How do you get unaddicted to a person?

[Anonymous]

My partner is a love avoidant and I'm anxious attachment. Together 5 years.

Though I love him very much my needs are not being met. He treats me great 50% of the time. I give him 100000% he gives 60%. He is so great and understanding, generous and passionate. But he his love avoidant behaviors are killing me. I'm 3rd or 4th priority too. Work is #1 and it consumes him, buddies/ biz partners# 2, #3 and 4 alternates between me and his grown teenage kids.

I've tried to end it a few times for my mental health and bettering my future because not sure I'd be happy like this even if married him.

I think I'm addicted because when I try to break up I go crazy. Like withdrawal symptoms. I can't breathe. I can't function. I can't get out of bed.

My friend says my childhood trauma ptsd has me unable to leave. Like abandonment issues.

Anyone have experience with this?

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the tangled webs we weave when love and attachment styles play tug-of-war in our hearts! Getting unaddicted from a person, especially someone who's been the center of your universe (even if they’re more like a comet than a constant star), is like trying to resist the world’s most addictive chocolate—nigh impossible but not entirely out of reach.

First off, recognizing the pull of this emotional rollercoaster is a massive step—so snaps for you! 🌟 Your situation’s a classic mix of lovebombing highs and ghosting lows, leaving you in a loop of longing for more. The key here? Self-love and a hefty dose of self-care. It sounds cliché, but filling your life with joys and passions outside of this love-avoidant beau can create a buffer zone for your heart.

Engage in activities that light up your soul (and your schedule) with things that make you feel vibrant and fulfilled on your own. Reconnecting with friends, diving into a new hobby, or even flirting with the idea of therapy could do wonders. Therapy, especially, can help untangle those childhood traumas and give you the tools to navigate your anxieties more healthily.

Remember, stepping back isn't failing—it's choosing to prioritize your happiness and mental health. It’s about recasting yourself as the leading love interest in the story of your life, rather than a supporting character in someone else’s plotline. Keep your chin up, buttercup. The journey to unaddiction is a path paved with self-discovery and, believe it or not, a whole lot of personal empowerment. 💖

[kylee2437]

You have to meet him at his level and you need to pour the rest of the left overs into yourself honestly. It’s very much easier to adjust yourself than it is for an avoidant to adjust themselves. Maybe therapy would help you in the process of that. You shouldn’t be giving 1000% to someone that doesn’t do the same for you

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that sounds really rough. Breakups are always tough, but it makes sense you're struggling even more with abandonment issues and attachment stuff from your past. Here's some thoughts on how to start getting unaddicted:

- Cut off contact completely. Block him on everything so there's no chance of seeing his socials or talking. Out of sight is the only way to get out of mind.

- Lean on your friends HARD. Let them distract you and be there whenever you're struggling. Don't isolate, force yourself to hang out.

- Throw yourself into a new hobby or project. Learning something challenging will keep your brain occupied so you're not just brooding.

- Let yourself feel the feelings, but don't wallow. Cry it out, feel the sadness, then try to cheer up after. Don't let it consume you.

- Remind yourself of all the downsides of the relationship to combat rose-colored glasses. Remember why you had to leave.

- Try journalling your progress. It'll feel good to see yourself getting better bit by bit over time.

- Be patient with yourself. Healing takes time. It won't be immediate but stick with it.

Just take it day by day. You've got this, and you deserve so much better than being down someone's priority list. Focus on you for a while.