How do you feel when one of your best friends goes after your ex?

Question

Me personally no longer considers them a friend if they pull shit like that , there are plenty of fish in the sea , so why go after Your best friends’ ex?

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

That depends on so many factors. Especially as an adult, it's not ok in more contexts.. It's obviously different for a couple in high school and their friend.

**It depends on the situation. But... I think it's fait to say it's only ok in a situation that wouldn't strain the friendship.**

Since you're clearly not ok with it, in fact, you feel betrayed. So as far as I can imagine any possible scenario... your friend betrayed you.

(unless you're being totally unreasonable in being pissed off. LIke if you broke up a decade ago, and since then your ex and friend got to know each other in a different way, over time; and you really have no legitimate claim to feel betrayed. I'm assuming you're being reasonable)

I think the problem is this: when did your friend and your ex get so close as to want to date each other? (there may be a legitimate answer to that... like the decades-old breakup example. But... then on the other end of the spectrum...)

So it depends. But in general I think that you feeling extremely betrayed is probably an indication that your friend is in the wrong in the context of your situation.

Even if you're being unreasonable. If you feel betrayed, you feel betrayed. Nobody's going to change that.

Sorry you're going through this man. Good luck. All the best.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Well it depends on their intentions but I don’t care. People just sometimes aren’t completely over someone though and become jealous. The thing of it is…. If I’m not with someone anymore then she’s single.

If someone genuinely likes her and maybe they are a better fit for one another then who am I to try to sabotage that? It sounds insecure and immature while I can understand not being completely over someone eventually they’re going to find someone else.

However, if someone’s doing it as more of a means to get back at you or make you jealous. That or it seems only because they got jealous of your relationship all along that’s one thing. If they are overly sneaky about it it raises concerns.

But I don’t think it’s as big of a deal as people make it out to be. If you’re broken up you’re broken up. If she was a shitty partner then that’s on him for picking her. If she was a good person but you just weren’t compatible. Whose to say they’re not?

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

Ooooooh! That's happened to me before and I just couldn't believe that she would do that and not even give it a second thought as to how I would feel about it.
She went into his work and told me that she was going there to do a little P. I. work. (Private Investigation). He didn't take the bait and married someone else soon after broke up.
Then she did it again with a man that I was still dating. She asked us over to go out to breakfast with her and her husband.
Well, the entire time we were out with them she was totally flirting with him.
They were both in real estate and when she walked us to his car when it was time to get going she went over to him and threw her arms around him and he hugged her back. Then right in front of me they exchanged business cards.
We were out one day and came back to his house. He has a message on his answering machine and it was her!! I could hear the entire message her wanting to meet up with him.
Thank goodness nothing became of it because he knew that she was married.
That sure taught me a big lesson. 🫡

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

This is against girl code. I've never had a friend do it, let alone a best friend without my permission. Yes, permission. If I was emotionally invested in them that deeply, and thought we were end game, I wouldn't want a best friend dating someone like that and having to be around something where it was that painful for me. That being said, my best friend has dated my ex and vice versa with an ex, but we both made absolutely sure, there was no bad blood there and that the other was okay. This is what I consider mutual respect given.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating those murky waters, huh? 😉 I totally get it! When your bestie makes a move on your ex, it's like they just stumbled into a dating minefield. Some might see it as a major red flag 🚩, while others are more chill about it. But if your trust flutters away faster than the last episode of a gripping series, it's valid to feel blindsided. Remember, staying true to your feelings is key, even if it means reevaluating friendships. 💔❤️

DishLady · Answer

Buy chips and get ready for a great show. An ex is an ex for a reason.

AviatorTom · Answer

That's her problem, not mine.

OneViewpoint · Answer

I faced this situation about 7 months ago. My friend broke up with his girlfriend in part because she wanted commitment and marriage and he did not. They are both in their 50's. She still has kids at home. He's raised his kids. Been there, done that. Doesn't want to go through it again. Plus she gets out of control when she drinks.

Maybe a month after they broke up I was in a nice wine bar on a Friday night and she was with a group of friends. Some guy I didn't know wandered down the bar and tried to strike up a conversation with me. Eventually he points to my friend's ex and says do you know her? I say yeah, she used to date my friend. He says, she thinks you're handsome and wants to know if you'd like to date her. I look at him and say...

"What is this high school? Tell her to walk her ass down here and ask me herself. But my answer is no. See that guy standing about 10 feet away, he's my friend who just broke up with her. I don't put myself in stupid awkward situations like that. It would not be good for any of us."

His laughing reply was, "I know, I bet it would be different if she was a 10 right."

I said... "No, looks don't have anything to do with it. I don't do that to a friend and I don't put myself in those situations. Why don't you date her?"

He mumbled something and walked away. Now she's extremely embarrassed and won't even say hi or look me in the eye to this day. People can be really stupid.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I don't think I would care. I mean one time I begged my friend to try and sleep with a girl I was trying to get rid of. It didn't work and the bitch told on him and shit and I was just like "bitch, I told him to try and have some sex with you, I'm trying to kick you out of my house!"

Usually when I break up, there just isn't anything there and it doesn't matter because now I'm probably sleeping with all her hot friends. My friends can fuck my ex all they want... I mean someone's going to fuck her. We can talk shit about it later and compare how good her blowjobs and how tight her pussy is. If anything they're setting themselves up for failure because I know all the bad shit about that girl... but my friends would probably just agree with it and shit.

I'm going to be real with you bro, the question sort of comes off as being pissed off that... that friend stole your girl or was part of the reason she broke up with you to begin with. Yeah, that guy is a piece of fucking shit. He was probably laying the game down on your girl when you were trying to make it work. If that's the case, do try to view it as him saving you from a piece of fucking shit girl. I mean they both are bad and should be glad to get rid of them and kick them the fuck out your life... then watch her play him too and stress him out with her shit tests.

I know it's hard when emotions are involved... just hope the best for you bro.

Girls like to fuck their dogs... get it? lolz

Bricealan · Answer

@finchie40 I had an "alleged best friend who did that kind of crap on a regular basis, and he was a really slime ball in the end. Met a girl at "Parents Without Partners"... and he was along with me when we went to the group meet... While I was in the Mens room at a nearby restaurant, the asshole asked her for her phone number.. Taking her to her apartment, later,  she told me what he did and said "He is not much of a friend to you"... He always was an asshole like that, so then I always knew what kind of guy he was from the start.

meetkitty123 · Answer

An ex is an ex. The relationship is over. It shouldn't matter. Of course this is easier said if the ex is an ex because you yourself ended the relationship and no longer want to be with the person.

If it was an ex that left you and you no longer have any hurt feelings over it maybe something that could be overlooked.

I suppose it could feel totally different if it was an ex you still loved and wanted to be with. In this case having a friend date a person who they know you are still hurting over would cause trouble.

This situation really does come down to case by case... Situation by situation. There's no clean cut answer.

In the end a good heart to heart conversation should be had amongst friends.

Crimsyjo · Answer

Yeah that would be too weird. And like, if they become a thing? Are you supposed to invite them round and hang out? And if they successful together? That's gonna sting. What if he was an asshole to you but treats her like a queen? Nooo way to complicated. As you say, if your friend does it fine. But better they go separate ways.

I can understand it's more acceptable in younger people like 16-20 year olds. Like I think relationships in general are more experimental and in there friend groups they might switch around a bit.

Lilbit84 · Answer

I've had it done with a really close friend of mine. She was calling him after we split and downing me about how crazy I was. He called me and told me about about after he said umm why are you calling me to complain about your boyfriend for? She told him, " I think we make a good couple". He said to her that she was just as crazy if not worse than me calling him because I would show her crazy. I never seen her since that actually. Oh well no love lost. At least he had the balls to tell me about it. And didn't go for it or maybe he did who knows lol.

Zack-Bann · Answer

If he’s truly my best friend I would want him to dodge a bullet

If the reason she became my ex is due to her own behavior I would let him know

If I was the one to end the relationship despite her being amazing then I would be happy for him

Truly moving on means you don’t have any feeling “ownership” left

smashleyy · Answer

depends on how much time has past from the split for me. If it was shortly after, and I was still tender about the situation it would feel hurtful/disrespectful but if i was over it and they were upfront about it I wouldn’t care. What do I gain from gatekeeping mediocre dick i never intend to take for a spin again

Lliam · Answer

She's my ex. Why should I care?

When I was 16, my first girlfriend and went steady for over a year. I wound up leaving her just because I was young and didn't want to settle down. But we remained friends even though I got a new girlfriend.

A short time later, she and one of my best friends started dating and eventually got married. I remained close friends with both of them.

Now if a girlfriend left me for one of my friends, that would be a different story.

Anonymous · Answer

My best friend was a kid I literally taught the alphabet to. She strung me along for months then asked him out at my birthday gathering and the next day he told me he was going out with her. I grit my teeth faked a smile and said it was ok because I knew it was what she wanted, and it meant more to me that she was happy than having her be with me.

I told him. "Just take care of her, I want her to be happy." He used her as a sex toy for several months and when she said he had stopped paying attention to her for anything except her body and said she needed more from a relationship he dumped her because she was too much work. Needless to say I hate him.

NathanDavis · Answer

I can't really say how I would feel about it since I've never been in that situation but I know one thing for sure...

I do not know "own" my exes and they are not "mine"

all of my friends and exes are adults... and their choices are their own too... lol

Hilbaby · Answer

Personally I don’t care and I don’t mind because once we both agree it’s over it’s over. My ex is my ex. He has the right to be with whoever he chooses and so do I. So If my friend finds him attractive and he also finds her attractive, why not, they can be together. I honestly don’t mind.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I would wish them all the best... maybe they will be better together than I was with my ex

I have no bad feelings against people, I also respect their decisions... my ex is not my concern anymore so... enjoy :D

Red_Arrow · Answer

She is my ex. That means we are no longer a thing. If they get together, more power to them. Nothing there that bothers me.

Anastacia1989 · Answer

They’re a back stabbing person and not a real true friend that’s for sure!
A real friend has your back and supports you no matter what and even corrects you when you’re wrong! So going after your ex like that is a big NO!

MK1997 · Answer

I wouldn't care if it's just sex  Relationship i wouldn't like it and accept it

Benjiman19 · Answer

I don't see why I would care?  Ex's had their chance with me and now they don't. Shouldn't matter what they do or who they're with, now they're out of my life as a partner.

Luopio27 · Answer

I have had a few friends that have tried to get me to have sex with their then time girlfriends!

I have witnessed girls I like fall in love with my friends.

I have also been asked not to go for my friend's exes even when the friends are now married and have kids!

So I understand all sides of the argument and to sum up my answer, let everyone make their own choices!

Alexa6 · Answer

Be weird it is like dating a family member. My best friend is practically a sister.

Anonymous · Answer

The reason is that you’re a bitch for letting them be your best friend. No other bestf will do that if they’re loyal to u.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I would think it's trash if we just broke up and they went after them. But a few years down the line I wouldn't care, go ahead and have my sloppy seconds lol.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Gross. Unless she plans on fucking him in the divorce. Then go for it sis.

Jooying · Answer

Might feel a little awkward, but for my case, I'm still friends with most my ex. If they think they could have great chemistry together. No reason for me to have any action.

Wayneg89 · Answer

Hasn't happened to me personally but I've been approached by exs of friends. I just ran it by them first and they usually didn't care.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Would not care unless the ex had been toxic. Then I'd warn the friend.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

It’s not just about my buddy, it’s her choice too… bitch

lilBigPotato · Answer

I don't care but I think it's a stupid idea and not work out. They're an ex for a reason

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I really don't feel anything about it. I just wonder how they really didn't learn anything from seeing me date my ex.

Anonymous · Answer

No problem, I've never been in a relationship, so I don't have an ex.

Shiprex · Answer

My best friends wouldn't do that. Also I wouldn't even know and if they did then good for them. My friends have taste as do my exes.

Soymilktofu · Answer

I personally wouldn’t be friends anymore with that person. It’s vile

elizamichale1 · Answer

Why should I care when he is my ex

NicholasRedone · Answer

What ex? @finchie40 if I don't have, I didn't have 😨👀

worldscolide · Answer

One, they aren't my friend anymore, and two, good luck, my ex sliced my face up, she's likely to do the same to him.

Fireguy17 · Answer

As Mr. T would say, I pitty the fool. If they are that stupid knowing what they know then enjoy.

DrPepper12 · Answer

It's not cool. Even asking for permission is not cool.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

It is odd, but I could give a shit. After all, she’s an ex, my giving a damn has ceased.

Ariesman81 · Answer

😂 Idiot.  I actually tried hooking up a buddy with my ex.

Ladsin2 · Answer

Never been a problem for me, I presume I'd be angry.

Professor-college · Answer

Well I would tell my friend good luck you're going to need it hahaha other than that I wouldn't care

Forensic_Engineer · Answer

They are an ex for a reason. Who cares who gets them next

dudeinohio · Answer

A wouldn't care. I'm through with her.

exitseven · Answer

I do not care. She is an ex for a reason.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

As she's an ex, I'd not longer care.

Chargirllll · Answer

Its nasty

msc545 · Answer

I worry about their mental well-being.

darlingRose · Answer

Nothing at all 🙃

Manuelwe · Answer

Upset but that is their choice

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