answer

I guess because the trust has already been broken. That's very difficult to get back, especially after something that serious

paledreams · Answer

Lol I wouldn't even bother personally lol 😆 and I'd not take her back

sage2021 · Answer

Because the trust is gone!

Booklover_90 · Answer

Because it’s not always that simple. Sometimes, the cheating spouse doesn’t want to go to counseling.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Some do but i would estimate its about 50/50 for those that can work it out. Some spouses are one and done chances. 🤷🏻‍♂️

AmeerX · Answer

Well once infidelity comes into play, then trust is lost and it's really hard to forgive so they don't go for any counseling.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Once the trust is gone, it is at least for me next to impossible to get back.

JacobJordan · Answer

They can but why should they. Cheaters are trash and don't deserve happiness

LiamJHayden · Answer

I suppose they can, but I know I would never trust a cheater again so for me it would be pointless.

pethouse · Answer

I feel like at that point it’s to late. Why couldn’t couples go to therapy before one commits infidelity?

dudeinohio · Answer

They could; but oftentimes, cheating is too major of a thing to overcome.

Surely · Answer

When you are hurt once. How can you be sure that there won’t be a second?

jahaims · Answer

Because after that betrayal love and trust is gone forever if you have any common sense.

LiamS95 · Answer

The bitterness, hate and animosity is usually too great

grega239 · Answer

Why would you want to fix a relationship with someone who betrayed you?

msc545 · Answer

Usually because the one thats gets cheated on is far too angry for that.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

Because the trust is gone.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

They can but both parties have to make it work and unfortunately for them that seldom happens

NathanDavis · Answer

you can't replace trust like that

turnpost · Answer

This sounds like dad joke

DrewJohnson · Answer

They can if they want to.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

That trust can never be the same.

MacDaddyRico · Answer

They can still get counseling.

CubaPirate · Answer

Some can some can't

Anonymous · Answer

Plenty of them do I think.

dinojames22 · Answer

Once trust is broken, it can never be repaired

Celticwolf78 · Answer

Because they don't want to try and safe it

After infidelity why can't couples do counseling to fix their relationship?

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