Is it totally normal in 2025 for my fiancé to think it's okay for his father to check my hymen?

Question

We’ve been engaged for a few months and everything seemed fine until his inner caveman made an appearance. His family is super traditional, so I was already tiptoeing around outdated customs and random "family values." But nothing prepared me for this.

The other night, my fiancé casually suggested that his father yes, his actual biological father should check my hymen before the wedding to "make sure I'm pure." I laughed, because clearly that had to be a joke. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

He said it's a “family tradition” and that I should “respect it.” Meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out if I accidentally time-traveled to the 1600s.

CalmUntilAbused · Accepted Answer

Okay, I suppose I understand where they are coming from (virginity is a very important requirement for marriage), but the way they are going about it is... weird, to say the least. I suppose a hymen check like this should be expected to reduce Your "purity" even if it is just a... "non-invasive" check. Also, if it were to happen, it would make much, much more sense for Your fiancé to perform such a check Himself instead of His father. This way, if Your "purity" were to take a hit, it would take a hit from someone who is expected to take it away anyway in the end.

Really, I'm in two minds. I support the apparent idea behind the actions (again, virginity is very, very important), but I feel like the actions themselves are irrational. Now... In an actual traditional society, Your virginity could be more or less taken for granted, so I guess what had transpired was the result of a noble tradition trying to adapt to gruesome, disgusting reality of today. Only this adaptation made the tradition look just as, if not more disgusting that said reality.

Anyway, if You consider general traditional customs and family values to be "outdated", I suppose You will turn out to not be a good match for a noble conservative. As long as he is actually conservative, since that crazy "family tradition", if genuine and not actually a reaction to Your disdain for conservative customs and family values being made apparent to the family and therefore introduced in order to test Your reaction, really does put their conservatism in question.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

WHAT THE FUCK? I am shocked by this. Thoroughly shocked. How can a man you're going to marry, ask you this... like its not the most inappropriate request he could possibly make. Honestly... you gotta be asking yourself some questions about this guy. How traditional is he... that he thinks this question is ok.

I have never ever ever ever heard on someone doing this... because it's insane! And insulting, and demeaning, and disgusting and what the fuck is wrong with this guy?

This is as abnormal as abnormal gets. Holy shit. This is unbelievable. (I believe you).

Seriously... what else is in the guy's head who wouldn't understand how inappropriate this is. Even proud misogynists wouldn't make such an obviously inappropriate request.

I worry for you and your marriage. Seriously. This can't be a random thing that's crazy... within a bunch of normal. This crazy... requires other crazy views about women... otherwise he would understand that's an insane request.

Seriously. Where the hell is this guy from?

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

Yeah… but not everyone from the 1600s was ‘traditional.’

And anyways one of the older traditions was marital incest. 🤷‍♀️

doesn't matter what time he came from. Red flags are red flags and you need to know who you’re dating and get to know them before anything serious. I’d suggest backing out of this one… but you have free will so…

But asking for that doesn’t seem to be anything good. For one- he’s absolutely not being protective of you. Logically speaking? The mother should see the hymen not the FATHER. It’s like a mother seeing if the son is circumcised and even so… the mother should always be able to cause she’s the one who births her children and knows of the anatomy of her children and is present if there is such a procedure as a circumcision.

Either a doctor’s note will do or nada. It’s hard for me to remain neutral for your sake.. it’s very nauseating for me. I personally would avoid it. So I just have to recommend you avoid this. I don’t think anything positive can come from people who live like that.

Ez-Bri-Z_v2 · Accepted Answer

That would be a hard no from me. If he can't accept that it would be horribly invasive to your personal space then maybe he's not the man for you. That's treating you more like property than it is a partner.

Plus, think of any future children you may have with him. Imagine what kinds of things he will require of any daughters you have with him. Just thinking of what he might want gives me the creeps.

Be firm and decline. If he pushes the issue, then it's time to go.

AviatorTom · Answer

If thus post us real, and not trolling, then run, as fast as you can, and get as far away as you can. That family has serious issues.

DishLady · Answer

That’s not normal for any year. (1) If the dad is a medical professional this is a conflict of interest. (2) Whoever checks it should be an impartial party, not a blood relative to either you or your guy. (3) The creepiness factor is real.

Keyboardkat · Answer

Your profile says you're between 35 and 46 years of age. You are a grownup woman, and your body belongs to you and no one else! Where does your future father-in-law get off claiming the right to ":check" your hymen? What other parts of your body would he like to "check"? If your future husband distrusts you to this extent, it's hopeless. Marriage can only be based on trust. AND, apparently he is willing to let his father do his thinking for him.

I think there's some kind of sick belief here that women cannot be trusted and must be "supervised" by men. If this bothers you, as it would bother me (and I'm a guy, and a father of three wonderful daughters), I advise you to RUN THE OTHER WAY as fast as you can, because this will only get worse, I'm afraid. I see physical abuse in your future if you don't "obey" your husband and/or his father in everything. Remember, abuse is a control issue.

Lliam · Answer

Nothing could be more abnormal. I don't think it was ever normal. Although in some cultures they used to check the sheets for blood after the wedding night to see if the woman's hymen got broken.

What's idiotic about that being ignorant to the fact that not all hymens are small enough to need tearing, or the fact that hymens can be opened up at any point during a girl's life through various forms of normal physical activity.

I can't believe that you haven't run away from that moron and his sick family as fast as you can. Those people are scary. What cult to they belong to? There is no question that the dad is a perv and the son is brainwashed.

Find a real man. Someone normal.

abc3643 · Answer

You mean your EX-FIANCÉ.

Look, sister, if this is anything beyond a Muslim family, I'd say that's insane FOR ANY CENTURY.

If it is a Muslim family, well then your just in for all sorts of shit anyway. So, if you like your head and don't ever want it separated from you body in an "honor killing", then hit the eject button on this guy and his wacky family.

BOTTOM LINE:

Muslim family or not, HE HAS GOT TO GO.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Oh, what a sweet family tradition. Completely normal. In the dark ages.

Run for the fucking nearest exit and never look back. Do you really want to have these people as in laws for the rest of your life? Do you really think this is the last bizarre thing about themselves they're gonna show you? What are this guy's friends like? Are you OK with being lonely for the next 50 years? Would you want your daughter brought up in a culture where grandpa had to "check her hymen".

aceleon · Answer

İs he talking about looking at your vagina or the bloody blankets?

2nd is not that unorthodox

1st one is borderline cuckoldry let alone pure.

Why not his mother by the way? What kind of tradition is this? This tradition entails he prepare you for his son too?

Averagegirl2000 · Answer

If my partner said this to me, we are breaking up.

Professor-college · Answer

Well in my honest opinion I believe that your boyfriend think it's okay for your possible father-in-law to check that and you probably shouldn't consider this man after possible husband anymore because you should consider your own dignity first.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I hope you are just trolling. This is abuse and should be reported.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Absolutely not! It’s bulkshit anyway as plenty of girls break their hymens through non sex anyway. He should feel like shit for wanting another guy to check out your hoohah in a non-medical way anyway. Ask if his dad has ever shown him his mom’s so he has a frame of reference to compare it to. Seriously, this is sadist voyeurism. He other loves you enough to want to be with you or he doesn’t. His dad can go fuck himself

IslaTheWitch · Answer

leave him and his family, as it looks like you will marry them all... move on...

NoDecision · Answer

Congratulations, you win the most coveted award for trolls.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

That’s super gross and also a really poor way to check for virginity. Hymens grow back. It’s not some barrier you break upon the first time, any gynecologist can tell him that.

EmmaMary · Answer

Congratulations on winning a  Troll  of the day award. @abbycado Just thought I would beat you to this one! lol xxx

RavVid · Answer

It does seem odd his father checking your hymen. I think his mother ought to be the one to do the check.

Babebytheshore85 · Answer

Post reported grow up, get a life and some friends. You're weird

Red_Arrow · Answer

Watch out for more weird "family traditions". Best to rethink your upcoming marriage.

Entertained_Adult · Answer

Beautifully written by a chatbot. Admins are so fucking retarded they now fully automated the process of asking AI generated questions.

Miristheiss · Answer

So, would you actually take off your pants/dress/underwear and spread your legs to a strange man?

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I'm not sure which religion we're talking about here, but that doesn't seem particularly normal to me.

DrPepper12 · Answer

1) GFY "dad" 2) Delay the wedding indefinitely  3) take some time for you to think about this situation

bddddd · Answer

I would see it as major red flag. Are these borderline sexual assault family values you want to marry into?

LiamS95 · Answer

If you sre indeed a virgin a medical doctor can verify that so his father won't be putting you in an embarrassing situation looking at your goodies and getting his jollies well doing so

Levin · Answer

Dude, maybe you should not marry into a Kazakhstani family...

Wiredone · Answer

That is super creepy. I've never heard or read anything about this. That's a strange family you're marrying into. I'm surprised he didn't ask his dad to do a full exam of your whole body

Panthero · Answer

I have never in my life heard of someone making this request. It sounds abusive.

Shiprex · Answer

NO, that is just weird but some cultures have yet to leave the bronze age.

Bricealan · Answer

This is without any doubt, the most idiotic question of 2025

genericname85 · Answer

it doesn't matter what year it is. people can do what they want. if you don't want it, you're free not to be with the guy. act accordingly.

Fireguy17 · Answer

OH, HELL NO! Run and don't look back. I really hope this is an AI question.

exitseven · Answer

Just when I thought that I had heard it all...

Anonymous · Answer

I'll take "things that didn't really happen" for a 1000 Alex.🤦‍♂️ Nice try though.

Anonymous · Answer

Why wouldn’t the husband check it himself? the dad is creepy af and the son is weird.

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

Maybe if this was a porno, but, this is real life

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

H**L to the NO!!!("Hymen?" Are you marrying a Jewish dude?)

ManWithNoseAndFeet · Answer

that's mad weird dont let and pray he doesn't break off and if he does u saved urself girl

Anonymous · Answer

Let the dad take your un existing hymen for a spin and it will “magically” respawn

Iron_Man · Answer

nobody does that ever you’re kidding around

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

Please break up with him. No it's not normal. Get away quick.

nawtee_me · Answer

What about your family traditions? Shouldn’t he respect that? Or does respect only go one way?

Scorpion007 · Answer

Check hymen? Like how will he check... You will have to expose yor vagina to him and yor future husband is ok with tht?

Anonymous · Answer

Nice troll post now get off the fake account

KnackeredOldCodger · Answer

Reading between the lines, I get the impression that a certain religion is involved here.

slatyb · Answer

End this. There's no telling what comes next.

chiquita · Answer

normal for ignorant people

carenina · Answer

What are you going through lol, leave

Anonymous · Answer

With his dick?

alice55 · Answer

Normally it's women that check it not men.

Jackblue · Answer

Check your hymen? That is insane.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

NO! Who still does that?

AndrésC64 · Answer

I find this hard to believe. Where do you live?

LiamJHayden · Answer

It was never normal.

Staximus · Answer

That's not normal or ok at all

msc545 · Answer

NO - that is insane. DO NOT MARRY THIS GUY.

seeyounexttuesday · Answer

Lol, fake and gay.

Anonymous · Answer

No, I don't think that's normal.

dougeats · Answer

Not normal! Thats my job!

jimmy2 · Answer

Lol not sure on that one

glennos89 · Answer

Unacceptable

Is it totally normal in 2025 for my fiancé to think it's okay for his father to check my hymen?

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