I hate living with my girlfriend. How do I break up when I feel guilty, stuck, and sad?

[Anonymous]

When I (28M) first met my girlfriend (27F), I never thought I'd be writing this—but here we are. We've been together 4 years, she recently moved into the house I inherited (only in my name), and now I hate living with her. No sex, no real conversation (just TikTok), no effort, no change. I do everything. I feel stuck, sad, and full of guilt, even though I want my freedom and happiness back. How do I end this?

[Screenwriter]

Don't understand why you feel guilty. You feel sad because you have to end it and that makes you feel stuck because you asked her to live there with you years ago.

So, you have to ask her to move out. You don't say why your relationship has fallen apart or how long it's been since you've realized you need to end it.

Why not take it step by step. If there's no sex, no conversation, no nothing, why feel guilty about ending a dead relationship? Sit down and talk with your girlfriend. It sounds like she's withdrawn from you, but since she has a place to stay, she's not rocking the boat.

You've got to rock it. It's your home, not hers. Tell her it's over and she has to leave. Give her 10 days to pack up and get out. That means she has to move everything.

It's not up to you to find her a new place. The sooner you talk with her and give her her deadline, the sooner this will be over. She can get a bed and breakfast as a stopgap place while she finds permanent digs. But after 10 days she can no longer stay with you.

She might ask for longer. Don't fall for this. 10 days after you tell her to move. If she isn't out by day 9, have her stuff moved out onto the street. Tell her you will do this, too.

Stop feeling guilty and get on with your life.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

Just tell her. It’s nothing she did you just feel like you’re on different trajectories in life. You’d like her to find her own place (don’t kick her out but see if y’all can compromise on a move-out day). Honestly, she’s probably waiting for you to say something at the same time doesn’t want to mess up the living arrangement.

[SteveSmith1985]

You just need to bite-the-bullet and break up with her. The usual way. Straightforwardly, while trying to be conscious of her feelings.

It's a hard thing for anyone to do. It is even harder when there is the practical element of her living with you. If you can, then make the practical part of her living situation as easy on her as makes sense.

So... for example, if the breakup doesn't devolve into a shouting match (it usually doesn't)... then it might make sense to offer that she can continue living there until the end of the month (or until she finds a place, if that makes sense in her situation).

There is no way of avoiding the fact that you have to break up with her. That is the only answer to your dilemma. That is the only way this gets better, and you can start to move forward and stop feeling guilty and sad and stuck.

It's not that it's easy. But it is what has to be done.

[MrChinaski]

I think this is excellent advice.

My only additional question is: Is there a finite list of things she can realistically change such that you would still want her as your life partner? It sounds as though you are way past that point, but it is at least worth thinking about before you talk to her.

[AndrésC64]

As gently and calmly as you can, try to talk to her. Ask her if she's happy in the relationship, I'd imagine she will say no. Talk about ways to improve the relationship, if there are far any. If there aren't any, then suggest that it's time for both of you to move on

[Vesuvius87]

You can easily break-up and kicked her out of your house. Besides shared romantic feelings, she has no ties to you. When I say ties, I mean assets, children, bills, policies, etc. Therefore nothing is preventing you from moving on. You guys are just dating.

[Vesuvius87]

Just explain to her that you're unhappy about the relationship and that it would be best to go your separate ways.

[AviatorTom]

You have two choices:

1. Talk to her, tell her how you feel. It's likely she feels the same. Then break up, amicably.

2. Get your best friend to seduce her, then kick her out for cheating on you.

[OneViewpoint]

You just man up, realize there's gonna be some pain for both of you, and have the conversation. If you want to avoid the pain more than you want your freedom then keep your mouth shut and live with your choice. If you want your freedom, it's gonna cost you.

[charles]

Don't blame yourself, your feelings are valid. Your feelings may have changed and that doesn't mean you're a bad person. First, try to understand clearly what you're feeling. Then, talk honestly but gently. Both you and she deserve love and peace. Sometimes it's best to part ways with love.

[butter]

If you really loved her, you would have found a solution together. But you're already gone. You want to turn her life upside down and then escape with the excuse of "freedom". If you were so unhappy, why did you allow her to live together? It's impossible for you to leave without violating her feelings, but at least try to be honest.

[butterfly]

You deserve peace and love, not guilt and resentment. Be honest, kind, and firm don’t drag it out. Say it clearly: you’re unhappy and need space to grow. She may be hurt, but staying unhappy helps no one. Your home, your life protect your peace. Freedom isn’t selfish when love is gone. Let her go gently, but go.

[Nikki1989]

Just TikTok?

[DrPepper12]

Tell yourself that is for self-preservation, plan out what you want to say and it's fine line for divvying up your stuff and then stand and deliver!! You got this!!

[Sluttt]

This is my biggest fear. Someone will get bored the skull out of me and become a stranger. But it is what it is. I am ready to face my fear. Or I will just live stuck by someone for the rest of my life

[Cormac995]

Have you brought this up to her and talked to her about it?

[Reem12345reem]

break uppppp , stop living in a situation u don't like , u complain about something u have the complete right now to fix it

[Anonymous]

You are roommates. The relationship sounds to have left long ago. You both need to acknowledge that, as adults.

[exitseven]

You need to rip off the bandage. Afterwards you need to take a good look at your life.

[zagor]

Tell her you no longer want to be in a relationship with her and give her 30 days to move out.

[Hellraiser1984]

If you don't love her anymore tell her and get it over with before you have children.

[Staximus]

Just tell her it's not working anymore, it doesn't feel like a relationship anymore

[PrettyCrumblBb]

So I guess you're not marrying her in the long run?

[BDRick]

Face the music and just do it. Rip it off like a Band-Aid.

[blackeagle007]

Have you two communicated in the past about this?

[MinaV]

Just let the flower bloom on its own.. it's for you

[Anonymous]

no sex? when was the last time there was sex? i assume you were the one that asked her out and hit on her

[Anonymous]

Throw her out tell her to move out. Be as blunt about it as possible

[Fanfare690]

You need to discuss this with her

[Sammygirl9287]

Just be honest with her

[LiamJHayden]

Do it as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

What’s making you feel guilty and stuck?

[Anonymous]

Why does it say your 36 or older?

[Cheerfull009]

Just kick on her ass and say fuck off

[MrChinaski]

Not helpful