Has an ex hindered your healing?

[Noredcarpet]

I understand in present time that for me, at least, my healing from two exes has haltered, would have happened sooner if they had not been so persistent inventive etc to keep finding ways to get access to me. On their behalf I don't think their healing worked as effective as well as I think one was bipolar and the other developed an addiction during our relationship (Both were under stress, press whem my relationship with them began falling apart and they did not seek help on how they were really doing, adding in their backgrounds, family history was very difficult chapters).

I had to keep my walls up and just when I thought it was the last time they were able to do this, get their message through to me, saying stuff that is really too private, but in general loving words and wanting me back and apologizing, I was thrown back in time, and they would do this again and again, years of it. I got to deal with negative emotions as I could follow their journey throughout, both had tried to boss me back into the relationship once I left

Now I am realizing once having to trust they won't do it again and having worked through it all that had I only been left alone to start with I believe I could have done this inner work before. Has anyone else exoerienced this on their own?

Updates

15 d

Thanks to everyone on here for sharing :)

Updates

9 d

Thanks again to everyone. I realize instead of hping through all the phases to healing I have been occupied with putting up a wall of anger and other than that kept myself very busy with other things in life, it is good to keep busy but if you do it too much you don't do what you're suppose to, and I can't really blame someone else, including exes for that 😀

[Summeroflove]

You just need firm boundaries with people. If you allow people back into your life they believe you deserve what happens to you because you’re too dumb. But then again some have a deep sense of entitlement to the point where you have to take legal action to make them go away.

You have to tell someone that unless it’s something important. Don’t contact me. If kids are involved or if two people were married or getting divorced. Okay… but understand you can still have boundaries even if you have to interact. You can be civil without letting them do things.

[Noredcarpet]

Yes, my younger self thought if I went no contact and if circumstances would have it be neutral, limited my ex would give up on the idea. I knew with them both (years apart these two relationships by the way) that they got to a stage where any energy from me is what they was looking for. Anything but silence. But no matter what, how they tried it was too little too late, I did not feel it was a choice for me, they broke my heart, I understood they had their own shit, but they could not repair the damage, it was what it was. There were times I thought of going to the police but then again they were not threatening me, physically hurting me, and I did not want to risk ruining the good they had left, and risk their reparation. But looking back maybe I was too kind.

[Summeroflove]

It’s still not okay to be contacting someone who wishes to be left alone. That’s just the entitlement sone people have.

Yeah…. I get it. People feel bad for someone because of what they are going through. If they just love them enough and be there for them…. And for someone who isn’t hurting you that’s great.

At the same time. You don’t have to subject yourself to it.

[Noredcarpet]

Yes you're right. I was used to them both being personality wise active, fearless, in a way. My background story with the guy I think got bipolar is that from the moment he set eyes on me he expressed later in his own terms he was hooked but nothing happened between us for a long time because I wasn't there, younger. During which I would later get he built up a form of obsession, entitlement. I only came to realize to some extent he had been like this, how bad this was some part into our relationship. His dominance grew. The control of me. It was as if he thought he owned my life. He had been pulling the strings for so long. If he thought any guy came near he would find ways to get the guy out of the picture, who had never been in the picture to start off with. But that was how used he was. I had to get out of my own fear and stay out when leaving and after, I had no idea where his boundaries went but I did know that as selfish etc he wss he had a protective streak when it came to me. If he had not turned that on I don't know what could have happened to me.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah I get it. It’s hard to see someone’s potential Vs who theh choose to be. It’s easy to feel bad for people. It’s easy to only focus on the good.

But many people can become jaded. Later on only seeing the bad and become the monster that hurt them.

[Noredcarpet]

Yes why so important to be left in peace so one can heal, get pass the alert system I had from dealing with them both, get pass the fear, the anger, all those negative emotions holding me back. I think it was this way because I was way ahead of them lin the break up period but they were doing all the wrong things to hold me back. Both stubborn. Both acting as if I do this enough she'll come back, back to what? I knew what it would be like and it was bad. They were so angry with me and then still wanting me back, confusing. They did the break up more difficult than it needed to be. They would apologize for something they had said, done in anger to then get just like that again. Because of their anger I could not get what the trouble was, to work with me instead so I could get out if their lives as soon as possible. I did not care about if it was fair trade or not, they got so much more out of it than I did, I only wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. I have been told that don't you get it? That part was the last part of contact, control they had on you and once that was dealt with it was truly over, you were gone. My exes did find other ways too to try to invade my new life and at one point I know I lost it, caused a scene. It made no difference what I told one ex, he still kept at it, til finally he stoped.

[Purpleronnie]

Being honest I can’t really follow or understand your description but based on your question no an ex has never hindered my healing.


I have put everything Into all my relationships so if it has failed and either I or they have ended it then I know it was for the best and there was nothing at the time to be done other than end it.


Healing from it , is made easier by a clean break and immediate boundaries , as hard as that may be to do at the time for either or both people. Yes there can be many complexities where either may be dependant on the other or some thing ! , but this is why codependency in any form is never a great idea in any relationship


For me , this clearly means also that an ex is permanent and immediate. No let’s be friends or keep in touch etc , if I pass you in the street , your just someone that I used to know

[Rei13]

I had one that tried to hinder it years ago. I set boundaries after we didn’t work and he didn’t respect them. He got weird when I stood by them and I ended up blocking him everywhere. If anything it made it easier because I only maintained a connection since we had overlapping friends. Some people just want to keep you around to validate themselves and have you as backup if the next one doesn’t work. Just got to be firm with your boundaries so they don’t walk all over you.

[Simslover92]

Yes somewhat. Instead of going through no contact/him blocking me, he kept me in his life as a friend with benefits keeping me thinking there would be a chance when really there never was.

It took over a year to really get over him and realize that what's done is done and there is no going back. It's ended and I have to move on which I have and ready to move on with someone new now.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, darling! It seems like you've been caught in a rollercoaster of lovebombing and mixed messages 🚥. Exes who can't let go can certainly turn your healing journey into a complicated tango. Their persistence kept pulling you back, while you were trying to dance forward. Look at it this way: healing can be as slow as a snail wearing stilettos! 🐌👠 You're not alone—many have faced similar scenarios where the past seems like a haunting ghost. Remember, darling, boundaries are your best friend. Keep on dancing to your rhythm now! 💃✨

[Bitter_Sweet94]

Not intentionally, but sometimes their actions or words forced me to confront things I wasn’t ready to face.

Healing isn’t linear, and old dynamics can stir up old wounds.

It’s more about learning to protect your peace and boundaries than blaming anyone else.

[sawno]

I think she may think that, but generally not other than the breakup itself. Being with her was amazing and I am healing at a similar pace as I was when I was with her.

[beenherebefore]

I don't recall so I guess it never happened to me.

[Nikki1989]

Nope. I stay in control of my emotions.

[RHK36]

No. I'm an adult that's responsible for his own actions. I'd never let anyone have that much power over me

[Dina88]

Yes an ex gave an std. always blamed me for cheating when it was him.

[exitseven]

No, I always heal on my own schedule.

[Jennz6]

Nope

[Agape93]

Yeap.

[In_Trance]

Never

[Raydergman26]

Yes at times