How would you react to a potential MALE spouse who intimated they wished to become a stay at home adult/householder/parent?

[Shiprex]

Especially for women but gay men too, or those of you seeking or involved in relationships with men, what would be your take if the man were to make it clear they were keen to stay out of the workforce and be a home maker with or without children and avoid the daily rat race of work. My view is that a lot of young men would jump at the chance to stay at home and be their own boss while doing things that keep a household running smoothly with cleaning, cooking, children, general maintenance and such part of the daily tasks that didn't mean commuting, putting up with managers, and office BS or going out into the weather and dealing with clients/customers. Older generations may have reservations about not fitting the stereotype role but would perhaps swoon to the idea if it meant they could a. spend time with kids or b. their pets or c. their household.

[Apple1996]

I already know my husband doesn't like staying home. He's had 3 months off everytime I've had a baby so he basically has to split doing my housewifey chores 50/50 with me during that time and even that is too exhausting for him 😂

[Shiprex]

Thing is he was at home WITH you those times. What if money wasn't an issue and he could stay home with children and pets and do HIS things at HIS pace?

[Apple1996]

He would struggle even more then lol like I said I'm doing 50% of the work (probably even more tbh) and he's extremely exhausted. He's told me multiple times that staying home would suck and he'd never do it

[Apple1996]

And personally as a woman it's my role to raise the babies especially when it comes to breastfeeding and caring for them. A man cannot offer the same life for kids that a woman can when it comes to raising them. Nature gave us these roles for a reason so switching them just seems wrong at least in my opinion

[Little_Bumblebee]

If I actually earned enough in a relationship to be the breadwinner, and he would do it well, then I would love it.
I hate cleaning, and cooking all the time and do all that stuff. I'm seriously looking into paying someone to clean my apartment. Cause I often need a lot of time to even encourage myself to do it.
I would much rather go to work - especially if there were kids involved.

(I'm single, and my wage isn't enough to be the breadwinner though, so this is hypothetical)

[DtMe89]

My dad was a stay at home dad, when I was born. It changed, once I started to age, and he became the one working, and she worked at home, as she got her own business, with a person she used to work with. She still has the company, but the partner moved to washington d. c. to branch out on her own. They still both work, as we need the money because we owe money to the irs, because he was laid off multiple times. Both are over 65, and are officially retired, and both get SS

Married 38+

[SolitarySolace]

Women wouldn't accept it unless she considers being the best breadwinner as a way of being put on a pedistal above men

[AI Opinion]

As your relationship coach with a flair for all things flirty and fabulous, I must say, it sounds intriguing! A potential spouse wanting to be a stay-at-home partner can be quite dreamy if both parties are on board. Imagine the cozy mornings, spontaneous afternoon coffee dates, and maybe even dinner on the table before you get home. 😏 Embrace the change if it works for you both and wave goodbye to office small talk and hello to personal fulfillment. Communication and understanding are key, my friend—those are my relationship goals! 💑

[midnightmoon05]

My hubby is a stay home dad. It works well for us.
I love my job and I love driving. My drive to work is an hr. one way. 1 1/2 home.

Hubby takes daughter to school. Cooks 2-3 days a week. Fix car, computer, garden work…etc…

we have our cleaning people/lawn mowers come twice a month.

In America i believe everyone can get to a great place if they make these choices for their family.

[Potteplante]

I'm a governmental employee - I'd express that if that was their dream long term, I might not be the best choice for them.

If I earned more - I'd love having someone clean, cook and just make life comfortable for me. I LOVED the time where my late fiance was studying & the few months he was out of a job. My free time was all of a sudden about wants and pleasure: not "ugh now all the chores at home needs to get done".

[Shiprex]

Why does government employee stop you from having a stay at home male partner?
Is it income or social status that's the issue?

[Potteplante]

"If I earned more - I'd love having someone..." There's your answer, right above - in the reply you clearly didn't bother to read fully. 🥲

[Shiprex]

I did read but NOT as being a government employee meant you'd be paid poorly. McDonalds pays poorly and guess what they're NOT?

If you want to communicate effectively with context from the same point being related is it best to split it into different paragraphs? Or in the same sentence and or paragraph?

Just saying if you're going to be rude then perhaps communicate clearly. I don't read minds.

[Potteplante]

You're right. That I state that I'd love having a stay at home partner if I earned more - leaves a huge span of confusion on the reasoning because I choose to make a paragraph.

It's totally social issue - when the issue is me not earning enough. Don't know why you're throwing McDonald's into this - the fact that I'm not as poorly paid as they are, doesn't mean I'm paid enough to sustain a household of a family on my pay in this economy and as a governmental employee - a welfare employee on top of that I can not. Again - IF I earned more; implies the fact that I don't earn enough. Just making the point in both paragraphs so there's no confusion about the point.

(And this is why I make many paragraphs, my English becomes a cluster but I fear you'll get confused with paragraphs - might think I'm changing subjects, so sorry if my English grammar is a bit off)

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

If i made enough to support both of us comfortably then I'd have no problem with it as long as he actually did the housework and didn't leave it for me to do when I got home. If we are both working full time then we split it evenly.

[Shiprex]

That goes without saying I think as it's not intended for men to choose to slack off. I was aiming for the opinions on a reversal of conventional roles within a nuclear family where the man would be doing the house-holding. It's with a view to determining whether a man who ASKED this would be seen as less manly given he would no longer fit the providing function of a household.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Ah, no, I'm not hung up on gender roles. Frankly, there are some chores I despise doing (I'm looking at you, bathroom) and wouldn't mind at all if he stayed home and did them for us. I know in my case my boyfriend likes working and wouldn't want to be trapped in the house all day, but that's ok too. Neither situation bothers me.

I dont see men who choose to be stay at home dads/caretakers to be any less of a man. Only men who are insecure with themselves would judge another man for doing it.

[Shiprex]

This is not about men judging though, it's women I am seeking the judgement from. Often times that would be a deal breaker if a man wanted to pursue his own life of not providing a lifestyle for others but to have one provided for him instead by carrying out the house-holding chores.

This all stemmed from a conversation I had with a divorced woman colleague of mine of the same age when I told her I enjoy hanging the washing out and doing the dishes as well as using the vacuum cleaner. That I used to take great enjoyment out of ironing my uniform in the army (at a time when creases in flat parts of shirts from epaulette button to pocket button and down to the hem to line up with the trousers crease were required.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Generally it's just a learned behavior for both men and women that they got from their role models. Doesn't make it right. People should have the agency to do what's right for them as long as both parties consent and nobody is being harmed by it.

I fail to see why it would be any harm if you wanted to work at home and do those chores you clearly like doing

[Shiprex]

I don't mind doing them and find it odd that others don't. I see it as experimental creative (how to get the laundry to dry quicker, organise the dishwasher or get every piece of dust off the floor with a (dusty) brush and pan etc.
I think a lot of women would have a hard time accepting a man that wanted to do that but you're right it's learned (not from role models always as I taught myself the ironing and developed my own weird obsession about efficient drying and cleaning). That it's not fitting a conventional gender role and probably going against assigned/assumed that is true and I think a lot of men would be all for a friend who "lucked out" with that opportunity, while women would be less charitable. It wouldn't look good on a dating profile it you ask me either.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I know for me growing up my dad expected me to know how to cook and do laundry as well as rotate chores with my brothers but my mom made sure my brothers learned how to cook and do laundry too as she saw them as life lessons. (I was the only one who had to learn how to iron though)

[Shiprex]

I don't ever remember being shown or encouraged to do particular things from my parents apart from repair the cars we had by my dad though the vacuuming and cleaning up was always just from watching others do it and doing it when asked. I HATED and still do, doing the dusting and polishing shiny surfaces. Dishes were sometimes a chance to zone out though again more to do with watching and copying both parents who did it.

Cooking, I wish I'd been taught that properly though it was only as an adult I learned though trial and error on how to do things properly (orange peel into from scratch tomato soup not so long ago as an example of a DUH moment. If there's a recipe I will stick to it rigidly until I've done it a few times and recognise what possible alternatives could be used but then again I enjoy simple stuff and sandwiches are my number one food for every day sustenance.

[Anonymous]

Let's keep it real. No one respects stay at home men, and that includes the women they are married to. When a wife doesn't respect her husband, it's just as bad for her in the long run as it is for him and their children.