8 year affair with a married man that has now dumped me?

[Anonymous]

Not sure I can fit everything on here. But I fell into an affair with a married man, he was older than we, looking bsck he perused me, we began an intense close friendship and then gradually years later it became sexual. He told me all the bullshit, that he was only there for the kids, that him and his wife don’t have affection in the relationship, and the sex is more passionate with me. He said they never spoke like we spoke, that if life was different he would choose me, that one day we will have our time together. So many times I tried doing the right thing and walking away and he would always find a way to pull me back in.

6 months ago out of nowhere he distances himself, I give him space hoping he’ll message and say he misses me but he never, so I messaged him saying it. He then rang me shouting calling me an emotional wreck etc etc, said the was busy and can’t text me all day. I then distanced myself completely and for 6 months we didn’t speak. My heart was broke, I could honestly see why people kill themselves due to relationship breakdowns, I lost weight, I couldn’t eat/ sleep. I shut off from the world physically and emotionally.

last week he messaged me happy birthday, which was nice. We then began talking and again arguing over our side of what happened between us. He says I got pregnant and broke the trust between us, and he can’t continue due to this but will always care about me. I asked if he loved me and he replied he doesn’t, he loves his family, but enjoyed what ever we had and will always think of me as a friend. I know he has a family but this broke me. We was intimate after the pregnancy, and it was 2 years ago. I terminated the baby like he wanted to protect him, yet now he is using it as an excuse to cut ties with me.

what really was I to him, in my heart I feel he loved me, not more than his wife or family, but in some way I feel it was there and it’s hard to expect I was only just sex for 8 years.

Updates

1 y

So after two months of no contact, and me moving on… I actually went on a date a few times with a very handsome man! Who was single and available, my ex married man decides to get back in contact, and says he’s sorry for the hurtful things he’s said and he does love me but he didn’t want to admit it becus it’s wrong and he doesn’t want to give me false hope for the future. That’s he wants us to be friends and in each others life but even though the sex was amazing he can’t take part in it.

Updates

1 y

He then went on to ask me out on a few occasions, which would usually end in sex? But says he doesn’t want sex. Very confused. I didn’t meet him and I’ve told him he’s destroyed the bond between us too, that he can’t take back what he said and I’ve changed as a person. It hurts that just as I fully let go, the full days of crying and moping around can’t be for nothing, I can’t go through it again when he decides he’s had enough so I have to stand by the fact that he ended it and I have accepted.

[SuckOnThisOpinion]

Oh my god that man was so cruel to you!! I completely get it, he handled this so shittily as if he was no grown man but a child with no social competence. I'm so sorry for the pain you went through and the abortion you apparently also did not get anywhere near sufficient support and respect for. After all this time, you deserved clear communication and honestly and being let down kindly if that was what he had to do. Parting in a loving way. And if you felt in your heart he loved you, maybe he did but just couldn't comprehend what that means when he also loves his wife and family more. But that's just how feelings are, they are complex. And it appears he panicked and got into a black-and-white tunnelvision where all the knew was that he had to distance himself, instead of reflecting deeper on where that feeling comes from, what it means and how you feel and what would now be the least damaging way to go about it.

This is also important to note for all the insensitive dudes in the comments who apparently don't get the issue or see how this man could've done things differently. Yes, the world is rough sometimes but we can at least be kind and empathetic and loving through the pain. A surgeon cuts you open fully open, but he does so carefully because he's aware of the responsibility and how much the damage done during the process, as well as the healing afterwards, within his hands and actions.

[Danielle93]

You were aware of the situation involved. You knew he was a married man with kids meanwhile you were just the mistress providing free sex services. With you, he had the dream that too many men desire, just a girlfriend to have fun with and no responsibilities.

Did you really think he was going to really file for divorce, abandon his kids and them marry you? Why don't you seek for single man that are looking for commitment? I would suggest never telling a man that you were a man's mistress as this might lower your value to the ''forever girlfriend''... basically you would be back to being the lover again, a lover without any commitment.

[AviatorTom]

You tried to establish a relationship with someone who was already in one. That almost always ends badly, and it did... for you. Put it behind you and move on.

[Berethor]

Yea looks like he just used you and dumped you, he have zero respect for his side chick.

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach, my heart goes out to you for what you're going through. It sounds like you've been caught in a classic case of lovebombing. This man manipulated you with promises and affection but ultimately prioritized his family over you, despite the emotional investment you made. It's painful to realize, but it seems he used you to fill a void without fully committing. Now's the time to focus on healing and rebuilding your life. Remember, you're deserving of a relationship where love is mutual and reciprocated. Time to be your fabulous self and let someone else fall madly in love with you! ❤️

[HelpfulWoman]

lmaooooo.
dumbasses. thank god you terminated the baby

[Asker]

And why’s that?

[HelpfulWoman]

if you have to ask, even more of a good thing

[boggboss]

Yeah thats pretty much it he used u for sex in that time and fed u sweet nothings

[In_Trance]

Do you really think this would turn out any other way?

[Asker]

I never thought we would run off together, but I never thought he would end it with me and no longer even talk to me. I never saw this coming which is what hurts the most. There was no genuine reason to cut me off 😢

[In_Trance]

Chances are he was with you while his relationship with his wife was on the rocks. Once they both decided to reconcile and put in 100% effort, that meant he had to eliminate you from the equation.

[Anonymous]

You got what you deserved here. I'll never understand why women who are willing to be homewreckers can't seem to take responsibility for their own actions and choices,

[power_wolf]

you're stupid. you were just a fresher hole

[jahaims]

Terrible human