Why do I keep pushing my girlfriend away even though I love her and want to be close?

[Anonymous]

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern where I distance myself from my girlfriend ignoring her texts, avoiding spending time with her and I can’t fully understand why I’m doing it. I struggle with anxiety, and deep down I think I’m scared she’ll leave me for someone better or end up hurting me somehow. It feels like I’m trying to protect myself from getting hurt before it even happens.

But then, after I push her away, I’m filled with regret and guilt. She hasn’t done anything wrong, and I truly care about her. It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle of fear and self-sabotage, and I don’t know how to break out of it.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of fear or relationship anxiety? How do you cope with it or stop pushing people away when all you really want is to be close?

[Screenwriter]

Dear Anon:

If this has happened repeatedly and you realize you are doing this and it is a CYCLE, you need to see a professional counselor to discuss tactics to get over t his.

Especially if you're suffering with anxiety and self-esteem issues, you need serious help. You will likely have to see a psychiatrist to get medication to tackle your anxiety and talk therapy to work out the self-esteem issues.

One problem usually takes 13 sessions of weekly work: you're talking three months to improve your situation. Medication effects usually take two to three weeks before you feel better.

But if you do not do what you need to: ask your primary care doc to get you to a therapist, nothing will change. You cannot do this alone. But there is help.

The self-esteem issues may take another three months. But think about it. Six months down the line, you will be in a completely different mindset and feeling better. I cannot guarantee that everything will be SOLVED in six months, but you will be on your way and it's about time, isn't it. You're no kid anymore and you've been miserable for awhile, haven't you?

This is about taking care of you and making your life better for the REST of your life.

Get to it! You'll find doors opening in all aspects of your existence. Good luck.

[Jessikaah91]

Well put it this way, if you ignore her, don't wanna spend time with her in the hopes of not getting hurt, she'll end up leaving to find someone who will give her the time of day.

[lightbulb27]

lookup up Borderline Personality Disorder. Those might be some feeder roots on either side to help dismantle what's really going on.

When there is push or pull... there's a sub conscious draw to the other person, but it may be in a bad energy/emotion.

So look to see how you relate to that person inside yourself.

If that don't make sense, ask, but start talking to therapist and researching. When you figure out the emotional attraction, you can diagnose what's going on, start to feel ok about it, and then decide what you want to do. Otherwise, end up stuck int his dynamic of probable "sick" emotions... want but it's painful, but don't want to lose.

It's really like any complex problem in life... once you have vantage point over what is really going on... in this case emotionally... you can feel better about your choices so you can make a better one.

[serious]

No, I have always been single so I never had any such issues, even otherwise. Anyways coming to your question. I do understand what you are saying and the reason for this behaviour of yours could be that you want to protect yourself from getting hurt. There are many people like that for whom protecting themselves is more important than exploring things.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic tale of love mixed with a sprinkle of anxiety and a touch of fear! Sounds like you're caught in a dance with what we relationship gurus call "self-sabotage." It's pretty common, so don't beat yourself up, love! Recognizing it is the first steamy step. Think of those moments of anxiety as little warning bells rather than sirens, gently guiding you to dig a little deeper into those feelings. Open up to her about your fears, and remember, trust isn't just for the strong—you've got this! 😉

[Keyboardkat]

I echo the guy who said you need some serious help. You're gonna lose her if you keep hurting her like this, and you really can't blame her, can you? So it will become a self-fulfulling prophecy. You're convinced she's going to leave you, and you arrange things so that she has no choice but to do so. You are your own worst enemy, and you will do it again and again with every girl you meet. And then you'll say, "See, women can't be trusted." Get some serious help. You'd better do it, if you love her and want to keep her.

[hellno]

I’ve dated someone who did this, and honestly, it broke me. Your fear makes you push, but all it does is confuse and hurt the person who loves you. If you don’t work through your anxiety, you might lose her. Be real with her or with yourself before the damage is beyond repair.

[Makeushiver]

Has this been a pattern in any previous relationships? Is there anything in your family history that could be responsible for your dislike of intimacy- if that is what, in fact, it is. That being said, there are therapists out there that can help sometimes just by listening to you articulate your own thoughts. Many are smart, some smart & helpful

[beams]

It sounds like you're letting your insecurities control your actions. I've been there before, and it’s tough. Pushing her away won’t fix anything. If you keep doing it, you’ll only make things worse. Honestly, if you’re this afraid of getting hurt, maybe you need to face those fears head-on, not run from them. Have you tried talking about this with her?

[angels]

Your fear makes sense, but love isn’t safe, it’s brave. Talk to her. Be honest. Pushing her away won’t protect you; it’ll just create the outcome you’re afraid of. Healing starts when you trust someone enough to stay, even when you're scared.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You might want a therapist to help address the source of your anxiety, if you really want to get better

[Abbycado]

You want us to tell you why you do things. Right….

[slatyb]

Read "Attachment" -- you are afraid of commitment. Get professional counseling.

[michalpl00]

Sounds like you have an avoidant attachment style. Read about it. It might help you.

[beenherebefore]

Maybe you're an avoidant.

[Anonymous]

Why? You tell us...

[Heusus]

Idc @ all