Is it bad that I enjoy it when men check me out in my bikini (even though I'm married)?

Question

Firstly, I'm a happily married woman with 4 kids.

With that being said, I really like it when I'm at the beach and other men check me out in my bikini. I admit it's pretty vain, but it makes me feel super awesome/hot to know that so many other guys still think I look sexy in a bikini. Moreover, the fact that so many guys still check me out when I'm 41 and have had 4 kids makes me feel even hotter.

I know it's vain and stupid, but I really enjoy the ego boost it gives me.

However, the fact I enjoy flaunting my body makes me feel kind of guilty since I'm married. Granted, I'm not doing anything with these guys. I'm still very faithful to my husband. However, I am enjoying looking sexy for other men, and that does make me feel a bit guilty. Moreover, he's very aware other men check me out. I don't think he likes it, but he does know I love him and he does trust me. Consequently, he mostly just ignores it.

Should I feel guilty? Am I doing anything wrong?

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

It makes you feel younger when you get that attention. That is what makes you feel good. I am myself in excellent physical shape (I still got a 6 pack) for my age. I know how good it feels to attention from women especially younger women when they notice my athletic physique.

But I am not in relationship nor do I intentionally go around shirtless (unless I am at a pool or something). Plus I find that I got most positive attention from women (including younger women) when I’m sharply dressed up in a business suit vs showing off my body.

I also agree with what @DishLady said. If the roles were reversed and your husband was seeking out female attention would you truly be okay with it? Doubt it. Really I do.

Also this is much different than just men giving you attention when you are appropriately dressed. In those scenarios men aren’t always objectifying you but just see you as attractive. Short of throwing you in a burqa there is nothing your husband can do about that. As long as no bs is going on then your husband would feel complimented if that happened. But I’m guessing you don’t get much attention from men when you are appropriately dressed?

So you are welcoming attention by wearing a bikini. That’s different because men are seeing you literally half naked. You know what those men are thinking about and that gets you all hot and bothered.

I would talk to a counselor about how this is impacting your marriage. Also don’t go with some modern feminist counselor either because she will just tell you what you want to hear. Find impartial advice who understands how you feel but also understands how your husband really feels.

You are likely making him think that you aren’t satisfied with the attention he gives you. That’s very unnerving for him.

BTigers96 · Accepted Answer

Honestly it doesn't sound like you're doing anything that wrong. My wife is a couple of years older than you and although she's still very, very, attractive she's not the "smokeshow" she was at say 37. She's about 15 lbs too heavy and wishes she could wear a thong to the beach like you! She dresses very modestly, but she'd probably like a little attention, and I don't have a problem with her wanting to feel sexy, even if other men look at her ass. I figure they've been doing that since we started dating anyways 😂.

My wife would be the 1st woman to admit that ALL women like the attention to a certain extent. You're wearing a bikini at the beach and its going to draw attention from men if you're good looking. I bet you do get an ego boost, and good for you. Looking hot after having 4 kids is quite an accomplishment!!

Unless there's something you're not saying it sounds like you're fine. Of course, if your husband wants you to cover up... that's another story.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

You know? I was debating this with a friend a while back.

Yeah, it’s very narcissistic of you. It’s cool to look sexy for your man, and I’m sure he’s initially smug about seeing his sexy girl stepping out with him for anything from beach day to the grocery store, HOWEVER there’s a difference between dressing in a way your man finds sexy and appealing and being an attention hog by being too revealing and and carrying on in public.

Think of it another way. If your guy showcased his fun bits to maximize on female attention … and smiled and chatted up every gal who noticed him … particularly those little beach babes who are trimmer and fitter than you are? How tf would you feel?

Don’t bs and say “I’d be fine” bc I know it would make it harder for you to smile even long after you’ve come home.

So if your guy smiles like he has a hanger in his mouth when you first show off your slamming beach bod and suddenly fades to a nervous laugh and finally “Tom Cruise” vein-popping cranky face… you know you’ve f-ed up… and you know when the Tom Cruise look shows up (1) you’ve got some serious tlc to dish out and (2) be ready for some backlash grumbling or passive aggression for a few weeks … and perhaps (3) some hesitation to do another beach day/pool day with you again. If he wants to share your time with other guys he’ll have his buddies over for Monday night football….

avery58 · Accepted Answer

I don't really see anything bad in that. I mean, it's not like you're posting thirst traps on social media. You're just going to the beach and wearing a swimsuit, if you feel flattered that other guys check you out it's more of an ego boost which is healthy for your self esteem. You're not cheating, or even giving them flirty looks from what I can tell. It's natural to like to feel attractive to other people just like it's natural to feel attracted to others... Dating someone or being married doesn't just turn that switch off. What matters is that you keep boundaries which it looks like you're doing.

Finchie40 · Answer

If your husband isn’t to thrilled about it , you are best to reassure him , that you love him and that he has nothing to worry about , so as long as you reassure him , and go home and rock his world , you should be fine , Most people Love receiving attention , so as long as you don’t act on it you should be fine

AviatorTom · Answer

I'm going to answer thus from a husband's view.

I enjoy it when other men find my wife attractive. It makes me proud of her, as well as boosting my ego... I married a hot woman. So long as it's just looking, it's fine with me, and if she wants to look sexy, that's fine too.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I try to understand the question... why do you think it could be bad?

and another question, did you talk to your husband? I think his opinion matters more than ours...

in my opinion if you don't cross any boundaries set in your relationship all is good... enjoy

Alli112 · Answer

I mean, i guess not really if you're not acting on anything or giving your husband any reason to doubt you? It's not ideal of course, but humans are complicated. Everyone wants to be desired on some level.

If anything you might just choose to put in a little extra work to make your husband feel more actively desired (in the sense of being able to give him the same feeling that you're getting from this interaction that may be leaving him feeling a bit awkward, not in like a quid pro quo kind of way to be clear)

meepmeeperton · Answer

I think it’s weird to enjoy looks from other men when you’re married. You should just want to look sexy for your husband.

If you know he doesn’t like it but you keep doing it I think you’re right to feel guilty. You should wear something more modest at the beach.

provokeesmokee · Answer

Talk to your husband about this. Chances are, he knows you like showing off. Maybe he'd even enjoy more "showing you off" and being "posessive" or "territorial" in consenting and respectful ways.

Basically, talk to your hubby. More than likely, he'll want to help you feel even more hot and desirable.

Lliam · Answer

Nah. It's great that you look good, feel good about yourself, and love your feminine body. You're self-confidence is healthy. It's also perfectly normal to enjoy the validation of being admired in your bikini by men.

Those feelings probably boost your libido and inspire you to rock your husband's world.

So, as long as you are totally loyal to your husband and aren't after more than admiring looks from other men, I see no problem at all.

O_Canada · Answer

Tempting fata
Flirting with desire's brand
Ego's sweet trove
Guilt and thrill go hand in hand

Conflicted hearts
Vanity's rise
Fidelity's fragile tree

Conscience's tide
Marital data
Trust's delicate spree

Bikini's stand
For all to see
Husband's dilemma
Caught in complexity
Self-worth's agenda
Balancing carefully

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

The way I look at this is.. Do your actions hurt anybody? The answer is no.. Guys who want to look will look whether you want them too or not, therefore your husband knows this too.

If he's anything like me, he won't care because there is only one guy you're going home with.. him!

HawkPerception · Answer

There's nothing wrong with feeling desired. Everyone likes the feeling of being desired. As long as you're not entertaining any guys trying to hit on you and you're faithful to your husband alone, it's completely fine.

However, that doesn't mean you should go nude and attract a bunch of attention. As long as it's a normal bikini and you have a decent figure, you're in the green. Everyone can flaunt their figure.

Shiprex · Answer

I would like to know what you think your husband thinks of this. If he's aroused and confident in your relationship then it will make him feel even more pleased you're still top tier/shelf (😊😉) material. If you're actively being affectionate toward him at the time then that's another bonus.

PointlessNonsenseGuy · Answer

I guess it's okay, as long as you're not taking it past enjoying being looked at.

Like if you actually flirt with guys checking you out, that would be bad.

Or if you buy bikinis specifically so guys will check you out, that would be bad.

Or if you're doing this to make your husband jealous, that would be bad.

soe11 · Answer

To be honest you should not feel guilty.  You did nothing wrong whatever.  No bad at all my dear. You enjoying is for yourself satisfaction, it is absolutely healthy for your mind and body. Finally your not a hypocrite personally.  Be yourself and enjoy yourself within the boundaries and borders.  Be safe and all the best.

DavidHart · Answer

i never like having to imagine some other guys took pictures of my partner and masturbate to it.
When other guys looking at a woman sexually,
that is a clear intention they want to have sex with that particular woman.
That is for sure leave a bad taste in my mouth if that woman happened to be my partner.

DrPepper12 · Answer

No. You got it, flaunt it! If it makes you feel good all the more reason!!

Your hubby is insecure and doesn't understand that its a compliment to him too in that he's the "lucky guy" that gets to go home with that hot piece of ass and he ain't just lookin like the beach simps!

molonski2 · Answer

Its great that you are enjoying turning on these guys , teasing them in the tiniest bikini and really enjoying the result. Hopefully some of them go home and masturabte..

Now carry that thought. You are using your sexual power. Awesome..

Kelley1 · Answer

It is completely normal for girls and women to like attention and verification. If that were not so, women's clothes and beauty aids would not be a $900 billion market.

BetaBucks · Answer

Exhibitionism is a common fetish. Way more common than people admit to. This is just a safe way to do it. You should just be honest with your husband about it. If you do that, it's not bad.

CountryWanderer · Answer

I personally think it's crossing a line if you're intentionally trying to get other men to look, or enjoying that attention. I think your husband is right to be jealous.

dustybiker2 · Answer

It's good for him. Make him appreciate what he has.

chrissykerdock · Answer

no we're girlsat the end of the day and we love attention nothing wrong with that

Anonymous · Answer

Look, the allure of something new and different. Someone whose not the same old same old. Is hot. Especially when you’re bored in bed with your husband.

Also it feels good to know you’re still hot

Billlewis · Answer

Oh no, not at all. In fact, I'll bet if your husband knew you were flaunting your sexy body, he'd love it;)

KrakenAttackin · Answer

This is called "attention whoring", and it is not a good thing.

How would you feel if your husband acted/dressed in a way designed to get a lot of random female attention? Your lack of empathy is striking.

BCRanger10 · Answer

Your husband is the only man you should be wanting that kind of attention from.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

thats cringey yes. whoo for the lack of respect for your partner

Anonymous · Answer

It's very bad.

RingOfFire · Answer

Nahhh you shouldn't feel guilty. It's completely natural for a woman to want to be seen as sexually attractive.

Booklover_90 · Answer

If you’re happily married, why do you enjoy attention from other men? I’d say something’s wrong somewhere.

zombiewoof · Answer

You just have a need to feel like you still have it, not harm in that, enjoy the attention, just smile and go on. Have fun with it

dsrice071966 · Answer

I would check with your husband, you are going to get looks with or without his permission, it is what you do with it that can be an issue. I would discuss it with him and see what he says. It can ben nice to be checked out but also creepy.

dillon2342 · Answer

No you're not doing anything wrong at all, its natural for one to feel good about yourself when someone is checking you out, also the fact that you're a mother period makes you that much hotter!!!

Barbra13 · Answer

Nothing wrong with it. Tbh i Also like it sometimes ❤️

Sharkstealth · Answer

Nothing wrong with a woman enjoying attention. If you pulled it up so camel toe is visible it could be a different story.

jahaims · Answer

Yeah its bad. You get validation from other men. You aren't even mature enough for a healthy relationship if you feel that way.

MacDaddyRico · Answer

Be proud of yourself by all means, especially after having children. But don't become a tease.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s flattering for you that attention and attention getting which many women like, your husband probably feels ok about it because he’s got you and they don’t

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

Just makes you an attention seeking jezebelle, especially if you're wearing red lipstick

nawtee_me · Answer

I would check you out at the beach for sure…. I would check you out now as well…. ;)

MasterKS · Answer

There is slightly different between wife and woman! In this though woman winning the wife material! Take it easy and enjoy!

Anonymous · Answer

All woman do. Even the ones who complain about how creepy and terrible men are. It's normal to seek validation from the opposite sex.

MaddyJ · Answer

Nothing wrong with feeling attractive!

Crazzyyworld · Answer

U r a play girl

Benlovegs · Answer

It’s so hot that you feel like this

In_Trance · Answer

Whatever works for you

Sabretooth · Answer

it is wrong. you're sending messages.

Anonymous · Answer

No, doing anything about it on the other hand

Is it bad that I enjoy it when men check me out in my bikini (even though I'm married)?

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