Why do I only become available for a man when a man mentally abuses me?

[Tkgkgkf]

I’m closed off otherwise. I need that mental or even Physical sometimes abuse

I feel my brain is messed up

my future husband won’t be able to enjoy me because I’ll be distant unless he starts abusing me

[John_Cobretti]

Abuse turns you on , gets you going , you seem kind of a masochist

What you need is a Male Sadist , not a dude who is an abuser

A sadist is your perfect match , he gets turned on by abusing you , but it's in a safe space and he's not a real abuser

[Tkgkgkf]

How do I find that because so far all I run into is abusers who abuse me outside

[John_Cobretti]

Well you'll have to talk it out with the men you're dating... I'm sure a lot of Men who are just dominant would love to try out some Sadism , since it is a part of BDSM

[Tkgkgkf]

Ohh. So find a dominant man? What signs are there that he’s dominant?

[John_Cobretti]

There's lot to it actually
Dominant man can be dominant in his lifestyle and personality but he can be vanilla aka not very dominant in bed and vice versa
Fortunately , most guys are dominant in bed.. but unfortunately you can't actually look at a person and say whether he is a BDSM type Dominant
How do you meet men by the way? If it's a dating site, it would be great if you can give a hint in your Bio
Don't worry , Majority of Men prefer being Dom in bed and you won't have a lot of trouble finding the right person!

[Tkgkgkf]

I wish it was easy to tell who’s dom in bed. I want both dom in and out but not abusive out of bed. I’m submissive in & out

[Meropatrick]

Because u get scared of abusive men and u try to please them. Probably sometime in your past a guy abused u for ignoring him and u only got these acts to stop is by appeasing to him. Its a learned helplessness

[Tkgkgkf]

To guys “ignoring” means that I don’t chase them lol. Am I right?

[Meropatrick]

Yes or u rebuff them when they try to make a move

[Tkgkgkf]

I’m not into social cues so I don’t even know what that is half the time. Men should make a clear move and ask me out. Then they won’t have to be assholes

[PeachyPie93]

You need to see someone for that. You obviously have trauma you never dealt with, most likely have self hatred so you pick guys who will treat you like you feel you deserve.

[Nikki1989]

You need urgent therapy, and any man that thinks abuse is ever acceptable belongs in prison.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the waters of why you might find yourself attracted to or feel more available for someone who is abusive is complex, and it's crucial to approach this with gentleness towards yourself. Often, this pattern could stem from past experiences or learned behaviors where love and affection were intertwined with unhealthy dynamics. It might mean that, on some level, these situations feel familiar or even reassuring to you, despite being harmful. It's important to remember that recognizing this pattern is a huge first step towards healing and finding healthier ways to connect. Seeking support through therapy could be incredibly beneficial in untangling these feelings and learning to build relationships based on mutual respect and kindness. You deserve to be cherished and loved in ways that uplift and respect you, never through harm or abuse. Love is out there for you, in its most nurturing form. Don't settle for anything less.

[DextroShade]

You are broken, get therapy and work on yourself. Or make peace with dying alone.

[Pohjolan]

Just make a account on Fetlife and become a sub.

[thearchjoker]

you are a masochist

[jahaims]

Unresolved trauma