Why do people get angry with the person their partner is cheating on them with instead of the cheating partner?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It has to do with the destruction of the fantasy of believing your partner is loyal and being able to fully trust them. You want to pin all the blame on an external source and fool yourself into believing that your partner wouldn’t disrespect you like that.

In this situation both people: your cheating partner AND the person who enabled it are douchebags. But sometimes your partner doesn’t even tell the other person they are in a relationship. In that scenario do you really have a right to get angry at the 3rd person?

I’ve hooked up with girls when I was younger that didn’t tell me they had a boyfriend. I am definitely no saint but cheating has always been something I avoid (both ways). Not only for myself but I think it’s very bad karma to make someone else cheat. But when the girl didn’t even tell me she was in a relationship?

jshm2 · Accepted Answer

Because, in their mind, the partner was likely tempted by them. They usually ignore the fact their partner likely had more of a hand in it.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As your go-to relationship guru on Girls Ask Guys, I've got you covered with a sprinkle of insight! When someone gets angry with the "other person," it's like directing the fiery wrath away from where the real betrayal lies. It's often easier to blame an outsider because accepting that your partner was capable of hurting you can be too painful. But darling, true healing begins when accountability is placed where it's due—on the partner who went rogue! 😉 Remember, folks, communication and honesty are key in any relationship to avoid such drama. Stay fabulous! 💖

Finchie40 · Answer

Because we shouldn’t hit girls’ , so it’s better to beat the shit out of him instead

Smashingdoozy · Answer

I think it's fair to be angry at both if the person knew that they were in a relationship. If they had no idea then I wouldn't be angry with them unless they acted like they didn't care upon finding out.

I've messaged men's girlfriends even wives after they tried (and I mean tried their damn hardest) to hook up with me to let them know that their partner is a cheating bastard.

Ruined one guys life when I was 17 because he was trying to get me to meet up with him, send him photos etc. he knew my age, he was 50 🙃 I screenshotted messages and sent them to his wife, kids, and his mom to let them know he has a thing for girls his kids age. I'm still friends with his daughter 😂

Gwendoline · Answer

If you knew that person had a partner and by sleeping with you had a partner then you are knowingly interfering in their lives and possibly the lives of their children or even future children. The thing to ask yourself is how would you feel if you were the one being cheated on, how would you feel if your mother or father was cheating and your family was broken up. It's basic morality. That's why in these cases a decent honourable human being would walk away or not even bother if they knew that person had a partner.

Yes it's not the same as the cheater but it's still pretty shitty. I've dropped friends that would let a married man cheat on them and would be friends with anyone who would. People like that can't be trusted.

Anonymous · Answer

They have a right to be angry at both parties if the third-person knew he or she was in a relationship. But yes the main blame should be with the partner that was coming home climbing into bed with you and pretending they weren't betraying you.

I've gone anon cos I'm in a situation myself right now being the third-person. Tho we haven't physically done anything yet. We have been together when they were broken up. The situation is complex and although all cheating is wrong there are circumstances that don't make it black and white. Me personally would not cheat on a partner and would break up. I also never thought I'd get involved with a guy who's taken and I hate it because the emotions and connection we have run deep. Not an excuse I know. But there's more to this I can't explain here.

Tarifa · Answer

Because they think the girl (or guy) your partner has an affair with did everything she/he could to seduce your partner, to 'steal' him/her from you.

The sole person who is responsible for such a situation is the partner, who let his eyes and thoughts wander off. Cheating will only happen if the partner has a predisposition to be unfaithful.

Diamold · Answer

Right?

If there is anyone to blame, should be either you or your partner.

If you and your partner are good in your relationship, there won't be anyone from the outside that will manage to break it up.

If either of you allow a third person to start driving your attention away from your relationship, that means there is something missing there, and you're searching for it on another place.

The third person will only be able to break it up if the person they're flirting with allows it.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Because he made a move into your territory
Disrespected the fact that you have a monogamy deal in place with this person and took a piss in your backyard

If I ever caught a girlfriend cheating she’ll be packing a bag instantly but the guy in question would catch a beating of biblical magnitudes

Account · Answer

I wouldn't blame the other person. It is none of my business who they are, why they did it, if they knew etc. They don't owe me shit and I don't have envy within me to hate them.
All the blame and negative feelings would be towards the partner.
I am very possessive, but I don't have envy within me, therefore the anger can not be directed towards the third person, it doesn't logically make any sense to me.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Because you love your partner. You don't give a fuck about the random person fucking them lol. Plus it's much easier to beat up a girl than it is to beat up a guy. Also if he has feelings for her it will still hurt him to see her all busted up :P

Anonymous · Answer

it's a coping mechanism for simps and white knights to be in denial of their significant other backstabbing them

heck you could be an outsider pointing this out to them and they slander you instead as a misogynist or an incel because you pointed out red flags

Flower7 · Answer

Yes!!! I hate this. They should be angry with the person who made promises to them, not a random stranger. And chances are, the extra person didn't even know about the relationship.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Because the ones they are cheating on them with are probably the ones who initiated the affair by repeatedly hitting on them.

smashleyy · Answer

people who are in denial and aren’t ready to leave a dysfunctional relationship. It’s easier to put all the blame on the third party than believe someone you love and trusted could betray you on such a high scale

red-lipstick-girl · Answer

This is asked a lot in Turkey too. If your husband cheated on you, it means it is your fault, they say. Maybe you did not act femininely, you did not treat your husband well, he cheated on you.

FreyaRed · Answer

Responsibility displacement, it's a coping mechanism.

In_Trance · Answer

They should probably take it a step further and be angry with himself in regards to the role that they played in this.  The bottom line is people are stupid

DextroShade · Answer

If the affair partner is someone you don't know there is no point in getting mad at them; if the affair partner is someone you considered a friend then it is a betrayal and you should be mad at them.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Jealousy and competition more than likely.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

It's a lot easier to accept that someone you didn't trust is an asshole than the possibility that someone you trusted actually betrayed you.

msc545 · Answer

Displaced rage. If a person realizes that it is the fault of their cheating partner, then they have to deal with the realization that a breakup is inevitable, if only for their own self- esteem if notrhing else.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I would get angry at both, unless the other person didn’t know

SmileyLady · Answer

It’s easier than blaming the cheater. The real conflict cause.

elaphe · Answer

It doesn't make sense, does it? I suppose it is human nature because you have had a relationship and remember the good times and qualities of your partner.

genericname85 · Answer

i guess you just don't act rational in that situation when the emotions overwhelm you.

jojouzumaki · Answer

It probably because the other person is aware that the man she’s dating is taken.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Because it is easier for some to blame the other person for tempting the partner rather than blaming the partner for being an unfaithful POS.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Because on some level, they still like their partner.

noohair · Answer

Great question. For women, who knows that is going on in their head.

Anonymous · Answer

I got pissed at both, and escorted both out of my home, naked, at gun point.

Anonymous · Answer

Because they still kinda care about their partner, they don't care about the person their partner is cheating on them.

Seinna · Answer

Because it's easier.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Don't know but it makes GREAT ENTERTAINMENT!!

CVNT5 · Answer

cuz fuck the other person

Anonymous · Answer

Exactly. Very good question.

Babygirl_S · Answer

JEALOUSY

jahaims · Answer

Coping

Why do people get angry with the person their partner is cheating on them with instead of the cheating partner?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do people get angry with the person their partner is cheating on them with instead of the cheating partner?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.