My girlfriend's parents don't like me simply because I'm 3 years older than her (21m) (18f) and they haven't even met me yet. They know nothing about me, and they don't want to know about me. And they don't even know that we're dating yet, they just assume that we are, and they absolutely despise my existence.
She just started college and her parents are paying for a sizable chunk of her tuition. And they told her that if she doesn't quit talking to me that they are going to cease all of their financial support, and that they're going to basically disown her. I love her, and the thought of us breaking up kills me, but I also don't want to be the cause for her parents to cut her off from them. I'm pretty sure that if I picked up a second job, or picked up more hours I could help her pay for her tuition. But would it be better to just end things and let her parents win? She's very career driven, and would rather break up than to possibly put her future at stake for our relationship. And I can't say I blame her, but should I really let it go that easily? I want what's best for her, not what's preferable to me. Should I try to convince her to stay with me, or should I just bite the bullet and accept that I can't be with the woman I love because her parents are controlling freaks that will do anything they can to try and control her life?
She just started college and her parents are paying for a sizable chunk of her tuition. And they told her that if she doesn't quit talking to me that they are going to cease all of their financial support, and that they're going to basically disown her. I love her, and the thought of us breaking up kills me, but I also don't want to be the cause for her parents to cut her off from them. I'm pretty sure that if I picked up a second job, or picked up more hours I could help her pay for her tuition. But would it be better to just end things and let her parents win? She's very career driven, and would rather break up than to possibly put her future at stake for our relationship. And I can't say I blame her, but should I really let it go that easily? I want what's best for her, not what's preferable to me. Should I try to convince her to stay with me, or should I just bite the bullet and accept that I can't be with the woman I love because her parents are controlling freaks that will do anything they can to try and control her life?
What Girls Said
It sounds like she’s leaning towards agreement with her parents, in which case I’d say to let her go.
Think about the sacrifices you are willing to make in order for you two to be together, at her age if she really wanted to, she could do the same and fund her schooling. Too many people don’t have their parents finances and are making due in college as we speak, so it’s not impossible. That’s why I think this surpasses school, and it’s not just about tuition but respecting her parents opinions as a whole.
You can’t fight for something she isn’t fighting for as well, and you shouldn’t try convincing her to undermine her family for your own gain, it’s selfish and you know it. Yes this would hurt, but if it’s what she wants then you should respect it.
She does want to respect her parents wishes, but she really shouldn't. Her parents are abusive and treat her like a slave and she went to college just to get away from them. She would cut ties with them herself if it weren't for her younger sister, and her tuition. She wants to have a good relationship with her younger sister and doesn't want her to be left alone with just her parents. It happened to her with her older sister. Her older sister left home, and for her whole childhood all her parents did was talk bad about her, and tried to make her hate her sister. And only recently has their relationship started to get better. She doesn't want that to happen with her younger sister.
I understand, that’s a tough position on her part and I can respect her trying to maintain her relationship with her sister. I think keeping these things in mind, would you really wanna fight for the relationship at the risk of her sister being left alone? Truly loving someone means making the hard, selfless choices and in this case that means letting her go. This isn’t about winning, it’s about helping her so what’s best for her life right now, even if you can’t be part of it. This is when you bite the bullet, and see if your paths cross again in the future, not convince her to throw away both her tuition and her ties to her little sister who needs her more than you, all so you aren’t hurting.
I’m genuinely sorry, there’s nothing easy about this, but it’s the right thing to do and I think deep down, you know it as well.
You're right, I guess I just don't want to admit it. Thank you, and yes, I want to do what's best for her, and I don't want to selfishly cause her unnecessary trouble. I guess I just want to hold onto the idea that there's something I can do to help her, even though I know that I'm helpless in this situation, and it makes me so mad. The only thing I can do is let her make her own decisions, and if that means letting her go... I guess that's what I'll have to do is just let her go.
honestly? this sounds more like something your girlfriend needs to decide on. Because those parents of hers won't stop controlling her life with you. And have probably done similar things before. It's not up to you in that sense, this is just for her to decide.
I know that you're right, I just feel like I should be able to do something to help her. Her parents have literally done this to her, her entire life. Just instead of tuition they threatened to kick her out and disown her. They're like Nazi's. They have tried to control every aspect of her life. And I want to be able to let her make her own choices. But her parents are interfering with her life even when she lives over 2 hours away from them at college.
But I know there's nothing that I can do
Lol, nah, man. I think her parents are making the right call on you.
Maybe date within a year until you're further from the age of statutory rape.
She's about to turn 19. And we've been completely platonic friends for around 2 years now, it only recently became romantic