My family wants me to break up with my girlfriend. Any advice?

[trainer]

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a while, and things have been great between us. However, my family has recently expressed their disapproval and wants me to break up with her. My family doesn't like my girlfriend because they feel she doesn't share the same values and background as we do. They believe her different lifestyle choices might create conflicts in the long run. My parents worry that her career-oriented mindset might clash with our more traditional family dynamics, where they expect a partner to prioritize family and home life. They've also mentioned concerns about her lack of interest in our cultural traditions and family gatherings, seeing it as a sign of disrespect or disinterest. These differences, in their eyes, make her an unsuitable match for me, leading to their strong disapproval and urging for a breakup. I’m so confused. Any advice?

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't sound confused at all. You do sound distraught.

You have been together for awhile. Undoubtedly, you feel affection for the girl, but you didn't mention being in love with her.

You are 37 years old. Are you looking for a wife who will have your children and be a good mother? If so, how do YOU assess her potential as a future wife and mother to your children?

You absolutely should NOT break up because of your parents' disapproval. If you do, then you are telling your parents that they can control your life. They should have NEVER put you in this position.

However, the question is: Are you distraught because you feel you must choose between your girlfriend and your parents, or are you distraught because you think they are right and you aren't ready to accept the consequences of that decision?

I was once in your position with the woman to whom I had ben married for about nine years. My mother and sister told me how awful she was and how I needed to divorce her. I told them that if they loved me, they would never put me in the position where I was forced to choose between them or my wife. I also observed that even though my wife felt unwelcome in their home, she had never tried to force me to choose between her and them. I told them that the only way to resolve this situation was to make the choice, and I refused to have other people dictate what I should do, so they would not be seeing me again anytime soon. And then I walked out.

I started talking to my mother about a year later, and to my sister some time after that. They never again said a word about my wife, but the damage was done.

And, ultimately, they were right in their assessment of my wife, but that was immaterial. I couldn't file for divorce because my mother thought it was a good idea. But my wife and I eventually did get divorced when I accepted that it was a good idea.

[RavVid]

I think you should consider their input. The median length of marriage is now 8 years. If you are looking for marriage and family than you should look for a girl who puts strong importance on family. Seems like she is a fail on that.

Women are interested in marriage in the last decade of their ready fertility i. e their 30's. 8 year marriages correspond to the time it takes to pop out two babes and get both into elementary school at which a lot of women initiate unilateral no fault divorce.

The lack of interest in your family traditions is a bad indicator that she does not value family. If you don't want to marry her you can be more chilled but do take charge of contraception. A surprising number of women "forget" to take oral. Use condoms with this one.

[DishLady]

Family often sees things that we don't bc of our infatuation and affection for the person. A difference of small incidental values (eg, you find driving cathartic and necessary while she doesn't even have a learner's permit) isn't a big deal, but a difference in core values (eg, family values, morality, etc.) IS a big deal and could lead to a very nasty breakup at the very least.

If you're very into your family and your cultural traditions, then they're right about letting go of the girl.

[trainer]

I'm not that interested with traditions but I really love and care my family. That's why I am confused.

[Caroline91]

You don't say how long a while is. I would at least listen to my family and then consider what they have to say, then take as objective a look at both your family and your girlfriend. Family support, or lack of it can actually make or break a marriage. Your family, ideally would be tolerant of your choice in partner, welcome her and accept her. But, she also needs to make an effort to understand your culture and your family and to be respectful of your relationship with them.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of love when your family throws you a life jacket they think you don't need... Ah, what a dilemma! Your heart’s all in, but your family’s giving the red flag. Here’s the deal: It’s crucial to balance the scales between your boo’s charm and your family’s concern without tipping over. Have that heart-to-heart with your family, laying your feelings bare while listening to their worries—understanding is a two-way street. At the same time, engage in an open chat with your girlfriend about the future, discussing how you both envision blending or respecting your differing values and lifestyles.

Sometimes, love does conquer all, but it’s got to wear a cape of compromise, communication, and lots of cuddles. Whether you're destined to rewrite the family playbook or find that love is indeed a battlefield needing a strategic retreat, the aim is contentment and respect for all parties involved. It's your love story; be thoughtful, but also ensure it's penned by you. 😉

[Finchie40]

If you love her and care about her , you side with her and tell your family to go fuck themselves

[AviatorTom]

Do what you want, and tell your family that's what you are doing. If things turn out between you and your girlfriend, you'll be together long after family has disappeared.

[acoustic]

You’re 37, and let your family decides for your life. I think she should break up with you first.

[sheperd]

It sounds like your family is coming from a place of love, but it's your relationship at the end of the day. You’ve got to think about what *you* want in a partner. If you’re happy with your girlfriend and feel like she brings something special to your life, then that’s what counts. Maybe have an honest talk with your family about why you care for her and how those differences might not be as big of an issue as they think. On the other hand, it might be worth talking to your girlfriend too, about how she feels about your family’s values and traditions, and if there’s room for some middle ground. Relationships are about compromise, but also standing up for what matters to you. It’s your life, so make sure whatever decision you make is truly yours.

[justfantasizing]

I firmly believe that if people should be encouraging you to break up you can immediately see all the reasons. If not, then they shouldn't be telling you to break up.
Like you know if there's that one friend who's always trouble and people say you shouldn't hang out, you know why and should listen.

The most important thing here is how do YOU feel about her career oriented mindset? How do you feel about maintaining family traditions etc?

Because if you feel the same way she does it doesn't matter what they think.

My wife and I don't want kids and aren't religious. My family is religious and my sisters have 7 kids between 2 of them.

If I only went for women who wanted kids and were religious it would have been awful for me.

[DrPepper12]

I got you on this! My mother-in-law hated my guts and said to me the Italian Catholic who had just proposed to her Slavic Jewish daughter "we're doing to ourselves what Hitler couldn't finish". That was my welcome to the family!! Fast forward 30 something years later when she passed away I felt like I had lost one of my best friends. That being said my experience is obviously not going to be your experience so I have this handy advice for you too:

[D_Bone_Steak]

Bro, your 37... has your family been lining up hot girls for you to bang? If not then why the fuck would you care what they think?

I'd respect "family" if they helped me with something... but if they've been no help then I don't give a fuck about their opinions. You're buff like me so I'm going to put it like this, you going to take gym advice from the skinny guy that can't lift one end of a couch in their living room?

[patty]

It’s tough when your family and your relationship seem at odds. But remember, you’re the one in the relationship, not them. If things are going great with your girlfriend and you’re happy, that’s a big deal. Families often mean well, but they can get hung up on things like tradition and expectations. Try having an open talk with your family about why you’re with her and what makes you happy. You could also discuss with your girlfriend about maybe getting involved a bit more in your family traditions to find some common ground. At the end of the day, you have to decide if your family's expectations are more important than your own happiness and the relationship you've built. Think about what you want for your future, not just what’s expected of you. It’s your life, after all.

[trainer]

thank you

[lightbulb27]

I agree. but if she... all of her as she is... is what you want, then it's your choice. People have given up the throne for their loved one.

After a while, she will become a human being whom your challenge is to love, possibly with kids. if you don't have family support, that may get challenging.

Not easy being in the cockpit when the big decisions have to be made.

Question would be, why does she want to be in this family when she doesn't really like the environment?

[Selene1600000]

Don’t decide purely from pressure on either side, look at real day-to-day compatibility between you and her. Your family’s concerns matter, but they are predictions, not proof, so you need to separate values from assumptions about her character. Have an honest conversation with your girlfriend about expectations for family, culture, and future roles, then decide based on whether you both can genuinely meet in the middle.

[IslaTheWitch]

do YOU love her? do YOU like her? do YOU like her mindset and goals? can YOU imagine supporting her career and helping at home when she is busy or tired?

in the long run, you will be the one living with her, not your family... so it's totally and only YOUR decision and all the consequences of this decision... other people won't bear any consequences... so they feel free to talk...

[MK1997]

Not true. She could get in conflict with his family easily. He won't abandon his family. He can have other girls

[Lliam]

You realize that your family is being disrespectful toward YOU? Consequently, they don't deserve YOUR respect.

I can't imagine my parents making my girlfriend feel unwelcome. I wouldn't have put up with that even when I was 16, let alone 37.

Is this some kind of ethno-religious bullshit? Sounds Jewish or Islamic.

[Unit1]

Oh boy, you've found yourself in a situation, where your family puts you in a situation, where you either have no say in your personal and private life or are made to make a decision whose side you're on.

Take it from me: i cut off my toxic family. I can be with who I want to be with. No approval required.

[whereismyjohnny]

Don’t let your family dictate your relationship. It’s your relationship, and they don’t get a say in it. If you’re happy and see a future together, don’t let their opinions steer you away.

[HelpfulWoman]

eh, of COURSE the dodgy family are "traditional"...
its not their relationship, and frankly, they sound more like a cult getting angry you're being pulled out of it than a "family"

[EmmaMary]

You're supposedly 37 years of age... Tell them all to get fucked... Simples!

[exitseven]

It depends how much their opinion means to you and how involved you are in family events. Does your girlfriend know that every time she goes with you to a family event tht she will be uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

Why as a 37-year-old do you even care what they think?

[trainer]

because they are my family?

[itsannalee]

For me my body my rules.


No one can tell me who i can or can’t date.
I don’t ask money to anyone, so my family have no right.

[chrissykerdock]

you better listen before you destroy yourself

[Drewtate]

There is a difference between the girls you f*ck and marry.

[spartan55]

So she is marrying your parents instead of you now? Grow some balls dude geez.

[dudeinohio]

You are an adult. Assert yourself.

Stay with the girlfriend

[Vegasrunner]

You should probably listen to your family in this case nothing worse than being stuck w/ the wrong girl especially if you're only going to have one.

[LiamJHayden]

Do what works for you. I am sorry I cannot offer more, but it sounds like they don't suspect her of being a bad person, so choose what you want.

[genericname85]

girlfriends come and go. you only got one family. does your family have a loving relationship with you?

[onedarkcloud]

Are you dating her or is your family that is dating her? Put on your big boy underwear and tell them to stop or not recommend interacting with them on the subject.

[Pohjolan]

Parents are grandchildren optimisers.

Once you two have a child your relationship becomes a fait accompli.

[JesseP1nk]

Tell them to fuck off. It is your life and if they dont like it then say: "Tough shit!"

[Crazzyyworld]

I would say your family might be insightful than you are blindfolded. I would follow my family

[Account]

You are 37. Establish your boundaries.

[msc545]

Keep the girlfriend. Get a new family.

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

Ignore theM'.