Is it normal to still think about your first love after so many years?

Question

I was 22 when I met him… he was 18, the younger brother of a friend, visiting from Sweden. The moment I saw him, something inside me just… clicked. It felt like my heart recognized him before my mind did.

He felt it too, i think. And even though he had to go back home, we decided to give it a try. For a year and a half, we lived in different countries but shared the same heartbeat. It was beautiful, raw, and innocent the kind of love you only experience once. With him, I felt seen for who I truly am. I didn’t have to pretend.

But his family didn’t approve. They said I was a bad influence. Maybe they were just afraid of how much we cared for each other. I didn’t want him to keep choosing between me and them, so I let him go, even though it broke me.

Now I’m 40, happily married to a wonderful man, with two wonderful kids. Life is good. But sometimes, late at night, I still think of him. I wonder where he is, if he’s happy, if he ever thinks of me too.

Is it normal to still have such strong feelings after so long? Or does that mean I never truly let go? And do men ever feel something like that… this quiet, lingering love, that never fully fades?

bddddd · Accepted Answer

I don't think it is rare to hold feelings for a lost love, particularly if it is your first love -- the first cut is the deepest, with writing credit to Cat Stevens -- and where that love was ended by forces that neither you nor he appear to have had a great deal of choice over at the time.

Have you thought about trying to reconnect? It may at least answer questions about the course his life took. Maybe you would prefer to hold the memory of the time you spent loving each other instead? Most of the Western population is able to be Googled these days, and men rarely change surnames.

It sounds like you have a ton of other feelings. Post more in the forums or DM me if you wish.

nolabels · Accepted Answer

I'm 67. I occasionally think of many of my former crushes, infatuations, and loves. I'd say that it's pretty normal to do so.

trumpetplayerforlife · Accepted Answer

I think so it's a memory and i feel like everyone thinks about the past once in a while

Abbycado · Accepted Answer

I’m sure that’s normal to have random thoughts.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the power of a first love - it does have that enchanting way of lingering, doesn’t it? 🌹 Totally normal to have a cherished spot in your heart for someone who played such a pivotal role in your emotional history. First loves are like a song that plays softly in the background of our lives. You've built a beautiful life with your family, but those tender memories just show the weight and depth of your capacity to love. And yes, men can feel that lingering affection too; love is a universal language, after all. 💞

Rei13 · Answer

It is normal to remember/randomly think about your first love or any love for that matter. They were important to you at one point in time. If you’re still dwelling on them years later however there is something unresolved going on and you should work through it

pervertedjester · Answer

First loves are always a half read book that we wanted to finish but lost the time for. We let our mind fill in where our hearts let go. It's all too perfect in recollection. Focus on the boon you have now and remember the stepping stones for where they led you and find yourself happier along the way.

DishLady · Answer

I guess there’s a “whisper” of how they made you feel rattling around in your heart and mind for forever, however it’s not anything significant, just a passing thought.

If it’s more than that it’s usually unhealthy/creepy.

Finchie40 · Answer

Yes it’s normal , we tend to cherish good Memories we had with someone , but since you are married now, you are best to keep those memories to yourself and understand those memories are your past

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I occasionally think about Vicky, my high school sweetie from 54 years ago.

AviatorTom · Answer

Perfectly normal. We never forget our first love. It's important, though, that it not detract from your current relationships.

Noredcarpet · Answer

Normal or not I don't know, it sounds like it was a beutiful romance, but with a sad ending.

You made the decision, from how I gathered it (could very well mean I got it wrong too, if I have I apologize), which means you could carry quilt about it and think what if? I'm only speculating, as you can guess.

I am familiar with the situation when there is trouble with the guys family. Like you I felt sorry for him. But too frustration and angry. Maybe because I am not as good as you are. I think there are ways to successfully deal with if you are not approved by his family. He needs to step up, have clear boundaries. If they respect him they won't go after him like that, they won't come after you. It pretty much means he is a sissy to let it happen. They are too blind to see it themselves. You can't fight other people's fight for them or the ones they should fight for you. They need to recognize it themselves and stop being a willing victim of their own parents. If you two had continued things and his family would still act like that I am sorry to say that you sure would not be happily married to him, but be like I got with the frustration and anger. That would in time have changed your love for him. But you stoped it before that so that could be why feelings are lingering on like that. You saw the outcome and put an end before it got to be too ugly. I on my behalf stayed til I saw no hope and my feelings had changed. I have googled him recently and discovered he did not go the path I still would have hoped he would. I thought his only chance was if I got out of the way and he would find someone his family accepted. He wanted marriage and kids. None of it has happened. If I am to speculate maybe I was not the first or the last girl to get such a shitty welcome by his family? Maybe others have gotten it too? Maybe women getting older, getting wiser, see the red flag early on and leave the picture?

There could be something too that triggered it, in your case I don't know what it could be.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Of course it is. you are a human. That means, at a given time the hormones were raging in your veigns along with your emotional programming (good or bad) aligned you with another person. That person "fit a mold" in your heart at that time and the impression is stored in your mind.

It's hard to clear.. until you face reality. It can be a fantasy. Even if it was real, it's just a dream of that person, which is often stronger than reality. Noone can fight a ghost.

Reality is, your imagination is wrong. You have to seek the truth in this... explore and recognize what the relationship was about, what you learned how to grow and put it in proper place. Let it go. Appreciate and love the person in front of you.

I used to draem about my first love which was high school. But it was a fantasy. When I got it sorted out and faced reality, it was just BS in my mind. I put my energy onto my wife and what is real here in my life, where I can be relant in the here and now.

Turn it over to God, wish for them the best and let them go... in the process... releasing yourself from the bondage of the beliefs holding you back.

Zack-Bann · Answer

I think it’s normal
Your memories are a part of who you are
And wondering about the road not taken is very common

But if it gets to a point where you’re no longer happy
No longer in love with your current partner
Then it’s a problem

It’s an easy pit to fall into and end up blowing up a perfectly amazing life you built for yourself

As hard as it may be you need to live with the fact that he’s in the past

He’s 36 year old man now with his own life choices and regrets and chances are he thinks of you too from time to time

But being an adult involves understanding that fantasies are just that

Anonymous · Answer

Perfectly normal. Personally what stuck in my years was the first woman (who I also loved) who truly loved me. That is she wasn’t caught up in a fleeting school girl crush, in love the “image” of me, etc.

Or so she led me to believe. She also gave me one of the deepest insults I’ve ever taken from a woman after she broke up with me. Still haunts me to this day. And this as over 10 years ago now. But I still think of her more often then I like to admit.

The question if this is a problem is do you have unrealistic fantasies about what could have been, should have been, etc? Do you think you can reunite with this person and continue the fairy tale?

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

It's good to see stories like this, makes me think if I'd feel the same someday.

To answer the question, It's normal to look back and think about them sometimes. What's not normal is if you're thinking about them even you're with your husband. (Which isn't.. 😁) I believe love doesn't really fade. Sometimes you can just love someone even from afar and wish them well.

slatyb · Answer

Yes, totally normal. We don't forget past lovers just because it ended. I'm still in love with most of the women I ever dated starting with the 18-year-old who taught me to kiss when I was 17. The only one I don't want to see again is my ex-wife. Of all the women I might have married, I chose the worst.

Bitter_Sweet94 · Answer

Yes, it’s completely normal.

Your first love isn’t about the person, it’s about the version of you that lived in that moment.

It stays because it was new, intense, and shaped who you became.

Thinking about it doesn’t mean you want them back, it just means you remember what it felt like to love for the first time.

SixFootSexy · Answer

Man... stories like these are why men really want to only marry virgins. You can have a whole life and kids with a woman and she's still daydreaming about some other guy that shagged her in the back of a car one time. She had a whole life with a man who wasn't her first love

RingOfFire · Answer

It's normal. Your first love has something that can never be replaced.

There was a girl I dated in high school. I was her first love. More than 50 years later we are still in touch. She recently broke the code and told me that she loves her husband, but always regretted she didn't marry me and that she still loves me. It was a little bit of a shock because to me she is only a friend today. But it's a good example of how those feelings for your first never die.

Ferngully2000 · Answer

Yes I completely do. It’s been several years and I still remember the intensity, the way he made me feel etc.. No j don’t think you ever get over that and maybe it’s because you haven’t found anyone who quite fulfils you the same way, no disrespect to your husband. The intensity is not what it was, as painful say afterwards, but it’s still there.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Not really. Most people just move on.

Awomaninamansbody · Answer

Yes it’s normal. I still think of my first love. It bothers me to think what might have been. I mean after the first love nothing seems to be the same. It’s like living is a crumbling house falling down. My friend told me that human love only once.

Shiprex · Answer

I don't think it's uncommon. It's a reminiscence of good times. Rose tinted maybe but something strong in your soul that's solid.

beenherebefore · Answer

I don’t have any type of feelings for my exes but sometimes there are certain things that remind me of them. I think is quite common.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

I'm 44... First love age 18. I've been with hundreds of women and still think about her once in awhile.

Anonymous · Answer

It's completely normal, I also sometimes think of my first love... it was unrequited, just like the rest of them.

WhitneySnow · Answer

That’s totally normal, but I’m not sure if guys ever feel that way too

foxsquirrell · Answer

I think it is. I mean maybe not everyone does that but most people do I think. Some people are better than others at putting some memories aside I think.

loveladies1 · Answer

Yes, you always wonder about the one that got away. The one that could have been, but for whatever reason it never happened. Completely normal to think about it.

exitseven · Answer

I imagine it is. I still think of her when I go by some place we went together.

Likes2drive · Answer

I still think about my first one once in awhile almost 40 years later, wondering what she is doing, especially since I’m divorced 10 years already

SoccerPlayer99 · Answer

I still think about my first. Perhaps I need to find some closer in some way to let her completely go?

Alex-Snow · Answer

I'm sure he has similar feelings about you. Did you two ever end up having sex?

noohair · Answer

Life is good but…actually life is not good enough. I have discovered that I can’t grow if I wander in the past.

dragoblack · Answer

Yeah, it's your brain trying to process trauma and organizing memories to tell if they are important or not.

Anonymous · Answer

@kingofkings1992 This person makes up these long-winded stories every single day.

Anonymous · Answer

Soulmates... you're first couple of sentences literally described soulmate connection

In_Trance · Answer

If you're living 20 years in the past you can't tell me you're happily married

Nice222 · Answer

I would say it’s normal. I still think about all my relationships.

zombiewoof · Answer

Yes, i still think of the ones that meant the most to me

malaika12312 · Answer

I don't think it is rare to hold feelings for a lost love,

Unycorn · Answer

Past is past. Learn and go forward.

Anonymous · Answer

Blonde blue innocent looking Scandinavian oh yeah you will think of him

DrPepper12 · Answer

It would be odd if you didn't.

ABC1x1x · Answer

No. It isn't. You should seek help. Thats sad.

40andabellygoingon · Answer

Somtimes I do think of previous girls it’s normal

MasterKS · Answer

That's what makes woman emotional fool.

Eve996 · Answer

No one can recover from their first love

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Made up story

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Yeah, always

Danny_dan92 · Answer

You just miss dick

DamianBlk · Answer

. No.

fcp23 · Answer

It is rare

Is it normal to still think about your first love after so many years?

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