Do you think a woman should be a stay at home wife if her husband asks her to?

[Subarugirl]

[Feresto]

I would advise against it unless that decision includes being a stay at home parent. Being able to go out and earn your own income is great. Being financially reliant on your partner can lead to strange power dynamics whether real or perceived (which then can easily evolve into real) even in a long term stable relationship. If there is a particular reason for one of you to stay at home that doesn't involve kids then determining what that reason is and whether there is a workaround for it can be much more beneficial.

Is your partner worried about getting the house cleaned? - Hire a regular home cleaner.
Is your partner concerned that shopping won't occur or meals won't get cooked? Adjust the times each of you are able to go shopping or begin cooking meals - if your schedules don't work well together due to shiftwork or such then planning in advance based on work schedules could be the way to go, if the schedules repeatedly mean one person is always cooking dinner for the other then the person getting home later might do shopping on the way home or be able to cook on weekends.

There's not really a need for one of the partners to stay at home looking after the house and hasn't been for a long time. Income sources should be diversified between the partners so that the financial responsibility doesn't fall on one person's shoulders causing undue stress on them to provide when they inevitably need to take sick leave or other time off that may be extended for unforeseen reasons.

Conversely, the person staying at home may be able to do a lot with their time that is meaningful. If they are doing things just to kill time then why not pick up a day or two of work a week? This allows the primary income earner to have a day or two off of work in order to fulfil creative pursuits each week.

It doesn't make sense to me for any reason other than misguided masculine pride in having the wife not need to work because the husband earns enough. Even if the wife wanted to be a housewife I would question her decisions if she wasn't also contributing to the community in some meaningful way.

[Still-alive]

I agree with @loves2learn it should be mutually agreed to. She should be free to choose but she should understand that it might not be doable for a time and may need to work until he can make enough to support that lifestyle. If she can't accept this then she will have to find another guy who can.

just have a nice healthy discussion about this and see what you can agree to.

[loves2learn]

Thank you for the support and love @Still-alive

[Still-alive]

Wow thank you. Im honored!

[Apple1996]

Yes especially if he is asking for that. It probably means he's needing a supportive wife and not one that's busy with work. My husband prefers having a stay at home wife/mom so that he doesn't have to worry about the stress of doing at home stuff. I take care of everything so he can come home after a long day and be able to be stress free.

[TonyMetal___86]

Lovely lady miss apple, i wish you both the best 😊
Your answer is wonderful!

[loves2learn]

I think it should be a mutual decision. My husband and I mutually decided I would work part time to spend more time with our children. He made more than me and that is what made sense for our family. His mom did the same when he was little. Worked our really well for us.

[loves2learn]

I think my mother regrets putting me in daycare 12 hours a day because she and my dad had to work. I turned out fine, but I think it is really neat my kids get to see their grandparents every week and my parents can be such a big part of their lives.

[Genie23]

NO. She should stay home only if she wants to and they are financially pretty stable and her husband doesn't expect her to help when it comes to earning and bringing money at home. If a man wants to be a stay-at-home dad, he should be one if his wife is okay with it and they are financially stable.

[TwinkleLily5]

Well said

[OlderAndWiser]

I think that is something that should be done by mutual consent and should be discussed before a couple gets engaged.

[MzAsh]

She should only do what she wants. If the husband asks her to, then he has the responsibility of making a case for why she should and what he’ll provide to her to compensate. Then it’s up to her to either accept or reject the proposal.

[VanillaSalt]

Yes. Let me explain why before you hate on me.


Your don’t make real money without putting years into a career. You can’t just leave on a whim if you have a career but if she wants kids, and she will considering I want kids so I wouldn’t date her unless she did, she’ll have to take time off anyway. Role transitioning is difficult and if something bad happens is easier generally for a man to get trade jobs and hazard pay jobs that will always exist if he’sa hard worker. If I had to I could work oil field tomorrow and not only make good money but insurance coverage for the whole family… office and speciality work takes a bit to find and get into. Furthermore it’s a bitch to go from house work to busting ass on a job site. I’ve been the stay at home dad it’s easy and I prefer it. But when it comes to earning potential men have it easier and better so ide rather not change that.


Besides this. I hate housework. And I’m not a… support type. I’m build to lead and spearhead. My personality would have me questioning every decision lol. And I’ve noticed women these days almost never can accept any responsibility. She just needs to trust me and support me and I’ll make sure everything works out or I’ll at least take responsibility for the failure.

[Anonymous]

Speaking on behalf as a Muslim, let me just say Islam does not state a woman must cook and clean for her husband. What I am saying is not some modified version of Islam 2.0 that was introduced in the 2010's, no these are God's words from over 1,400 years ago. As a guy, I cook, I clean for myself and for others. Therefore, my mindset is not "that's a woman's job". Let me clear also, I am not a feminist. Y'all wrap your heads around all these ism-based ideologies for what? If I was married and my wife wanted to pursue her Masters in psychology, I would let her. I would say, why do you want to do it? Do you see yourself using that education for the future because doing grad studies is no joke. Not only is it mentally draining, it costs money as well. If it's something she wants to do I will support her.

I know someone will read this and be like "ohh whatever, Islam has Sharia law and that oppresses women!". I think it's safe to safe religion was hijacked by power-ruling men after the last imam and prophet walked on this earth in plain sight. Now religion has been hijacked by feminists to say, "don't wear a hijab it's oppression". Telling someone what to do if they are comfortable with their beliefs is not only social control but also bullying as well. Therefore, I can look back at history and call out the faults of men past and present, but I will do the same for women. If people look at Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) his wife Khadija was wealthier then the prophet and she chose Islam has her faith and continued with her business. There are many stories of the power of women in the Quran, it's just that people haven't bothered reading it. I'm only bringing up religion because it gets misrepresented. If people dislike my comment because it doesn't "relate" to the question, well for questions like these it should be mentioned.

[Derek59987]

We've been (men& women) ripped off sometime before the 21st century. Most couples need dual incomes just to get by these days, this wasn't always the case.
Anyway, if he or she asks that it would be a good sign of financial security. Asking would be a discussion, not a request, a whole lot of variable circumstances here. Asking to take care of children, house chores, education could advance the families relationship and wellbeing as well as yours.
I'm going to make a presumption that your not both high paid doctors or something. I mean who knows what kind of wack job I could be answering a question like this online. Yah, probably too much time on my hands or something. I'm actually stuck, much by choice, on a tropical island and not drinking tonight, here mostly because the world's gone batshit crazy. If I had some sort of job here it would be shit anyways.
Yah, I would go for it if I were me (which I am) or you, unless you have this swanky great career or something. Make sure you have a decent car or motercycle, some spending money and freedom. You should probably cook stuff, if you're good at it, or pick up pizza or something, or just be plain nice to the dude in some sort of way. Going to school or some sort of hobby might be a good idea otherwise you might end up asking or answering questions like this all day or drinking too much or something. You know, it wasn't all that bad back a few decades ago. Go hang out with other women, have a few drinks sometimes. Get a bit stressed or whatever and get some decent prescriptions, mothers little helper, stuff they won't give you now, although you might be able to smoke. Anyway, sounds a hell of a lot better than working, you'll figure it out, keep sane and enjoy your life.

[hahahmm]

If she respects & trust him as the leader then she will listen to him. He would have earned all of that and not just imposed it on her like she's a hostage. The time to discuss this stuff is long before getting married. And if you aren't compatible then you shouldn't marry. Most people getting married today are marrying the wrong people or getting married at the wrong time, before they're really ready.

A man who is traditional-ish would be a fool to marry a feminist type. She would expect him to do all of the traditional stuff wives were expected to do PLUS his day job... plus all of the traditional man stuff. It's ridiculous.

[Subarugirl]

I think that is a gross generalization. My husband is traditional and I am a feminist. I respect him as my equal and he respect me as his.

[hahahmm]

He sounds like a major sucker. Think we discussed this before.

[Subarugirl]

Based of off what?

[yofuknutz]

Because he is probably doing stuff behind your back because you just dismiss him and his opinions. I'm sure everything's okay nothing to worry about nothing to see here.

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz I don’t dismiss him or his opinions, I respect my husband. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be married to him.

[yofuknutz]

Do you work in the marketing department you're perfect for it

[ChrisMaster69]

Nope, it’s her life.

there really needs to be a huge reason why this would be ask.

the last thing I would want as a couple is to be telling my partner, wife she would be staying at home.

on a purely financial level, assume she gets $40k a year, even $20k.

that is extra cash in to the family pot, better house, better car, better holidays or even paying off the mortgage earlier.

Now let’s say she had a high paid job potential, my current girlfriend is going to be studying dentistry, which would be a nice chunk of cash, but also means she gets a good career, lives her own dreams etc.

I would really want to know what I actually get out of them not working.

[ohshee]

I think a wife should do anything that she wants to do I know for me I couldn't be home all day I would have to be out doing something I enjoy work so no matter what it would have something to do with working but I think that's a choice between him and her or her if she wants the job and wants to get out of the house and experience life and friends that's what she should do if she wants to stay at home and do whatever she wants to do there then I think that's what she should do but I think that to her mostly even though it it has to be ran across both people but I think she should have that last word to it it's her choice

[GoldenAxer]

Something to work out together far in advance and ideally with an arrangement that satisfies you both as well as optimizing the well-being of any kids involved. On the basic question, I suppose it also depends on the reasoning. Say a husband is earning many times more money but needs to work 90+ hours/week but there needs to be someone to devote a good portion of their time raising the kids. Then I think it's at least a reasonable request. And I also think it's a reasonable request if the sexes were swapped and it's the woman who is the primary bread earner for her to ask the husband to stay at home and devote their time to the kids.

[Phoenix98]

If she wants to or is ok with the idea of it and you as the man of the household are making enough money to support that choice. Then I don't see why not.

Another appropriated time for her to switch to being a housewife or stay at home mom would be if you have a child on the way or have young children. Because it is important for their development to have the mother present during those early years and there is nothing more important then raising a child.

Other then that I think it's up to the wife and husband of the marriage to decide if that's something they want to do and can afford to do.

[Andres77]

BUDGET! should tell a wife if she needs to get a job.
The husband can give you his preference but I disagree with him TELLING you that you must stay home.
If you can afford a single working parent while the kids grow up and go to school then do so.
Depending on the kind of work available day-care might cost as much as she earns, plus your kids are exposed to other little snotty brats and there's always the worry of your kid being abused.
Take all that into consideration.

But "My husband said I can't work" has got to be one of the most embarrassing thing for a woman to say nowadays.

[HaveNoName]

It should be brought into discussions BEFORE deciding to get married. Having said that, situations change. If the guys is being reasonable about something that genuinely makes sense, then there should be no pride lost in agreeing with him.

If the guy is trying to force his wish just because he wants to force his wish, we have a problem.

[Starlight420]

Fuck no. If a woman wants to work, she should work. If she wants to be a house-wife, she should be a housewife. The man’s opinion is appreciated but ultimately when it concerns the woman’s life, the woman should have the decision. And vise versa. Neither should push to control the other.

[DonkeyDan]

Absolutely not, it's not my place to tell my wife what to do with her life, I'm her husband not her owner. If she wants to stay at home and look after the kids then that's fine but it is her choice. But if she wants a career then I'd offer her whatever support she needed.

[VanillaSalt]

Then I suppose you’re going to quit your career if another pandemic locks your kid from school? When your sick or hurt and can’t work you going to let her “do as she wants?”

[Me_I_guess]

@VanillaSalt its called having savings.

[DonkeyDan]

We firstly if I had kids I have people within my bubble who would be able to look after them. I have been off long term sick from work, I had insurance, it's called being an adult and planning for the future. I'm going to guess you've never been married.

[VanillaSalt]

I’m sure most people have 2 years worth of savings sitting around to throw at a pandemic… I’m sure that you have enough saved right now that if you permanently injured your back or leg you’d be fine until you found a job… or in a tougher economy you’d have no issues.

As for marriage… no I have never been nor will I ever willingly marry. It’s a bigger scam then insurance or a gender studies degree… at least the insurance has a purpose though it’s notoriously difficult to get insurance applied for long term or permanent disabilities.

Also… I may not have been married but I k ow what I expect from a woman I’m cohabitating with… we have responsibilities and they must be met… if I gotta cover it all I don’t need you. If you don’t being enough value your replaceable. You can’t just do as you want sometimes it’s necessary for someone to get shafted so the group succeeds. If you don’t value me enough to respect my wishes then I’ll drop you, avoid the shaft, and continue with my comfortable life. Idc what disrespectful comeback you have planned I don’t wanna hear it.

[DizzyDesii]

Will i get an allowance like the child he thinks i am? Will he pay me biweekly like a real job would? Will he still come home to cook for the both of us cause he know my cooking sucks? No? Okay then he better not ask me to stay home. I rather go out and work and pay my share of the bills.

[yofuknutz]

Here it is

[DizzyDesii]

and there it goes

[yofuknutz]

Don't forget to wipe we don't want to see any skid marks anywhere

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz I don’t think anyone really cares about what you want to see other than you.

[DizzyDesii]

Right. He stays taunting people who think differently. Haters can fck off

[yofuknutz]

You know there was a recall recently on Subaru so instead of arguing with me stalking my profile you should go check out your car and make sure it's not on the recall list.

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz I work for Subaru genius… I know all about the recall.

[yofuknutz]

Why are you still working for them if they have a recall?

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz you don’t know much about cars do you. If you are referring to the Takata airbag inflator recall that affected a ton of car manufacturers, not just Subaru.

[yofuknutz]

All they're good for is accident prevention it's the number one car for Vermont so I know about it that's all I care they don't even have a hybrid so why am I impressed I'm not sit down and have a cup of coffee with Coco

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz you don’t think safety is important?

[yofuknutz]

Actually is a Hyundai Sonata has more innovative safety features that you guys have and trust me I'm not easily impressed by Hyundai trust me when I say that

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz actually the IIHS awarded the 2021 Hyundai Elantra and Veloster a top safety pick while the 2021 Subaru Hybrid Crosstrek was awarded as a Top safety pick+. According to IIHS the only Hyundais that were awarded a top safety pick + rating were the 2021 Hyundai Palisade, and Nexo. While the 2021 Subaru hybrid Crosstrek, Forester, Outback, Legacy and Ascent were all declared tops safety pick + by IIHS

[yofuknutz]

Yawnnn. The Sonata has in the luxury trim, side mirror cameras when U use your turn signal, yep thats innovation, star trek quality! You guys are OLD school. Pfttttt

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz Ohh… lol if that impresses you should check out Tesla, thy have a lot of cameras.

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz Yet... Subarus till out rank Hyundais when it comes to safety according to the IIHS.

[yofuknutz]

Fuk IIHS, they sold out years ago. So what a Subaru can get into an accident I am looking to avoid an accident and that's Hyundai offers your car is not the same safety features. I already looked at Subaru not impressed I like hybrid I like the fact that I can spent $20 on gas to key west with the AC on by the way. Can your car do that I doubt it and my car was kind of old it still was able to do that

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz I don’t care, I don’t work in sales

[yofuknutz]

I don't care either either make a hybrid or get the fuck out of my way don't get me wrong I like electric stuff like Tesla but they are just a little too rich for my budget if something I've learned living hurricane country you can't worry about where you got to plug in the charger car During a major disaster evac as the recent events in Louisiana have shown us and definitely hurricane Maria and Irma. A hybrid car allows me to get out of the state without refueling so I could go to another state and refuel the power will be on I stop at the gas station to take a leak and also refuel not because I need to get gas it should be my choice. You go ahead and tell the folks in Louisiana right now you go right ahead push your Subaru narrative yeah good luck with that.

https://poweroutage.us/area/state/louisiana

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz like I said, I don’t work I sales, I work with people who have already bought their Subarus, like the hybrid crosstrek..

[yofuknutz]

I'm only interested in hybrids I don't care about anyone else when you fucking drive one and stop pushing this gay azz Subaru bulshit a hybrid keeps you how to drive and how to manage your energy platform and don't get me wrong I love electric cars I love my electric scooter I plug it in and then go and I rely on it to get me out in the middle of a hurricane no and I have outrun storms blizzards hurricanes people following me because of my work I was able to shake them loose in the Everglades if it's not a hybrid please step off.

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz you realize that Subaru makes a hybrid right?

[Subarugirl]

Regardless if you don’t want one than don’t buy one, it’s not like anyone is pressuring you to.

[yofuknutz]

Not over here they don't carry them anymore here I don't know what the deal is

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz they are only available in Connecticut, California, Maine, Maryland, New Jersey, Oregon, New York, Maryland, Vermont, and Rhode Island.

[Subarugirl]

New car sales have been impacted by the micro chip shortage

[yofuknutz]

^^^^ oh please my relatives say the same bullshit microchip my ass they're doing it shock up the prices on bulshit cars most cars and trucks today should be either hybrids or electric unless you're driving a Lambo what the fuck do you need a regular Ice engine for?

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz who is they? New car manufacturing isn’t the only thing that has been impacted

[yofuknutz]

Please stop sticking up for the system or being an apologist for the system after we get done Line Em Up against the wall we will come for sympathizers like you next. Please these businesses have got money tax breaks zero financing I don't want to hear it either drain the swamp or get your fucking act together.

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz I’m not sticking up for a system, I was explaining why there isn’t any hybrid Crosstreks in your state. You’re the one making it political

[yofuknutz]

Because it is political we did not have these problems Donald Trump when he was president it was 0 financing and now you got these fucking scumbag car dealers is drooling acting stupid let me guess you're in finance aren't you I can't stand you fucking people

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz No I am an Encore Delivery Specialist, to put that into terms you can understand I am a product specialist and trainer You can get into the politics all you want, but that is going to be a very one sided conversation. You really just like arguing don't you lol

[yofuknutz]

Encore I don't know what that is but that sounds very tasty I like this all right tell me all about it let's step away for the feminist argument for a second encore delivery specialist is that for every buyer or the upper echelon of society

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz anyone who purchases or leases a new car at this dealership is given the opportunity to participate in an Encore Delivery if they want to.

[yofuknutz]

Is there an extra charge or is it part of the service and how does it work let's say it was me standing in front of you

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz No it's part of the service and you would actually get a 25$ gas card just for participating. Usually how it works, is we sit in the car and I go through everything with you. Explain how everything works, and everything you need to know about the vehicle you purchased. I would answer any questions that you might have and address any concerns about the car, or the experience you had purchasing the car.

[yofuknutz]

You know you making it hard to hate you but I like your style just like you like my style

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz I am not a totally asshole lol

[yofuknutz]

^^^^ I hope not I want no 1 take my job away from me I've worked very hard to get where I am today

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz Take your job?

[yofuknutz]

Of being a top asshole that's my job now you can apply for that job if you wish but currently all positions are filled

[Subarugirl]

@yofuknutz no thanks. I don't really have the desire to be one. lol

[yofuknutz]

Hahaahaha,

[MrOracle]

If the couple wants children, then it's usually the best choice until the last child is in school full time, usually 1st grade. There is no more important job than raising children.

If no kids, then it's really up to the couple.

Not sure why someone would choose to work outside the home for 40 years if they didn't have to - maybe working part-time fairly locally instead.

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

It's a labour distribution question.
Some people can afford not to work. Some can work from home and/or work part time.
The household chores are a type of work. The 'extra effort' to keep it nice/warm/homely/decorated etc - also (depending on personal taste/affinity).
How much work is needed for a given lifestyle varies greatly from one location/culture - and individual capability level - to another.
What one person or a particular couple, need to be happy - or content - again varies widely.

[nella965]

Any man who wouldn't marry a woman unless she becomes a stay home wife, is usually a sign that he will be a very egotistical, controlling, misogynistic man in marriage.

The real reason why a man would insist on only marrying a housewife is because he wants a woman to be totally dependent on him so that he can be reassured that she will never leave him. Housewives lack the ability to hire lawyers to divorce their husbands. Its a position of submissiveness and weakness

[devilman666]

Really? Why can't housewives hire lawyers? There have been plenty of cases of housewives divorcing their husbands in the past so I really don't understand this.

[Subarugirl]

@devilman666 It's about financial dependency.

[devilman666]

Options exist now adays, even with financial deoendence she could go to a shelter, there are pro-bono lawyers, charities, loans, government assistance, and lawyers who will accept payment after the hearing is completed, meaning you can use the money from the divorce to pay for the divorce. These things have happened before, options for these women do exist. I'm not trying to defend a man controlling his wife and forcing her to be a housewife, that's totally wrong. I'm just trying to point out that women escape from abusive marriages almost daily, I'm not saying it's easy, but it's clearly possible and as far as I can tell, quite a few options and resources exist to help these women.

[nella965]

@devilman666

do you realize how much it costs to hire a lawyer?

And if you have been out of work for 10 years , that really is not gonna help your chances of finding a job. Employers like to hire people with recent skills , not someone you did 18 years ago.

A husband can put his wife under a lot of financial abuse. If she doesn’t obey him, he can withhold her allowance for the month. If she doesn’t do what he says , he can refuse to pay for her shoes or Watever she wants to buy. He holds a lot of power of abuse over her

[nella965]

@devilman666

He also probably makes all the decisions around the house if he is the breadwinner. He is the one making all THe money so why should the wife have a voice in anything?

He might scold her or control how she spends a money. He is the one making the money so he has the right to have a big say in what she buys.

[devilman666]

@Nella965 and yet women in these situations reliably seem to manage to find options to get out of these situations (if they want out). Do you think we're still in the 1960s?

In my view if you want to be finacially reliant on someone then that is the price you pay. If you want control over money, earn it yourself. Again, we're not in the 1960s anymore, except in extreme cases, anyone choosing to be a housewife had the option to get a job and remain unmarried if they wanted, she never needed to rely on anyone if she didn't want to.

Also, she could just move out to a shelter, try to find a job (you might think it's impossible but there are actually people willing to hire domestic abuse victims who haven't worked in 10 years), and then file for divorce after saving some money, she could probably use resources at the shelter to find jobs and more permanent housing.

In my experience it's the opposite way around, my uncle is the breadwinner in their family, but he does everything my aunt says. In my experience women tend to be skilled manipulators, they can control most men either through manipulating emotions or withholding sex.

I mean, is scolding necessarily abuseful? Also, makes sense that the one with the sense of what money is worth would be the one who chooses how it is spent. To be fair this is different in most modern relationships, but if you had a boyfriend who made $100k/per year more than you, would you expect him to contribute more to the household as a result? Now to reverse this, if he made $100k/per year less than you, would you split expenses 50/50 or would you contribute more to the household?

Even when I was financially reliant on my parents they didn't buy me everything I wanted, so I don't see why a husband should be forced to do that for his houswife just because she is reliant on him.

[nella965]

@devilman666

in the 1960s, cost of living was wayy cheaper. You could actually survive on a minimum wage job back then. Nowadays you can’t. Cost of housing has risen, cost of food has risen. Cost of education has risen. Everything was affordable. Nowadays, housewives are unaffordable by most husbands. Most wives need jobs to support their families.

But reality was that women in the 1960s tend to stay married to their shitty husbands because they simply didn’t have the survival skills to divorce. You need to understand that women in the 1960s would have it much harder surviving on her own because of her lack of education/ career skills. Women back then were not encouraged to have an education so they can’t find jobs that pay a bit more. Men were encouraged to develop career skills, women weren’t. Divorce was also frowned upon more during the 1960s than 2020

Divorce wasn’t common until the 1990s to 2020s where women were expected to be College educated And hold professional Careers so they can divorce their shitty husbands

[nella965]

@devilman666

[and yet women in these situations reliably seem to manage to find options to get out of these situations (if they want out). Do you think we're still in the 1960s?]

actually divorce wasn't common until the last few decades. Historically women didn't have the luxury to divorce their husbands due to their lack of means to survive on their own. Historically women were not encouraged to pursue a college education or develop a career. In fact, career women were looked down upon.

[In my view if you want to be financially reliant on someone then that is the price you pay. If you want control over money, earn it yourself. ]

Most women do not want to be housewives. Most women want their own income. Its just that this question was asking "should a woman be forced to become a stay home wife if her husband asks her to be one

[nella965]

[Also, she could just move out to a shelter, try to find a job (you might think it's impossible but there are actually people willing to hire domestic abuse victims who haven't worked in 10 years), and then file for divorce after saving some money, she could probably use resources at the shelter to find jobs and more permanent housing.]

If you've been out of work for 10 years, not many people are going to find you desirable. Because if you were an accountant 10 years ago, you would have forgotten all your knowledge and skills over a 10 yr period. If you were a doctor 20 years ago, you would most likely have forgotten how to be a doctor since you haven't practiced in so long. If you were a waitress 30 years ago, you probably have forgotten your customer service skills. You're also probably slower as an older woman , compared to when you had your job 30 years ago.

Housewives are typically uneducated and married when they were very young. Housewives do not tend to be smart successful college educated women. Because reality is, if she pulled out loans for her education, worked her ass off for years to develop a career, make great money, she is not going to throw it away just because she had a child.

If you're the typical uneducated housewife, you're not gonna be able to survive very well with a minimum wage job. Even with a little bit of alimony from her husband, it still wouldn't be enough to survive. Life would be ridiculously painful and difficult for her after divorce.

[nella965]

[In my experience it's the opposite way around, my uncle is the breadwinner in their family, but he does everything my aunt says. In my experience women tend to be skilled manipulators, they can control most men either through manipulating emotions or withholding sex.]
Men who insist on marrying housewives are the manipulators. Its their way of controlling their wives so that she can't leave him easily. So that he can mistreat her whatever way he wants.
[I mean, is scolding necessarily abuseful? Also, makes sense that the one with the sense of what money is worth would be the one who chooses how it is spent. To be fair this is different in most modern relationships, but if you had a boyfriend who made $100k/per year more than you, would you expect him to contribute more to the household as a result? Now to reverse this, if he made $100k/per year less than you, would you split expenses 50/50 or would you contribute more to the household?]
this question was about housewivery where the woman is unemployed. so don't attempt to change the topic. And you really can't deny that there will be a huge power imbalance if its the husband paying her allowance. He is literally paying her to be a wife around the house. The husband is now her boss. If she doesn't obey him, he doesn't have to give her any money at all. you don't think this is abusive at all? she's a grown woman, not a child. there is a certain level of independence associated with being an adult.

[nella965]

[Even when I was financially reliant on my parents they didn't buy me everything I wanted, so I don't see why a husband should be forced to do that for his houswife just because she is reliant on him.]
who wants to live a life where they live like they are a child rather than an adult? To beg your husband if you want a new purse? To beg your husband if you want to buy a cookie? To beg your husband if you want a new pair of expensive shoes?
she's an adult, not a child.
This is why most women do not want to be housewives. They want an income of their own.

[devilman666]

I'll say it again: we're not in the '60s anymore...
Historically women this, historically women that, so what? I can talk about the past too, historically men have been the vast majority of deaths in wars, workplaces, suicides, assaults,
Most men dont want to be providers. Most men want to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable.
Historically men were not encouraged to be emotional or to rely on others... oh wait that continues today

Why are you so obsessed with this? I get it, women haven't had rights in the past, which is why I said things have changed since then. Women are no longer forced to be housewives. Reread the question, it did not say women should be forced into being housewives, it asked a pretty dumb question in my view (just find a woman who wants to be a housewife instead of trying to turn a woman into a housewife), but it did not say women should be forced.

Define "shitty husband" for me? The majority of divorces are over financial issues, so go ahead and explain how a man losing his job, in the modern age, makes him a shitty husband. Needless misandry is needless. I admit that bad men exist and I hope women manage to avoid these abusers, but you're being so general with this that it makes it very hard to tell what kind of man you are talking about, or if you just mean all men in general.

Last winter I was cleaning a building with a woman who had just returned to work after 5 years of being a stay at home mom, I ended up being let go because the boss lost a contract and only needed 1 of us, and she had more experience. Again, I'm not saying it's necessarily going to be easy, but there are options, society isn't about to revert to forcing women to be housewives.

[devilman666]

You'd be surprised, some women go to college just to find a good man to settle down with, this was a little more common in the past but it still happens sometimes today. It's called a "Mrs Degree", and the idea is that going to college introduces you to more college/university educated men.

I mean, I agree that housewives tend to be uneducated and marry younger, but it seems to me like you might be a little biased against housewives/stay at home moms here. Some women do take extended maternity leaves for 5 years becauae she had a child, it depends on the person and you can't speak for every woman.

Bruh I survive on minimum wage so Ima just call cap. Again it's not necessarily easy but it's definitely possible, and I don't even get alimony lmfao. Please explain why life would be so hard and painful for her after divorce?

Maybe in the 50s and before it made it so women couldn't leave, but today being a housewife is a choice, one which some women make.

How are men who insist on marrying housewives manipulators? I just don't see the logic because women today aren't forced into anything.

I love how you avoid the topic altogether lol. Cause you know that women expect men to share everything 50/50, but most women hate sharing.
"Even though my husband and I combine our finances and have almost all of our assets in joint accounts, I still maintain a separate account for my growing online business," says Amber Nash, "Every now and then, I'll keep a little to myself for something I want to splurge on."

[devilman666]

If he was being cruel like that then she probably could have divorced him for it, there were expectations on men too, it's not like men were free to abuse women however they wanted. Here is one divorce from 1920s: One woman charged, among other humiliations, that her husband refused to build the fires, and told her if she was cold, “there is the stove and the coal.”

She divorced her husband because he wouldn't fulfill his role and take care of her properly. Now to be fair I didn't live back then and don't fully understand it, and I definitely don't agree with forcing women into being housewives, but I think you are overplaying how bad it was.

I don't think anyone should be forced to beg, but in any scenario where your finances are linked, you should probaby ask before you spend on yourself, as your spending affects more than just yourself. How'd you feel if your husband went and bought a used dirt bike with money from your joint bank account without asking you? (Cheap dirt bike can cost around as much as an expensive pair of womens shoes).

By all means, have your own income then, nothing stopping you and I'm not even arguing that women should be housewives.

[nella965]

@devilman666

[You'd be surprised, some women go to college just to find a good man to settle down with, this was a little more common in the past but it still happens sometimes today. It's called a "Mrs Degree", and the idea is that going to college introduces you to more college/university educated men.]

The numbers of housewives are declining rapidly while there are more women graduating from college than men. You tell me if most educated women want to be housewives.

[I mean, I agree that housewives tend to be uneducated and marry younger, but it seems to me like you might be a little biased against housewives/stay at home moms here. Some women do take extended maternity leaves for 5 years becauae she had a child, it depends on the person and you can't speak for every woman.]

Maternity leave is definitely not 5 years, its not even 5 months for most women. Putting out fake numbers definitely makes you seen biased for housewives. why are you so obsessed with protecting their image, to the extent of putting out fake numbers?

[Bruh I survive on minimum wage so Ima just call cap. Again it's not necessarily easy but it's definitely possible, and I don't even get alimony lmfao. Please explain why life would be so hard and painful for her after divorce?]

Well maybe if you had some real world life experience as self supporting adult, you would be able to understand why her life after divorcing raising kids on minimum wage would be so difficult. You clearly don't pay your own bills.

[nella965]

[Why are you so obsessed with this? I get it, women haven't had rights in the past, which is why I said things have changed since then. Women are no longer forced to be housewives. Reread the question, it did not say women should be forced into being housewives, it asked a pretty dumb question in my view (just find a woman who wants to be a housewife instead of trying to turn a woman into a housewife), but it did not say women should be forced.]
do you even know what the title of this question is?
The title of this question "should a woman become a housewife if her husband asked her to?" why should anyone become a houswife , not because they make the individual decision, but rather to just satisfy their husband?
there is a HUGE housewife obsession on GAG , just in case you weren't aware. TONS of misogynistic men obsessing over housewives while shitting on career women.

[Last winter I was cleaning a building with a woman who had just returned to work after 5 years of being a stay at home mom, I ended up being let go because the boss lost a contract and only needed 1 of us, and she had more experience. Again, I'm not saying it's necessarily going to be easy, but there are options, society isn't about to revert to forcing women to be housewives.]
obsessing over EXCEPTIONS will not help your argument. Because the reality is, the overwhelming majority of people who have been out of work for more than a few years are considered significantly less valuable than those with recent work experience (especially if they don't have a a lot of valuable work experience).
Even someone who has been out of work for 1 year is viewed as less desirable compared to someone who had been out of work for 3 months. Studies have proven that the longer you have been unemployed, the less desirable you will be.

[nella965]

[I'll say it again: we're not in the '60s anymore...
Historically women this, historically women that, so what? I can talk about the past too, historically men have been the vast majority of deaths in wars, workplaces, suicides, assaults,
Most men dont want to be providers. Most men want to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable.
Historically men were not encouraged to be emotional or to rely on others... oh wait that continues today]

why are you trying to victimize men? this topic was always about housewifery.
We are talking about why housewifery existed in the 1960s but not nowadays.
And yes, the overwhelming majority of men on GAG still do want housewives. Thats why we see such a huge housewifery obsession on GAG. Literally its the 3rd time this question had been asked over the past month.

[Why are you so obsessed with this? I get it, women haven't had rights in the past, which is why I said things have changed since then. Women are no longer forced to be housewives. Reread the question, it did not say women should be forced into being housewives, it asked a pretty dumb question in my view (just find a woman who wants to be a housewife instead of trying to turn a woman into a housewife), but it did not say women should be forced.]

do you even know what the title of this question is?

The title of this question "should a woman become a housewife if her husband asked her to?"
why should anyone become a housewife , not because they make the individual decision, but rather to just satisfy their husband?

there is a HUGE housewife obsession on GAG , just in case you weren't aware. TONS of misogynistic men obsessing over housewives while shitting on career women.

[nella965]

@devilman666

If he was being cruel like that then she probably could have divorced him for it, there were expectations on men too, it's not like men were free to abuse women however they wanted. Here is one divorce from 1920s: One woman charged, among other humiliations, that her husband refused to build the fires, and told her if she was cold, “there is the stove and the coal.”

yea, she can divorce her husband. She will just have to live in a homeless shelter with her children, surrounded by dangerous alcoholics and lunatics preying on them. You just won't know when a lunatic will rape you or kidnap your child while you're sleeping. Her children will go winters potentially without coats. Days without showers, living off of cheap dollar bagels and a lack of nutrition. She probably will spend 60 hours a week working a job trying to save up to rent an apartment, the kids probably won't see her all week while she's at work. Her kids may even go without school for a year until the mom resettles her life. Or she may never ever get back on her feet if she can't manage to make enough money.

For many homeless people , sleeping at the sidewalk is safer than living at homeless shelters. Because shelters are usually filled with mentally ill lunatics and alcoholics.

[

[nella965]

She divorced her husband because he wouldn't fulfill his role and take care of her properly. Now to be fair I didn't live back then and don't fully understand it, and I definitely don't agree with forcing women into being housewives, but I think you are overplaying how bad it was.]

You seem to be rather thick. This topic was never about the husband not fulfilling his role. It is about the abuse of the power of being a breadwinner / provider. I will repeat this again to you.

When you control the purse strings, you have a huge power over someone else. The breadwinner husband is literally paying her an allowance to be a wife. He is literally HER BOSS. The husband does NOT NEED to give you an allowance every month, if he doesn't want to. He does not need to give her any paychecks if he is not happy with her. She can't argue with him. She can't upset him. If they want to go on vacation, he can pick wherever he wants to go while she can't. why? because she's not paying for the trip.

[Anonymous]

The interesting aspect of this question for me is that if you are talking about someone who has had a traditional Christian wedding then by not complying the wife would be in breach of the vows that she made, to love, honour and OBEY.

Now obviously that is a deeply disturbing and wholely unacceptable idea as are many of the things which religion teaches but the fact remains that if you didn't like the terms of the contract then you shouldn't have signed it.

[Clarke498]

So after she says i do, she thereafter has to obey every wish or she's shitting on your marriage license?

[Opinion Owner]

@Clarke498 That is what I understand 'obey' to mean.

[Clarke498]

Lol. So you're her slave too then?

[Opinion Owner]

@Clarke498 The man doesn't make that vow, only the woman does.

[Clarke498]

Haha how convenient

[Opinion Owner]

@Clarke498 Well, I did describe it as deeplying disturbing and wholely unacceptable, but maybe you didn't bother reading what i actually wrote and just decided to respond to whatever you decided you wanted me to have said?

[Clarke498]

No i read it

[Opinion Owner]

@Clarke498 Just failed to understand it then.