Am I wrong for wanting to move on?

[Anonymous]

A few days ago I got SA’d by a trusted friend in my sleep. I was actually awake and frozen. Our friend group is pissed. However, I only want to tell our friend group. I don’t have the heart to tell his mom or want to take legal action. I’m perfectly fine with sweeping this under the rug and ending the friendship. I see no point in giving someone a record and messing up their future. I just want to move on with my life, plus I’m moving out of town soon anyways and I won’t be seeing him. He did apologize but the apology doesn’t even sit right with me. Am I wrong for wanting to just move on? Below is the apology.

Updates

1 y

I’ve known this man for over six years. We’ve shared a bed before so naturally, I trusted him while I was at his place. Call me crazy, but our friend group likes to cuddle sometimes when hanging out and watching tv everyone has a cuddle buddy for a few hours but nothing more. Before bed though we did get buzzed which is why I was more lenient with the groping. It wasn’t turning me on cause I don’t get pleasure from it. We sobered up before we went to bed and didn’t even fall asleep cuddling

[Finchie40]

Not at all , but understand you are just as wrong as he was , don’t act like you are this victim , you clearly shouldn’t have gone to bed with him thinking he wasn’t going to try to make a move on you especially when alcohol is involved as well. So whether you were half asleep or not , you should have told him No and stopped him when he was groping you and touching you, but instead you laid there and allowed him to do it. Why guys’ and a girls’ really can’t just be friends’ especially if one of them is attracted to the other. Sadly this type of stiff happens a lot , Us guys’ can go through the same things with girls’ as well , that claim they just want to be friends’ with us , but the second she has her opportunity she goes for it. I had 2 girl friends’ that I considered sisters’ to me , we were best friends’ and just hung out together and had fun together like brother and sisters’ . We ended up going on a camping trip with some of our other friends’ and they asked me if it was ok for them to share a tent with me , I said yes of course not thinking much about it. We all hung out drinking and hanging out by the fire , fishing etc. When I was tired I ended up going to bed in the tent , my girl friends’ said they were tired as well , and followed me into the tent. The three of us were buzzed. . Once we got settled in the tent, they both said they were cold and said they wanted to cuddle with me to get warm , so they got closer to me and they eventually started groping me and touching me and giggling , I knew what they were up to , so I just went along with it and said fuck it and ended up fucking the both of them like it was no big deal. Our friendship after that night turned to more , the 3 of us were now friends’ with benefits , we ended up having a lot more sex together and just staying friends’ until we agreed we needed to stop. The 3 of us agreed to stop but after we stopped our friendship kind of drifted apart , their friendship with each other drifted as well , and the one girl disappeared , I am still friends with the one gir on social media , she is now married with kids’. linked her if she hear from our friend , and she told me she hasn’t heard or spoken to her in a long time and doesn’t know what she has been up to. The last she heard was she met a guy and moved away. I tried searching her up on social media but had no luck doing so. That wasn’t the only time opposite sex friends’ have tried coming on to me , it happens more than we like to think it does. So when I get into a relationship with a girl , Out of respect for her and I’s relationship, I distance myself from opposite sex friends’ out of respect for my partner. I expect her to do the same for me. Sadly you should never truly trust opposite sex friends’ especially if they are attracted to you.

[D_Bone_Steak]

You cuddle, grope, and sleep with guys... and then just lay there while he fingers you and licks you? Honestly, you should've expected him to want to go all the way, but I'm guessing you're one of the alt-lifestyle types? You're not innocent in this is all I'm saying. I mean a lot of girls fantasize about that scenario.

So you're not going to rake him over the coals criminally. But I think you've done that well enough in this friend group. For his sake, I hope that and the possibility of it ruining his life was enough to scare the shit out of him.

And for your sake I hope you've learned something about men... if you cock tease them to a certain point, at least tell him you're done before "going to sleep." Also, don't get fucked up with dudes alone like that.

[Navynailpolish]

I can completely understand you wanting to move on and put this behind you. It must be draining and tiring. But i dont know if this should just get swept under the rug. You might be able to get over it, but he might get another victim, and they might not be able to. If you report him, you could potentially save another person from being SA'd by him. Obviously, if you seriously feel like its too much for you, dont, your happiness is important and you should give yourself the time. But if he did it to you, he might do it to another person

[Anonymous]

You can want to move on any time you want. It's your call, no one else's.

[AI Opinion]

You're definitely not wrong for wanting to move on, love. Everyone handles these situations differently, and it's all about what feels right to *you*. It's important to focus on your healing and peace of mind. While it's commendable that you're considering his future, I'd say make sure you're prioritizing your well-being. Ending the friendship seems completely reasonable if you're not comfortable. Wishing you strength and healing! ✨ Stay fabulous!

[RHK36]

He only apologized because he got caught. I understand why he should get punished to stop from happening in the future again with another girl. I also understand why you want to just be over and done with it. Only thing for sure you shouldn't be doing is ever interacting with that trash can again. If you had a real guy friend he would have gotten justice and beat his ass.

[Anonymous]

I really think you should report it. It'll let you take back your power over your body and at the same time he could do this to another girl. I really don't think you're thinking clearly. He SA you. You shouldn't "sweep it under the rug". I think you need to report it or at least tell a counselor/therapist.

[Anonymous]

If moving on with your life is what you feel is best, then that is what you do.
It sounds like you had a bad experience this time and have been lucky previously. Hopefully you and your friends will not continue to dance around such morally confusing scenarios where such things are likely to occur.

[KrakenAttackin]

Why the fuck are you going to bed and screwing around with a man and pretending you didn't want to have sex?

[Keyboardkat]

I agree. You have to act responsibly, just as much as he does. I don't believe in the "double standard." I think men are obligated to behave morally as women are. A guy should NOT have sex with a woman he's not committed to, and then say, "Well, SHE wanted it!" Be better than that. But to go to bed with a guy who is not your soulmate, to whom YOU are not committed, you don't really get a pass for that, either. Don't you understand that that carries a message? If you don't want to convey that message, then don't! Sex used to MEAN something! Sex used to have something to do with love and commitment! It was not, "Let's go have sex," like "Let's go have ice cream!" We need to put meaning back into things! There was something to be said for the old values!

[Juxtapose]

Yeah this seems weird to me. She's going to bed with a guy she probably doesn't even know that much and expects him to not try anything.

Like.. what?

[Asker]

I’ve known him for over six years and we’ve shared a bed before.

[Keyboardkat]

Why? When you meet the guy who really is a keeper, who is your soulmate whom you can commit to, don't you want the first time to be really special, because it's him? I think that's the best way. I've heard it said that a woman should have two things before sleeping with a guy: A ring, and a wedding date! You deserve some security. You deserve to know that to the guy, you're more than just a masturbation machine. And I think that's what you've been up to now, whether you know it or not.

[Juxtapose]

It was bound to happen.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Juxtapose Agreed. She needs to come to terms that she is a colossal cock tease.

[Juxtapose]

The guy should know better as well but knowing what I know about men, in her position I would be pretty wary about cuddling with male friends in bed if I did not intend to fuck them.

[blueonblack22]

He crossed a huge line. But women need to STOP and mean f’ing STOP thinking then can be “best friends” with straight men. Women usually have very little to offer men and “just friends”. And she was sharing a bed with him.

With all that said I’m not giving this guy an excuse for what he did. He’s sneaky beta male and creepy piece of sh*t. But still I am so fed up with women who think they can “bond” platonically with straight guys. Especially when they are close in age.

[Juxtapose]

@blueonblack22 you can absolutely bond platonically with women. I have many times & visited a female friend in Germany in August.

[blueonblack22]

@Juxtapose sure if you are not attracted to them.

I too have a long time female friend I’ve known for over 15 years. We too have shared a bed a few random times. But I would NEVER even think of doing what this guy to the asker to my female friend. It’s easy because I am not attracted to her or vice versa.

But that’s very rare where there is little/no attraction on both sides. That’s why I have an issue with men and women platonically bonding. Someone usually gets heartbroken or worse.

[Juxtapose]

@blueonblack22 I am bisexual, am I supposed to have no friends then?

[Juxtapose]

I have friends I am attracted to but I don't do anything because they're married or some shit man.

[KrakenAttackin]

Don't crawl into bed with a man you don't intend to fuck.

[blueonblack22]

@Juxtapose women typically either consciously (and definitely subconsciously) usually look for special favors from men they are “just friends” with and don’t even realize it. This includes: feeling safer and protected in public, getting strong and logical male advice (problem solving), help moving a heavy objects if the guy so happens to be there, etc.

Let me give you an example. A guy and his platonic female friend are at a restaurant. Who do you think the waiter usually hands the bill to first? The man or the woman? Also is a male friend going to ask her female friend to come pick him up if he’s stranded in the middle of the night? Very rarely. But back when I was younger (and more naive) I’ve had female friends shamelessly take advantage of this. Most women really do expect men to provide and/or protect them. A friendzoned guy is the absolute best case scenario. They can get these advantages and not have to risk the emotional involvement of sexual interactions.

Now is “every” women like this? No. There are a few exceptions. My female friend (who I have no romantic interest in) has never expected one way favors from me. But she’s an exception to the rule.

Guys on the other hand are far less likely to take advantage of each other. We know that would be bs.

[Juxtapose]

@blueonblack22 the kind of favors you say women expect out of men is the type of shit I would do for my guy friends as well. Such as lifting heavy things or providing additional protection? I will totally do that for my guy friends and I have. I have helped a man who tripped and was bleeding up to his apartment up several flight of stairs.

If a woman or a man wants me to do something and I don't want to do it? I am perfectly capable of asserting my boundaries.

[blueonblack22]

@Juxtapose what can your female friends do for you? Give you advice on dealing with women? Alright fine.

Also (respectfully) you live in a very different dynamic being a bisexual man compared to a pure hetero man. You have more common ground with women when it comes to being romantically involved with other men.

We have been commenting back and forth on GAG for years. We often agree on many things but I don’t agree with you on this.

I’ve just had way too many female “friends” in the past who took advantage of the situation. I called one out on this years ago, ended the “friendship“ and never looked back.

Also whenever someone asks “why can’t men and women just be friends” the vast majority of the time it’s always a female asking that. Now why is that? Because more often then not it benefits the woman much more then it benefits a man.

That’s not to say I can’t be friendly with women. Of course I don’t mind getting in conversations or even getting coffee with them or something. That doesn’t mean i don’t mind doing nice things for them on occasion (expecting nothing in return).

But I have a much deeper definition of what a true “friend” is.

[KrakenAttackin]

@blueonblack22 Yes, this is exactly correct.

[blueonblack22]

@KrakenAttackin women (and some men) need accept that if someone doesn’t want to be friends with you it doesn’t always mean they “hate” you.

But we both know our time and effort is finite and valuable. If a self respecting man determines someone else is not providing real value in a friendship then it’s in our best interest to stop associating with them.

Also men don’t need female platonic “friends” to survive in this world. But women are usually more dependent on others for help. There are evolutionary reasons for this as well.

[WhitneySnow]

You are not wrong at all

[Anonymous]

If this is real it’s really f*cked up.

[Staximus]

Why didn't you tell him to stop