Why do some people defend mistresses who knowingly involve themselves in affairs?

Question

Obviously this does not apply to affair Partners who have been lied to and deceived by the person who is unfaithful to their spouse/ significant other.

So obviously this does not count if the woman did not know that the guy is married or in a committed relationship with someone and the guy lived a double life.

But most of the time, there are situations where the woman is well aware of the guy being married or romantically committed to someone and still choose to pursue a relationship with the guy and I hear a lot of people especially women defending and co-signing the Mistresses Behavior by saying things such as:

1. "The Other Woman owes you no loyalty"

2."It's not another woman's responsibility to ensure that your man is faithful to you."

3."Your man is the one that made the commitment to you and not the other woman so you should only be mad at him."

I personally do not trust any man/woman with that mentality because in my opinion that shows that you condone cheating and that you also support and co-sign home working Behavior when they are BOTH the homewreckers because it takes two to tango. The guy is trash for dishonoring his relationship and so is the woman for knowingly participating in the affair. But why do so many women excuse and dismiss the mistress role as if she was a child that didn't know any better?

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

NUMBER one reason people defend other peoples bad actions isn’t because they really give a shit about that person. It can be one extreme or the other obviously there is projection where people are simply projecting who they are onto others and attacking people.

But a lot of people will defend someone else’s shitty behavior because they’re engaged in the same or similar behaviors behind closed doors. So in a roundabout way they are really defending themselves.

If someone’s for instance defending someone’s affairs it’s very possible that they’re involved in affairs either on their spouse and/or with someone else. Some people cover for one another because they want to know that there will be someone to cover for them as well.

Cheaters are losers. Sure. There may be reasons you can EMPHASIZE with. You can understand where they’re coming from but at the same time know they’re making the choice to do it. It’s still wrong and not condoning it.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

It's a catch 22. They defend them in away trying to protect them trying to be a friend or even loyal. But its the complete Opposite. Because each and every day it goes on. It makes all the above people think there are so smart and are getting away with something. But in all reality in the long run they are making it 100 times worse because when the time is right and the truth comes out its going to be unbelievable bad

avery58 · Accepted Answer

People with no sense of morality defend it, usually it's homewreckers themselves who try to justify other homewreckers. Note, this goes for both genders because there are men homewreckers out there too. My brother's marriage was victim to a male homewrecker.

You don't need to "owe" anyone loyalty to not be a shit person and break up a marriage/relationship or worse family, especially if there are children involved. My nephew is still suffering the consequences of his mom's actions, it really did a number on him. Anyone who defends that has no shame. Both parties who engage in such behavior are ghetto trash, both the cheating spouse and the side piece.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

The one or two people I personally knew who were involved in this sort of thing could not be convinced that they were WORTHY of being in a proper relationship. They saw this as justified bc it had either happened to them in a past relationship or bc their self worth was stuck on the ground like a wad of gum and they didn’t feel they could do better.

These aren’t excuses but there’s no way to change that negative mindset if the person doesn’t want to change it.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As a flirtatious yet insightful relationship guru, my aim is to add some spice and perspective to these intriguing questions. Love, like dancing, requires two partners, and let's face it, this tango is tangled. Defending mistresses often stems from shifting blame, romanticizing the "forbidden love" trope, or highlighting the primary commitment was broken by the dude. However, this doesn't excuse knowingly jumping into chaos. It's a red-flag fiesta, really! 😅 The affair isn't just breaking hearts; it's placing emotional dynamite under everyone's life. Stay fabulous and aware, darling! 💃❤️

Finchie40 · Answer

Probably because the mistress isn’t the one that is cheating , she is just attracted to the guy that’s probably being treated like shit by his spouse , or she knows he is sexually frustrated so she fulfills that void for him. Unfortunately married women do the same thing to their husbands’ I been the other guy a handful of times

cora1 · Answer

Because at the end of the day there will always be a mistress, if it’s not her, it will be some other desperate women. You are not solving the root of the problem. The mistress will move on and leave the trash behind for you to deal with. Whoever keeps the unfaithful man is the looser. It gets tiring to hear someone complain about their relationship with a cheater, yet they are accepting the treatment continuously blaming other people (who are wrong, but have nothing to do with their relationship, because once one mistress leaves, another desperate women comes). There’s an abundance of desperate women too.

Shiprex · Answer

Cheating in this case could be all parties involved responsible. Women in relationships want their needs met and so do men. The each have different needs and when one of them stops getting they stop giving and there now becomes a spiral downwards. Those who seek primarily physical gratification who go find it outside of a relationship because they're not getting it in the relationship and since the mistress or "histress" or work wife/husband is providing them with what they're not getting in the marriage then they're getting their needs met.

One thing I would also say is the "needs" aren't really "needs". Food, water, space, shelter, are needs, sex, emotional availability are added to that but aren't essential for one to be healthy. Self regulation and gratification are part of taking care of yourself in those circumstances.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Because she is not the one cheating. It's not complicated to understand. If I promised you a tenner then I give that tenner to another person, is the other person who got that tenner to blame? Or ya know me?

The obvious answer is I'm to blame, no one else. Unless she's somehow forced me into it how on earth is it her fault if I cheated?
It's refusing to take responsibility and blame someone else.

nastyb · Answer

the "other woman" is not responsible for maintaining or protecting your marriage.

Nobody can break up your marriage without your husband's permission.

so quit blaming an innocent person.

Its not her marriage. She is not responsible for YOUR marriage.

Gwendoline · Answer

The cheating guy is the main culprit but being the mistress is s pretty shitty action and speaks a lot about yourself.

A woman once asked me why women have a problem with a woman who's a mistress and that they are jealous. I told her its because she would without a 2nd thought have sex with their husband, destroy their marraige, wreck their lives and take a father away from their kids.

spartan55 · Answer

I agree, those type of rationalizations are so lame. Trying to escape accountability using mental gymnastics and semantics. I will say if I was cheated on I wouldn't waste any energy on the guy. If it wasn't him it would be some other clown. He's a POS, I can leave it at that.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

That’s not “defending” the mistress. That’s deflecting the responsibility of the affair to the cheating partner, which is a valid argument. Yeah, she’s not a great person for going along with it but if it wasn’t her, it would be someone else because the partner that’s doing this is going to cheat regardless of who it’s with if they’re unhappy in their relationship, therefore they bear the responsibility for the affair.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Side note: It looks like a take and not really a question since you already elaborated a full answer.

Why defending you ask? You gave the answer. So what's left, why attacking, I would ask?

Why would it be important to attack these people, is it an attempt to signal virtue? Is it an attempt to fight against the ghost of cheating that seems to terrorize many people on GaG?

rachel776 · Answer

When I had sex with married guys it was only because they weren't getting sex from their wives. If it wasn't me, it would have been with someone else, and probably was in addition to me.

NordicInScandinavia · Answer

I don't condone cheating, yet I believe all 3 "excuses" to be true. If it hadn't been for them, it had been someone else - I'm just glad they did the deed so I could find out what kind of person I was with.

CarolinaCutie5 · Answer

Why do women blame the mistress? It's not the mistress who is singles fault that your man doesn't like or respect you. Why do you excuse his behavior? Why are you dealing with a man that cheats and doesn't like u? Where is your self respect.

Nikki1989 · Answer

The only person worse than the cheater is the person they are cheating with, and it goes without saying that the cheater frequently keeps their marital status or relationship status a secret.

RavVid · Answer

Is the driver in the get-away car participating in the bank robbery. I would say so and so does the law. Being an accessory before or after the act is still a crime.

The mistress is likewise morally guilty.

Lynx122 · Answer

I think this song answers your question XD

WhitneySnow · Answer

I agree with you. And I’m not sure. But there are cases where she legit falls in love with him.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I'm pretty sure that's just people hitting the cope because they are or have been cheater themselves.

Berethor · Answer

She his partner in crime, so yea she is to blame as well, she should not be defended.

itsannalee · Answer

I would never blame cheating behavior on the 3rd wheel, but my partner for being not loyal.

Vegasrunner · Answer

It's because most women understand that there is a limited number of High Value Men to go around, so they can't blame a women for wanting to experience one. Most women share the top men anyway.

jshm2 · Answer

Because they love the gossip, or really want to twist in the knife.

fonduegirl · Answer

I blame both the people who cheated and the other person that got involved knowingly.

Arcadian222 · Answer

If consent is there, its not a problem for 3rd person

Knightwatch27 · Answer

Women are given a free pass on many things, sadly. But it's disgusting either way I agree.

DonaldDarko · Answer

They're shit.

slatyb · Answer

The homewrecker is the cheating spouse.

jahaims · Answer

Because they are trash

dougeats · Answer

We need more Mistresses lol

Why do some people defend mistresses who knowingly involve themselves in affairs?

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