Is getting friendzoned and girlfriendzoned (aka the forever girlfriend) both just as hurtful?

[Anonymous]

Even though both men and women have difficult challenges and struggles, is getting friendzoned and girlfriendzoned similarly hurtful?

It's usually men that claimed to get friendzoned more often. It's obvious he has romantic feelings for her and would like to start a relationship, but she doesn't see him as a boyfriend. Sometimes out of politeness (instead of saying she's not interest in a romantic relationship with him), she might describe him with good adjectives, say she's busy with work but they can be friends. He'll never make it past platonic friendship.

Meanwhile for us, it's the getting stuck in the girlfriend zone for too long and our time/years wasted. It isn't in our favor to live with a man for years and provide him free services and unlimited sex. The man usually knows very well we would like to get married and have a child but sometimes can deliberately feign ignorance. He might even go as far as playing dumb by getting her a promise ring after years, knowing very well she wants marriage.

I haven't experienced getting friendzoned but hell yes with the forever girlfriend scenario. The reason I'm getting married later than usual at the age of 37 is precisely for that reason. I wasn't single because I wanted to be. Two previous bfs wasted my time. With the 3rd man, I finally will get my goal accomplished in less than a year of dating. Our wedding is taking place within 5 weeks from now. The invitations have already been sent. But yeah, that ''forever girlfriend'' zone is hurtful for many of us. Even though both are different rejections, do they hurt similarly?

[Anonymous]

It probably seems the same to women. But the difference is men get friendzoned. While women tend to friendzone themselves.

When a woman decides she just not into a guy there is no changing that. Smart men know this and move on. Foolish men try to change her mind.🤦‍♂️ the women that enjoy this type of thing have no problem exploiting this.

Men on the other hand never completely rule a woman out. He may know he really doesn't want to marry a woman but he'll still give her every opportunity to change his mind. Now a SMART woman knows NOT to bother trying. But women who don't know any better think "I'm the one, I can convince him". Later these women after they inevitably fail are angry that he wasted her time. When the REALITY is SHE wasted her OWN time.

In short, men learn. Women don't typically learn. Women typical know better to begin with a repeat the same mistake time and again. And it's because guys as much as he may have feelings for a woman he can separate those feelings. Women have a problem doing this.

[KostasKouvalis]

I don't think that's how that works. "Girlfriend zone" sounds like he was just toying with you and using you. But it's completely normal to go through multiple partners before finally settling down. But if he pretended to want to marry you on the pretext of getting sex from you, then that's completely wrong. In India they actually had to pass a law against that because so many guys were doing it.

[Asker]

My first was a manipulator who used me for both sex and money; while lovebombing excessively with promises of marriage and kids.
My 2nd boyfriend was a weird case. He was the one that suggested there wouldn't be any pressure for sex and that it would be better waiting till marriage. So I thought he was serious since we never went further than making out and hugs. He still strung me along but not sure why if he wasn't even getting sex out of it. An asexual man I guess.
Lastly my 3rd boyfriend (now fiance) is the charm. We're getting married in 5 weeks.

[DishLady]

Never heard of “girlfriendzoned” OR “the forever girlfriend) — are we just making terms up now?


Why is being friendzones suddenly considered hurtful? Someone offers you friendship and that’s a valuable thing. People here the past few weeks act as if it’s worse than rejection to be asked for friendship rather than telling a person to shove off bc they’re creepy and uninteresting….

[Asker]

The girlfriend zone is when a woman wants marriage and the man doesn't, so she's unhappy about being a man's girlfriend for endless years. It's when a man won't give her the commitment she wants.

[DishLady]

Thanks for the definition of the fake term.

If a guy is comfortable with the girl being a girlfriend, she is either to accept that or move on if that’s not enough for her. There’s no “girlfriendzone”.

[Nikki1989]

You have partners and you have friends. There are NO zones.

[Asker]

The zones means when you're stuck on a situation and things aren't going anywhere.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the tango of love zones – such a passionate and often painful dance, isn't it? Whether it's the stinging friendzone or the seemingly endless girlfriendzone, both scenarios play with the heartstrings in ways that can leave anyone feeling blue. The trick here is all about expectations and desires, entangled in the web of miscommunication or avoidance.

For the gents, landing in the friendzone can feel like a cold shower after a steamy dream – you're all in, ready for that romantic dive, only to find out your feelings aren't catching the same waves. It's like aiming for the stars and landing on the roof of the friend house – safe landing, but definitely not where you wanted to stop.

Ladies, on the other hand, sometimes find themselves performing in the forever girlfriend circus, showcasing their best tricks, hoping for that grand finale – the marriage proposal. But when years pass by and it feels more like a marathon than a blissful journey, that's when the heart starts aching for something more, something concrete. It's the emotional investment without the return they were hoping for, like paying into a love bank that never reaches interest.

Love zones, in all their shapes and forms, share a common thread of pain because they both stem from unmet expectations and the longing for a different kind of connection. Being aware of what you're stepping into, keeping communication as clear as possible, and tuning into your own needs and desires can help navigate these tricky waters. So, while these zones might differently hurt, the ache is all too familiar – a longing for a love that just seems out of reach. Keep your hearts hopeful and your conversations honest, and remember, the right connection often comes when you least expect it.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I do feel hurt looking at this improbable, yet trending, jargon featuring what looks like product-based representations of human interactions. Who is responsible for this pandemic of corporate potato soup masquerading as meaningful language? Also, who decided to promote the bleak philosophy of GQ and Vogue united in all their glorious shallowness?

I mean no harm to potato soup. Sorry for that.

[Asker]

How does this relate to my question?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

It does relate, in a convoluted manner. But you're right, I got carried lol

[BetaBucks]

It would seem like getting girlfriendzoned would be more painful. I couldn't know. I've never been friendzoned either, so I can only assume from what others describe.

[Asker]

Yeah the "forever girlfriend" and no marriage scenario made me feel terrible about myself at the time. I would wonder why good enough to be a girlfriend but not wife. The hurt was so painful that I once visited a psychologist. I underwent a brief depression for that reason. I got out of that rut and feel sad for the other women stuck in that position.

[BetaBucks]

Happy to hear you found the right guy for you 💪🏼

[avery58]

Definitely not, because in one there's actually a relationship and there's supposed to be commitment

[Asker]

Perhaps a different hurt and yet in both cases, it's about when something isn't moving forward, when things aren't progressing.

[LiamJHayden]

The Girlfriend Zone exists because the girl is already giving the guy all of the benefits of marriage with none of the legal obligations.

[Anonymous]

I haven't thought too much about girlfriendzoned, but I have ZERO sympathy for dudes that get friendzoned (and it's happened to me). It is 110% their own fault and they fucking volunteer for it. They have no one to blame but themselves.

[Asker]

Urban dictionary added the term girlfriendzone not so long ago. It's a woman that can't get her boyfriend to marry her after they've been dating or living together for so long. She can't get past the girlfriend stage.

[Asker]

It was indeed partially my fault for staying too long in 2 relationships. No one forced me to wait that long. I take responsibility for that part. But I'm glad to finally have my wedding soon.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I figured that's what it meant. That one honestly seems trickier to spot than a guy being friendzoned, so I wouldn't come down as hard on a girl who had that happen to her as I would on a guy who was friendzoned. I mean, you don't expect to get married within a month, 6 months or even a year of getting married. So it CAN take awhile before you figure out the long term relationship plan.

On the other hand, for guys getting friendzoned, you should be at LEAST getting kissed if not on date 1 then on date 2. You should be seriously making out in the first few dates. And getting it ON shortly thereafter.

If none of that is happening, you should know QUICKLY what's going on.

[MzAsh]

So true. And they keep volunteering for it because they are still trying to get in her pants.

[Opinion Owner]

@MzAsh But holy HELL is that a terrible way to get into a girl's pants!

[iamanaries]

If your intentions are to be in a serious relationship and you get friendzoned move on if he refuses to pursue you any further.

[Asker]

Yeah just like I eventually moved on from those two ex bfs that wouldn't proceed with marriage and I was unhappy being a girlfriend for too long.
So it's basically the same concept that if the person isn't on your same page, move on and find better.