My friends with benefits has Sleeping with other woman. What should I do?

Question

Earlier this week, I discovered that my friends with benefits of a year is also seeing another woman. Last week, I saw him with her at the mall, which surprised me since he usually doesn’t hang out with women without a sexual element involved. We have a great connection and often spend time together without always having sex. Even when we do, it’s more than just physical; we spend hours together, and he genuinely cares about me. This is why seeing him with someone else made me feel hurt and confused.
I always thought our relationship was special and different from his other encounters, but now it feels like I might just be another option to him. I feel jealous, even though we agreed from the start not to be exclusive or pursue a serious relationship. It’s painful to think that I might not be as important to him as he is to me. My self-esteem has taken a hit, and I’m questioning if I’m not good enough or if he’s getting bored with me. I don’t have romantic feelings for him, but I want to feel special in his life. How can I cope with these feelings of jealousy and insecurity, and feel important again in this friendship?

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

"We agreed from the start not to be exclusive or pursue a serious relationship." You agreed to this, and you recognize it as an obligation, because you refer to him as "my friends with benefits of a year."

You think "he genuinely cares about me," but you are seeing what you want to see. If you actually were that important to him, he would not be involved with another woman. In fact, he may call this other woman his girlfriend, and he may only think of you as the side chick.

"My self-esteem has taken a hit" but it is self-inflicted. You agreed from the start that he could do exactly what he is doing.

Why did you initially agree to be a non-exclusive, no feelings involved, friends with benefits? That clearly is NOT what you want. . . and there is nothing wrong with wanting more. By agreeing to be friends with benefits, you disregarded your own feelings and now they have been hurt. Did you think by agreeing to be friends with benefits and launching into a sexual relationship, that he would be so smitten that he would want to be your boyfriend?

You can't change him, and you have no reason to ask him to change, because you gave him permission to do what he has done. You can let your feelings interfere with your judgment but this "relationship" does not have a future; remaining entangled will only prolong your hurt and make it even more difficult to eventually start to move forward.

End this and then take some time to think about what you did and WHY you did it. This relationship is not a loss if you learn some lessons from it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well, you're  friends  with benefits. Not a couple... so the two of you don't really owe anything to each other that a romantic relationship would demand. You're friends and you support each other, who occasionally sleep with each other.  I think you just had a natural human response to a situation like this - there is a guy you bonded with and whom you even had sex with, and now you see him with another woman. With how engrained 'exclusive' heterosexual relationships are into our society, naturally the first response is "I am getting cheated on!" even when you two agreed this is fine. I think there are two responses to this: 1) Understand that this is what you agreed to when you said you wanted a friends with benefits relationship; this was always a risk but it's ok, and just try to understand you're still friends with him even when in the moment you feel awful - maybe even ask him about the other woman, perhaps he is open to discussing about her. Or 2) Come to the conclusion that you underestimated how badly this would impact you, that you realized your limits, and try to explain this to him snd break it off. Hopefully he is mature enough and doesn't start a scandal.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Friends with benefits are not exclusive set ups.

Friends with benefits are friends who sleep together/have a sexual relationship in addition to the friendship.

Friends are allowed to hang out and do things together. It's kind of what friends do - you hang out and enjoy one another's company.

It sounds like you may have been reading more into this and may have had higher hopes than he did. Perhaps you developed actual feelings and hoped he would too so you guys could be together officially.

You really don't have a right to get angry at him. It's ok to feel a little disappointed or upset about seeing him out with another lady, but at the end of the day, he really doesn't owe you any commitment as JUST a friend with benefits.

If you guys openly discussed things and made an agreement to avoid seeing other people, THEN you'd be able to say something and have something to be angry about. At that point, he would have broken the agreement you two had set up.

If you never mentioned not wanting to see other people or discussed anything about being exclusive, he's not doing anything wrong.

I think you should talk about things with him. Let him know how you're feeling and see how he's feeling.

Friends with benefits can be really messy and don't typically last. They aren't an actual relationship where there is true love, true feelings and real commitment. Most friends with benefits arrangements are temporary "fun". That's just the harsh reality of it.

Good luck with your situation!

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

From just the title?

Find other ones and have a set. Then if they want to do just you two then see if you want to agree to that from there.

I never did such a thing, but if I had and became the slut I imagined for my future self, then I was going to have multiple guys because that would really solidify the mindset of that kind of lifestyle and ideally decrease the perceptions of being an “item” and developing attachment (s) to that person.

Spending time with any likable guy had me crushing and a little hurt when they’d ghost or give me a curve ball. Then I had to remind myself uh- DUH WERE MOT EVEN DATING lol

So to try and override my subconscious and trying to make things click and fit, I’d actually

make myself available for multiples who were clean ofc, and vice versa- they be available to me but really no dependency or expectations cause that makes it difficult. If they’re not available I’d need to have someone else at the ready. When I say them being available I mean more so them wanting me. Then again just keep emotions out of it and let the sex do the talking. Whether they want or not and just being opportunistic, I’d be doing the same thing too and just not ever see any of it or them as a potential partner for life long partnership

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the turbulent waters of a friends with benefits (friends with benefits) relationship can feel like trying to read a book in the dark—exciting but oh, so confusing! The thing about these arrangements is they often start with a rulebook that’s as clear as mud. When you throw in human emotions, things get messier than a rush-hour subway. 💔

First thing’s first: Breathe. Your feelings? They're as valid as the last slice of pizza on a Friday night. Jealousy and insecurity are the uninvited guests at the party, but here they are, dancing on the table.

The heart of the matter seems to be your need to feel special in his life amidst the non-exclusivity. It’s like wanting the best seat at a concert, but you didn't buy a ticket. The solution? Communication, my love-struck friend. Sit down with him, maybe over coffee, or during one of your chill, non-physical hangouts, and express how you feel. Not in a "You've broken my heart and here's why" kind of way, but more, "Hey, seeing you with someone else felt odd because I value what we have. Can we chat about what this is and where it's going?"

Remember, this isn’t about slapping labels or drawing battle lines. It’s about ensuring you both play the same tunes—or finding out if one of you secretly prefers jazz while the other’s all about rock 'n' roll. 🎶

If he's the open-hearted gentleman you've shared laughs and moments with, he'll listen. He'll understand. And together, you'll figure out if there’s a way to make you feel more like the headline act, rather than the opening band.

But if the conversation feels like talking to a brick wall, or if his answers have you feeling like you’re not even on the guest list, it might be time to consider whether this arrangement fulfills you emotionally.

Deep down, if what you desire is to feel special and prioritized, it’s perfectly okay to want a tour where you’re the only VIP. Your self-esteem deserves that headliner spot, without the shadow of doubts or the whispers of jealousy.

Lastly, remember you're fabulous—with or without him. Sometimes, solo acts are the most unforgettable. 😉

Finchie40 · Answer

Did you both agree you both can see other people and sleep with other people if you choose to? If that’s the case , then you set yourself up for disaster. FWB’s only works if you both are on the same page as things , you should never get into a FWB’s with no strings attached , meaning you both can date other people if you choose to but you both can’t have sex with anyone else , if you do? You end the benefits part between you both and just remain friends. So I am sorry to tell you , you dug your own grave with this one , now that you are jealous? You are jealous because you actually have deeper feelings for this guy and now it’s up to you on what you want to do , you can either tell him you only want him and you don’t want him seeing anyone else , or you can end it with him and go your separate ways.

DishLady · Answer

Look, you get embroiled in a friends with benefits situation and you just get what you get. friends with benefits is not a committed relationship, so why are you suddenly surprised or upset by the guy's venturing off to other women? friends with benefits is a conventual "no strings"... if you wanted a boyfriend/exclusive relationship instead, you should have been more specific from the start.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Your self worth was a mess before this.

Be glad that is over, go to church and discover God, Christ inside yourself and confessing your sins... so you can turn 180 degrees your life. "the truth shall set you free", is what will heal you, along with forgiveness and learning the lessons.

This experiment is a lesson in how humans do not work. Keep doing things like you have results in disasterous outcome.

do it fast so you can deal with those pesky female hormones.

RingOfFire · Answer

I think you really need to look to yourself for changes. You entered into an agreement with someone and now don't want to accept the terms. Friends with benefits is a casual non-exclusive relationship. You somehow diluted yourself into thinking it was something else. I'm not surprised because I've never really met a woman who could have that kind of relationship consciously. I've met some who thought they could but ended up exactly like you. For women it's very difficult to separate the sexual part from the emotional part. It's not necessarily easy for men either, but in general they are more able to compartmentalize the two.

So a woman in a Friends with benefits relationship starts off with a real risk and handicap that the man might not have. It's a lopsided agreement from the start with the man having the advantage and less to lose.

Dinklex3 · Answer

You should cut off your friends with benefits relationship and stay away from them in the future if something like that bothers you. Seems like you want a commitment instead. Too many people get in friends with benefits with expectations of a future relationship, doing that will just get you hurt.

MyBrainsInsaneReign · Answer

It kinda sounds like you were imagining that your "friends with benefits" relationship was something more than that. But now it turns out that it isn't. And you're upset because you have to accept that your "friend with benefits" is just that and nothing more.

I mean, if you wanna stop seeing the guy, stop seeing him. If you wanna tell him you want a real relationship or you're gone, tell him that. But he didn't deceive you, and it doesn't seem like he did anything wrong.

Account · Answer

You do have romantic feelings for him, otherwise you wouldn't care and you wouldn't write this long wall of text. Why do you get involved in situations that you can't handle?
You are wasting your precious time on someone who uses you as a way to pass his time. You are investing more than he is. Friendly suggestion: drop it and run.

236color · Answer

Nothing you can do. Friends with benefits is not a commitment. If an agreement to mutually scratch each other's itch when convenient. If you don't want him to do that, you'll have to negotiate an upgrade in your relationship status. Good luck, I don't see it happening.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I'm not sure what to tell you... you're in an friends with benefits; it comes with the territory. If you were important to him, he wouldn't be freely pursuing other women.

If you want to feel important, find someone who wants to have a relationship with you.

thearchjoker · Answer

Yeah cos he ain't your boyfriend he's a freind with benefits. You can also see other men since your not in a real relationship. If you want him exclusively to yourself make yourself a official couple of boyfriend & girlfriend or accept that you're both just friends with benefits

bowenw · Answer

In my experience, a friends with benefit relationship does not exclusivity. Just because he sees other women does not make you any less important. At some point he is likely to get into a serious relationship with someone and have to end his relationship with you. I think you may need to closely rethink your relationship with him and decide if you want it to be more, as you may have feelings for him beyond a friendship.

avery58 · Answer

This is why I think friends with benefits is a terrible idea. I would suggest you to just end things with him and save your body/feelings for someone that is willing to commit to you, but your choice.

Staximus · Answer

You're in denial, of course you have romantic feelings for him or else you wouldn't want to feel like somebody special in his life. You made your bed and now you have to lay in it. Next time make sure a guy takes you seriously and have some self respect. Don't settle for just being somebody's fuck buddy unless that's all you really want to be.

nawtee_me · Answer

You are friends…. That have sex now and then. (The benefits) so why are you upset that your friend is possibly having sex with someone else? If you want to be exclusive then there is a word for that… commitment… however his wife/girlfriend might have something to say about that.
Why do you think he doesn’t hang out with women usually? Maybe because the one woman might find out and get mad…

PeachyPie93 · Answer

If you are just a sexual option to a guy you will never be important to him. What happens when he gets a girlfriend? Do you really think he will keep you in his life?

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Why were you in a friends with benefit situation if you don't like the idea of also seeing other people. Unless you agreed you'd only be friends with benefits with each other then you should have known this was a potential..

Twalli · Answer

Because you aren't dating, him being with another girl shouldn't bug you that mich. You claim you don't have romantic feelings for him, but seeing that hurt you. That sound like you are lying to yourself and actually have developed romantic feelings for him. If you still didn't have any, him being with another girl wouldn't have elicited these feelings

boggboss · Answer

Sounds like u are expecting him to view u as a relationship partner when u are a friends with benefits for a reason stop viewing this ad more then it is

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Not a good idea to continue to lie to yourself.
you wanted to play the game … then you can expect to lose…

hope you learn from this.

side note… women with high value don’t open their legs without commitments.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

No commitment, no rules. That's the silly result of such things. Learn from it and get a real boyfriend next time.

Breanna_nonbinary · Answer

What do you do? You get over it. That’s the basic understanding of a friends with benefits. You have no expectations of exclusivity. So get over it. 😊

WhitneySnow · Answer

You do have romantic feelings for him. Unfortunately if he’s sleeping with someone else he almost certainly does not have real romantic feelings for you.

VIVANT · Answer

You should get tested for STDs and stop having sex with him ASAP because you guys had an agreement he can’t be trusted and yuck 🤢

itsannalee · Answer

You are just his friend, u have no right to worry about him sleeping with someone else. What are u expecting from friends with benefits? 🤔🤔🤔

genericname85 · Answer

did you set that boundary? like not everyone understands a "friends with benefit" situation as a mutually exclusive situation. it doesn't come automatically by being friends with benefits.

chrissykerdock · Answer

my friends with benefits was very specific what i needed to do to keep it 1 on 1 maybe you can ask him what he needs more of

Nikki1989 · Answer

It seems like you don't understand the concept of friends with benefits. That arrangement is not for the insecure or possessive.

exitseven · Answer

This is why it is called "Friends With Benefits". Sooner or later somebody always gets hurt.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

He's not your boyfriend, you have casual sex with him but you don't have romantic feelings for him but it hurts you to see him with another women... Do you not read how that sounds?

katiesmuff · Answer

Isn't that the whole reason for having a friends with benefits type lifestyle!

FunkyMonkee · Answer

He's your friends with benefits, not your boyfriend. Unless you both make it official, he can fuck anyone he wants to. So can you.

dudegreat91 · Answer

You don't really know how friends with benefits works. You should ditch this guy and seek an actual relationship with another person who is on same page

Anonymous · Answer

That's how it works. That's why it's friends with benefits and not boyfriend.

Iron_Man · Answer

Good way to catch a disease move on quickly those never work out anyway

Alex-Snow · Answer

Well there are no commitments in a friends with benefits relationship unless you agreed to something else

noohair · Answer

Men used to have to make a commitment to a woman for sex. That was courtship and marriage. Women wanted equality and freedom. This is what equality and freedom looks like.

Radiate143 · Answer

Why do people always think they will be the special ones.

DrPepper12 · Answer

This is what FWBs sign up for. You knew the rules of the game when you started

Rodburner23 · Answer

Well if all you are is friends with benefits what difference does it make? Obviously you don't have a solid commitment to each other so if he can get some form someone else you can too.

Anonymous · Answer

friends with benefits is basically an unpaid prostitute. I can't understand why any woman would agree to this.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Stop accepting friends with benefits relationships.

Kelly6 · Answer

nothing, it's not your business, your are just friends with benefits

jackieistired · Answer

Ask him to get tested because now you want to see if he has anything

jahaims · Answer

A guy is using you as a cum rag and you still get feelings for him. Zero self respect

HelpfulWoman · Answer

i mean, what the fuck did you expect?

shortster · Answer

Get a boyfriend and stop being friends with benefits.

Amur8711 · Answer

You think you don't have romantic feelings but you obviously do.

Anonymous · Answer

You realize that being exclusive is not one of the benefits of friends with benefits, right?

MasterKS · Answer

He is friends with benefits he have rights for it, take it easy!

Pterodon · Answer

So. You’re not boyfriend girlfriend.

Anonymous · Answer

He's a player, sorry

My friends with benefits has Sleeping with other woman. What should I do?

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