Why does he only talk to me when drunk?

[Anonymous]

There is a friend of mine whom I met on a dating app. We agreed we would work better as friends though, and we actually now share a lot of mutual connections. At first he confessed that he was "falling for me" but made it clear he wasn't ready for a relationship, I didn't like him at that point but at some point I fell too. However I guess he changed his mind and after realizing I liked him drew a line in the sand and basically said "i like you but i can't see us together and we are better off as friends". I am also not ready for a relationship, so i suggested keeping it casual to which he responded with "no but ask me when im drunk" Like whatt? Which is okay ofc, but then he kinda just gave me the cold shoulder. Like he couldnt care less about the things i do but not in a rude way. Kind of hard for me to explain

Then when he gets drunk magically he talks to me a lot, even gets jealous of other people and is kinda how he used to be (but like times that by a bit) He also acknowledges how he feels and how i feel about him. Why does this happen? Does he actually not hate me?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Could be drunk and lonely...
Could be drunk is the only way he feels comfortable expressing himself..
Either way, probably not the best person to fall for or want a relationship with if he can't communicate unless he's drunk...

[Asker]

That is very true, and probably it. I will keep that in mind moving forward!!! Thank you :)

[Siren777]

Liquid courage I guess. Don't give into mind games and encourage his behavior. He will lead you on and leave you every time.

[Iron_Man]

Don’t fall for this guy you’ll be Wasting your time. Plus he drinks too much

[Asker]

You're right honestly :(

[Iron_Man]

Yes Be very careful

[spartan55]

"does he actually not hate me"...🤦‍♂️

[Asker]

😅 I shall assume he does not

[spartan55]

Whatever made you think he did? Hate is such hyperbole and dramatic...

[Asker]

I have rejected people and have been rejected in the past. Sometimes things are too awkward to carry on and the connection to the person fades. I find that to me a normal progression of things. Maybe hate was a strong word, however I would still detect mild hostility from him and I found that odd. Maybe he was trying to kill any hope I may have had of a relationship? Or he wanted to come off as indifferent? It was abrupt and I was not naive enough to press any further than that.

[Asker]

Also my apologies for the typos im in the Hospital right now so things are a bit hectic 😭

[spartan55]

Well you both played the "not ready for a relationship" which means you really aren't that interested in him anyway... am I wrong?

[Asker]

I still like him, but I am not in the position to date anyone seriously right now. Which is why his behavior baffled me. Since I thought we made that clear. I asked if he wanted to be casual he said no, but he wanted to stay just as we were now. I was like that cool lets. Now its kinda stressful even talking to him because he takes everything I say the wrong way, so tis an experience. Then magically when he is under the influence, even when we are with a group of friends he only focuses on me when he would usually ignore me 🤨

[spartan55]

Sounds like a big waste of time for both of you tbh. You don't really like him, stop lying to yourself. If you did you wouldn't be making excuses why you can't...

[Ilickvulvas]

Because you allow it

[Asker]

Should I stop him? I miss his presence as a person though...

[Ilickvulvas]

Do you only want him calling you drunk or not?

[Asker]

No I want him to talk to me sober as well, is that a lost cause?

[Ilickvulvas]

Tell him not to call you when drunk and if he does hang up and be consistent. If you’re not then you’ll lose all credibility

[Asker]

got it

[Asker]

thank youu

[Ilickvulvas]

No problem. You have the right to establish boundaries

[Avicenna]

He’s less inhibited