Stepfamilies and priorities?

[InfoSeeker88]

If both partners have children and one spouses kids are stealing, lying, manipulating, triangulation, ruining the other spouses items, and the spouse brings it to you that they are upset. Who do you protect? Why?

[lightbulb27]

I protect my wife and discipline the kids doing the problems. Triangulation?

maybe there is a communication problem, but sounds more like a respect and training problem.

Possibly throw them out of the house. They can live with the dog outside if that's their behavior. Gets worse, live with the pig.

[InfoSeeker88]

I had to set a boundary to protect me and my bio kids. They live with moms parents now and haven't talked to us since. My husband feels bad for them and says if ai didn't demand so much respect it never would have happened

[lightbulb27]

I don't understand that. I'm a step parent and been through a bit... but I didn't have my own... so wasn't a brady bunch like you have.
This is really messed up from what I did get.
Your husband putting it on you sounds wrong, at first blush and definitely not in front of kids. The idea is to create a united front to manage the kids... else kids will tear you apart, intentional or not.

If his kids were doing something wrong and he feels bad for him, he needs a therapist or coaching on how to be a parent.

But I only have pieces to the puzzle. You have therapy lined up for a year or this is going to be shredded.

It only gets harder til it gets easier and there is understanding, communication and kids are more emotionally mature. The driver behind the kids mis behavior isn't even stated and needs figured. Either way, kids will do stupid crap to "test".

Therapist... but that isn't a substitute for you and husband being a team to solve problems in your relationship world. And then there is you and his personal emotional growth to work on deeper issues.

I'd be spending lot of time with God and Jesus. Formulate a plan.

Kids living elsewhere... sounds like grandpaents means it's volitile. ugh... wouldn't want that stress.

Good luck to you. Ask more if you want, I love a little drama but I much rather see people solve their problems and succeed.

[InfoSeeker88]

Thank you responding! Like just say his child got in trouble at school and the principal called home. I would tell him the principal called and said xyz. He would come home and ask the child what happened and proceed to tell me I was making things up, his child said it happened like this. He would choose always to trust the kids. Cmon kids do lie!
United front is very important! He wasn't interested.
He continuously told me that my tone of frustration was the drive behind the behavior. Well be united and I won't be so frustrated. Come home from work and parent and stop putting it all on me.

[lightbulb27]

Bad, something is terribly wrong.
if you have to go documenting facts, it's a problem. but that is one way.
There is a perception, honest and now trust problem. That leads to insecurity. Lack of rest is next and then there's no peace.
First blush impression... the child is trying to sabotage... and it's intentional. so your relationship with kids is bad... not saying is your fault, might be spite due to situation of dad and their mom.

Talk to therapist and God. Might be a tough nut to crack...
I would not want that stress... step 1: husand must come to terms with how to be supportive with you an dhim... or you are toast.

[Hardon-Collider]

You protect your spouse. Always. Siding with the stepkids against your spouse is a direct violation of the promise you made to them. It's a breach of trust. The stepkids' behavior is a problem for their own parent to solve, not for you. Your duty is to your partner. To choose the stepkids is to choose to betray the person you swore to stand beside.

[AI Opinion]

Here to untangle the web of stepfamily dynamics! Protecting your relationship is crucial, but addressing children's behavior is important too. Partner as a unified front, holding space for your spouse's feelings while setting boundaries and seeking a solution together. Teamwork in love, communication, and parenting will shine through the drama. It's like solving a mystery with love as your detective hat! 🕵️‍♂️💕

[Ariesman81]

You look at the evidence and make a judgement call. If the spouse is telling the truth then you back the spouse and try to get to the bottom of the child's misbehavior.

[Kelly6]

@InfoSeeker88 I will trust spouse