Do you feel like you have to compromise a part of yourself to be with someone?

[Simslover92]

Updates

4 d

The new guy is very religious to the point he wants me to join his church and get a baptism eventually at his church because he did. While I am spiritual and somewhat religious, I'm not sure if that is compromising who I am at this point in my life. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I want to do it when I'm ready. Not for a guy. But because I feel compelled by my own free will.

[OneViewpoint]

Oh man, Christian religiots are an extreme red flag for me. There is no way I'd ever be with any woman connected to Evangelical Christianity. Nor do I want any Evangelical Christians as friends or even acquaintances.

Compromise yourself? The mentally disturbed cult guy is already demanding you adopt his beliefs and his friend group. Join his Church, get baptised like him, hang out with church members. Take this to its logical conclusion and you'll be forbidden to have your own friends and your own interests. A lot of these Christian men expect a trad-wife house slave. You'll end up feeling lonely, isolated, and resentful. Extricating yourself from that once you get trapped in it will be a huge challenge.

Set boundaries from the start and enforce them ruthlessly with someone involved in a cult.

You do not have to compromise yourself to be with someone. You need to be selective about who you're willing to surround yourself with. And a "new guy" demanding you compromise yourself from the start is a huge red flag.

[OneViewpoint]

Just for kicks, try this experiment.

Tell new Jesus guy you've thought about it and you're not joining his church or getting baptized. Tell him you're OK hanging out with his church friends occasionally but not exclusively, and you want him to hang out with your friends too. Tell him you want him to stop pushing his religion on you constantly.

Do this face to face. Watch his reaction. Body language. Facial cues. Vocal inflections. My bet is that if you look closely, you're gonna see barely contained rage. He isn't capable of making the sort of sacrifices he's asking of you. There's your answer.

[Simslover92]

I'll do something to that effect when we meet in person. I'll definitely tell him that I don't want to do it just because he has done it. I hope he understands and if not then unto someone else.

[AngryCarl2]

You can compromise on what you do, but you must never compromise who you are.

[Simslover92]

Thanks. I definitely won't.

[sage2021]

Not major life changes. Just some tweaking here and there to be able to live together comfortably.

But remember... it's always the small things that up and break two people apart. Life is short so let some of the small stuff ride, you won't die from it, trust me.🙂

[sage2021]

Now your update totally changed the question. It's not even the same question now.
Someone you barely know is asking you to join his religion and get baptized. So obviously it's gotten more serious than we know.
If it's a religion ✝️🙏🏼 you and you believe in their beliefs, then you should consider it. Especially if his entire family is that religion because otherwise they probably will not accept you into the family. Just sayin'

I once was in a relationship with a guy, and he asked me to marry him. I really wanted to marry him but not his family's religion. I just couldn't. My heart wouldn't let me. I didn't believe what they believed in and I didn't want them trying to convert me because it wasn't ever going to happen.
I knew a lady who was so desperate to get married that she actually gave up her religion and became what her boyfriend was. Then they got married. In my opinion of what she did, her religion she was already in was the right religion. ✝️ His religion in my eyes was not. God knows what she did and why so she thought she was getting away with something but God knew her heart and it wasn't on God.

[Simslover92]

It is a religion I follow and believe in as well as my family but my heart and soul is not there yet to fully commit to that path. I want to do it when I'm ready not when someone wants me to do it. I want God to lead me down that path. No man can do that only God can.

[sage2021]

I didn't have a man in my life when I was baptized.
I was already a non-denominational Christian and the church I was going to called The Church by the Sea was having a barbecue and baptism at the beach on the next Saturday. So I was baptized in the Public Ocean.

When I was born my family was Catholic and I was sprinkled as an infant - which means nothing!

The thing about getting baptized is that you go under the water and you come up as a new person in God.
Wash away your sins and come up clean.
Maybe he felt so much better after getting baptized because his sins were washed away and he came up a new man with a fresh start. Who knows? He might have needed some sins he committed forgiven and that's why he felt better after being baptized. But that doesn't mean the same thing will happen for you. It didn't do that with me.

[Simslover92]

Yeah you're right about that. It may or may not. I'm not sure.

[sage2021]

Since you revealed that he is Baptist, yeah, they are big on being baptized. But the Bible says that we must be baptized as well.
Baptist church doesn't believe in certain things. Like if you two were married in a church and then had a reception, there wouldn't be any dancing.
Last time I went to a Baptist church the preacher kept talking about God will punish you for this and punish you for that.🙄
I've always been told that if you go to a church that at the end of the message given, it's up to the pastor to give an invitation for anyone who would like to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and want to go to heaven - then they should come up to the front of the church and say it out loud and they will be saved. And if the pastor doesn't give the invitation then you should walk out!
But the two Baptist churches I went to didn't extend the invitation to the people who came to their church that day.
I asked the pastor outside after church why didn't he give the invitation? He said "It's not my job to gather the flock, it's my job to feed the flock." Which is a crock!

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO sis ❣️

[Simslover92]

You're welcome sis! ❣️

[Nikki1989]

Not if you find a true compatible partner.

[AI Opinion]

On Girls Ask Guys, my mission is to navigate the twisted maze of love and relationships. 🌹 Compromise is like wearing socks with sandals—it might seem weird, but sometimes it's necessary. You shouldn't feel like you're losing yourself in the process. If you're constantly bending more than a yoga instructor, it might be a red flag waving in the wind. Keep a little slice of yourself intact while you blend lives with your boo! 🌟 Always remember, two halves make a whole, but remain your colorful, fabulous self! 💃💙

[Summeroflove]

To what extreme? All relationships (that work and are healthy) take sacrifice and effort by both persons. But there are things people shouldn’t compromise. Their well being…. Someone who cares absolutely nothing about your well being is a no go. Your morals… Someone whose testing your morals and values shouldn’t be in your life regardless much less if they’re a romantic partner.

Someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries. Someone that you can never let go around or be yourself around. That you forever have to mask who you are can never relax and let go. Even in your own home…. Eww no.

[ohsheeT]

I'm sure I have done things with thinking it all the way through. .
But if you are asking us this question then that means you asked you self this same thing if so fix it it another learning experience. It's ok acknowledged it , and that's number one key to everything
And fix it that's all I ou can do it's a moment in time and this moment will pass to

[AviatorTom]

Meaningful relations involve sharing yourself with your partner. That almost always involves compromise on some items. Without compromise, a relationship dies.

[BCRanger10]

You should always have at least an awareness that you may have to re-examine yourself, what you think, how you speak and act, and what's important to you. And above all, you should have the humility to ask why these things about you are as they are. You have to be able to explain and defend these things to someone you might want to be with. Moreover though, you have to be willing to not only re-examine them, but change them if it comes to it. Either that or leave the relationship altogether.

[exitseven]

I would not really say it was a compromise but I had to change the way I lived. I had been on my own for so long, I never had to answer to anyone and I never had to be responsible to anyone. This caused problems when I first got married. I finally had to let somebody into my life.

[goaded]

Yes, and I don't think that's a bad thing in itself. The problem comes when your partner doesn't compromise. It doesn't sound like he's willing to. It sounds like he thinks there's something wrong with you that he "needs" to fix. You don't need fixing.

People need support, they don't need fixing.

[Lliam]

No. You don't have to compromise part of yourself but you do have to make compromises without changing who you are.
If a person isn't happy with your essential personality, you aren't a suitable couple.

[NathanDavis]

compromise? no... never

commit... yes

and it goes both ways too

[NathanDavis]

no, no, NO... NO, NO

absolutely NOT... 1000000000000000000000000000% RED GIANT SUN FLAG

that is not just "very religious" that is EXTREMELY religious and that is not going to be a RELATIONSHIP between you and him

that is going to be a controlling-situation, in which HIS CHURCH will be able to DICTATE about everything in your life and your relationship

that is NOT how healthy relationships work... lol

[Simslover92]

Thanks lol. That's what I was thinking. I will talk to him about it and if he doesn't understand that I must take a stand on who I am then it won't work and I need to move on.

[NathanDavis]

yeah... be careful out there, because a lot of the time

their end goal is taking your money and property as well...

[Simslover92]

Thanks. I certainly will.

[Grond21]

If you do feel that way, they are the wrong person and you are in the wrong relationship

[Grond21]

That is a good attitude you have. It also makes sense that he would want you to be the same religion as him. It is hard to marry someone of a different faith.

Is he a Mormon?

[Simslover92]

No he's not Mormon. He's a Baptist.

[Grond21]

Odd that he wants you to be baptized, as they don't believe that baptism saves you

[Simslover92]

That's what I thought. Not sure why he wants that of me.

[Grond21]

It is odd. Have you been baptized before?

[Simslover92]

No I haven't. Just christened as a baby.

[Grond21]

What is the difference?

[Simslover92]

Baptism is when you're old enough to decide for yourself where being christened is what your parents have decided for you to do.

[Grond21]

Oh, so that's a new invented distinction. Originally it was called baptism regardless of age

[Simslover92]

I thought that too but apparently it's not according to him

[Grond21]

Baptists... Have a bit of a revisionist history going on. Their worldview isn't backed up by the historical scholarship

[Simslover92]

Oh I did not know that. I'm not deeply religious so I'm not sure how things go with them.

[Grond21]

Yeah, although bringing it up may cause an argument.

So what do you want to do?

[Simslover92]

I did just confronted him about it and he said he apologized and wasn't trying to convert me or control me or anything like that.

[Grond21]

Well that is good. It show always be an offer, never by force or coercision.

[Simslover92]

Right.

[Grond21]

Should*

Is Christianity something you are interested in?

[Simslover92]

Eventually yes. But I don't know if I'm ready right now.

[Grond21]

That is definitely a big step. The hard part is that you are never fully ready

[Simslover92]

Yeah that's true.

[Grond21]

Do you know what you need to get there?

[Simslover92]

Not exactly. I know that prayer and faith is something I need to have but I'm not exactly sure the rest yet.

[Grond21]

I know what you mean. It's a lot to figure out and it can feel overwhelming. Both in terms of all the options out there and figuring out what your own heart is telling you.

[Simslover92]

Right it is. This is certainly not going to be easy whatsoever.

[Grond21]

Especially if you feel like you have one shot and it all rides on you

[Simslover92]

Right I do feel that way.

[Grond21]

That feeling will leave you stuck forever

[lilBigPotato]

Relationships are always about compromise. But when those compromises become too apparent, then it means that you got the wrong partner for you.

[Bricealan]

@Simslover92 Somewhat in the same boat. I have no religious beliefs, and my two woman friends do. We don't debate or discuss anything about religion.

[Likes2drive]

I think you mean make compromises to be with someone since you probably do things differently than they do but you shouldn’t change who you are

[DonaldDarko]

Pretty much. I feel like I'm not me anymore, I'm just part of a couple. It's like I've dissolved away into nothing.

[Anonymous]

I thought it was just other sad people that applied to

But now I find it applies to me too

I have talked to wife in about 3 years. Had sex about 3 times. I found deep seated here towards her about 3 years ago.

Options
Give her a property to live in
Sell everything and split down the middle

[goaded]

Talk to a lawyer, try to get rent (assuming you own the house between you) set against alimony. IANAL. Good luck, you'll be happier.

[WhitneySnow]

No. I don’t. Not in my current relationships, both friendly and romantic.

[WhitneySnow]

That is not a bad thing, but don’t feel pressured

[Iron_Man]

No i’m still gonna be a Miami Dolphins 🐬 guy and watch every single game they play. I’m not gonna be dragged away to run errands or go visit aunt Martha that’s my passion

[Shiprex]

It's less about superstitious elements and more about internal desires

[RavVid]

Inevietable. Girls like shopping, guys don't like shopping, etc etc etc.

[Alex-Snow]

In a relationship I think it involves compromise at times by both involved to make things work

[Xawyx-2]

I guess it's possible in some relationships.

[Anonymous]

Not if you are with the right person my husband let's me be my goofy self and actually be myself

[Monte-Cristo]

You have to make sacrifices for the most precious treasures.

[msc545]

It depends on the person, but in many ways I do.

[Kanak333]

A 50-50 shared compromise is always necessary for the success of a relationship. But if it is just one-sided, it becomes emotionally draining

[WhatIsYourZodiac]

Wowww, this question hits me hard.. yes I do.. i feel the lack in so many areas of my life.

[Chazmatazz269]

Absolutely

[beenherebefore]

A little bit but nothing that bothers me.

[KostasKouvalis]

In most cases, YES

[dudeinohio]

Not if they are truly the right person.

[dudeinohio]

But in reference to religion. Be true to yourself and don't let someone else tell you how to worship. There are different churches. You select the one you are comfortable with at the time of your choosing.

[ABC1x1x]

No. There ar over 8 billion people on this planet.

[MannMitAntworten]

Nope.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Nope.

[Jerre]

No, never

[Jerre]

@Simslover92 Thank you for the Like