My boyfriend has had a p*rn addiction for around 10 years. can any men give me some advice on how to go about this?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now. His p*rn addiction is something that he told me only half way into the relationship as we started having problems in the bedroom.

He would not last long in the bedroom probably between 1-2 mins which is a problem to say the least. I have communicated this with him and said how it makes me feel. We’ve realised that it’s the p*rn addiction that’s impacted his ability to last long. It been something we’ve been working through together I guess but the other day we had intercourse and he finished quick again and i said to him we’ve gotta sort this out before it becomes a major problem and his whole demeanour changed I just felt like absolute shit that I made him feel like shit but saying something but we had been there before where I didn’t say anything about how he was sexually pleasing me for a while so I didn’t want to go back into that routine of not communicating with him about it.


He has been there for me through my own problems with depression, anxiety and I’m also in the process of recovering from a weed addiction myself so I feel like I owe it to him to be supportive and work through it with him as if it’s our problem rather than just his problem. I love him and really value our relationship but am I clutching at straws hoping that it will get better or Isit a lost cause.

He says he’s been trying different things like pelvic floor exercises, changing diet, meditation. But I honestly believe it’s more of a psychological thing and suggested he should go to the GP to at least get some support and advice and at first he was like I don’t need to go to the doctors. Today again I suggested it he said he would consider it. But if he doesn’t I don’t know if I can stay in this relationship.

also a little bit of background he lost his V about a year before he met me and that was a 1 night stand (He’s 26 now).

Should I suggest not having intercourse with him for a while or will that just make things worse?

[Finchie40]

Well the fact that he is addicted to porn is a huge red flag that you shouldn’t approve of , people that are addicted to porn have mental issues that they need help with. So you did the right thing by telling him to go seek help for his addiction. He is basically over stimulating his brain with porn to the point your sex life with him will always suck and you will never be satisfied in bed with him , because he is making sex all about himself and not you whatsoever. So if you want to continue in a relationship like that , Good luck with trying to be satisfied in the bedroom. I’m not a psychologist but I know people that are addicted to porn and they all run into the same issues with their partners’ and some of them lost their partners’ because of it because they made sex all about themselves, they didn’t know how to please their partners’ and didn’t know how to last longer in bed. So if I was you, I would really reconsider that relationship and move on. Addiction takes a long time for someone to break free from and it’s not always guaranteed, that they will break free from it. It’s like cheaters , that will always cheat again and again. They might put a band aid on it but that band aid will eventually fall off and they are right back at doing it again. It’s your life and your choice on what you want to do , but mark my words your sex life will suck for a long time if you choose to stay with this guy. Because he only cares about what’s best for himself , he is pretty much comparing you to the shit he watches in porn. He clearly isn't a porn star if he can’t last longer during sex lol

[HusamRocks]

Well, as a man I would say age plays a big role in this situation, the older last longer, and at his age he's still young and it's kinda normal.

The foreplay before the intercourse (while he has an erection and not using it) can improve his performance by time by making the foreplay's time longer

Also the first ejaculation is fast, the second ejaculation lasts longer and so on..

Good luck with ur relationship 👍🏻

[Asker]

Yeah the foreplay is a working progress, however when I go down on him he doesn’t last long then either.

We’ve tried going for round 2 some time after but he just can’t get it up sometimes it’s frustrating.

I’ve been with guys where yes the first ejaculation is fast fair enough but they have lasted more than 2 mins at least.

[HusamRocks]

There r some products he can use like wipes or sprays which will alter his ejaculation by making it feel numb ( losing sensation temporarily ) and they r safe. This helps solving ur problem 👍🏻

[Anonymous]

Perhaps ask some of the guys on this site who wear a chastity cage. I am not sure how common this actually is in the real world but it's been discussed as a solution on here before.

[Asker]

Could you elaborate?

He does come from a religious background if that puts it in to perspective more..

[AI Opinion]

Navigating this situation can be a bit like trying to salsa dance blindfolded 🕺💃! It's incredible that you're working through this together, and communication is essential. Addressing the psychological aspect is crucial, so a gentle nudge towards professional help might be beneficial. It's not about denying intimacy but about creating a healthier pattern for you both. It's sweet that you're there for each other and adorable that vibrancy is abundant in your relationship. Trying new things or taking a break might actually help shake things up in a positive way! Keep that spark alive and remember, mutual support and understanding can work wonders! Let's aim for fireworks, not fizzling candles! 💥✨

[BarryLiverstone]

Suggesting you stop intercourse for a while? No, that’s an unhealthy solution. Asking and encouraging him to see the doctor? Yes, did he go yet?


He can’t get hard for round 2? That’s a concern. How long do you wait to try and seduce him again?

[Asker]

Probably like 20 mins or so and it never work that way.

One time we had a nap and tried again but again he didn’t last very long. Positively longer than 2 minutes though 😂

I’m just thinking is this something that will subside overtime or should I just get used to the fact that it may not change and this is just who he is

[BarryLiverstone]

Checking with the doctor is a good first step as it’s going to not only rule out any medical concerns but the doctor also can advise on mental health issues. So be sure to make that a priority.

Yes a nap could help him because not only does he get rest but he’s not feeling the performance pressure. Have you talked to him about the stress and worry he feels to stay hard for you?

Well certainly ignoring it and the problem will not go away. I like watching sports and get bombarded with drugs sold to older men who have ED issues.. so as he ages it’s not like he will be getting better.

It’s up to you. Are you happy with how it is rn? Are you sexually satisfied or if he could stay hard for 10+ minutes would you feel better?

[Asker]

I try to ask him he just shuts down I guess coz he feels shit knowing he’s not satisfying me.

Am I happy with it not necessarily. He has his moments but most of the time it’s like yess… then all of a sudden it’s done. It like getting me excited for nothing

10 mins would make a whole lot of difference and I could work with that. Make up for the rest with foreplay

[BarryLiverstone]

Ig I already assumed that he’s making an effort at foreplay and making sure you are happy even before he starts intercourse. If you are not happy I can understand because usually intercourse is a shared experience; rn sounds like you let him go inside and just wait a min until he finishes.. no fun for you.

Certainly I can remember shutting down just like he does in the past when my girlfriend asked or judged me in a few ways. So I know what he’s feeling and I know what helped me get past that and open up to her

[BarryLiverstone]

Also you really are his first lover. If he only had a ons before you. Have you taught him about foreplay and what you need to feel happy?

[Asker]

Exactly he’s so good because he really is trying consider my feelings in this aswell and sometimes that is hard to come by. I have taught him some bits but at the same time I don’t wanna overpower him with what he’s doing wrong coz his confidence ain’t all there as it is

[Asker]

I also suggested from the get go about eating the box Lool. But he’s not for it to be honest and says he don’t think he could do it.

In my opinion if he did that it would make up for the underperformance but he’s got some fear about it for some reason

[BarryLiverstone]

I get it, guys have egos and you want to protect his confidence. Do you give him oral? If anything that’s a “fear” he’s gotta get over. He’s an adult and giving oral should become the norm. As you said if he started doing that it would really help things. So that’s your new goal in my opinion this month or in February.. teach him about licking and all the fun things he can do to you orally and when he even tries be sure to let him know how good it feels so he feels like Superman

[BarryLiverstone]

by the way there should be lots of porn out there showing a guy giving the girl oral. Too often in some porn that part is skipped over and it will show her on her knees giving it to the guy. But that could help you if you find a few vids and watch it with him, letting him know how sexy it is for the guy to give oral and how much that would turn you on. Just thought of that as a way to ease him into the idea if he’s scared of it

[Asker]

Yeah it’s definitely something I’ll bring up in conversation soon I just think one thing at a time.. but defo soon.

I don’t think I’ll suggest watching it with him only because he really wants to stop watching it in general as it’s been a long standing problem for him

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh ok, if he’s trying to stop the porn then that makes sense.

[Asker]

We had a major conversation today where he really opened up about the whole thing properly and I think it’s made a difference in terms of next steps now. He’s going to keep up with the techniques and stay consistent because he said he hasn’t been recently and if it still is an issue then we are going to go to the doctors so that’s something positive

[Asker]

I also said to him it’s not that we don’t have to have sex but if you want to take a break for a bit we can and he said that would be a good idea. So think that’s something we’re just gonna put a pause on for a bit I guess untill he initiates him because I don’t want him to feel pressured as he felt upset and embarrassed that he weren’t playing his part as a man

[Asker]

So I can get why he could of anxiety about the whole thing in general

[Asker]

Thank you very much Barry, you have been very helpful and I appreciate your honesty

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Feel free to follow me on here if you had any other questions

[Asker]

I have given you a follow. Thank you

[Anonymous]

Best thing you can do is not make it a problem and work with what your have. There are plenty of ways to have that kind of fun and you can direct him towards the ones focused on you.
Tell him to Google edging. Punishing him for something he may never fully mitigate is not helpful, quite the opposite but I suspect the situation can improve with the both of you on task and the right attitudes.
I've heard of porn addiction, don't know that much about it but am unconvinced it necessarily relates to premature ejaculation.

[lightbulb27]

turn the other stuff off.

practice getting close and controlling, back off. he lacks control.

[Asker]

So I should stop the sex untill he can gain control again?

I feel like I’d be punishing him

[lightbulb27]

no, he stops the porn, and then practices getting close and stopping. should be able to read books on tis subject.

[Asker]

Ohh yes you’re right. Definitely have suggested that to him

[Unit1]

"He would not last long in the bedroom probably between 1-2 mins which is a problem to say the least."

Am i the only one, who goes for round 2?

[Asker]

I do go for round 2 trust me but most of the time he can’t get it up again. Trust me I try everything

And it’s not that he’s not attracted to me or anything.. half of the time he’s got a hard on when he’s with me 😂

It just when we get to actually having sex the problems start

[Unit1]

Well then, I'm outta ideas.
But these problems usually indicate health issues.
The average human smokes and/or vapes, indulges in alcohol, does not exercise or train their body and eats highly processed crap from things like McDonalds or Mars bars or packaged muffins instead of bananas, pineapples and strawberries and probably doesn't get enough sleep.

If that won't work, then it might be time to take meds in order to get erections.

[Anonymous]

Nice troll hun.

I'll take "what is a made up story" for 400 Alex.🤦‍♂️😆

[Asker]

Not made up atall but okay 👍🏽

[Opinion Owner]

Guys becomes desensitized to porn hun it doesn't heighten a man's orgasm. You clearly have no clue how a man works.🤦‍♂️
That's how it was easy to tell this is b. s.

[Wise4myage]

Yes, dump him and move on.

[Asker]

Yes you might say that but I want it to be the last result.

[Wise4myage]

Good luck.

[In_Trance]

You can't do anything; he has to do it