My boyfriend is too honest?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and me were friends previously for 2 years. We became a couple 6 months ago and have had our ups and downs. Mainly, much of it has to do with how honest he is and how straight forward his opinion is. His honesty has nothing to do with me personally but is often generalised. For instance, he says people from his race are better marriage material than other my race, which deep down I was a bit hurt and stung, he noticed it and told me not to take it too personally. He has said this about 3 times and I know he is reflecting his doubts onto me. He was the one who wanted to get into a relationship, I agreed. It is just an example of the most recent one.

I had told him he needs to be a bit more sensitive towards me because those kinds of things actually hurt now, compared to when we were just friends and he could express his thoughts to me. He is sensitive towards me, but sometimes it just slips up. He has also made his sister upset with his honesty regarding finding a partner at her age (she is 35+ years old). I had told him he should be more encouraging but he says his just telling the truth.

He thinks there is nothing wrong with being honest, and I agree, but not to the extent where you can hurt peoples feelings too. I feel I am nitpicking his characteristics, but I think his "honesty" is also an excuse to be an asshole.

How can I approach him with this information?

[DishLady]

That’s right, UN-TRAIN the honest guy so he can become the liar you’d be more “comfortable” with. My goodness…


You know, women in their 40s-50s would give anything to have an honest guy our age; problem is, by the time they're in their late 30s/early 40s they’ve been jaded by a million little chippies with your mindset and are afraid to be honest anymore.


What’s more? You sound like you’re going to find an excuse to dump this guy anyhow. Just leave his honestly intact and go find the silver-tongued liar you want… they’re a dime a dozen….

[lornakrys]

Here's an idea, reflect that honesty right back at him and note his reaction. If he is genuinely just honest and doesn't see a problem with it, then he will not react badly to it. For example, I don't know what race he is that is supposedly better marriage material but google statistics about that race and throw some negative ones at him. Of course one race isn't actually better marriage material, look around the world, not just in one country. All races have good marriages and shitty ones as well. Anyway, so find some bad statistics about his race versus yours and just throw them in has face in a factual way and if he gets pissed then ask him why honesty is only OK when HE does it? And then you should probably dump him coz he's a narcissistic racist asshole. If he doesn't get pissed, then he may be autistic or genuinely believe his honesty stuff and you will have to just live with it or break up with him if you can't.

[noohair]

He is opinionated more than honest. There is one race, Homo Sapean. If he sees you as inferior because of a skin color, is that what you want? He should feel grateful.

[slatyb]

He's nasty. This is passive aggressive. He knows he's hurting people and doesn't care. Dump immediately.

[Asker]

He does show some passive aggressive behaviour a lot. If he is hurt, he will find a way to hurt me back. I think he was being honest, but too much. We use to be able to talk about this kind of stuff a lot when we were friends originally, but since I am dating him he has realised some topics need to be taken out but he is slowly understanding it himself.

[slatyb]

Oh, and he's racist. Are you proud to be with him when you visit friends and family?

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, navigating the honesty maze with a partner who doesn't quite get the "tact" checkpoint can be quite the journey, isn't it? Here’s a cheeky thought to unzip this honesty bag: communication, darling, draped in velvet! Start with an affectionate touch, maybe over a cozy dinner (setting is key, trust me!), and let him peek into your feelings with the gentlest of nudges. Share how his words, though charmingly honest, can sometimes dance on the edges of your heart with spiked shoes. Highlight the difference between being honest and being sensitive; it's like comparing a raw onion to a finely seasoned dish – both genuine, but one's far more palatable.

Suggest a fun game of "Phrase it Pretty," where you both practice saying honest things in the kindest way. It’s like dressing up truths in their Sunday best! Who knows? He might find the challenge exciting and learn a thing or two about balancing honesty with empathy. Remember, love, it's all about crafting a connection that respects both truth and tenderness. 😉 And who knows, maybe through this, you'll both discover an even deeper, more vibrant hue of love. Good luck, and let that love light glow! 💖

[kylee2437]

If he is autistic, forget about correcting this because it’s not going to happen.

[Asker]

I dont know why but I laughed a lot from this comment! I actually work with disability adults, it was on my mind whether he was autistic. He has a strong character and charismatic though

[jahaims]

He is fine. Others are insecure. If you can't handle an opinion it is on you.