Is love a choice, or a feeling you can't control?

Question

What do you think?

thedirtymike · Accepted Answer

It’s both. Love is not only an emotional connection that paves its own path through life searching for what your emotions and desires feel like they need to find to make you feel complete in life. But it is also a choice as well. For example, all throughout high school even up to a year or two out of high school I was just like any young kid. I was going from relationship to relationship searching so hard for what I had thought at the time was the person that I wanted. Little did I know that every time I would start a relationship and it would be with the girl that I thought was the hottest girl in my grade or the most popular girl on the basketball team or something like that. Every time I would start dating them it would start off good because I had found what I was looking for and got what I wanted. Then once things went on for a little while I would realize that this wasn’t the same on the inside as I thought fit would be on the outside. That’s when I learned that you can’t search for something that you can’t see on the inside. Yea you can go try and date the best looking or the most popular girl around. But if your dating like that then your are dating with your eyes not your heart. Right after I graduated I had gotten in a serious relationship for about 3 years with someone that I had went searching for and I lost a lot physically and emotionally and it messed me up and I kind of quit trying and was just done with dating for a year or so and at this exact point I didn’t not have any intentions on starting to date again. I was focusing on myself and absolutely did not want to go through what I had just went through. That is when I just randomly met this one girl that from the second I saw her, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I immediately realized what was going on and I didn’t want to give in like a had before. So the couple of times we would see eachother around we would just casually talk and stuff just as friends or what not but I never wanted to ask her out or anything. But she could tell how bad I wanted to and how bad I liked her. So one day everyone in town pretty much was at this chili cook off which is kinda like a little town festival that is a big thing every year. Everyone just cooks out and walks around drinks beer and just has a good time. Well me and a few of my friends and her all kinda hung out all night and then I had said that I was probably gonna head home and she told me that she wasn’t going to let me drive because I had been drinking. She hadn’t drank at all. And keep in mind, every time I would get around this girl I would try to kinda avoid her and stuff because I didn’t want to chase my heart into another heartbreak. But I had told her that I was gin to be fine and after a few minutes of her trying to convince met to give her my keys she walked off. So I went and told a few of my buddies by and about 15 minutes later walked out to my truck which had 4 completely flat tires. I immediately had thought that someone had slashed my tires because I had gotten into a little bit of an altercation with someone a few hours earlier. So I turned around and went to walk back over to my buddies to let them know what had happened and se did they knew anything about it and before I could get half way out of the parking lot she comes flying up next to me and tells me to get in and I told her that I couldn’t that I had some stuff going on. And then she asked if I was missing something and in her hand was all 4 of my valve stem caps. And she told me that if I would let her take me home that she would bring me back with and air tank in the morning she just wanted to make sure I would get home safe. That was the moment that love found me and the moment that my love finally found her no matter how hard I tried to chose to keep it to myself.

Hobobobo · Accepted Answer

Neither. Love is something one recognizes and then many choices of a wide variety follow for that love to be maintained. There are emotions involved, and those emotions are typically all over the spectrum.

Love often brings with it pain, anger, sadness, joy, comfort, discomfort, excitement, frustration, satisfaction, and lots of other things.

I might categorize it as a desire, but it's a bit more than that. It's recognizing something of yourself outside of yourself and seeking connection with that. It is a pursuit of becoming more fully yourself as contextualized by the life if another.

You can never control what you feel. That's not a function humans have. But you can control how you respond to a feeling.

Does that make sense to you, or does this need clarification? I'm not sure if my explanation was as clear as it could be.

fartingspinster · Accepted Answer

I've definitely had the experience of having an immense love and care for someone and it was definitely uncontrollable. I'm usually quite reserved and take a looong time to open up - with him? My heart opened up on its own and its always been deeply caring of him.

But that was a one off situation- I dont think love snuck up on me like that in any other situation in life.
So i would say - majority of the time, its controllable. Rare occurrences- it enters your heart before you even realize it has, and its the most magnificent feeling ever

DishLady · Accepted Answer

A little of both. You choose to allow it into your heart and life, but you don’t choose when it strikes.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As a relationship coach, I totally adore this question! Love is a delicious combination of both. It's that magical feeling that sweeps you off your feet, like the proverbial love potion. But it's also a choice, a decision to nurture, trust, and support—for better or for worse. Think of it as a recipe for a legacy of love, sprinkled with moments of wild passion. 😉❤️

AviatorTom · Answer

You can't control love. You can control like.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

A feeling you can't control.

TCredo · Answer

Great question. And it made me think of the distinction between love and lust.

I've learned over the years that lust is something I cannot control or at least not without lots of restraint. It's more instinctive and primal.

"Love" though, to me, is something deeper and it is something I can control - and I like to keep it at a worthy level. When I like something (like a food), I do not say "I love XYZ" - I like it - just like I reserve what I "hate" for only worthy things.

Besides my kids and family, I have only said "I love you" to 3 people. I've lusted so many more :)

Lowly_Grumper · Answer

It is the flow of psychic energy.

When someone says they love cooking, do you assume that they coom into a frying pan? No, unless they are @off_jack. Love does not necessarily have to do with breeding. It doesn't even imply a relation to another human.

When people "put their love" into a painting, it means they used deep parts of their psyche (etymologically, in greek, psychē = soul) during the process. If someone loves painting it usually doesn't mean that they jizz on a canvas.

Ladsin2 · Answer

I believe that there are four types of love, and don't think you can really control any of them. I originally thought maybe Agape is controllable, but on further thinking the emotion of sacrificial love can't be controlled, but the actions can be.

Samuel75 · Answer

If a person matches your expectations love is bound to happen but at the other hand you can still decide not to love anymore due to some reasons. That is to say it's a feeling you can't control when that person continues to captivate your heart but on the other hand it's a choice you choose when that person is no more captivating you or you are no more interested in them.

Blunky · Answer

It's a feeling you can't control like attraction, and it's a choice whether or not you let it build. I know several people who didn't think they really loved their current partners until they built up their relationship and experienced life together.

uncleBobbyb77 · Answer

It is a feeling I can't control because it is all heart and no thought is used in its creation. I control how I choose to express it and if I'm going to allow someone to fill certain roles in my life which will define the appropriate expression of my love but I have no control over whether or not I love someone. Upon first meeting someone, anyone, everyone I realize that love for them exists within me and all I had to do was to not think about it just be about it

mstbooblover · Answer

A feeling is by definition and nature always genuine. One just feels or not, whatever one's (senti) mental level. Nevertheless, we can choose how to handle or deal with that feeling.

Love is essentially a constant attention, which means that choosing not to deal with it will over time lead to that feeling dying away.

Meaning that we can't control the feeling of love, but we still have the choice to whether let it fade away, or to indulge into embracing it.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Love itself is a force of nature you can't predict when it's going to hit and when it does you can't do anything to stop it.

However just like a force of nature like a thunderstorm or a tornado you can choose how to respond to it.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

I believe that it's definitely a choice, a choice to care and to fulfill a duty.. You don't always feel "love" for any given person, but at the end of the day, your overall care for their needs and even sometimes wants overrides any changing feelings and emotions..

Nikki1989 · Answer

You can choose not to love if you want to live like a miserable son-of-a-bitch.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

You can choose to distance yourself, love is a deep connection you can cut off long before it becomes love so it's a choice

Crimsyjo · Answer

I don't think it's a choice as it can sneak up on you. Bit you can make it harder to find if you don't want it or suppress or ignore it.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

I think unhealthy love is based off of uncontrollable feelings because of red flags and our body is warning us through “butterflies”

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

I believe it could be seen as "controllable"? In the sense that I can deny feeling it within me. But then I'm certain this denial will backfire at me soon enough

Miristheiss · Answer

Love is a choice. Feelings come and go, people choose to love. You are following a fools path if you are always looking to your feelings to rule a relationship.

sage2021 · Answer

I can't argue with what my heart is saying - my heart is a great gauge for feelings of love or just lust.

RedThread · Answer

I think there are many variables. We can fall for someone we know is toxic for us. We have irrational attachments and bonds with others. In that sense, it can be in irrational feeling.

nawtee_me · Answer

To me you can certainly feel loved but love itself is not a feeling. It is an action, it is giving of yourself for another. Unconditional love love is giving of yourself and asking nothing in return….

fish5505_87 · Answer

And then you sense a change, Nothing feels the same, All your dreams are strange, Love comes walkin' in, Some kind of alien, Waits for the opening, Then simply pulls a string.

Not a choice in the begining!, After that, ?

Miah06 · Answer

I don't think this is a straight forward answer. Because i think there are choices involved, but not fully something we can control either

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Attraction is often uncontrollable. Falling in love takes time and is a combo of choices and chemicals. I’m not convinced you can immediately turn off a feeling if you deeply love someone.

RingOfFire · Answer

A little bit of romance porn...

exitseven · Answer

It is beyond our control no matter what you tell yourself.

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

It's chemicals and such. Nothing more. You see someone you find attractive and your brain and other parts of your body start reacting to them.

NewestOdium · Answer

Both and though I would argue the choice is significantly more important than the feeling.

dragoblack · Answer

Both. You choose who you want to be with, and love is an reaction to a deep emotional connection that synchronizes with another person.

rizzzz007 · Answer

I think it is both first we have feeling or of love for someone then it will be our choice if we can make them our choice.

LiamJHayden · Answer

A choice. The feelings are one or more of attactment, lust, infatuation

Despina6 · Answer

Yes and no. You can’t control who you fall for or develop a crush. But you can choice to act or not maybe you or them in relationship.

Akashrangwani1997 · Answer

Love is one of the purest things in the world that doesn't need anyone's, approval. So definitely its not a choice

masterSir · Answer

family movie night, nudist naked cuddling on the couch.

wkhan_87 · Answer

It is uncontrollable feeling in young age , After maturity we can handle it better.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes you can't choose, it just happens, love at first sight.

Uglygaypoorcoward94 · Answer

Love is a byproduct of lust

Anonymous · Answer

After my last relationship I 100% believe love is something that can be faked

Anonymous · Answer

I don't believe in love, I am just fuck buddy lol

MoonFace2 · Answer

A bit of both.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Love is most definitely a choice

clampfan101 · Answer

Both. (I’m not sure how to explain it)

Blueeyes81 · Answer

A feeling you can't control.

Kelly6 · Answer

@7phoenix7 it sure is feeling.

AydenHazor · Answer

Falling in love is a feeling, but love is a choice

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Somewhere between both

RedInnocent69 · Answer

* not mutually exclusive

CubaPirate · Answer

It's a destiny

Anonymous · Answer

Definitely it is choice

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

I say feeling that you can’t control

Smf1989 · Answer

It is a choice

Anonymous · Answer

Yes.

Is love a choice, or a feeling you can't control?

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