Do you think a woman should be a stay at home wife if her husband asks her to?

Question

Feresto · Accepted Answer

I would advise against it unless that decision includes being a stay at home parent. Being able to go out and earn your own income is great. Being financially reliant on your partner can lead to strange power dynamics whether real or perceived (which then can easily evolve into real) even in a long term stable relationship. If there is a particular reason for one of you to stay at home that doesn't involve kids then determining what that reason is and whether there is a workaround for it can be much more beneficial.

Is your partner worried about getting the house cleaned? - Hire a regular home cleaner.
Is your partner concerned that shopping won't occur or meals won't get cooked? Adjust the times each of you are able to go shopping or begin cooking meals - if your schedules don't work well together due to shiftwork or such then planning in advance based on work schedules could be the way to go, if the schedules repeatedly mean one person is always cooking dinner for the other then the person getting home later might do shopping on the way home or be able to cook on weekends.

There's not really a need for one of the partners to stay at home looking after the house and hasn't been for a long time. Income sources should be diversified between the partners so that the financial responsibility doesn't fall on one person's shoulders causing undue stress on them to provide when they inevitably need to take sick leave or other time off that may be extended for unforeseen reasons.

Conversely, the person staying at home may be able to do a lot with their time that is meaningful. If they are doing things just to kill time then why not pick up a day or two of work a week? This allows the primary income earner to have a day or two off of work in order to fulfil creative pursuits each week.

It doesn't make sense to me for any reason other than misguided masculine pride in having the wife not need to work because the husband earns enough. Even if the wife wanted to be a housewife I would question her decisions if she wasn't also contributing to the community in some meaningful way.

Still-alive · Accepted Answer

I agree with @loves2learn it should be mutually agreed to. She should be free to choose but she should understand that it might not be doable for a time and may need to work until he can make enough to support that lifestyle. If she can't accept this then she will have to find another guy who can.

just have a nice healthy discussion about this and see what you can agree to.

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

Yes especially if he is asking for that. It probably means he's needing a supportive wife and not one that's busy with work. My husband prefers having a stay at home wife/mom so that he doesn't have to worry about the stress of doing at home stuff. I take care of everything so he can come home after a long day and be able to be stress free.

loves2learn · Accepted Answer

I think it should be a mutual decision. My husband and I mutually decided I would work part time to spend more time with our children. He made more than me and that is what made sense for our family. His mom did the same when he was little. Worked our really well for us.

Genie23 · Answer

NO. She should stay home only if she wants to and they are financially pretty stable and her husband doesn't expect her to help when it comes to earning and bringing money at home. If a man wants to be a stay-at-home dad, he should be one if his wife is okay with it and they are financially stable.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I think that is something that should be done by mutual consent and should be discussed before a couple gets engaged.

MzAsh · Answer

She should only do what she wants. If the husband asks her to, then he has the responsibility of making a case for why she should and what he’ll provide to her to compensate. Then it’s up to her to either accept or reject the proposal.

VanillaSalt · Answer

Yes. Let me explain why before you hate on me.

Your don’t make real money without putting years into a career. You can’t just leave on a whim if you have a career but if she wants kids, and she will considering I want kids so I wouldn’t date her unless she did, she’ll have to take time off anyway. Role transitioning is difficult and if something bad happens is easier generally for a man to get trade jobs and hazard pay jobs that will always exist if he’sa hard worker. If I had to I could work oil field tomorrow and not only make good money but insurance coverage for the whole family… office and speciality work takes a bit to find and get into. Furthermore it’s a bitch to go from house work to busting ass on a job site. I’ve been the stay at home dad it’s easy and I prefer it. But when it comes to earning potential men have it easier and better so ide rather not change that.

Besides this. I hate housework. And I’m not a… support type. I’m build to lead and spearhead. My personality would have me questioning every decision lol. And I’ve noticed women these days almost never can accept any responsibility. She just needs to trust me and support me and I’ll make sure everything works out or I’ll at least take responsibility for the failure.

Anonymous · Answer

Speaking on behalf as a Muslim, let me just say Islam does not state a woman must cook and clean for her husband. What I am saying is not some modified version of Islam 2.0 that was introduced in the 2010's, no these are God's words from over 1,400 years ago. As a guy, I cook, I clean for myself and for others. Therefore, my mindset is not "that's a woman's job". Let me clear also, I am not a feminist. Y'all wrap your heads around all these ism-based ideologies for what? If I was married and my wife wanted to pursue her Masters in psychology, I would let her. I would say, why do you want to do it? Do you see yourself using that education for the future because doing grad studies is no joke. Not only is it mentally draining, it costs money as well. If it's something she wants to do I will support her.

I know someone will read this and be like "ohh whatever, Islam has Sharia law and that oppresses women!". I think it's safe to safe religion was hijacked by power-ruling men after the last imam and prophet walked on this earth in plain sight. Now religion has been hijacked by feminists to say, "don't wear a hijab it's oppression". Telling someone what to do if they are comfortable with their beliefs is not only social control but also bullying as well. Therefore, I can look back at history and call out the faults of men past and present, but I will do the same for women. If people look at Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) his wife Khadija was wealthier then the prophet and she chose Islam has her faith and continued with her business. There are many stories of the power of women in the Quran, it's just that people haven't bothered reading it. I'm only bringing up religion because it gets misrepresented. If people dislike my comment because it doesn't "relate" to the question, well for questions like these it should be mentioned.

Derek59987 · Answer

We've been (men& women) ripped off sometime before the 21st century. Most couples need dual incomes just to get by these days, this wasn't always the case.
Anyway, if he or she asks that it would be a good sign of financial security. Asking would be a discussion, not a request, a whole lot of variable circumstances here. Asking to take care of children, house chores, education could advance the families relationship and wellbeing as well as yours.
I'm going to make a presumption that your not both high paid doctors or something. I mean who knows what kind of wack job I could be answering a question like this online. Yah, probably too much time on my hands or something. I'm actually stuck, much by choice, on a tropical island and not drinking tonight, here mostly because the world's gone batshit crazy. If I had some sort of job here it would be shit anyways.
Yah, I would go for it if I were me (which I am) or you, unless you have this swanky great career or something. Make sure you have a decent car or motercycle, some spending money and freedom. You should probably cook stuff, if you're good at it, or pick up pizza or something, or just be plain nice to the dude in some sort of way. Going to school or some sort of hobby might be a good idea otherwise you might end up asking or answering questions like this all day or drinking too much or something. You know, it wasn't all that bad back a few decades ago. Go hang out with other women, have a few drinks sometimes. Get a bit stressed or whatever and get some decent prescriptions, mothers little helper, stuff they won't give you now, although you might be able to smoke. Anyway, sounds a hell of a lot better than working, you'll figure it out, keep sane and enjoy your life.

hahahmm · Answer

If she respects & trust him as the leader then she will listen to him. He would have earned all of that and not just imposed it on her like she's a hostage. The time to discuss this stuff is long before getting married. And if you aren't compatible then you shouldn't marry. Most people getting married today are marrying the wrong people or getting married at the wrong time, before they're really ready.

A man who is traditional-ish would be a fool to marry a feminist type. She would expect him to do all of the traditional stuff wives were expected to do PLUS his day job... plus all of the traditional man stuff. It's ridiculous.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Nope, it’s her life.

there really needs to be a huge reason why this would be ask.

the last thing I would want as a couple is to be telling my partner, wife she would be staying at home.

on a purely financial level, assume she gets $40k a year, even $20k.

that is extra cash in to the family pot, better house, better car, better holidays or even paying off the mortgage earlier.

Now let’s say she had a high paid job potential, my current girlfriend is going to be studying dentistry, which would be a nice chunk of cash, but also means she gets a good career, lives her own dreams etc.

I would really want to know what I actually get out of them not working.

ohshee · Answer

I think a wife should do anything that she wants to do I know for me I couldn't be home all day I would have to be out doing something I enjoy work so no matter what it would have something to do with working but I think that's a choice between him and her or her if she wants the job and wants to get out of the house and experience life and friends that's what she should do if she wants to stay at home and do whatever she wants to do there then I think that's what she should do but I think that to her mostly even though it it has to be ran across both people but I think she should have that last word to it it's her choice

GoldenAxer · Answer

Something to work out together far in advance and ideally with an arrangement that satisfies you both as well as optimizing the well-being of any kids involved. On the basic question, I suppose it also depends on the reasoning. Say a husband is earning many times more money but needs to work 90+ hours/week but there needs to be someone to devote a good portion of their time raising the kids. Then I think it's at least a reasonable request. And I also think it's a reasonable request if the sexes were swapped and it's the woman who is the primary bread earner for her to ask the husband to stay at home and devote their time to the kids.

Phoenix98 · Answer

If she wants to or is ok with the idea of it and you as the man of the household are making enough money to support that choice. Then I don't see why not.

Another appropriated time for her to switch to being a housewife or stay at home mom would be if you have a child on the way or have young children. Because it is important for their development to have the mother present during those early years and there is nothing more important then raising a child.

Other then that I think it's up to the wife and husband of the marriage to decide if that's something they want to do and can afford to do.

Andres77 · Answer

BUDGET! should tell a wife if she needs to get a job.
The husband can give you his preference but I disagree with him TELLING you that you must stay home.
If you can afford a single working parent while the kids grow up and go to school then do so.
Depending on the kind of work available day-care might cost as much as she earns, plus your kids are exposed to other little snotty brats and there's always the worry of your kid being abused.
Take all that into consideration.

But "My husband said I can't work" has got to be one of the most embarrassing thing for a woman to say nowadays.

HaveNoName · Answer

It should be brought into discussions BEFORE deciding to get married. Having said that, situations change. If the guys is being reasonable about something that genuinely makes sense, then there should be no pride lost in agreeing with him.

If the guy is trying to force his wish just because he wants to force his wish, we have a problem.

Starlight420 · Answer

Fuck no. If a woman wants to work, she should work. If she wants to be a house-wife, she should be a housewife. The man’s opinion is appreciated but ultimately when it concerns the woman’s life, the woman should have the decision. And vise versa. Neither should push to control the other.

DonkeyDan · Answer

Absolutely not, it's not my place to tell my wife what to do with her life, I'm her husband not her owner. If she wants to stay at home and look after the kids then that's fine but it is her choice. But if she wants a career then I'd offer her whatever support she needed.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Will i get an allowance like the child he thinks i am? Will he pay me biweekly like a real job would? Will he still come home to cook for the both of us cause he know my cooking sucks? No? Okay then he better not ask me to stay home. I rather go out and work and pay my share of the bills.

MrOracle · Answer

If the couple wants children, then it's usually the best choice until the last child is in school full time, usually 1st grade. There is no more important job than raising children.

If no kids, then it's really up to the couple.

Not sure why someone would choose to work outside the home for 40 years if they didn't have to - maybe working part-time fairly locally instead.

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Answer

It's a labour distribution question.
Some people can afford not to work. Some can work from home and/or work part time.
The household chores are a type of work. The 'extra effort' to keep it nice/warm/homely/decorated etc - also (depending on personal taste/affinity).
How much work is needed for a given lifestyle varies greatly from one location/culture - and individual capability level - to another.
What one person or a particular couple, need to be happy - or content - again varies widely.

nella965 · Answer

Any man who wouldn't marry a woman unless she becomes a stay home wife, is usually a sign that he will be a very egotistical, controlling, misogynistic man in marriage.

The real reason why a man would insist on only marrying a housewife is because he wants a woman to be totally dependent on him so that he can be reassured that she will never leave him. Housewives lack the ability to hire lawyers to divorce their husbands. Its a position of submissiveness and weakness

Anonymous · Answer

The interesting aspect of this question for me is that if you are talking about someone who has had a traditional Christian wedding then by not complying the wife would be in breach of the vows that she made, to love, honour and OBEY.

Now obviously that is a deeply disturbing and wholely unacceptable idea as are many of the things which religion teaches but the fact remains that if you didn't like the terms of the contract then you shouldn't have signed it.

JustinTimberlegs · Answer

I think she should do what she wants to. What she should do is weigh all the reasons for and against, her feelings and values, taking into consideration the opinion of others, but it should still be her choice. The reason shouldn't be just because someone asked her to. It helps when you both want the same things from a relationship though!

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

That is a very personal topic that a fiance needs to talk about before getting married. Everyone is different and we all have different mindset. I say each to their own. Personality I like taking care of my kids , cleaning , Cooking. Nothing wrong but I have to work lol

menina · Answer

No she shouldn't, unless she also wants to be a stay at home wife. If she doesn't do what she wants and she doesn't work then what's going to happen to her if they divorce? She will have nothing. She shouldn't be so dependent on him, that's never a good idea.

WesBrewer · Answer

The answer is not a yes or no, if he wants his wife to but she doesn't want to then they should understand why they both think the way they do and whoever has a reasonable opinion should be the one to decide. if the man's reason is he doesn't want the kids in public school then I think that may be more reasonable than anything she can say (there is probably something though) but if the home is already struggling to make ends meet then, by all means, she should probably still be working.

LogicalGal123 · Answer

I believe that is a conversation between the two of how they want to build their life together. Wife and husband is a bond of partnership. The day u decided and see that u want to spend ur life with that person is the day u make a decision that it's going to be the partner for life before marriage. It is something to talk about from the beginning of the relationship in order to have an understanding and work as a team. From BIG decision making to a forever home.

Nightroads · Answer

Nope, its up to the women.
I work two jobs and my wife stays at home with the kids.
I keep asking her if she wants to look for a job, financially we still live paycheck to paycheck. I really do need some help coming up with money, but i would never tell her to get a job.
I love her for who she is not what she does.

humpbackjack · Answer

Not at all. It’s definitely something that should be figured out before marriage and kids or just kids whatever. My wife and I wanted one of us to be home for the kids while they were little and I was able to make the most money and she loved being a stay at home mom. So I busted my ass working 2 jobs both hard labor and went to school and she held it down at home. It worked best for us but everyone is different

PoliteSpeaker · Answer

Honestly the question isn't the right one. The question should be: Should we know what we want before we get into the relationship? You should already know if you want your wife to work or be a stay at home wife. And then from there you go out and find that girl who fits with you. You don't go find a girl and then try to make her fit or change yourself to fit her. That is scarcity mindset at best.

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

If both parties want, then she should.

If not both want, but it is needed at the time, and the husband has more reason to keep his job, then she should.

If not the above cases, then she should do whatever she thinks best. In the above cases I think that her being a stay at home mom is best.

girlygirl777 · Answer

I'm actually a stay at home mama myself, and my husband asked me to be one because his income alone is more then enough to take care of us and our son. I think its completely up to you if being a stay at home mama is something that you want to do. If not then talk to your husband about your authentic feelings and make sure he understands in a gentle way how you feel. If you do, thank go for it! It's a huge blessing to become a stay at home mama!💗

Anonymous · Answer

No i dont believe that. If he is providing a good income for the household and she wants to add more to it, she is more than welcome. I would hate to be home all day, every day and doing nothing but home duties. I think that if i were to feel that way, i wouldn't like it and would want to instead find s job to do something else. Its our life, being committed doesn't automatically make you property of the other person nor does it allow the other person to control you.

Pj1981 · Answer

I think a woman should do what she feels is right for her. Some women believe they are there to serve their husband's that's fine if it's what they want but my opinion when it comes to a relationship is that both are equal. Decisions should be discussed and agreed upon by both.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Yep she should but only if she loves it and consider it the norm...
Personally i'll never marry a girl who wants to work after marriage...
I appreciate, admire and support every devoted housewife 😌

Also the main role of a woman is becoming a housewife, she works inside while the man works outside "traditional gender roles"...

She's the love, warmth and peace at home 😊

Anonymous · Answer

Only if she wants to. She doesn't have to though. But if that is his goal, then he needs to find someone who wants that. Not force it on anyone. Reverse it. What if the girl automatically tells the guy she wants to be a stay at home wife and he needs to pay all the bills, and he has to support her all of her shopping habits too. Has to pay for her car insurances, her phone, everything. Just saying.

monkeynutts · Answer

If he makes enough money so that they have a disposable income that allows her to live a comfortable life without working, I think if she wants to, I thinks it’s a good idea, save the stress, of her working, particularly if the job she does is not a seriously skilled position, something she never went to university for, and is not going to adversely effect her own career.

ToastyOats · Answer

Women have to be working part time at least. We have so many labour saving devices in the home now. I keep my house in working order, take care of a dog and work 40+ hours anf still find time to go out and try to meet women. Being a stay home mom full time is crazy unless she is homeshooling several children.

AmeerX · Answer

Stay at home wife doesn't mean she can't enjoy her life and is doing house work all the time.
Even onlyfans girls can be stay at home and still work from home and enjoy and maintain their lifestyle.
I think it is mutual understanding between the two so she should accept if it bothers him so much. But then again, stay at home isn't necessarily a bad thing

LisaRaven · Answer

This should be a topic brought up before the wedding. If she is OK with being a house wife, fine. If she wants to work in a job outside then she should be allowed. If the guy really loves her, he will allow her choice and respect it.

Anonymous · Answer

No. Not unless it makes sense for the household and that's what she wants to do. Most couples cannot elect to do this. It's a bad thing for the woman's career and she'll be fully reliant on her man in a world where there is a lot of divorce and a lot of unstable jobs.

I_want_a_moustache · Answer

It depends if they agreed on that before marriage you can’t just assume she wants to stay at home. And another thing is that sometimes having a stay at home wife doesn’t make sense, if a family is poor then both parents should definitely work rather than survive on one income.

stupidgirlllll123 · Answer

Only if she wants to. If she like the idea and is comfortable with it and just wants to do it in general, then she should.

JennBITx · Answer

I would rather have the option to choose and not be told I have to. I also do not want to rely on someone

SnakeBoop · Answer

Not if she doesn't want to.  Him asking doesn't take away her choice.

sage2021 · Answer

No! If she has never worked she will not get any social security or Medicare. If she gets old and/or sick she is screwed. But I think she can collect 1/2 the husband's social security if that happens.

Qdbrown · Answer

It's a free market, so sometimes it makes more sense if you have a lot of children, than pay for all that daycare. Besides, a mom is a better caregiver to her children than a daycare.

Kenzy009 · Answer

This is much more complicated then you are making it out to be. I think the women should follow the man, but not like a puppet under a dictatorship. I the women is strongly agaisnt it she should not

slatyb · Answer

No. It’s foolish for her to give up her career. It leaves her with few resources if the marriage fails, as it likely will.

dustybiker · Answer

There are two people in a relationship. It’s up to them both to figure out how they want to live.

Dragonpurple · Answer

I don't think a man should ask her to, that seems controlling. If she wants to, and they can afford a single income living then he should be supportive of what she wants to do.

SynthKobra · Answer

If this was discussed between the two partners then sure. If it was all the husbands idea then uhh no. Unless that was something she was into of course but that goes to my first point.

Blackcupcake · Answer

Only if he’ll say yes to EVERYTHING I ask of him… I’m down for an equal relationship. But if not then hell no.

litty · Answer

Lol you should watch the Amy Wong stand up Baby Cobra about being a stay at home wife. She jokes about how feminism was the worst thing to happen to women like she'd prefer to just take a shit in her home instead of having to do it at work.

Agape93 · Answer

Only if she independently wants that and the husband can sufficiently provide.

BCA6010 · Answer

That should be a mutual agreement, and it also makes little to no sense if kids aren't involved.

EmmaMary · Answer

No absolutely not, it should be purely the woman's prerogative what she wishes or chooses to do.

YollyM · Answer

If a man has enough money to afford a lush/rich lifestyle for not only them but their children, then the woman would definitely feel SECURED enough to become a housewife.

abc3643 · Answer

She should do what she wants to do, hopefully with her husband's buy-in and support. But she doesn't need his permission.

AngelMegumin · Answer

If your husband asks such things, it's very weird to marry such a person. Life lies beyond marriage by all means.

genericname85 · Answer

well every woman has the choice to do that or not. if you married a guy and you weren't aware that he wants that or you married him despite not being ok with that, your marriage was a bad decision.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

No. She should if she wants to and they are financially stable enough to

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