My boyfriend asked me to stop discussing our arguments with my mom and friends. Any advice?

Question

My boyfriend asked me to stop discussing our arguments with my mom and friends, which has left me conflicted. I’ve always been open about seeking advice from my mom and close friends, who are mutual friends with him. He’s now uncomfortable, worrying I’ll share our conversations. While I understand his concern, I’ve always turned to my mom, who has a background in psychology, for guidance. Additionally, with my mild depression, keeping things inside worsens my mood, so I’m struggling to meet his request. Any advice?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Stop airing your dirty laundry to your friends and your Mom , Your relationship with your boyfriend is between you 2 , no one else , the only time it’s ok to talk about your relationship problems
With someone else , if you are being physically harmed and mentally abused by your partner , so by you telling Your Mom and your friends about your arguments with your boyfriend is just going to push you and your boyfriend further apart from each other , because your boyfriend is going to feel attacked by your family and friends , now that you made him look like this bad guy. How would
You feel if your boyfriend was telling his family and friends about your arguments with him? and making you the bad guy? So No matter what, your family and friends are going to side with you , just like his family and friends will side with him. So the respectful thing to do is to keep your arguments between you and your boyfriend and no one else. If you want your relationship to survive

Miristheiss · Accepted Answer

He should break up.

If you cannot count on your private life to be private and his intimate, revelations and him sharing his heart, feelings, wants, ideas, goals, secrets with you means you turn around and tell outsiders then you are not trustworthy and he shouldn't share anything with you. It is better for him to end things.

You are not capable of having a healthy romantic relationship. You actually think sharing your private relationship matters are to be shared by all. You are nuts and you weren't raised right. If he wanted your friends to know his inner secrets HE would choose to share that with them.

He is a fool if he stays with you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

truthfully, i agree with him, i'm sorry. you need to talk about your problems with your partner, who you are having the problems with. or else it's seen as going around him, which isn't very nice. what better person to talk to who you're having a problem with than the person themselves? relationships issues are personal, and should be only discussed in the relationship. i get wanting "advice" and stuff, but you can just go online anonymously and ask for advice if you really need to. that way you can keep private and your boyfriend won't feel like you're airing out his and yours business, and you can hear from more peoples perspectives without getting personal.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

He knows your mom sees the red flags you don’t and he knows you getting advice from someone with a psych background is the beginning of the nail in the coffin. Dump the bitch, you can do better than someone manipulating you into feeling guilty for seeking support from your support system when you need it.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the waters of love, are we? 🚤 Alright, let’s dive in. When you share the intimate deets of your romance with your squad, especially those close to him, it's like inviting them into your love cocoon. Imagine, it can feel a bit crowded for him, right? 🙈

His request is about craving some privacy in your relationship bubble. Totally understandable. However, your need to talk things through, especially with your mom doubling as your in-house Dr. Phil, is equally important. It’s your coping mechanism, your way of keeping the emotional ship steady. 🌊

Consider striking a balance. How about confiding in a professional or someone not connected to your inner circle? This way, you maintain the sanctity of your relationship while still having an outlet for those times when keeping it zipped feels like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. Talk about a compromise that keeps everyone afloat! 💑

Remember, your relationship is a duo dance, so the choreography should work for both of you. Keep the lines of communication open, sprinkle in a little understanding, and you’ll find a rhythm that works for both of you. 💃🕺

BetaBucks · Answer

There's a balance with these situations. Are you sharing his private business that no one else should know? Like if I talked to my friends and family about my partner's sexual abuse history, or detailed intimate stuff? Are you being honest when discussing things, or painting him to be the bad guy to get validation? Is he doing abusive stuff that he's hoping people won't find out about? Are they giving bad advice that is detrimental to the relationship even if all the discussing is fair and appropriate?

I've witnessed every one of these things, so context is important. Anyone answering without context isn't being fair towards the situation. But judging from the nature of this post, I would be concerned that dishonest representation of arguments to get validation is a high risk here.

Anonymous · Answer

First of all you’re 40, talk to him, not everyone else. He probably feels as though all your friends including your mom side w you. Almost guaranteed tee you’re not telling the complete truth of what happened. So to them he looks bad. The other thing is your mom being in psychology. Most women go into those types of professions cause they have issues their self. So I feel like it’s stacked against him. She’s probably had issues w men herself that I feel he’s not getting a fair judgement. I don’t know if that makes sense or not. Unless he’s abusing you physically or mentally or both you need to talk to each other. No I don’t see it as him cutting you off from them or trying to control you. The only way I’d look at it is if he didn’t let you hang out w them or go see your mom. You two need to workout these issues together, if need be someone who is neutral in all this as far as a counselor.

Ladsin2 · Answer

Meh. I can see both sides. One, isolating you from friends and family is what abusers do so you shouldn't listen. Two, you're in a relationship with him. You shouldn't air your dirty laundry to people who don't have y'alls best interest at heart. Maybe a good solution would be a neutral third party that you can both trust. Ie a pastor or counselor.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

Arguments between couples should remain between couples. It;s okay to vent to your girlfriends that he doesn't know, but breaking confidences to people he knows is unpardonable. And @eagle1951, You didn't actually say anything. That's why I gave you the opportunity to make sense. Senile much?

Bricealan · Answer

@carenina Tell your boyfriend that is YOUR business, WHAT you discuss, and with WHOM. Not his place and none of his fucking business what you discuss.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Discuss his reasons and concerns with him and what red lines he has. Don't ask why or pushback. This is supposed to be informative for you, not a dialogue. That can come later after you've considered his position.

spartan55 · Answer

You shouldn't need to run to others EVERY time you have a problem with your problem. You shouldn't do it at all really.

jahaims · Answer

There are certain things about your relationship you can share but most of it needs to stay between the couple.

Juxtapose · Answer

Dude you're 40 years old, you should be able to resolve these conflicts without getting other people involved. People have boundaries of privacy and if you can't respect that then you're probably going to end up single for a while.

QuestionObsession · Answer

The adage "Don't air your dirty laundry in public" applies.

RavVid · Answer

It is also called airing dirty laundry. I'd be offended too.

Yannae · Answer

What's his reason? Some topics can be pretty intimate, but if you two can't directly come to a conclusion together, counsel is recommended.

Anonymous · Answer

I kind of agree with your boyfriend. None of them are in the relationship with you. So none of them can understand the dynamics, psychology degree or not.

noohair · Answer

You will poison this relationship. He sees it as ganging up on him. Why would anyone want to get married with this dianamic?

shortster · Answer

Dump him, he is controlling and is trying to cut you off from any support. This is how abusive relationships start.

gatixek710 · Answer

yes. Honor his wishes. That's the absolute worst thing you can do.

eagle1951 · Answer

screw what he saids, you need to let other know

LiamJHayden · Answer

He might end up considering it a betrayal.

My boyfriend asked me to stop discussing our arguments with my mom and friends. Any advice?

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