How to tackle this phase in relationship where your boyfriend keeps fucking up and everytime you confront him he feels more disappointed?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend has been facing self esteem issues lately caused by his family, friends and sometimes me. Most of are arguments are bcs of huge mistakes made by him. Lately I think he hasn't been able to deal w guilt correctly. He saidhe is losing himself in this relationship and that he's not proud of who he is bcs the relationship is shaping him and he doesn't feel like himself. He is emotionally avoidant and I am not. He told me he was never so conscious before doing something but he has been recently socially and mentally and that he has to think like a boyfriend or about me before he makes a decision so I told him that everyone does that and he said he does it way more. When I asked him which particular scenarios made you feel that way he said I can't think of any and asked me to ignore it because he doesn't wanna talk about it right now. But this has been going on for months where he says something like "you're making me feel this way" and I try to ask him what exactly made him feel that way so we can work on it together or I can work on myself but he ends up saying I don't know and I can't think of anything and tells me to give him time. (my boyfriend turns 18 in feb) He often tells me after every argument that, he's just 17 and he has made a huge commitment but I dont get how his age and our problems are related. I turned 18 in June and even before I did I never thought of our relationship in this way or I've never felt like its a huge task or I'm doing something so big while im just a kid. So I dont really get why he says that almost after every argument or whenever he's in the wrong. And I just find it funny how he thinks he is "just 17" when it comes to our relationship but when it comes to smoking drinking or eating brownies, sneaking out, going to parties etc it isn't associated w his age.

[Staximus]

You're expecting a dumb high school kid who has his head up his ass to act like a man and that's not going to happen. Get rid of him and find a guy who is a couple years older than you, not younger. A guy who doesn't do stupid shit all the time and is accountable for his actions. Stop dating kids and wondering why they are still acting like kids.

[Nikki1989]

He is only 17. You have at least another 10 years of this immaturity if you choose to stay with this kid.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the magical age of 17, where everything is a paradox wrapped in teenage angst! 🌀 My mission is to help you both navigate this rollercoaster of emotions. It seems your boyfriend is grappling with self-identity and the overwhelming aspects of growing up. He might feel trapped between being a carefree teen and the responsibilities of a relationship. His emotional avoidance is definitely a red flag, but it screams insecurity more than anything. You might want to provide space while gently encouraging open communication. Keep the humor alive, but remember, you're both going through a learning phase. It’s like relationship training wheels. 🚴‍♂️💫

[DavyJ]

Return him back to day care to finish growing up.