Is it wrong that I want my girlfriend to exercise?

[Anonymous]

I'm fully attracted to her and her body. But the level she gets out of breath just by walking up some stairs is quite absurd. She never does any exercise but I think she should.

[SteveSmith1985]

Yea it is if you're pushing/annoying her to do it. If she wanted to do it, she would do it. You can certainly express how you feel, you can tell her your concened by her huffing and puffing just walking up some stairs. But there are two things to consider.

First and most importantly: You have no right to control/influence/nag her about exercising. That's a choice she is allowed to make for herself, just like anyone else. It's wrong for you to try and exert your preferences over her own in this case, regardless of how wrong you think she is.

Second, I'm not claiming to be an expert about women. But one thing I'm pretty sure about is: Nine out of ten girls will definitely take their boyfriend's repeated comments about exercise, to be a statement about how he feels about her body. That's just a fact man. It doesn't matter what you say. It doesn't matter how hard you work to convince her that you think she looks perfect, and that's truly not why you want her to exercise...

She will hear "lose some weight, I'm barely even attracted to you"

You can not believe me all you want. Maybe your girl is that 1 out of ten who won't hear that. (I wouldn't count on it)

So, yes it's wrong. It's also just a clearly bad idea. Don't say anything about this other than mentioning it once in a general way. Otherwise, you should leave this alone.

🙂

[Asker]

But how about suggesting to go hiking (playing squash etc.) togeather (as a date)?

[SteveSmith1985]

That would be fine, as long as you haven't already talked to her about you wishing she'd exercise more. Speaking of which, you can sit her down ONCE, and tell her your concerns.

She'll get over any "weight loss" overthinking without too much trouble, if it's a one time conversation.

The problem with your plan is that she'll catch on if you start always suggesting these active dates. (Which is even worse than you telling her she should exercise repeatedly). She won't be happy about the deception aspect of this.

She'd rather you say something (which again, you shouldn't).

Your best bet might be the one-time-talk. Just make sure you say your piece. You only get the one shot.

[Levin]

That's a tough one. She ain't going to appreciate being changed or pushed.

But I kind of consider it such a necessity for a healthy life that I would just think our values are incompatible to begin with. I like hiking for example, so I could not fathom a person who would rather be sedentary, watch TV or just look at their phone. I work out for 2 hours a day 4 times a week, which is my more intense days. But all the other days contain at least an hour of walking, stretching, mobility, taichi, etc. So it would not make sense for me to be with someone completely different.

I suppose it's not such a big deal so long as they generally have good habits, eat healthily and stay a reasonable weight.

[Asker]

It's seatled - we're going hiking.

[7Phoenix7]

You can exercise with her by taking her to do fun activities together like swimming, hiking, scenic walks etc.

Tell her what you said in your post, that you are fully attracted to her and her body... just noticed that she gets out of breath easily.

I noticed it happening to myself when I slacked off from exercising and immediately got back to my routine.

[Mon1to]

I get it, you want her to be more active.
Maybe suggest doing something fun together, like a walk or a chill workout (even at home)
You could try biking or going on a hike too
Just be supportive, yk? :3

[Asker]

Yeh, probably I'll offer all of that.

[Finchie40]

Was she overweight when you met her and started dating her? If so, you are best to not say a word , if she wasn’t overweight when you met her , and she began putting on a lot of pounds , after you were with her , then yes , have a talk with her in a polite way and tell her you are concerned about her weight gain and that you notice she is losing her breath when walking upstairs. Tell her you love her and that you are concerned for her well being. Offer to help her as well.

[Asker]

She's not changed since.

[Finchie40]

Then don’t say anything about her weight , just say you notice she is losing her breath fast and keep it at that

[Changiis07]

Not wrong just said it in a way where she won't get hurt or mad

[TheSpaceGnome]

Is she out of breath from being overweight? or is she thin? If she's thin than she doesn't need excercise, she needs nourishment, temp control, and rest. If she's overweight and out of breath, reduce caloric intake. Overextertion isn't good if you can't breathe.

[Asker]

She's overweight but not so huge that her weight would be an issue as such.
Rather the issue would be that very little percent of her weight could be called "muscle".

So I blame no physical activities into her daily routine.

We boath could eat less junk food, that's true.

[MannMitAntworten]

I had an outwardly very fit looking ex who would get winded walking up a mild accent. We started hiking our nearby mountains which helped her a lot As for my approach I just asked if she wanted to go hiking together. I will admit there were a few hills I had to carry her up when she would run out of steam if we wanted to continue further. There were also a few times we headed back early because she did get wiped out quickly. Just be patient and keep at it.

[Asker]

What was the reason she got winded so easily if she was fit looking?
Did her cardio endurance improved from hiking up hills?

[MannMitAntworten]

Fit looking and being fit are not the same by any stretch. Yes, hiking helped.

[Asker]

So hiking it be!

[MannMitAntworten]

Have fun and trails are rated for difficulty level. Go easy on her and if she looks like she needs a break, take a break and keep her hydrated. You’ll keep her interested in going if you keep it fun and not a chore. Keep that to yourself. Have fun.

[Asker]

Sure. I've some hilly routes in my mind - challenging enaugh and with beautifull nature.

[Staximus]

Not wrong. If your age is correct then I'm assuming she is as young as you, she should not be getting that winded if she is not a big fat house. I literally laid in bed and smoked cigarettes for a year during covid and then hiked a mile uphill at 7,000 FT elevation without huffing and puffing, and I'm kind of fat and it was 45 at the time. I'm not trying to spook you but she might want to get her heart checked out and make sure it is functioning normally.

[Asker]

Yes, she's young and don't have health issus.

[Keyboardkat]

One thing, though. She should have a doctor check her out to make sure that the reason she gets winded so easily isn't some kind of problem with her lungs or her heart. If she's otherwise healthy, than why shouldn't she exercise?

[Nikki1989]

It's a nuanced situation, and whether it's “wrong” depends heavily on your intentions, how you express your desire, and your girlfriend's perspective and feelings. If you are an asshole about it, then it is very wrong.

[PrincessC16]

I would just talk to her about it in a very loving and kind way. And just let her know that this is strictly about her health. That you're very concerned. To really motivate her go with her.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's not wrong to want, but you need to be careful with how you raise a concern like that with her.

You want her to want to be better, not to make her feel undesirable.

[Asker]

I'll probably offer her activities to do togeather.

[ProbablyClueless]

Smart! Make it fun, easily accessible stuff for you to do together. That way the exercise can be a nice little date. She'll probably love the chance to spend more time with you and you avoid the risk of being seen as the bad guy because you aren't calling her fat. You're just making personal fitness a problem that you're tackling as a couple, rather than making it about HER.

[Asker]

Yeh, just have to find something that is both challenging and enjoyable.

Not so easy task because she absolutely hates walking up any incline or stairs (even that's exactly she has to be doing).

[bralesswonder]

I'm in a similar situation except we only dating and she is not my girlfriend. I love her body (she is short and busty) but worry about her health. I'm not exactly a thin guy and she is not my girlfriend so I don't plan to say anything to her.

[Asker]

Do you do activities togeather, like walks, hikes, climbing stairs instead of elevator etc?

[bralesswonder]

It's too cold and snowy here hiking/walking outdoors, and we don't go many places (none actually) with an elevator.

[lyrem04]

No it’s not it shows that you care it’s all about health so no it’s not a bad thing although be considerate in the way you’ll tell her

[alice55]

not wrong, she need to be healthy just walking is good

[exitseven]

some people just hate to exercise. You can try to get her interested but do not be surprised if you are not successful.

[bddddd]

I want triceradons. Talk to her. But in the end: her body, her life, her choice. I assume you are free to leave if that is your preference?

[DrPepper12]

Don't berate or cajole. Get her invested & resourced. If she doesn't then you tried. Let her doctor take over.

[PrettyCrumblBb]

She should definitely exercise. Is she overweight?

[Asker]

Yes, she is.

[PrettyCrumblBb]

Encourage her to have a healthy lifestyle if you love her.

[Asker]

I'll do my best!

[fish5505_87]

Wanting your girlfriend to be healthy and full of life, that's love. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

i assume with your girlfriend, you were the one that asked her out and hit on her

[Anonymous]

Not wrong at all.

[rebelkid]

Health is Wealth. So no you are not wrong