Is it totally normal in 2025 for my fiancé to think it's okay for his father to check my hymen?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been engaged for a few months and everything seemed fine until his inner caveman made an appearance. His family is super traditional, so I was already tiptoeing around outdated customs and random "family values." But nothing prepared me for this.

The other night, my fiancé casually suggested that his father yes, his actual biological father should check my hymen before the wedding to "make sure I'm pure." I laughed, because clearly that had to be a joke. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

He said it's a “family tradition” and that I should “respect it.” Meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out if I accidentally time-traveled to the 1600s.

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah… but not everyone from the 1600s was ‘traditional.’

And anyways one of the older traditions was marital incest. 🤷‍♀️

doesn't matter what time he came from. Red flags are red flags and you need to know who you’re dating and get to know them before anything serious. I’d suggest backing out of this one… but you have free will so…

But asking for that doesn’t seem to be anything good. For one- he’s absolutely not being protective of you. Logically speaking? The mother should see the hymen not the FATHER. It’s like a mother seeing if the son is circumcised and even so… the mother should always be able to cause she’s the one who births her children and knows of the anatomy of her children and is present if there is such a procedure as a circumcision.

Either a doctor’s note will do or nada. It’s hard for me to remain neutral for your sake.. it’s very nauseating for me. I personally would avoid it. So I just have to recommend you avoid this. I don’t think anything positive can come from people who live like that.

[Rosexøxø]

Apologies you went through that, and best wishes moving forward. 💯

[CalmUntilAbused]

Okay, I suppose I understand where they are coming from (virginity is a very important requirement for marriage), but the way they are going about it is... weird, to say the least. I suppose a hymen check like this should be expected to reduce Your "purity" even if it is just a... "non-invasive" check. Also, if it were to happen, it would make much, much more sense for Your fiancé to perform such a check Himself instead of His father. This way, if Your "purity" were to take a hit, it would take a hit from someone who is expected to take it away anyway in the end.

Really, I'm in two minds. I support the apparent idea behind the actions (again, virginity is very, very important), but I feel like the actions themselves are irrational. Now... In an actual traditional society, Your virginity could be more or less taken for granted, so I guess what had transpired was the result of a noble tradition trying to adapt to gruesome, disgusting reality of today. Only this adaptation made the tradition look just as, if not more disgusting that said reality.

Anyway, if You consider general traditional customs and family values to be "outdated", I suppose You will turn out to not be a good match for a noble conservative. As long as he is actually conservative, since that crazy "family tradition", if genuine and not actually a reaction to Your disdain for conservative customs and family values being made apparent to the family and therefore introduced in order to test Your reaction, really does put their conservatism in question.

[alice55]

This kind of check is extremely common in gypsies culture but it's usually a woman that do it and they always break the hymen, the purpose of it is not to check is there's an hymen but to break it and make the girl bleed, if she bleed she's a virgin and it's a great pride for the girl family but if she does not bleed it's a shame and no marriage.
So the purpose of it is actually to break the hymen not keep it.
This kind of action are extremely common and normal in gypsies culture but pretty much don't exist outside of it.

[SteveSmith1985]

WHAT THE FUCK? I am shocked by this. Thoroughly shocked. How can a man you're going to marry, ask you this... like its not the most inappropriate request he could possibly make. Honestly... you gotta be asking yourself some questions about this guy. How traditional is he... that he thinks this question is ok.

I have never ever ever ever heard on someone doing this... because it's insane! And insulting, and demeaning, and disgusting and what the fuck is wrong with this guy?

This is as abnormal as abnormal gets. Holy shit. This is unbelievable. (I believe you).

Seriously... what else is in the guy's head who wouldn't understand how inappropriate this is. Even proud misogynists wouldn't make such an obviously inappropriate request.

I worry for you and your marriage. Seriously. This can't be a random thing that's crazy... within a bunch of normal. This crazy... requires other crazy views about women... otherwise he would understand that's an insane request.

Seriously. Where the hell is this guy from?

[Babebytheshore85]

It's a troll post

[QuestionObsession]

Yep, a click bait or point farming in play

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

That would be a hard no from me. If he can't accept that it would be horribly invasive to your personal space then maybe he's not the man for you. That's treating you more like property than it is a partner.

Plus, think of any future children you may have with him. Imagine what kinds of things he will require of any daughters you have with him. Just thinking of what he might want gives me the creeps.

Be firm and decline. If he pushes the issue, then it's time to go.

[AviatorTom]

If thus post us real, and not trolling, then run, as fast as you can, and get as far away as you can. That family has serious issues.

[Asker]

i broke up

[DishLady]

That’s not normal for any year. (1) If the dad is a medical professional this is a conflict of interest. (2) Whoever checks it should be an impartial party, not a blood relative to either you or your guy. (3) The creepiness factor is real.

[Keyboardkat]

Your profile says you're between 35 and 46 years of age. You are a grownup woman, and your body belongs to you and no one else! Where does your future father-in-law get off claiming the right to ":check" your hymen? What other parts of your body would he like to "check"? If your future husband distrusts you to this extent, it's hopeless. Marriage can only be based on trust. AND, apparently he is willing to let his father do his thinking for him.

I think there's some kind of sick belief here that women cannot be trusted and must be "supervised" by men. If this bothers you, as it would bother me (and I'm a guy, and a father of three wonderful daughters), I advise you to RUN THE OTHER WAY as fast as you can, because this will only get worse, I'm afraid. I see physical abuse in your future if you don't "obey" your husband and/or his father in everything. Remember, abuse is a control issue.

[Lliam]

Nothing could be more abnormal. I don't think it was ever normal. Although in some cultures they used to check the sheets for blood after the wedding night to see if the woman's hymen got broken.

What's idiotic about that being ignorant to the fact that not all hymens are small enough to need tearing, or the fact that hymens can be opened up at any point during a girl's life through various forms of normal physical activity.

I can't believe that you haven't run away from that moron and his sick family as fast as you can. Those people are scary. What cult to they belong to? There is no question that the dad is a perv and the son is brainwashed.

Find a real man. Someone normal.

[abc3643]

You mean your EX-FIANCÉ.

Look, sister, if this is anything beyond a Muslim family, I'd say that's insane FOR ANY CENTURY.

If it is a Muslim family, well then your just in for all sorts of shit anyway. So, if you like your head and don't ever want it separated from you body in an "honor killing", then hit the eject button on this guy and his wacky family.

BOTTOM LINE:

Muslim family or not, HE HAS GOT TO GO.

[beefcakebradybatson]

My cousin is a sane, intelligent Muslim who wouldn't dream of such medieval stuff, but many Evangelical Christians likely would !!!

[alice55]

That's gypsies culture not muslim.

[abc3643]

@beefcakebradybatson Lots of "sane, intelligent Muslim"s would dream about medieval stuff like that.

As this guy's wife...

www.nytimes.com/2009/02/18/nyregion/18behead.html
Upstate Man Charged With Beheading His Estranged Wife

By Liz Robbins
Feb. 17, 2009

A man who founded a Muslim American television station to help fight Muslim stereotypes is to appear on Wednesday in a suburban Buffalo court on charges that he decapitated his wife last week.

The man, Muzzammil Hassan, 44, went to a police station in Orchard Park, N. Y., on Thursday to report that his wife, Aasiya Zubair Hassan, was dead, Chief Andrew Benz said on Tuesday. Mr. Hassan told the police that her body could be found in the nearby office of the television station, Bridges TV. The police later arrested him on charges of second-degree murder, Chief Benz said.

On Feb. 6, Ms. Hassan, 37, filed for divorce and obtained an order of protection against Mr. Hassan, Chief Benz said.

It was unclear on Tuesday night whether Mr. Hassan had legal representation.

The news of the killing stunned Buffalo, a city already overwhelmed with emotion by the commuter plane crash that killed 50 people in the hamlet of Clarence Center on Thursday.

The gruesome death of Ms. Hassan prompted outrage from Muslim leaders after suggestions that it had been some kind of “honor killing” based on religious or cultural beliefs.
...

[beefcakebradybatson]

Every religion has its whack jobs.

[OneViewpoint]

Oh, what a sweet family tradition. Completely normal. In the dark ages.

Run for the fucking nearest exit and never look back. Do you really want to have these people as in laws for the rest of your life? Do you really think this is the last bizarre thing about themselves they're gonna show you? What are this guy's friends like? Are you OK with being lonely for the next 50 years? Would you want your daughter brought up in a culture where grandpa had to "check her hymen".

[aceleon]

İs he talking about looking at your vagina or the bloody blankets?

2nd is not that unorthodox

1st one is borderline cuckoldry let alone pure.

Why not his mother by the way? What kind of tradition is this? This tradition entails he prepare you for his son too?

[Averagegirl2000]

If my partner said this to me, we are breaking up.

[Asker]

i also broke up

[Nikki1989]

I hope you are just trolling. This is abuse and should be reported.

[Professor-college]

Well in my honest opinion I believe that your boyfriend think it's okay for your possible father-in-law to check that and you probably shouldn't consider this man after possible husband anymore because you should consider your own dignity first.

[RedInnocent69]

Absolutely not! It’s bulkshit anyway as plenty of girls break their hymens through non sex anyway. He should feel like shit for wanting another guy to check out your hoohah in a non-medical way anyway. Ask if his dad has ever shown him his mom’s so he has a frame of reference to compare it to. Seriously, this is sadist voyeurism. He other loves you enough to want to be with you or he doesn’t. His dad can go fuck himself

[IslaTheWitch]

leave him and his family, as it looks like you will marry them all...

move on...

[NoDecision]

Congratulations, you win the most coveted award for trolls.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

That’s super gross and also a really poor way to check for virginity. Hymens grow back. It’s not some barrier you break upon the first time, any gynecologist can tell him that.

[EmmaMary]

Congratulations on winning a Troll of the day award.

@Abbycado Just thought I would beat you to this one! lol xxx

[Abbycado]

Lmao XD

When you think it can’t get more ridiculous

[EmmaMary]

@Abbycado

There's another one being born every minute.

[MrChinaski]

I would see it as major red flag. Are these borderline sexual assault family values you want to marry into?

[RavVid]

It does seem odd his father checking your hymen.

I think his mother ought to be the one to do the check.

[Red_Arrow]

Watch out for more weird "family traditions". Best to rethink your upcoming marriage.

[Entertained_Adult]

Beautifully written by a chatbot. Admins are so fucking retarded they now fully automated the process of asking AI generated questions.

[Entertained_Adult]

Makes sense why the profile age is off in these questions as well.

[Miristheiss]

So, would you actually take off your pants/dress/underwear and spread your legs to a strange man?

[Babebytheshore85]

Post reported grow up, get a life and some friends. You're weird

[ProbablyClueless]

I'm not sure which religion we're talking about here, but that doesn't seem particularly normal to me.

[DrPepper12]

1) GFY "dad"

2) Delay the wedding indefinitely

3) take some time for you to think about this situation

[Levin]

Dude, maybe you should not marry into a Kazakhstani family...

[LiamS95]

If you sre indeed a virgin a medical doctor can verify that so his father won't be putting you in an embarrassing situation looking at your goodies and getting his jollies well doing so

[Wiredone]

That is super creepy. I've never heard or read anything about this. That's a strange family you're marrying into. I'm surprised he didn't ask his dad to do a full exam of your whole body

[Bricealan]

This is without any doubt, the most idiotic question of 2025

[genericname85]

it doesn't matter what year it is. people can do what they want. if you don't want it, you're free not to be with the guy. act accordingly.

[Fireguy17]

OH, HELL NO!
Run and don't look back.
I really hope this is an AI question.

[Shiprex]

NO, that is just weird but some cultures have yet to leave the bronze age.

[exitseven]

Just when I thought that I had heard it all...

[Anonymous]

I'll take "things that didn't really happen" for a 1000 Alex.🤦‍♂️

Nice try though.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t the husband check it himself? the dad is creepy af and the son is weird.

[Opinion Owner]

Plus hymens can tear from other things

[DCVsMarvel2]

Maybe if this was a porno, but, this is real life

[beefcakebradybatson]

H**L to the NO!!!("Hymen?" Are you marrying a Jewish dude?)

[ManWithNoseAndFeet]

that's mad weird dont let and pray he doesn't break off and if he does u saved urself girl

[Anonymous]

Let the dad take your un existing hymen for a spin and it will “magically” respawn

[Iron_Man]

nobody does that ever you’re kidding around

[Hellraiser1984]

Please break up with him. No it's not normal. Get away quick.

[nawtee_me]

What about your family traditions? Shouldn’t he respect that? Or does respect only go one way?

[Scorpion007]

Check hymen?

Like how will he check... You will have to expose yor vagina to him and yor future husband is ok with tht?

[Anonymous]

Nice troll post now get off the fake account

[KnackeredOldCodger]

Reading between the lines, I get the impression that a certain religion is involved here.

[slatyb]

End this. There's no telling what comes next.

[chiquita]

normal for ignorant people

[Asker]

i totally agree

[carenina]

What are you going through lol, leave

[Asker]

i broke up

[Anonymous]

With his dick?

[alice55]

Normally it's women that check it not men.

[Jackblue]

Check your hymen? That is insane.

[FunkyMonkee]

NO! Who still does that?

[AndrésC64]

I find this hard to believe. Where do you live?

[LiamJHayden]

It was never normal.

[Staximus]

That's not normal or ok at all

[Staximus]

Tell him his dad better not go anywhere near your vagina

[dougeats]

Not normal! Thats my job!

[msc545]

NO - that is insane. DO NOT MARRY THIS GUY.

[msc545]

There is no mainstream religion or culture in which it is officially or customarily the father of the groom who personally checks a bride's hymen for intactness prior to marriage. That specific act, especially involving the groom's father, is not a recognized or condoned tradition in any major cultural or religious system. However, some related practices or beliefs around virginity and hymen testing have existed in certain societies, though these are highly controversial and widely condemned today.

Here's some context:
Virginity testing has historically been practiced in certain parts of the world—most notably in some patriarchal societies in the Middle East, South Asia, North Africa, and other traditional or tribal cultures.

In these contexts, proof of virginity (sometimes symbolized by bleeding after the first sexual intercourse or via an inspection by a midwife or elder woman) was tied to family honor.

Islam, Christianity, and Judaism, while placing cultural emphasis on chastity or premarital purity in some interpretations, do not prescribe or permit hymen checks by anyone—especially not by a male family member like the groom's father.

Such practices are not religious mandates; they're rooted in patriarchal cultural norms and misconceptions about female anatomy (since the presence or absence of a hymen is not a reliable indicator of virginity).

Important to note:
Human rights organizations, including the WHO and UN, condemn virginity testing as a violation of women's rights.

Medical professionals reject the practice because it's unscientific, humiliating, and can cause psychological harm.

[seeyounexttuesday]

Lol, fake and gay.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't think that's normal.

[jimmy2]

Lol not sure on that one

[TracyWants]

Nope nope nope

[glennos89]

Unacceptable