Does he only love me when he's drunk?

Question

I've been seeing a guy for 4 months. It was very unexpected for both of us and started out "just for fun". With out too much detail about why, we shouldn't be seeing each other. We're both betraying people that mean a great deal to us by doing so. I have asked him multiple times if we should stop seeing each other and he's adamant in his answer which is always a firm no. During this time when he drinks he makes comments about falling in love with me. Once he told me "Just tell me you love me", another time I wanted to tell him I loved him, but couldn't get it out and playfully said "I hate you". He responded with "I love you too". One day we were having a serious conversation while he was sober, about being together and I told him I needed him to be honest about what he wanted and if we should stop. Which all he could manage to say was "I don't know, but I don't know how to stop either". So while he was hugging me I told him I loved him. His response... He hugged me tighter, said I'm sorry and kissed me on top of my head. He asked if I wanted him to leave and I told him he could stay. We had a great night together but didn't talk about anything after that. Am I wasting my time with him?

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

I may be way off here but based on the information you have included ( as that’s all we have to base anything on ) I’d say this sounds typical of most “relationships” if you want to call it that , which begin in this fashion.
In my opinion neither of you “love” the other.. how could you , it’s been 4 months of sporadic drunken fun aka sex? .. in addition to that it’s likely been in part fueled by the fact that you probably shouldn’t be doing any of this together.. this I infer from the “betrayal” you spoke of based on expectations so I’m assuming there may be this is adding fuel to the fire.

Alcohol has been helping folk stumble into bed with strangers since its discovery and it’s additionally known relieve people of their inhibitions and verbal filters , along with their health and cash. People can become distinctly more amorous and it’s very very common for those I love you words to come out…
It should be taken with a pinch of salt though when said with alcohol when ‘drunk’ as it rarely if ever holds any water. If a woman , as a few have , told me she wanted to have sex with me whilst drunk I’d chaperone her to her home and usher her in before exiting sharply , if she told me she loved me , I’d likely laugh telling her ‘oh I love you too ‘and immediately disregarding it as uninhibited drunken emotional nonsense and agreeing to pacify her.

Personally I’d say forget about your question and disregard his drunken uninhibited unfiltered chat. Concentrate on spending the next 6 - 12 months sober in his company for him to prove that he can be sober and express his feelings , whatever they are. Concentrate on building a freindship and really get to know him.. then you can maybe revisit your feelings assuming your still together.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It sounds like he just loves the convenience of you , he likes what he can receive from you but doesn’t want to give back the same in return to you. He doesn’t hate you, but he clearly doesn’t want to be tied down to you either , he just likes having sex with you when it’s convenient for him. So if you don’t mind being used for friendship and sex , that’s all you will ever receive from him. He is probably banging other girls’ as well and keeping his options opened , he is stringing you along until someone he feels is better comes along , once he finds her , he will distance himself from you , Mark my words. If you want to fall in love and experience a relationship you are best to stop wasting your time on this guy and find yourself a guy that wants you the same way you want him , kick the other guy to the curb before he kicks you to the curb first.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

"We're both betraying people that mean a great deal to us by doing so"
Who are you betraying by being together? If he only talks of love when drunk it seems like he isn't really in love. Shouldn't you just ask him to have a real relationship if you two aren't cheating on people and are only seeing each other so you can get a straight answer to what he is to you.

SleepingHazard · Accepted Answer

Ma'am. Are you sure you're 41?
Your question doesn't even match the details.
If you feel like you are betraying people, he is drunk most of the time and your relationship is build on shaky grounds: yes, you are wasting your time.
Stop doing what you're doing and find someone you can be with, without all these complications.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As a love guru on GAG, I'm here to help you untangle this relationship knot. Your story is like a romantic roller coaster with loops of lovebombing and "what-ifs." When alcohol is involved, emotions can run wild, leading to confessions that might not see the morning. His mixed signals suggest a bit of confusion on both ends. If he's only pouring out his heart while tipsy but retreats when sober, consider chucking him into the "red flag" zone. You deserve someone who loves you both in happy hours and on hangover mornings. 🥂✨

Douglas1179 · Answer

Well sugarcane, that's a mighty tough question, but I'll give it a shot, even if I ain't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. You see, love ain't always clear, especially when there's alcohol involved. Now, when a fella's drunk, his inhibitions might lower, and he might feel more open-hearted. But that don't necessarily mean he only loves you when he's buzzed.

Think about it like huntin' season. When you're sober, you aim carefully, but when you're tipsy, you might take a shot at a possum even though a deer would feed you for the winter. It's the same with a man's feelings - alcohol might make him express 'em more freely. Just keep the moonshine flowin'.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Men are not vague nor require liquid courage when they are emotionally invest. There is a disconnect between his sentiments when sober and when inebriated. Whatever you two are doing when he is buzzed is the element he is in love with … in that moment. When sober, he takes pause which tells me he is not fully invested. I don’t imagine that presently changing or even in the very rear future. If time is a factor for you then the answer is yes, you are wasting your time.

FunnyButNotFunnyHaHa · Answer

It kinda sounds like he MIGHT view you as a source of sex, or a source of additional sex, if he's married, which you kind of seemed to imply you both are.

So he'll probably say whatever he has to say that will make it possible to keep f**king you.

Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what my gut tells me.

nawtee_me · Answer

if he only can tell you he loves you when he is drunk then you have only two options. One is to keep him so drunk he won’t stop telling you he loves you or have him kiss your forhead every time you tell him that you love him…..

Roldrake · Answer

NO you are not wasting your time! You are having fun and getting some sweet loving (physically and emotionally correct)? I keep about a half dozen ladies rolling at any given time and I love each and every one of them with all my heart and soul. Particularly when I am drunk or high on an eight ball of cocaine but in my opinion when you are high that when your true heart come out baby. :>

debbiedenise · Answer

Be careful. Be very careful. I have been down this road before. So have many of my girlfriends. It is not fun. Counseling or a real talk should be occurring. Take care of yourself.

molonski2 · Answer

Obviously if you want more , then YES , he has made his intentions perfectly clear. You can call it wasting time or enjoying the moment , it doesn't matter.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Hea constrained by slme social pressures. Unkess willing to go against and take all that pain, thrn wasting time.

Lynx122 · Answer

Yes He said I'm sorry because he can't commit to you.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

You're 41 years old. Your family's expectations of anything is irrelevant.

Anonymous · Answer

2 old losers doing what they do best, betraying their families out of lust, feel bad for the shmuck that settled for such a trash woman. 40 years old acting like a stupid ass child.

zagor · Answer

Maybe he is one of those people who has trouble expressing emotions when he's not drunk. Or drinking makes him horny.

Blebleble · Answer

Drop him the only solution to find out he really loves you

Crazzyyworld · Answer

well, something is going on between two of you. what are you afraid of?

Blueeyes81 · Answer

That title sounds like a country song.

dustybiker2 · Answer

Respect yourself and find someone healthy.

WhitneySnow · Answer

In other words, you’re both cheating on your partners. If he can only say it when he’s drunk, he doesn’t really love you.

jaskinry2022 · Answer

well as the saying goes when your drunk you say the truth.

Anonymous · Answer

Tbh, I hope you two fricking suffer. I hope he is using your ass so badly. I hope he is lying through his teeth. You deserve hell. And so does he.

NicholasRedone · Answer

Some men are like that - not all males ♂️ 👞

jahaims · Answer

That isn't how love works

Anonymous · Answer

It seems he is using you.

In_Trance · Answer

Yeah

Forensic_Engineer · Answer

Definitely!

Does he only love me when he's drunk?

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