Is it so hard for a man to apologize?

[Anonymous]

Are woman more easily able to say sorry than men are? Whenever my boyfriend and I get into an argument, it seems like I can apologize 8 times without him taking accountability for his part in things or ever hearing a sorry from him about how he also handled something poorly. In general, I know I am not doing anything purposely wrong and when he brings up that I hurt his feelings somehow I immediately address it, apologize, and express how I would do better in the future, however it seems I never get this back from him. If I bring up something that he does that hurts my feelings, he always stands by what he did and how either I'm being too sensitive or how he doesn't see what's wrong with it and then argues back about previous issues in the past where I've done something wrong in his eyes and we repeat circles and circles like this without ever getting anywhere. Multiple times during an argument I try to stop any blaming between us and I try to focus on how do we move forward, what can we agree to do better or compromise on and somehow he refuses to take accountability for his part in things and keeps bringing it back to past mistakes he thinks that I have made, no matter how much I've explained my point of view, apologized etc. It seems so one sided and I don't know how to get him to share the accountability in these situations, let alone drag an apology from him if he doesn't mean it.

[DishLady]

You know? This is a great question. Unfortunately, there isn’t just one answer for it. I was getting close to a guy who was clearly taught in some previous relationship to say sorry for every tiny thing… “sorry if I seem distant” or “sorry if I’m not as chatty as usual”… A guy clamming up because he’s stressed tends not to pause and apologize to a gal that way. But ultimately he popped out of his shell and proved to be very engaging, etc. with me… bringing his total A game, I guess. And in the process he over-drank and did a few things he’s now uncertain how to apologize for.


Now look, I never complained about his being on the quiet side, but clearly he must have been with someone who HAD complained. So I told him it was ok, that I knew he was busy/preoccupied and we’d catch up later. Clearly he was stressed and didn’t need someone else piling the stress on. But I’m certainly not the gal who’s impressed by a guy who’s fired up by liquid courage. That actually was offensive to me bc we were at a big event and both knew a lot of people there. I helped him get to a quiet spot to dry out so he was fit to get home, but after that there was a clear strain to any conversations.


Women do tend to apologize more easily — I remember apologizing if one of my questions to him was too bold/direct, but it was actually a good conversation starter when we’d started growing as a couple. There are a few more instances like these, but you get the idea.


It just depends on the individual and how open they are with their feelings, how accountable they feel for their actions, (how much they remember about an issue,) and who they’ve been with in the past (who impacted WHAT they feel they should apologize for as a rule of thumb).

[dustybiker2]

This is not gender specific. I have friends of both genders who can and less who cannot. It's just who they are. Try explaining kindly why what they did hurt you and apologies would make you feel better.

[EzraIsShy76028]

Just in general, men or women, some people see apologizing as a sign of weakness. They see apologizing as losing the argument or cause they were fighting against. And to a certain extent I don't blame them. Looking weak can be terrifying.

But sometimes you do have to be humble and bite your tongue. And you have to stop seeing apologizing as weakness, but a form of strength. Because that's what it is.

No need to apologize for every single tiny mistake you make, especially ones that might not even be your fault, but you should apologize when you make a bigger mistake.

Like no need to apologize for spilling a bit of milk. Just get a napkin or something and wipe it off. And no need to apologize for your brother being late to an occasion you've organized with other people, as that's on your brother, not on you. But you should apologize if you got into an ugly argument full of name calling with somebody, assuming that person is important to you and you don't wanna lose them. So yeah.

[Finchie40]

It depends on the man or the woman , both can be that way. So if your boyfriend doesn’t take accountability and doesn’t admit he was wrong and you do? Your boyfriend isn’t the guy for you period. I just broke it off with my ex because she was just like he is , she could never admit she was wrong and could never take accountability for her selfish actions and behavior , it go to a point I could t take anymore and dumped her selfish ass. People that can not take accountability and admit they are wrong are untrustworthy people , they only care about themselves and do not care about anyone else’s feelings , especially their partners’ feelings, they aren’t honest people , they are liars and back stabbed because they can never admit they did anything wrong , it’s always your fault. So do yourself a favor and dump that selfish asshole and go find yourself someone that actually cares about your feelings as well , unless you like being treated like a convenience

[AI Opinion]

As your relationship coach in shining armor, I'm here to add some sparkle to the situation. Apologizing is sometimes tough for guys because it feels like losing. But trust me, it's not about winning or losing. It's about keeping the lovebombing vibes alive. Encourage him to express how he feels without pointing fingers, and lead with those charming apologies of yours. He might just catch the empathy bug! Chat with him about how mutual understanding and accountability make relationships grow. Who knows, he might surprise you with his apology game soon! 😄💖

[Summeroflove]

That genuinely depends on the person there is men and women who can be both. Unfortunately people of dark personality traits don’t feel much remorse and have horrible pride as well as ego issues.

The only time they will say sorry is to benefit themselves. They think if they say sorry you immediately have to forgive me.

[OlderAndWiser]

You are not a representative of all women and your boyfriend is not a representative of all men. It is silly to think that what happens between you two is the same as what happens in everyone else's relatioinships.

Reluctance to accept responsibility and apologize is not a gender specific trait.

[HawkPerception]

I have no issue saying sorry. I probably say it more than I should. Probably the Canadian in me lol. I won't say it if I don't think I'm in the wrong through.

[AviatorTom]

It's no harder for a man to apologize than for a woman to admit she's wrong. Both of those are rare occurrences.

[KennethNoisewater]

Are you saying you rather him lie to you? In relationships couples get into arguments. Typically in arguments somebody is in the wrong. “In the wrong” could mean a ton of different things. But it’s usually one of the two in the argument who is wrong. If he isn’t the one in the wrong then why would he apologize? To make you feel better? So you are encouraging your S/O to lie to your face? That doesn’t seem healthy to me.


*disclaimer* I have no idea who is right and who is wrong but that’s the first thing that came to mind. I would consider what your getting upset about before getting upset.

[RingOfFire]

It's because men are designed by nature to be strong leaders in a family and a relationship, and even though you hear people say that admitting you are wrong is a sign of good leadership, it's not. It's a sign of weakness and in reality that's the way other people process it even if they say they don't. So men are much more reluctant than women to apologize because it is a sign of weak leadership skills.

It's not necessarily a conscious decision, it's often just instinct.

[IslaTheWitch]

I think it's an individual thing...

I know women and men who have problems with apologizing...

I know women and men who don't

I know I don't like it but do it, my conscience is merciless...

there are specific people... who would never see me apologizing to them...

[overlord337645]

honestly i think its more of a disconect you need to remember men think more logically and women tend to think more emotionally so when your apologizeing to him the guy is probably thinking hey she admitted she was wrong so im right where as you are thinking if i apologize he will feel bad and apologize two

[lightbulb27]

good question, typical generalization based upon limited experience.

depends on personality, training, relationship.

The answer here is he needs to be trained on how this works in relationship and with you. Otherwise, you are going to get sour over this affronting.

Being vulnerable, realizing you may be right for you but wrong for the other.. can take some work.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I've seen the reverse to be true, in that most women seem to think they never need to apologize for anything. I think this is do to how society treats women. They teach women that they bare entitled to a lot more than men are, whereas men are told they have to earn everything, including respect, honesty, and kindness.

[molonski2]

You are leaving " conditional apologies " , he is not sorry , hence any such apology would be completely insincere, so therefore worthless.

He cannot apologise if he is not sorry , and he is not sorry , so it's not possible.

[godfatherfan]

You have to be kidding... Right?

Women NEVER apologize for anything. They seem to think they can act like assholes, and never have to say sorry. It is always the man apologizing for everything.

[Maven007]

Maybe because of pride. It is like a parent is less likely to apologize towards their child but want their own child to apologize them if they do something wrong.

[FreyaRed]

People who don't respect you or have very low meaning about you will always have problems to apologize.

[ProbablyClueless]

Immaturity is immaturity, no matter which gender is displaying it.

If you think immature men have a hard time apologizing, just wait till you date an immature woman.

[Coden7]

I’m less likely to verbally apologize, personally. If I’m sorry about something I lean towards changing behavior, as that’s what I expect someone to be doing when they apologize to me

[NicholasRedone]

I say sorry on the daily.

I'm always a humble man, yet no doormat. Its hard finding a like minded woman. Or even like minded folks

[genericname85]

yeah it's pretty hard if you're expected to apologize when you're not wrong. other wise, no big deal.

[JesseP1nk]

What? Show me a woman who have apologized to a guy he dates and i show you a liar.

[jahaims]

It has nothing to do with gender. It's maturity level.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Men are taught to value strength, which to many means not apologizing, while women are socialized to keep a relationship intact, whether she's right or wrong, by apologizing.

[Crazzyyworld]

U know men are bitch too. U have to treat him like a bitch.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Damn!!!

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry your boyfriend is like that, but I don’t think it’s a gender things. I’ve seen plenty of girls who have trouble apologizing.

[KostasKouvalis]

I don't necessarily think there is a correlation between gender and stubborness

[Kingofkings1992]

I would say the reverse is true if I’m being totally honest. If a person isn’t taking personal accountability, it’s more often than not a woman.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people don’t realize what they do to others…

[Anonymous]

It's not hard to say sorry. It's hard to cede power. And relationships (at least in the beginning) are about power

[Anonymous]

Depends on what you did wrong and how badly you hurt him... and what he did wrong and how badly he hurt you

Can you give detailed examples of both to better help with the situation

[Sevenpointfive]

don't worry. i feel sorry for you

[KrakenAttackin]

You are out of your fucking mind.

[exitseven]

its hard because I am never wrong.

[LiamS95]

Dm me if you want to chat about it.

[MikeRJ]

It depends on the individual man.

[GAGsucksballs89170]

No, but it is for a woman

[Anonymous]

The same could be said of most women.