What should the order of most to least importance be for a man out of his mother, wife, and kids?

[HawkPerception]

Mother > Wife > Kids

Mother > Kids > Wife

Wife > Mother > Kids

Wife > Kids > Mother

Kids > Mother > Wife

Kids > Wife > Mother

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I'm going to say wife, kids, then mom. Here's why:

Mothers should not use their sons to meet their emotional needs. That's called enmeshment. When he's a boy, his mother comes first. But the sacrifice she makes is in letting him become a man and pushing him to his next level so that he can be respected and grow.

Kids are an investment on the part of both parents; they should be a priority, but not to the degree where the marriage takes a back seat for 20 years.

A wife is supposed to be a life partner, a friend, a lover and a support person. If she is being ignored and wallflowered, it will suck the life from the relationship. When a man chooses marriage, his wife comes first.

I feel the same about the reverse, actually. I believe a husband should come first, even before kids, for a woman.

[Summeroflove]

I think the kids should come first. Their well-being is what’s most important when they can’t defend or fend for themselves. They need parents. Parents who become too focused on one another many times neglect their children. Sometimes not to the extent of going to prison. But enough to leave emotional scars.

Some people aren’t ready to bring kids into this world.

[Summeroflove]

Children are a major investment. I agree it should be equal effort and husbands and wives need to make time for one another.

But their kids shouldn’t take a back seat.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Summeroflove I get what you are saying. I am assuming basically healthy relationships, though. There are definitely people who should never have kids, and those scenarios deeply anger me.

The way I was looking at this question was a little different than the way I think you might be looking at it. I see it as a "top three" order of priority. That assumes these are the absolute top priorities in a man's life. The way I ordered it placed the wife at the top, assuming she is a relatively healthy adult and would prioritize kids herself. Then the kids, because they are an investment, like you said, and require the effort and commitment of both parents. Then finally, the mother, provided she is not manipulative and causing issues in the new family unit.

I have seen way too many women exhaust themselves for the sake of their kids and have nothing left for their spouse, and it's a very negative dynamic. Reversed, it is likely to be just as negative for a man to prioritize his kids over the health of his marriage. Kids benefit from a healthy relationship between the adults in their life. It's kind of a trickle-down effect. When dad and mom love each other and value one another deeply, the kids feel safe.

All of that assumes healthy relationships and not a weird abusive dynamic, of course. I totally do not think kids should take a back seat. But I also know that if kids are left unchecked, they will consume every moment we allow them to. They can learn boundaries and it's healthy for them to see that their parents value and prioritize one another.

That's how I see it, anyway. :)

[MzAsh]

Wife, mother, kids.

[ShellyB]

You know how on airplanes they say put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping children. I think for a married man, the most important has to be his wife, because saying the children are most important will not be good for the children oddly. I think it has to be wife, then children, then his mother, that is healthiest and best for everybody. JMO!

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know children can’t defend themselves or fend for themselves. The way adults can. I think it’s wrong if someone doesn’t put their kids first.

Many people do this and their kids end up neglected. Leaving then scarred emotionally. If people aren’t ready to have kids they shouldn’t have any

[YN1F-1]

Yes, indeed.

[ShellyB]

@Summeroflove I think the couple puts the children first but I think the husband puts the wife first as a way to put the children first which I know may not sound right. What I mean is that putting the wife first is a way of putting the children first. A good loving parent relationship is good for the kids for the rest of their lives including as a pattern or role model for them. I think the husband putting the wife first is the foundation of a good family life. Of course it depends a little on. how you are using the phrase “put them first”, I don’t mean like, you leave the kids to die in a fire.

[Summeroflove]

So should the wife put the husband first?

[Summeroflove]

I think any real relationship should go both ways. One sided ones never end very well…

[ShellyB]

@Summeroflove Yes!

[Summeroflove]

I agree that toxic bad marriages negatively effect the children. But it’s like parente too who spend time with one another and hardly the kids. Do things with one another but refuse to involve the kids. Not saying a date night now and again. But I mean just never taking the kids anywhere

[ShellyB]

@Summeroflove Well there can be different ways to look at it, I am basing this on the example my own parents set for me and my brother. The way I look at it is, assuming no tragedies and no divorce, the husband and wife were together before the kids were there and they will be together when the kids have grown up and moved out and started their own lives, the husband and wife are together through life. They are partners and each one needs to support and care for the other one the best they can always. This doesn’t take away from the importance of the kids at all, I think as a couple (not as individuals) the kids are the most important, I think every decision should be based on or at least influenced by what is good for the kids but I think part of that is actually putting each other first. As a little example, my dad would ask my mom how her day was before asking us and if we interrupted, he would have us wait while they talked first. He picked restaurants my mom wanted to go to (we could influence it by lobbying my mom but it was moreso up to her). There are a million little things like that, I never felt unloved, maybe I was annoyed a few times when I didn’t understand the concept but, would you really want kids dictating everything? Anyway it is a philosophy, it is hard to quickly explain but maybe some people know what I mean. JMO!

[Summeroflove]

I just think the kids come first. To just ignore your kids like that I don’t know something feels weird about that.

Raising your children should be a priority for both parents. Absolutely before kids and after the kids move out. Then you can build your life together. But I think the kids wants and needs are also important.

Not to the extreme of spoiling them either. But yeah…. Sorry it feels too off to me

[ShellyB]

@Summeroflove It isn’t ignoring kids, I did not feel ignored. Well maybe a few minutes at a time like all kids but I had a happy childhood and I have a great relationship with my parents. I can’t think how to explain it any better so I will leave it at that. It is JMO!

[HawkPerception]

@Summeroflove Your partner is the one that you are with for life (hopefully, if you have a healthy relationship). They listen to you and know you more than your parents do. They're there before your kids and hopefully they'll be there after. Your parents can rely on each other if they also prioritize each other and your kids will eventually find a lifelong partner they can prioritize as well. Prioritizing your partner also sets a good example for your kids of how a relationship should look like. It makes them happy to see their parents happy and it does NOT mean parents are neglecting their kids. It just means their partner comes first.

[ShellyB]

Yes that is how I see it. The thing is, this is really done for the kids as much as anybody else. It is a little hard to explain, but I feel like if anybody thinks about it vs focusing on a different point, it might make sense. To me, the kids come first for the couple, but, the husband comes first for the wife and the wife comes first for the husband. In other words the couple is like a different thing than either of them separately. You are doing this FOR the kids (as well as for each other). It is a little philosophical and I feel like I am not explaining it very well!

[HawkPerception]

@ShellyB we agree

[Summeroflove]

Well I’m glad but the issue is that children should be the priority. Otherwise people shouldn’t be having them.

[Summeroflove]

Okay

[Summeroflove]

Okay.

[HawkPerception]

@Summeroflove There are plenty of kids that have parents raise them with that dynamic and are very healthy both physically and in mind and have great relationships with their parents.

[Summeroflove]

I’m not saying parents shouldn’t focus on one another. Parents that have toxic relationships may be the opposite where the kids suffer because the parents are fighting as well as not getting along all the time. To the extent where the kids would be better off if the parents were divorced.

But I don’t think if people are neglecting the needs and wants of their children that it’s healthy. When people decide to have children they no longer reserve the right to put themselves first anymore.

[Summeroflove]

What I do see commonly though is that one spouse loves the other more so then the other does. Especially when it comes to narcissists and other dark personalities.

A lot of times for instance a husband may be trying to appease his wife and win her love back even years to decades after it’s gone. A wife may do the same thing if the affection dies in the relationship.

[DishLady]

Kids are always first as they NEED attention. Next typically is the guy’s/gal’s parents but only because they are up in age and also need assistance. The hubbie-wife connection is more side-by-side barreling the challenges out together as they come. I’d therefore suggest pull the “wife/husband” out of the category altogether.

[Summeroflove]

Well your children should come first and foremost. Two parents being babies into the world they are the number one priority as well as because they’re children they cannot make decisions for themselves or defend themselves.

Then the wife should come second or for the woman the husband second. Since it’s your immediate family I’m not saying your mother isn’t important. But I’m just saying.

Men who focus a lot on their wives especially if their wife is a narcissist and not protecting their children is pathetic.

[AviatorTom]

Kids first, becatpuse they can't take care of themselves.

Wife next, because she's important to the man, and their kids.

Mother last, she's proven she can take care of herself. May change when she gets older and needs someone to care for her, in which case she becomes #1, with wife taking care of #2 kids.

[MrOracle]

Kids come first. The next generation is more important than the current and the previous is less important than the current. That's the only way a society can be successful in the long run.

That doesn't mean you don't do everything you can for all three, but when you have to make a choice, it must be Kids>Wife>Mother.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

I read once that you should always put your wife before your kids because they will grow up and move out but it's you and her forever.. and when yiu get married you start a new family you don't join each other's so your mom should be last

[MasterKS]

@trumpetplayerforlife right, pussy is most important, lol

[Anastacia1989]

The wife should always be a man’s number 1 imo…just like when a man is in a committed relationship the girlfriend should be first

[Summeroflove]

Disagree. Kids can’t defend or fend for themselves. They have to come first by both parents.

Also…. If a man puts his wife first and the wife puts the kids first. What does he get?

[Screenwriter]

The nuclear couple has to prioritize themselves so they can help each other raise their children. Their individual moms come in last. Doesn't mean they love them any less, but first things first.

[David_beckham]

Wife > Kids > Mother

Because mothers have their husbands, kids have their future partners, but wife is someone who have trusted me to be their partner till death.

[Dongie]

I would say in a perfect world it be wife, kids, mom.

[masterSir]

If you put a human before your spouse, even kids or parents, you're ruining your marriage.

[Jennz6]

Children are more important

[HawkPerception]

And what comes after?

[Jennz6]

The mom

[RavVid]

Your mother can't divorce you and it doesn't get more complicated than that.

[Shiprex]

Should have added father or parents instead of MOTHER.

[Apple1996]

Kids, wife, mother

[LiamJHayden]

All things equal, wife, kids, mother in that order.

[IslaTheWitch]

it depends on a woman

[IslaTheWitch]

on a man :D

[4ngelic]

1) kids

2) mom

3) wife

[4ngelic]

reasoning is, kids should come before any adults so they go first. then mom comes second because she for sure (unless you're one of the few people to be very unlucky) loves you unconditionally and will never abandon you and has literally birthed you and raised you. while your wife can lose feelings, leave you, and is more likely to betray you or do bad things, because you aren't blood related and haven't been in each other's lives as long as you & your mom.

[SmokinAces2000]

There shouldn’t be a list in the first place

[HawkPerception]

So you have no priorities in your life?