Have you ever reconciled with an ex? How did that work out?

[OlderAndWiser]

Sometimes, couples are forced to part ways for reasons not related to the quality of the relationship.

The fork in the road!

High school sweethearts go to college in different states and are physically separated for four years, so they date other people but eventually reunite.

Or maybe the separation is caused by military service and deployment.

I understand these couples reconciling when the barriers to the relationship are eventually resolved.

If you broke up because of a problem in the relationship, it's easy to forget about the bad times and miss the good times. Maybe you're lonely and she's available, maybe the sex was really hot, maybe you remember how comfortable you were together. . . and if you do remember the bad parts of the relationship, it is easy to think "he [or she] has probably changed."

If you broke up because you never trusted him. . . you can reconcile but you probably still won't trust him and you'll break up again. If you broke up because she always told her friends all the intimate details of your relationship and you got tired of the drama, she's probably still a drama queen.

Yes, it's POSSIBLE that they have changed and you can overcome the previous problems. It's also POSSIBLE that Martians will land in my backyard tonight, but it's not likely. And the odds are against a reconciliation working out. I know. I tried it twice. The sex was still great and we had more good times together, but the problems were still present and the reconciled relationship didn't last very long.

Have you ever reconciled with an ex? How did that work out for you?

[bernhardh]

I am still struggling with that self-destructive law of the UK that criminalises consummation of marriage if it is witnessed by (own descendant) minors.

In fact of it, it is meant to criminalise only coercive and non-consensual sex, but it can get misinterpreted by non-caucasian judges, jurors and lawyers far too easily, forcing white men to either divorce after childbrith to avoid criminal charges of indecent exposure to minors, or to resort to LGBTQI relations and marriages without pregnancies/offspring.

It seems incredibly bizzare something as large as the British empire shot itself in the foot so badly by criminalising heterosexual sex in front of minors, especially owm children, in 1900 amd in 1960.

Otherwise there is an ex of mine, who I believe has two daughters by now, whom I'd gladly get back with. But since I'd marry at least one of her daughters as well, and since I am not certain whether she is natally female or potentially transgender who adopted children (who could also be transgender and infertile females themselves), I am at a loss as to how to approach the topic (and at a loss to both her and my sanity and comforts we'd enjoy being together maritaly, sexualy and as a family)

[lightbulb27]

yes, we did that. married now. it worked out and we are doing well together. it was tough going for a while and times the pain was great, but worked through it.

It's easier to give up and walk away rather than listen and make changes and take risks. There's a lot to learn in relationship conflict about oneself, in it is some of the greatest of teachings, if one is willing to listen. I continue to get educations in life as

Each person has to decide if they can handle what they are taking on and only they can make that decision.

I wish everyone well in their endeavors!

[OlderAndWiser]

You and midnightmoon05 are the exception to the rule!

[midnightmoon05]

I know right. She is a rule breaker for good causes. 😝

[OlderAndWiser]

@midnightmoon05 Such a rebellious girl! :) :) :)

[AmandaYVR]

No. Not really.

I called up my ex a few weeks or months, maybe, after he broke up with me. I said I missed him and wanted to stay friends. He came over to watch a movie. I think I cooked dinner. I don't remember a thing about either. The whole time, I was focusing on the bare skin of his leg touching mine, and then his arm, and wondering if it was intention or not.

I guess it was. Because we had sex again that night. And it was great. I was so happy.

But he ended it again, lol. It was an age gap relationship and he still felt guilty about that, which I actually respected. I just disagreed. He knew it was all a ruse on my part, ha. Oops, busted.

Then we really ended it, and I haven't spoken to him since (that was decades ago.)

Another ex became a friends with benefits a couple/few more times. That was simple, actually. But we were not compatible for a few reasons, and we both knew it. We understood each other clearly.

Other than those, I've never wanted to be with an ex.

It works for some, though. And, to them, better luck to them.

[exitseven]

@AmandaYVR that is damn sad.

[AmandaYVR]

@exitseven You mean the first part? Not really. He always felt guilty about the age gap, and that was valid. We were at very different places in our life. We weren't meant to be, and he knew that. I wanted him anyway. It was me who pushed it. I cried a bunch at the time, but I didn't regret him in retrospect. He was a good man.

[exitseven]

@AmandaYVR I get the being at different places in your respective lives. I think that is what is so sad. No matter what you do it cannot be changed.

[AmandaYVR]

@exitseven Ah, I see. Yes, that is often a predicament that is unsolvable. I tend to say, "in another life..." It shows the desire is there, but the circumstances do not allow.

I later came to understand how not right for me he was. But he was a very moral man, and that is mostly what I loved about him.

[exitseven]

@AmandaYVR The universe is a real bastard sometimes.

[OlderAndWiser]

@exitseven @AmandaYVR I think the word that applies is "tragedy."

[Drooogie4]

Yes. 2x. And it went poorly both times.

One, I was SO in love with. And he knew that and strung me along for almost 2 years after we broke up (which was because he was still in love with his ex by the way). It was genuinely devastating the entire time. I finally had to make the call to end it for real. And I'm STILL sad about it sometimes. And it's been over a year of no contact.

The other one was someone I casually dated, but he broke it off because his life was a bit messy. But, like 6 months later he hit me up BEGGING for a second chance. Going as far as saying he "thinks I am the one" which should have been a red flag.

We dated a couple more months before he dumped me because I was having a hard day on the first anniversary of my sister's death. He referred to me as "unstable and someone he could never love".

Which shockingly, the loss of him didn't really sting the second time. I knew instantly I'd dodged a bullet. Still a wild and cruel thing to say to me.

[coachTanthony]

Once and not well. Things were never the same.

[OlderAndWiser]

The important lessons always seem to be learned with an extra serving of pain and heartache.

[coachTanthony]

Maybe we need more of it to show this ain't it lol who knows

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, all of that heartache is the exclamation point at the end of the declarative sentence.

[Matcha19]

That’s what I say. If you go in for round two, it’s going to get messy again with more added to it.

[Matcha19]

I am in a complicated situation right now, so I can’t say much about this current one. But, for the past ones, I tried going back to one of my exes or he also wanted to try, & it crashed and burned. The same issues of family getting involved, distance, work, and just not truly wanting to fight for each other bc it just got exhausting. I think in the initial stages, the longing for someone happens bc of the comfort and good times. But, down the road, weeks/months or even years (for me weeks), you realize it’s the same BS again. New beginnings are uncomfortable, but they’re so much more.

[Anemone978]

I am in the start of reconciling again with my husband.. I have no idea if it will work out, but I haven't liked any of the guys interested in me. Plus he is always there for me with money or just support when I am feeling low. Yes we fight a lot but he is the only guy who I honestly think can put up with me and my behavior's. So many people tell me I am childish and stubborn but he never puts my character down like most other guys will. We have a lot of issues I know but he honestly loves me more than any other guy has shown me. So I think it is worth a second shot especially for the kids to have an easy life.

[msc545]

I tried it once but this didn't work out because all the original problems we had with each other were still there. It's too bad because she was a very beautiful, very intelligent woman with a lot to recommend her, except that she also had a mood disorder which is almost impossible to deal with.

[OlderAndWiser]

Understand. I dated two women who I concluded were BPD. Because once was not enough! :) :) :)

[msc545]

BPD is, for my money, almost the very worst psychiatric dx there is.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, BPD women are charming, seductive, eager to please. . . until you hit their trigger, and then they want to kill shoot you, stab you, and set you on fire. And, after all of that, they will again be charming, seductive, and eager to please! And ABSOLUTELY no insight!

[msc545]

Yes, They will also fuck all of your friends and seem puzzled when you object to it.

[8UniquelyBoring8]

I have reconciled with an ex in the past and it turned out to be both the best and worst decision of my life. It was the worst decision because I am currently a single mother, but the best decision because I was able to become a mother. Nonetheless, I do not see myself doing that again, unless it is with a particular someone I was just talking to, who holds a special place in my heart. I have never felt closer to loving anyone before.

[AaronKrieger]

I'm beginning to do it right now and I'm very conflicted about it. However, I think I'm willing to try to see where it goes. Other than hurting her, I really don't care what direction it goes somewhat

[OlderAndWiser]

You are reconciling for the purpose of hurting her?

[AaronKrieger]

No, no, no lmao

I meant as in if we did date and it ended, then the biggest thing for me would be hurting her. I would hate that part of it as I did last time when I ended things. As for being single, I enjoy it, so I don't care too much whether I date or not.

[DiegoO]

No, and I don't see that ever happening. We are an ocean apart and is not like I am an ATM—avid money maker. I also think she is most likely in her second RL relationship. Whatever she lived with me, is probably only a dessert, compared to what she is living now.

⚠️Years ago she did tell me she was dating someone. Last thing I knew from her is that they broke up.

[salew1111]

It rarely works. Once the trust is gone, it's gone. There is an interesting stat, 40-50% of couples get back together once they have broken up, but there is a 78% chance of breaking up again, so basically, its not worth it.

[OlderAndWiser]

Precisely!

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am, I just started following you and I'd be honored if you'd like to follow me as well, if that's alright. Thank you very much.

[summiter]

I did because we both were horny. So it was just about a lot of sex for a while but eventually we each found someone else.

[EmmaMary]

Certainly not reconciled but have remained friends with all four of my ex's.

Two of them actually attended my wedding and in return we have been to theirs.

We have been invited later this year to the wedding of one of the remaining two.

[exitseven]

I never did. I had a long distance relationship and it was pretty great when we were together but being 1500 miles apart finally killed it. All my other relationships were train wrecks.

[Anpu23]

My wife and I met in high school. Had a 8 year relationship, and a child. Separated for 8 years, divorced, reconciled remarried and have been together now for over 20 years.

[Likes2drive]

Going back to exes has never worked for me. It was very short-lived.

[OlderAndWiser]

I think that is the most common experience for reconciled relationships.

[belle_kai]

It depends on why we broke up. If it was something not related to cheating, abuse etc then I would consider

[belle_kai]

And my answer to that is no, I haven't in the past.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm friends with a handful of them if that counts as "reconciliation."

[Justneedtokno]

I have an I have learned that it kind of just leaves the door open for them to kind of weasel their way back in and it’s a heart thing because they know you but at this point no

[andreasderjuengere]

I did once.

Four days later I kicked her out. Including the useless breed she brought along.

[DJB72]

Not romantically, but I'm friends with my first serious girlfriend. It took a long time to heal

[LovingJo]

It usually goes the way it ended the previous time. Maybe not straight away, but eventually.

[elizamichale1]

Yea a few times but ended up in bad situation again